Those of us who have been psychologically abused by sociopaths—whether we’re male or female, and whether the abuser is male or female—know that the abuse should be criminal. It appears that in France, it just may happen.
A Lovefraud reader sent me a link to an interesting story in Time Magazine. Legislators from France’s ruling party are expected to introduce a bill that would outlaw “conjugal abuse of a psychological nature” in both married and unmarried relationships.
According to Time,
The legislation seeks to target the verbal and mental denigration, humiliation and manipulation that typically lead to physical abuse. The hope is that the bill will help prevent the emotional wounds that words often cause before a punch is ever thrown.
I hope the law gets passed. I hope it works. We’ll have to see what happens.
Read the article on Time.com:
One Step,
He hasn’t broken the law as far as I know of, at least not to the extent of doing juvenile detention.
He actually has very high aspirations for himself. It is a plan w/o much grounded reality involved, however his mindset is that it will happen. So I believe he has been pretty careful about his risky behavior. And unlike alot of “troubled” teenager although on the outside he has a handful of friends, he is basically a loner.
Once, not long ago (before he left) I was TRYING to have a conversation with him about an older kid he knew, that I THOUGHT maybe he looked up to. (wishful thinking on my part) He told me flat out that he looked up to no one. This kid was nothing.
He told me (with dead serious eyes) that HE is “special”. His friends, peers, and everyone around him that he knows is very ordinary. And they will all go onto live very ordinary lives. Except him. Nothing will stop him.
My son is delusional. As he has really done NOTHING to make this grand plan he has for his future, take place. He has done nothing EXCEPT convince himself that it will happen.
This was a conversation w/o his usual spin of words, (MY words)(although I WAS spinning when it was over).
But it was very un-nerving on many levels. His dismassal of others (his “ordinary” peers), his grandious sense of self, and mostly the way he delivered it. Matter of FACT.
I think I get what your saying. To see if there is a pattern. And write it down, because Lord knows it becomes more unreal as you try to make sense of what just happened. I do find it very hard sometimes to GROUND myself. He lives in the fantasy world, not me.
He is also very cocky when I use the one liners on him.
Such as if I said to him “what do you mean by that” He would say: “you think your so smart, figure it out”.
And the bottom line is I am better having no or little conversations with him, and much less interaction with him. Since he left home and I have delt with situations with him from “afar” it has been easier to stay grounded, that is for sure.
If he is here he will “punish” me in may ways. Some things I don’t even realize until they are happening. Such as if I am away from home and he is home. My animals. For one.
Rosa,
Be sure to let me know what you think about this book. I am curious if you think it might be helpful in your situation.
on no witty, re the animals. 🙁
i hear that you feel ungrounded – and that was the focus of my post – tools for seeing sociopathic behavior for what it is and increasing your ability to ground through that knowledge, and in your land of wit and real.
But what i am thinking as i am writing this, is how incredibly hard it would be for me to accept that a child of mine was a sociopath. Especially when they are young, as teenagers can demonstrate all kinds of behaviors that are challenging, so we wouldn’t necessarily see socipathic behavior for what they are at so early an age.
And even if I could accept it deep and thorough, I would have to then still work with the reality of it day in and day out; an extremely difficult situation. Developing acceptance and strategies would be vital. But there would still be my broken heart to deal with.
My heart goes out to you Witty.
best,
one step
One Step,
I think that is the major difference when you are trying to face “the facts” when it is one of your own children.
I am not in any way dismissing or minimizing the pain of dealing with an S/P/N on any other level. But when it is your child even the THOUGHT of “this” is more devistating than I can tell you.
It goes AGAINST the very nature of your love and bond with your child. It is OPPOSITE of everything you should be thinking. Or doing, or saying….. You know, as a mother you would step in front of an oncoming semi truck to push your child out of the way from being hit.
And I am sitting here trying to think what can I possibly do to protect myself from my own kid?
Every thought that passes through my head right now is conflicting with the thought that was before it. I love him, but I don’t want him near me. I want to help him, but I can’t. DOES that even make any sense? Of course it doesn’t. But that is how I feel.
