I’ve been incredulously half-following the media reports of the scandal involving General David Petraeus; his paramour Paula Broadwell; Jill Kelley, whose complaint about harassing emails touched off the investigation; Natalie Khawam, Kelley’s twin sister who was embroiled in a nasty custody fight; General John Allen, who allegedly sent “flirtatious” emails to Kelley; and a shirtless FBI agent.
This story is so convoluted that it’s tough to follow all the characters and allegations. I found a really good summary on MotherJones.com, complete with updates as the story got thicker and thicker:
The David Petraeus Scandal, Explained
I thought there must be a lesson in this story somewhere for Lovefraud readers. But what might it be?
Perhaps it is simply that human beings are capable of a wide range of bad and/or stupid behavior, not all of it sociopathic. So here are a few key points that we can draw from the tawdry mess:
1. Smart people are capable of doing stupid things.
Gen. David Petraeus was not only a highly decorated military man credited with “saving” America’s war effort in Iraq, he was also a Princeton Ph.D. Yet he was willing to risk his entire career on an extramarital affair. Some may argue that powerful people have been engaging in sexual liaisons for millennia and it’s nobody’s business. Regardless, Petraeus had to know that if the affair were discovered, the media would have a field day and his legacy would be ruined. That’s exactly what happened.
2. Power corrupts.Â
Powerful people tend to believe that they can do what they want and get away with anything. Those in the orbit of powerful people like to flaunt their access. Others want to associate with powerful people, and will go into debt throwing lavish parties to gain the access, well, because they like power too, even if it’s only by association. But there comes a point where power leads to trouble, as many people in this story have discovered.
3. Nothing is truly private.
Petraeus was sending emails to Broadwell, Broadwell was allegedly sending threatening emails to Kelley and Kelley was exchanging “flirtatious messages” with Allen. Now we all know. And the twins, Kelley and Khawam, are both heavily in debt and have multiple lawsuits filed against them. All of their dirty laundry has become the fodder for the voracious media machine. Nothing on the Internet dies. And when records are public—or even if they aren’t—someone will find them.
So what conclusions can we draw?
All human behavior is on a continuum. The right amount of power and aggression can lead to successful military career—too much power and aggression can lead to murder. The right amount of libido leads to a healthy intimate relationship—too much leads to recklessness, promiscuity and coercive sex. A certain amount of risk taking leads to financial growth—too much leads to debt, foreclosure and lawsuits.
In the end, I suppose the lesson of this saga is that people are complicated, life is messy, and we should all be wary of unintended consequences.
Thanks, Donna. I hadn’t heard that. Makes sense to me.
Yea, Donna, I read the same thing about psychopaths not making good “special ops” operatives. I can’t remember WHERE I read it though (CRS!!!) But it makes sense to me too because of the lack of impulse control higher level psychopaths exhibit.
The thing about the high level of Narcissism that most “high level” generals, CIA agents, politicians, etc. though that actually makes them “suited” for their jobs, if taken to the level of psychopathy, makes them loose cannons and NOT suited for their jobs.
Eisenhower had a mistress when he was in England, it was his female driver. It was apparently an “open secret” during the war, but kept tightly under wraps by the media during his presidency. Just as the media knew about John Kennedy’s womanizing and kept the lid on it, so they did with Dwight’s womanizing. Apparently though his was not quite as slimy as JFK’s was with sneaking Marilyn Monroe in the back door of the White House when Jackie was away.
Absolutely Spot On DONNA.
Spaths tend to “go rogue”, putting EVERYONE in danger. Good snipers are actually calm grounded men, and yes, it’s messes them up. Please everyone, we NEED our government to fund Psyche programs for our returning soldiers. PTSD is HUGE.
This article in Newsday is in line with what many of us on on the forum seem to think is Petraeus’ problem.
http://www.newsday.com/opinion/oped/shlaes-was-david-petraeus-ensnared-by-narcissism-1.4215061?print=true
“Shlaes: Was David Petraeus ensnared by narcissism?
November 12, 2012 by AMITY SHLAES
It was her six-minute mile that did it. Or her youth. That’s the assumption about the choice by David Petraeus, America’s most revered military statesman, to pursue an extramarital affair with Paula Broadwell, who co-wrote a biography of him.
After the announcement last week from Petraeus that he would resign his post as director of the Central Intelligence Agency because of the relationship, television and the Internet have been alive with descriptions of the physical allure of Broadwell, who is 20 years younger than Petraeus.
But a woman’s age or the time in which she runs a mile are probably not the primary explanations for Petraeus’ actions, just as they weren’t necessarily the main reasons that John Edwards or Jack Welch, for example, pursued their affairs. Age or looks matter, yet only secondarily.
The force driving all these gents is probably something stronger than sex. What likely drives them is narcissism.
