Those of us who have been psychologically abused by sociopaths—whether we’re male or female, and whether the abuser is male or female—know that the abuse should be criminal. It appears that in France, it just may happen.
A Lovefraud reader sent me a link to an interesting story in Time Magazine. Legislators from France’s ruling party are expected to introduce a bill that would outlaw “conjugal abuse of a psychological nature” in both married and unmarried relationships.
According to Time,
The legislation seeks to target the verbal and mental denigration, humiliation and manipulation that typically lead to physical abuse. The hope is that the bill will help prevent the emotional wounds that words often cause before a punch is ever thrown.
I hope the law gets passed. I hope it works. We’ll have to see what happens.
Read the article on Time.com:
Thanks for everyone’s comments. OxDrover called him a “Monster”…I never thought of him that way – but, it fits.
I should have walked away – but, I wasn’t possible. In this day and age – the IRS, the attorneys, the banks, your ex – can find you.
He agreed to a separation and a divorce…he signed a fair and logical separation agreement…he found himself a young girlfriend…and I was trying to move on with my life. For all intensive purposes – it looked like just another divorce. But, he didn’t see it that way. He was out to destroy me, and was planning to do it in small increments. The biggest problem was that we were tied together with taxes and three properties.
It took three years to get him to hand over our 2006 and 2007 tax returns…He produced the final copies two days before we went to trial August 09…I had to pay $10,000 in back taxes…made a check out to the IRS…handed it to my attorney and I thought everything was taken care of. As a result – it was never addressed in court. The judge was not happy with my ex nor his lawyer…by the end of the day – I won on all counts. My ex owed me $150,000 in arrearages, I was to receive alimony directly from his employer…half of his military pension…his life insurance policies…was allowed to keep my home…etc. Great news – but, how does one enforce it? Who is going to arrest him if he doesn’t comply?
More litigation, more money, more stress. He is counting on me giving up eventually. If it had not been for my therapist’s encouragement – I would have thrown in the towel a long time ago. I am not sure what that would have meant – because the IRS was going to come knocking on my door eventually.
We were divorced in Dec. 2008 and I filed my own taxes in 2009. I was expecting a refund of $600…The IRS informed me that I would not be receiving that refund because we still owed $6,000 in back taxes. In other words – my ex did not pay his share of the back taxes. Grrr.
The separation agreement clearly states that we will sell our townhouse once our son moves out. (Mischa – our 29 year old – is as abusive and devious as my ex – and didn’t tell me that he was moving. Not only that – but, he left behind a huge mess – for me to clean up.)
The townhouse needed to be sold – but, my ex wouldn’t agree to having it renovated…wouldn’t sign the listing agreement…disappeared for months and refused to pay one half of the mortgage… So – I had to go back to court.
Two weeks ago – five minutes before we had to appear in front of the judge – he handed me a signed listing agreement -but, after checking – it turned out that it was all wrong. We pinned him down to sign the right papers. He was mad as hell. Then, he agreed to sign a Quit claim deed for the townhouse and my house in exchange for all the arrearages he owes me. The court appearance was canceled.
I was elated…got my hopes up…met with the attorneys …thousands of dollars later – he didn’t sign anything and disappeared again. He works for Project Hope as one of the top two executives and is probably claiming that he is busy saving the wounded in Haiti.
So – here I am. The townhouse has been renovated – which I had to pay for… I have been paying the mortgage…and found out yesterday that neither my ex nor my son have been paying the HOA fees… Now that the townhouse is up for Sale and my ex has not signed a Quitclaim deed – the realtor needs more documents signed – and my ex has disappeared again. End result – more legal fees.
The sale of the townhouse is the only way I can pay back legal fees. It was supposed to be my investment for my old age. My ex is making damn sure that I won’t have a penny left.
I am not really sure what I am trying to say. My story is not much different than all the other stories I’ve read on Lovefraud. It is a travesty that so many men (and women) can get away with treating human beings with such disdain and hatred. The legal system is overburdened…the judges don’t want to hear the gory details of bad marriages…the attorneys stay busy gathering evidence, typing up briefs, negotiating, and making their clients wait.
My lawyer (who is one of the most respected divorce attorneys in the Washington D.C. area) commented recently that I should have seen this coming. Why? How? Should I have studied law in order to get a divorce? I didn’t have a clue about depositions, subpaenaes, hearings, trials, etc. I was under the mistaken assumption that my attorney was going to look out for my best interest and stand on the side of truth and justice. When I filed for divorce – I was told that it was going to be a piece of cake – and would not cost more than $5,000 (as if that was nothing)…3 years and $150,000 later – I am still involved and have to endure my ex husband’s mind games.
