It’s the holiday season, and many of us are running around doing last minute shopping, trying to find gifts for everyone on our list—and possibly, with this economy, on a limited budget. But what are we planning to give the most important person on our list? That is, what are we planning to give to ourselves?
This year, some of us have been forced to face the fact that the person to whom we dedicated our time, energy, love and money was a sociopath, thoroughly prepared to take everything he or she could from us. Some of us discovered this a year or two ago, and are still processing the awful truth.
When we become entangled with a sociopath, it shakes the foundation upon which we built our lives. Axioms by which we lived turned out to be flawed: No, not everyone can be saved by our love. Yes, when some people say, “I love you,” they’re lying. No, not everyone is good deep down inside. Yes, evil exists.
The turmoil can leave us feeling like we’re drifting without an anchor.
I’d like to suggest that this year, we give ourselves the gift of a new anchor, a new axiom. And what is the gift? Trusting ourselves.
Most of us knew on some level, early in the involvement with the sociopath, that something was wrong. The sociopath’s stories didn’t add up, the behavior seemed odd, the emotions didn’t match the words. But we doubted ourselves. We let the sociopath explain away our queries, or convince us that we were paranoid.
Then, as the entanglement progressed, we started to lose ourselves. Perhaps the sociopath told us we were insane. Perhaps it was easier not to argue. Eventually our lives no longer seemed to be ours.
Well, we’ve learned the hard way that we were right all along. So let’s not berate ourselves for not heeding our instincts. Let’s take it as proof that our instincts work.
We may have to start slowly, by consciously asking ourselves, “What do I want to do now? What is right for me in this situation?” But as we release the anxiety of the sociopathic relationship and listen to ourselves, we’ll find that we have the answers.
This year, let’s give ourselves the gift of trusting and believing in our own good. We can do it. We can emerge from this experience with hard-won wisdom, and move forward to create a happy and fulfilling life.
The Lovefraud authors will be taking a break for the holidays, and will resume posting after the New Year. We wish all of you a healthy, safe and Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, blessed solstice, or whatever you celebrate, and a wonderful New Year!
Ox Drover
Dear Gem,
W’ve had about 8 inches of rain (about 6 officially) in my part of the world and is POUNDING DOWN outside right now, but in 1999/2000 winter WE HAD IT RAINING LIKE THIS AT 29 Degrees F aind COATING everything with ice, had no power for 2 weeks, but now I have a generator for that and gas stoves so will not freeze or eat beans out of a can again! LOL
Henry is snowed in, son D is snowed in at his bio family’s house in kansas north and west of us, probably can’t get home for another week! Oh, well…you’re right, it is a P-FREE day in the life of the “good guys”! US! