Shock. Total disbelief. Utter incomprehension. That’s what we feel upon finally realizing that when the sociopath cheated on us, blew through our money, twisted our emotions and messed with our minds, to him or her it was all just a sick, depraved game.
Sociopaths do not form emotional connections with other human beings. They do not experience love. They do not feel honor, altruism or concern for others. The words they speak and the actions they take have only one objective: getting what they want. To them, life is a game, and they want to win.
Game theory is a field of study that, according to Wikipedia, “attempts to mathematically capture behavior in strategic situations, in which an individual’s success in making choices depends on the choices of others.”
Sociopaths are often very good at games in this sense. They look at social situations, perform a quick cost-benefit analysis, and then act based on what will serve their interests. For example, a sociopath may evaluate a situation like this: “If I tell her that I love her, and promise to marry her, she’ll let me move in and give me money to pay off my back child support so the court will get off my back.” Notice there is no love, no concern for children. It’s all about a means to an end.
Prisoner’s Dilemma
According to game theory, many variables can affect outcomes in contested situations. For example, people are generally, although not always, assumed to be rational and making choices that benefit their own self-interest. It’s also important for participants to know whether another player in the game can be trusted, or is likely to be deceptive.
A famous game in this field of study is called the “Prisoner’s Dilemma.” Here, according to Wikipedia, is the classic scenario:
Two suspects are arrested by the police. The police have insufficient evidence for a conviction, and, having separated both prisoners, visit each of them to offer the same deal. If one testifies (defects from the other) for the prosecution against the other and the other remains silent (cooperates with the other), the betrayer goes free and the silent accomplice receives the full 10-year sentence. If both remain silent, both prisoners are sentenced to only six months in jail for a minor charge. If each betrays the other, each receives a five-year sentence. Each prisoner must choose to betray the other or to remain silent. Each one is assured that the other would not know about the betrayal before the end of the investigation. How should the prisoners act?
The choice, therefore, is between cooperation and defection. In studies, players have participated in a variation of the Prisoner’s Dilemma in which they earned points based on their choices. The possible outcomes were:
- If both players cooperated, they each earned 3 points.
- If both players defected, they each earned 1 point.
- If one player cooperated and the other player defected, the cooperating player got 0 points—the sucker punch—and the defecting player got 5 points.
Therefore, when one person cooperated and the other defected, the defector came out way ahead.
Reputation
Psychology researcher Linda Mealey published a paper in 1995 called The Sociobiology of Sociopathy: An Integrated Evolutionary Model. In it, she discussed another dimension of the Prisoner’s Dilemma game as it applies to real life. If the most rational strategy is to be selfish and betray, why would anyone cooperate?
The answer lies in reputation. If a player is known among members of a group to always defect, then no rational person will “play” with him or her. When a person has a reputation as a defector, that person will not have an opportunity for any kind of gain, cooperative or exploitative.
This is where game theory becomes useful in dealing with sociopaths. Mealey writes:
Sociopaths’ immediate decisions are based partly on their ability to ”¦ use those expectations of others’ behavior in a cost-benefit analysis to assess what actions are likely to be in their own self-interest. ”¦ The outcome of such analyses is therefore partially dependent on the sociopath’s expectations of the behavior of other players in the game. I would argue that an entire society can be seen as a player, and that the past behavior of that society will be used by the sociopath ”¦ to predict the future behavior of that society.
Like an individual player, a society will have a certain probability of detecting deception, a more-or-less accurate memory of who has cheated in the past, and a certain proclivity to retaliate or not, based upon a cheater’s past reputation and current behavior. Since the sociopath is using a rational and actuarial approach to assess the costs and benefits of different behaviors, it is the actual past behavior of the society which will go into his calculations, rather than risk assessments inflated from the exaggerated fears or anxieties that most people feel in anticipation of being caught or punished. Thus, to reduce antisocial behavior, a society must establish and enforce a reputation for high rates of detection of deception and identification of cheaters, and a willingness to retaliate. In other words, it must establish a successful strategy of deterrence.
According to Mealey, a society “must establish a reputation for willingness to retaliate.” This means increasing the probability of criminal detection, identification and punishment. And the retaliation must be swift. If there’s a long lag time between antisocial behavior and consequences—well, the antisocial behavior will continue.