The gall of that “monster” to show up in court for the fourth time (we didn’t think he would because the judge threatened to throw him into jail)…but, then, he promised to make a deal and end this nightmare. Before I could tell the attorneys involved that this was just another one of his stalling tactics – they were talking to the judge and canceled the appointment.
The offer was a joke, not worth the paper it was written on.
I don’t understand why the lawyers put up with it.
Over and over and over again. He dupes everyone.
I have a feeling that he will never be done with me. Like Sabrina said: He thinks that he is winning. Nobody knows what that means. He lost everything…I lost everything…our boys are suffering. What happened to all of us being entitled to the pursuit of happiness?
Dear Petra,
Your X sounds so TYPICAL of a psychopath, causing problems as revenge and generally getting away with it….at least unless YOU spend money to ENFORCE it…next time, you might ask for attorneys fees since he did not comply and get a garnishment on his wages, there is also the turning him over to a collection agency. they will take a percentage of what they collect, but they HOUND THEM very well. Check it out, since it is quite a large sum they might be very interested. Him having a job that they can file garnishment on and they KNOW THE ROPES, so that might be better than messing with it yourself. 50% of something is better than 100% of NOTHING.
His behavior is just so out “of the psychopath’s play book”–it is on page 157, first paragraph “screw them anyway you can, delay delay delay and don’/t keep your word about anything, even if the court orders it.”
I’m sorry you are having these problems but “it isn’t personal” really they treat everyone that way. Lie lie lie! HE IS THE LIE! (((hugs)))) and my prayers.
Petra60,
You know it really just kind of boils down to control, doesn’t it? Even though you are legally divorced you can’t really move on. One way or the other he is in contol of your money. EVEN your income tax return. He does feel like he is “winning”. He must feel like he has control of everyone involved.
He has everyone jumping through hoops trying to get him to sign a peice of paper and he manages not to, and disappears instead. Its to bad the judge didn’t throw him in jail.
I would say that the lawyers put up with this because, even though they might see they have been duped, the longer this goes on, the more money in their pockets.
However it would seem to me that the judge would see this through a different perspective.
Why do you think that the judge hasn’t put his foot down? (or gavel) Any person in their right mind wouldn’t play such games in a court room. Just shows you the gall of the sociopath.
I am sorry that you have to go through this. It must be awful.
Witsend, Thanks for asking, I am doing ok. My life has so many twists and turns right now with personal, business, and everything in between that it seems I can’t focus too hard on one thing before another “thing” jumps in front of me! Maybe that is what is keeping my sanity-diverse chaos! Since it is no shock to me now, maybe it is “predictable chaos!” lol
I am keeping lines of communication open with his x GF, and no communication with him is my goal. He lied to me, and denied the abuse – of course- WHY tell the truth when the lie sounds so ridiculous!?!
I know it is hard for her as you said Witsend, to wrap your head around the whole reality of it all- I am struggling and I KNOW how life with an S works or better yet- dosen’t work.
I believe the no conscience part of them enables them to lie mercilessly and so much more convincingly. I’ve read that most people when lying have a certain pattern they will typically do that can tip you off that they are lying. Particularly helpful with children and teenagers- If you “crack the code” and hone in on the individuals unique tendency- Such as a tendency to “always” give more information than needed, or a pattern of “never” giving many details, or even starting an arguement to avoid confrontation when they are not being truthful. Talking slowly, while looking away (to stall while thinking of a plausible story or alibe) or others may be prone to talking fast, (indicating nervousness and insincerity).
With all the S that I have known, I could see no common pattern indicative of being untruthful- OTHER than the fact that his whole life IS a pattern indicative of untruth.
Petra60- Oh my gosh! You have been thru it! I can see how frustrating and god awful expensive this has been- not only financially draining, but mentally, physically, and emotionally. It makes me sick to think of you having to go thru all of this grief and drama.
Just makes you kinda fantasize that there is an extra HOT seat in hell with him being assigned to it…a little note saying.. Just for you, since you were MEANER than Hell, this special seating is especially for you and is HOTTER than HELL!:)
ignore theodore – posts have been reported.
So one step … did you see those cumulous clouds the other night?: They totally covered the moon – like a marshmallow over a night light – beautiful!
I did! nothing like a great night sky. The stars are really bright tonight. One thing about living in the country, you get to see the stars come out shining bright.
And we really know what they look like now even when shrouded in a cloud of horse shite 🙂
well, it’s the cats…the keep dragging in dead things and knocking over all my lovely tropicals….
time for me to sign out. you going to be here for awhile polly?