Those of us who have been psychologically abused by sociopaths—whether we’re male or female, and whether the abuser is male or female—know that the abuse should be criminal. It appears that in France, it just may happen.
A Lovefraud reader sent me a link to an interesting story in Time Magazine. Legislators from France’s ruling party are expected to introduce a bill that would outlaw “conjugal abuse of a psychological nature” in both married and unmarried relationships.
According to Time,
The legislation seeks to target the verbal and mental denigration, humiliation and manipulation that typically lead to physical abuse. The hope is that the bill will help prevent the emotional wounds that words often cause before a punch is ever thrown.
I hope the law gets passed. I hope it works. We’ll have to see what happens.
Read the article on Time.com:
WOW – Good to know and good timing! Its on tonight at 10pm!!!!!! HBO – THX OXY!
http://blogs.newsobserver.com/tv/temple-grandin-an-inspiring-life-an-inspired-performance
And I agree about how so much has changed with regard to nurturing our babies/children. It seems parents sometimes are forced to separate from them much earlier than ever – due to limited maternity leave in workplace and pressure to raise this independent superhuman children- just so much more pressure on parents to “do the right thing” — not even knowing for sure what the ” right thing ” is. But judging from the children and grown children in the world today — the “experts” newfound advice was wrong.
I miss swaddling my kids. Once in a blue moon my 9 year old son will climb up on me and let me cuddle him in my arms and I tease and rock him like a baby — I think this is the last year he will do that 🙂
Dear LTL,
Sometimes when I get into bed at night (alone) I am so HUNGRY just to cuddle and “spoon” with any WARM BODY as I fall asleep. The loneliness of a solitary bed is sometimes over whelming. My little dog sleeps with me and believe it or not, that does help to feel a little bit of warmth, but it would be so much better I think to just cuddle with a HUMAN. Sometimes I will go lie on the couch to sleep- because it doesn’t feel so lonely to sleep alone when you are on a couch as it is not somewhere two people COULD sleep.
Hi Mike,
From a distance, it’s difficult to form an appropriate judgement on your situation or to give you advice on such an important decision. You probably already read Babiak & Hare’s book. You might also find some valuable insight in Tim Field and Marie France Hirigoyen s’works. Stalking the soul was my eye-opener. The first half of the book focuses on workplace bullying ; the second half on abusive relationships. I think many readers of this blog might enjoy Hirigoyen’s writings. She is highly popular and respected in France.
I’ve briefly visited your links. I still don’t think I am an aspie, although I fit some of the criteria listed in the DSM-IV. I am an introvert, a very socially anxious individual who usually keeps a cold, distant façade. I hide myself behind a poker face and speak with a monotonous voice too. I instinctively keep my emotions in check and I feel ashamed when they happen to leak out. I never use exclamation marks when writing, for instance (too hysterical for my liking), let alone salvas of them ( !!!!!). I force myself to use smileys by and now in order to avoid major misunderstandings, but grudgingly so.
My novel had, by contrast, a pretty hysterical tone. The narrator was very emotional all along. Two of the authors I admire most ”“ Céline and Houellebecq – are situated at the opposite ends on the continuum “emotional displays vs outward coldness”.
I probably also fit the « all-absorbing interest » criteria for Asperger’s syndrome. I guess most of my friends are stunned by my abnormal preoccupation with psychopathy. But several personality traits (need for cognition, need for achievement) and life events can account for this apparent monomania. Moreover, psychopathy is hardly a narrow subject. I shall ask my psychiatrist his opinion when I meet him next week.
Dabrowski’s theory of overexcitabilities reminds me of Gray and Heysenck’s hypotheses on the extravert/introvert dimension.
http://www.personalityresearch.org/papers/jang.html
Hirigoyen :
http://www.webheights.net/GrowingbeyondEmotionalAbuse/hirigoyen/sts.htm
Tim Field :
http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/
Best regards ( !!!!!),
Nicolaid
Nicolaid shares
“I am an introvert, a very socially anxious individual who usually keeps a cold, distant façade. I hide myself behind a poker face and speak with a monotonous voice too. I instinctively keep my emotions in check and I feel ashamed when they happen to leak out. I never use exclamation marks when writing, for instance (too hysterical for my liking), let alone salvas of them ( !!!!!). I force myself to use smileys by and now in order to avoid major misunderstandings, but grudgingly so.”
This stopped me in my tracks Nicolaid! As it made me realize I use exclamation points (excited, passionate about something, and to make a point.) And smiley faces/ sad faces to be able to “express” emotion thru technology.
As you cant imagine doing that – I cant imagine hiding behind a “poker face”…then again when we play cards or boardgames for fun at home everyone can always tell when I have a good hand or winnining notion because of my expressions! Im not good at hiding “me” – never was. What I would hide was my “pain” tho…so well that even I didnt know I was doing that as a child.
Excitability – the ability to react to stimuli. Thats me to a T.
