[youtube_sc url=”https://youtu.be/iTHyReK2r4s” title=”Is%20he%20hiding%20my%20keys%20because%20I%20won%27t%20have%20sex%20with%20him?”]
Here’s the next installment of Letters to Lovefraud. Because of her medical issues, a Lovefraud reader doesn’t want to have sex with her boyfriend and suddenly her keys are missing. Is he retaliating?
I explain that the boyfriend’s behavior may be even worse than retaliating it may be gaslighting. His objective is to make her doubt her own perceptions so that she is more easily controlled. And that’s not the only issue. The bigger problem is why is he demanding sex when she is in pain?
Philadelphia Inquirer quotes Donna Andersen in romance scam story
How they treat you when you are sick….What an eye opener! I remember the first time I was sick after my second husband and I were married. I had been throwing up all day. My prince charming husband did nothing to help me, but then I didn’t expect it, so I didn’t notice it wasn’t happening. But it did get my attention when my prince charming woke up at dinner time and asked, “What are you making for dinner?”. I see the depth of my wounds then, as I tell that I got up and made something to eat. But that stayed with me as “something is wrong here”.
My first husband was a toxic gaslighter. I had this beautiful gold chain and it went missing. I knew then and know now, that I put it back where I kept it because I always did that. One day it was simply gone. About a month later, it showed up back in my jewelry box. At the time, I was glad to see it and went on with my day. I suspect that he had been wearing it or he gave it to a girlfriend and she returned it to him.
Around this same time with my first husband I had a vaginal infection. I went to the doctors and was told that this was a sexually transmitted infection. This meant that either I or my husband had slept with someone who was infected. I knew that I had not slept with anyone other than my husband. So logic would dictate that my husband had slept with someone else. I told him what the doctor said and he started hopping about yelling and screaming, flapping his arms, red in the face. “The doctor is wrong, I would never do that!”. What did I say? I said, “I believe you.” The depth of my woundedness in the face of undeniable evidence.
I had a strangle hold on wanting to believe that I had married a good man, a man of character. When things like this came up, I had to find another solution that made sense. The doctor was wrong. I must have missed the chain when I searched for it. Denial of the truth.
I had no idea that there was this kind of evil in the world, happy to prey on me, take everything and give nothing. Who knew? Thank you Donna, for all that you are doing to spread the word about this disorder.
The understanding that I get from this site makes me stronger and stronger everyday. Thank you.
DoneWithThat2 – I am so glad you are seeing the truth of your experience. I’m glad Lovefraud helps you.
Donewiththat2 & KOCHKA, my ex h did the same!! When we were dating I notice one of my diamond earrings went missing. They were not expense dimond small earnings but they were a gift from a friend and I loved them. I wear them daily and always took them off and put them in the same place. When the one went missing I knew in my gut it was him but I thought maybe I’m wrong maybe I did not put them back.
But throughout the marriage one wearing would always go missing especially if I left them in a dish on the bathroom counter. I never said a word to him. I guess I knew that it would be a fight or he would spin my mind again & again (now I know it was gas lighting) so I just never approached the topic.
One day he wanted to buy me a jewelry box…I realized today reading your post it was his way of messing with me!!!
In divorce court he told the out of the blue judge “jewelry was missing”!!! I kid you not!!!
They are CRAZY!!! Seriously Crazy!!
Glad you both are free & know the truth also!!
oops i put the curser in the wrong spot should read: In divorce court he told the judge out of the blue “jewelry was missing”.
when he and I went looking at engagement ring sets; we looked at several in local jewelry stores; but he never said a word about buying any of them..so when my birthday came around that fall; I found a small gift box on my plate, at his grandparent’s house for lunch one day. It WAS a wedding band/engagement ring, but I had never seen these before in any store..about a week or so later, I was with him; when I heard him tell one of his friends..”well, we looked at all these rings..I went back to a jewelry store and bought the bands, the mounting and the stone separate..and I saved ALL this money”..now I should have given him my engagement ring back..knowing that he sneaked back and bought something I didn’t like..the mounting stuck up high on the band, so when I did wear that ring, it caught on things..I never did like it, and over time I quit wearing it..so one day after we were married, he made some remark about me never wearing his rings..I went to my jewelry box and it was gone..I turned the closet inside out and most of the house looking for it. Finally I HAD to tell him it was lost. With a fiendish grin, he said ” well since you refused to wear it, I took it to a local jewelry shop and had the wedding band/engagement ring welded together and the stone and mounting taken off.” He had known this all those days I searched the house for my missing ring set. Then, he offered me to use the stone for a brooch or a necklace; but when I priced one of these..he had a fit over the bill, so I told the jewelry store to deduct the cost of the stone off the bill to have the rings fused together. When I got pregnant with our first child, he told me (after 6 weeks that the baby wasn’t his; it was my boss’s, whom he said was chasing me around his office desk, until I got pregnant..He kept up THAT line, making my cry and get upset, until I refused to respond, and then he shut up..at least until he came up with another sick joke to make me upset.
Yes. My psychopath stole my keys as well. I have realized that he stole people’s keys also to sneek in later on to steal things from them.
KOCHKA – yes – another obvious reason to steal keys.
EXCELLENT video Donna on gas lighting!!!