In myth, Narcissus was the hunter so beautiful that he fell in love with his own reflection. Narcissism occurs in modern life when an individual suffers from a need for affirmation of his or her own importance.
All successful people nurse some vanities. But to a serious narcissist, flattery becomes crucial to survival. He will be drawn to anyone who makes him like what he sees in the mirror. Narcissists gravitate especially toward anyone who supplies that flattery reliably or, even better, assures the narcissistic feed, providing something that elicits praise from others.
“All In,” Broadwell’s adulatory biography of Petraeus, was a media event that delivered multiple moments of gratification.
Edwards’ choice of a mistress was a video maker who was filming his presidential campaign, Rielle Hunter.
Welch chose business editor Suzy Wetlaufer. She could help Welch spread Welch, the brand, post-General Electric, better than anyone. These women aren’t arm candy. They are mirrors or cameras.
Many theorists these days find some benefit in narcissistic leadership. Narcissists don’t have to be unfaithful. And they are often notable for great talent. Their desperation to produce the work that wins mega-recognition can pull forward a whole company.
In “The Productive Narcissist,” author Michael Maccoby argues that the egotism of executives such as Welch helps them undertake great projects and make their companies advance. Translate Maccoby’s concept over to the military, and the theory fits as well: Petraeus’ self-esteem gave him the courage to wage the controversial surge of troops in Iraq.
But narcissism has a dark side: It skews the judgment of the narcissist. With the news of his affair, against the rules of soldiering, Petraeus has already tarnished his incredible feats. It is this poor wager, and not the affair itself, that so many Petraeus fans resent.
There is evidence that similar damage can be wrought by narcissists in business. The presence of a narcissistic CEO tends to mean a company enjoys a lower return on assets than others, according to scholars Charles Ham, Nicholas Seybert and Sean Wang. Companies led by narcissists pay lower dividends to shareholders. They acquire too many companies due to the leader’s vain assumption that he or she can add value. The silent tragedy at many companies is the growth forgone due to the vanity of chief executives and another mirror, the board of directors.
To categorize someone who has achieved as much as Petraeus has feels wrong. Yet it isn’t a bad idea to try to understand narcissism — or vanity, the Victorian label many of us prefer.
Although most of us hesitate to diminish our heroes with labels, we can be assured that others quickly pick up the vulnerability of the narcissist and won’t hesitate to exploit it. At the CIA or in the corner office, the boss who doesn’t recognize his own narcissism and combat it is ceasing to be worthy of his rank. He is a leader on his way to becoming just another case.”
ew………it’s all so unseemly………
And just as food for thought, I think the fact that these high powered men get caught in affairs is evidence of their narcissism. Simply having an affair may be a real red-flag, but getting caught implies entitlement, being above the rules, displaying his prize to the envious eyes of other pigs, his grandiosity, thinking he is above getting caught, lack of empathy for his wife and family….I could go on and on.
speaking of food…
what’s a spath’s favorite food?
A narcissist.
I read that once from a self-professed spath at sociopath world. She was going on and on about how easy the narcissist is to manipulate.
Skylar….(snicker)
Kim Frederick, interesting that you brought that up about getting caught. I fervently believe that the exspath wanted to end the marriage, but he was too much of a coward to do it, so he set himself up to be caught, and then blamed ME for his violent interests! Seriously! ROTFLMAO!!!! He told me, to my face, that it was MY fault that he was interested in violent bondage and I threw that insult right back into his face and said, “Nobody just wakes up, one morning, and decides that they’re going to give bondage, gential torture and mutiliation, and veilded necrophilia a try. THIS is something that has been escalating for YEARS, so don’t you try to saddle ME with YOUR issues!” So, knowing my aversion to porn and violent sex, he must’ve known that I’d end the marriage, at some point.
Which brings me to the long-con defrauding. He was aware of his proclivities long before we ever even met, so he kept that nasty, vile secret hidden until he could snag me and take my personal finances. Wow…..just……wow.
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!! Oh, my…….LOLOL
I couldn’t agree more, Skylar.
I made an exotic soup a couple of days ago: West African spicy peanut soup with chicken. It is made with tomatoes, curry powder, and sweet potatos. It was good. I shared with my daughter, then froze the rest. Am looking on-line, today for a new recipe…nothing strikes my fancy, yet.
Won’t be able to celebrate Thanksgiving tomorrow with my family, because I have to work, so, am going to enjoy cooking something hot, healthy, and tasty for myself today.
Yeah, Truthy. I think my X wanted to be caught, too, because NO ONE is THAT careless, if they value their marriage. He had scratches down his back and a hickey on his neck. I found underwear in my bed. Pulled long black hairs of his dress whites, and answered hang-up calls.
I went on line to investigate “men and affairs” and came across, “the exit affair” and you are exactly right. It is a strategy to end a relationship by a coward who won’t take responsibility, and so dumps an affair in his spouses lap, so she will end it. Really, really slimy.