Perhaps keeping emotions in check is a good thing -in moderation. I have yet to feel ashamed of my emotions. Except around people who point out or make me feel ashamed of my real raw emotions. But I think thats because they cant relate to the comfortableness I have with my own emotions. Most of all Ive never judged or thought to judge what people choose to do. I just never took the time to associate (!!!!! with hysteria) or associate smiley faces with anything other than the person honestly is smiling while writing – never crossed my mind that someone is forcing themself to do that. I cant relate. 🙁
I found this to be interesting about extraverts/introverts…
The trait of extraversion-introversion is a central dimension of human personality. Extroverts tend to be gregarious, assertive, and interested in seeking out excitement. Introverts, in contrast, tend to be more reserved, less outgoing, and less sociable. They are not necessarily loners but they tend to have smaller circles of friends and are less likely to thrive on making new social contacts. Introverts are less likely to seek stimulation from others because their own thoughts and imagination are stimulating enough. A common misconception is that all introverts suffer from social anxiety or shyness. Introversion does not describe social discomfort but rather social preference. An introvert may not be shy at all but may merely prefer non social or less social activities.
Extraversion and introversion are typically viewed as a single continuum. Thus, to be high on one is necessarily to be low on the other. Carl Jung and the authors of the Myers-Briggs provide a different perspective and suggest that everyone has both an extraverted side and an introverted side, with one being more dominant than the other. In any case, people fluctuate in their behavior all the time, and even extreme introverts and extraverts do not always act according to their type.
I think I fluctuate….lol
I sincerely apologize to Nicolaid for attacking him. As Donna said, it was unwarranted.
I allowed my overprotective anger sway and yes, it was wrong. I won’t do it again. Not here, on my favorite place on the internet with some of the most wonderful people I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing.
But still, I don’t think it’s productive to dismiss the pleas of others when they ask you to just stop and you just continue on. Attacks, insults can walk a very fine subtle line as we all know.
Anyway, I don’t wish to be be banned from such a lovely space so I’ll take my own advice and, without knowing the full story, will keep quiet.
Peace…
JaneSmith –
We grow, we learn, we express, we protect, we retract, we press on here together on LF…thankfully Donna seems to have an open door policy here for anyone who wishes to become educated, as well as add insights and heal and find personal growth here. I cant imagine being the moderator of this site. She really does a great job of making sure everyone keeps the peace…
Im glad you are here.
Sometimes we dont all agree – that would be really eerie 🙂
Sometimes we agree to disagree – that can be wise
Sometimes we miscommunicate, misread, misinterpret – that can be challenging
But we always get back on track, reminded to be respectful in our posts, something that even when we think we are – we might end up unknowingly offend someone –
I agree with your statement about whats not productive here at LF.
Your input is valuable here. xoxo
Oxy –
I hear ya. Sometimes it gets really lonely. If it ever gets too overwhelming, and I already know youre going to shoot this down, but you know me, the say it anyway girl – but…
what about volunteering at the hospital nursery — just looking in the newborn window at the hospital gets me all warm and fuzzy! Sometimes they need volunteers to just swaddle hold and rock them to sleep!
I know this doesnt make up for us being in a big lonely bed – but it might just do the trick if we feel too overwhelmed and lonely. I guess it doesnt have to be limited to hospital nursery…maybe a nursing home or I know…I saw a show on TV where they did a study about how people would react to being asked if they want a hug! So they made these big signs (like lemonade sale) and it said (Free hugs here) and (Do you need a hug today?) you would be surprised how many people said YES!! I thought for sure people would walk the other way and think they were crazy – Im sure the TV cameras helped and I do think she was the model type 🙂 — but hey… nothing wrong with taking Hairy out for a spin toting a sign (Have you gotten your hug today/free hugs here) ! That might make you look forward to diving into your bed all alone by the end of that day!! 🙂
Thank you, LTL
That was a beautiful post. I commend you for being so darn wise and supportive. See? Proof positive why I love this website and all the folks.
And really…have you ever offended anyone on LF? It’s unpossible!!…haha.
xxooxx backatcha
ps…how’s your little boy? I think about you and your family and hope all is well.
Jane –
If I have – I never intended to. I dont always think things through or think how it might affect someone else — times like these — remind me to always try to keep that in mind.
We have finally chosen the right insulin pump for my little guy. After going back and forth with when the right time to transition would be -he decided on June ( end of school) to have the summer to adjust to it. No more fainting (thank goodness) and we raised $6,000 for JDRF’s Walk For A Cure! We are always hopeful and always learning more ways to make his life less stressful! Thanks for asking!
Hope all is well with you too!
Dear LTL,
Oh, I’m not “hug deprived,” I do get lots of hugs, it is just that big empty bed that seems so “alone.” I think that was what I missed the most that made me vulnerable to the P XBF, just someone “warm”—well, we know how that turned out, don’t we???!!!!LOL
Glad your little boy is doing better with the diabetes, too. I’m sure that is a big worry off your plate.
Janie, sweetie! You are and have been the biggest CHEERLEADER here on LF. I miss you when you don’t post for a while! ((((hugs)))))