Exposure
Mealey’s comments related to reputation square with what I have seen. Since our society hasn’t established a reputation for willingness to retaliate—the justice system is a joke—the only effective action to take against sociopaths is exposure.
The case histories section of Lovefraud, called True Lovefraud Stories, exposes the behavior of 16 different sociopaths. It works. I’ve heard from many people who came in contact with the predators, Googled them, found the Lovefraud stories, and dumped the sociopath. One woman, discovering what Bill Strunk was really all about, actually told him that he had a “bad reputation.”
Lovefraud’s goal for the future is to publish many more bad reputations. Hopefully, then, people won’t play with the sociopaths.
very strange things happen when the trolls appear.
Ok,
Maybe I’m just a bit paranoid, but when i tried to log in just a little bit ago, it said I was banned, tried a few more times, still banned. Now I’m not?
What is going on? Could someone have hacked into my computer or did I get banned?
This has me a little freaked out.
If someone hacked me, how do I figure out what to do??
LL
well another weird thing is that my “report abusive comment” button isn’t working. I get an “oops, you’ve reached a broken link.”
My little research tells me I may have a virus or it’s a DNS error. It’s hard for me to test it without reporting someone as abusive, (to test) so I’m going to let it go.
Hi Candy, Skylar,
I have not seen this third person drivel, it is all about them, attention seeking, that’s what they do!
I have an example, my SP did not pay CM for 18 month some of the many excuses was a nephew he had not seen in 19 years jumped off the menai bridge in wales and apparently committed suicide, no body, classified as missing on the 28th Dec 2010, he’d paid nil CM since July 2009. Clearly not only a SP but a clairvoyant as well!
SP, 21st January 2011 in court kept the pity me ploy up to the judge about the ‘tragedy’, how distressed he was., blah, blah ..milking it for all it was worth. I was not to be informed!
Unfortunately for the SP he had used that as an excuse (pity me ploy) to the very people he owed money to, who googled the ‘tragedy’ and were so appalled they emailed me, which I gave to the judge. The SP didn’t know she had evidence, even a ‘not relevant’ hint, hint did not work.
These SPs have no conscience, hitting at anyone is part of the game, the pity me ploy to any extreme. Any sane person, if they had any conscience or even a smidgen of awareness of other people’s disgust would of got it ..a nuance from judge ‘unfortunate, but not relevant’ ..wasted, SP’s don’t get that they are sick and dangerous.
Candy BTW, I am not new, look at my the dumb sociopath posts ..
(((stuffed of puff pastry and smoke haddock, wiltshire, UK)))
Oh brother…………it’s fricking spath day. There is a guy on my fb hittin on me.
So spathy it’s annoying.
**poof** He’s gone.
LL
I have a question up for understanding: After my ex Spath assalted me he was arrested the next day for driving without a lisence. He called me from jail and said that he felt like he was being punished for what he had previously done to injure me. Do you think he was feeling a grain of guilt or was he shifting the blame of driving illegally on ME?
farwronged,
I think he was primarily ensuring you’d be around to be his victim again.
Superkid
My spath would also always reply “I have feelings”, when I would talk down or bad to him about himself. Was this also another way to make me feel bad, they have no feelings right? Then, I remember sending him a picture of me, I had been out of town a week for business. He said he got the warmest feeling inside when I sent the pic because he missed me so much, how is it possible for spaths to experience this? He shouldnt know what that ‘warm’ feeling is like. I am confused.
SK, its so crazy how they know how to ACT normal but they are not. This disorder is complicated and disturbing. They also all seem to even say the same things from my readings here. It’s like there’s a spath language. WTH!
Far,
When he was saying “I have feelings” what he was doing was throwing out a guilt trippin stone wall. That’s all. He didn’t “miss” you Far, he was manipulating you. That’s how they keep you sucked in to keep up the abuse. Spaths aren’t “unpleasant” every second of the day, if they were, they wouldn’t hold onto ANY woman for a good mind screw. What you have to understand is the MOTIVATION. The motivation is to HARM you, if he’s not outright abusing you, he’s manipulating you to keep you in the relationship.
That’s all that it was. That isn’t “feeling” anything. It’s evil because it’s not REAL….manipulation is not a “feeling”
LL