I do, have to work with the reality of it day in and day out. (as you said) Because many days I just want to scream at the top of my lungs…NO! This isn’t possible. This is still my sweet little boy. He can get help.
I am still unable to “label” him with any permanent personality disorder, outloud or in the written word. I don’t use S/P/N to refer to him. I prefer to think of it “outloud” and in my head, as he has THE tendancys….He “fits” critera to grow into a full blown personality disorder. But my heart is surrounded with this darkness….
I used to think that my intellect saw the horror of the truth but that my heart would never accept it.
Now even that part of me feels the conflict within….Its almost as if my heart knows the truth and is in conflict with the brain?
If he comes here I will need strategies to deal with it. I don’t even know where to begin with that? Its a catch 22 for sure.
witsend – As a mother myself, I know exactly what you mean when you say that you would step in front of a truck to save your child. It absolutely goes against nature not to love your child and protect them. The natural, healthy order of things is to want the child’s life to go on beyond your own, so putting yourself at risk, doesn’t seem wrong.
However, when psychopathy enters the picture, it turns the natural order of things on it’s head and we are left reeling. I can’t express fully how truly heartbreaking it is for me to read of your situation.
There is a different angle to it then my own encounter with a sociopath, Yes, I bonded with him. But, once awakening to the horror and realization of what I was dealing with, I now only have to deal with my own issues and the fallout from his campaign to destroy me AND cut him out of my life. To do that with one’s own child – I can only imagine devastation to your heart.
My heart goes out to you witsend. I wish I knew what else to say to help you beyond that I hope you can find the best appropriate professional counseling for your situation, if you don’t have it already.
Peace
witty – actually it makes a great deal of sense.
all of it.
and it sounds painful as hell.
both because he is your child, and because you are in a time of coming to terms – and in my experience the amount of pressure built up in those times by all the ‘yes/no/maybe/couldn’t be/ must be’ is horrendous in and of itself.
The process of coming to terms is full of a sense of confusion, despair and a sense of living in an altered reality….not here, not there, not anywhere.
i’m sorry, i don’t know the details of your story with your son – is there mental health care worker seeing your son? do they ‘get it’?
best,
one step
lightsaber: we were posting at the same time to witty. but i SWEAR, you were reading my mail!
🙂
haha one_step yeah I think anyone with empathy can understand where witsend is coming from 🙂
I’m having a major conundrum myself and not sure how to deal with it. For the time being I’m just stewing about it and hopefully something will come to me.
I have found the ex targeting someone online. I am in a position (because I know his MO, interests, and his handles) where I can monitor his public online communications. He IS A CYBERPATH.
I have found him really honing in on one woman as a target. HE is using ALL of his usual Spath charming victim pity ploy. This woman is a past victim. She has made it very clear publicly how she is STILL recovering, YET she is falling for him big time. Hell, it takes one (me) to see one.
I don’t know what to do!!! :((((
I have my own (and my kids) safety to be concerned about FOREMOST.
I don’t know how to anonymously let this woman know what she’s dealing with. Anything I can think of doing, I KNOW will tip my hand and may cause him to strike out against me. He IS VIOLENT.
Gawd now I’m crying and really angry after writing that. I’ve been holding this in all day and seeing it written makes me want to explode.
This VICIOUS INHUMAN CREEP has damaged women in 3 F**KING COUNTRIES!!!!
THE U.K
CANADA
THE U.S.A.
lightsaber: stewing is good. you are distilling it into it’s parts: desire to help; safety for you and your kids; and how to do it safely.
I have ‘cooked’ this stuff for a couple of months for myself. I think that I am sorting it out. It has been very important for me to go slowly and consider all the ramifications of my outing the spath.
Our situations are different, and the consequences are different. And safety has to be our number one concern. It’s taken a while for me to ‘get’ that – risk taking adventurer that i am, to hell and be damned with anyone trying to intimidate me’.
I didn’t back down from the idea – i just thought harder about how to do it safely. No going off half cocked in anger. stealth mode is my watch phrase.
gotta go, late yet again!
one step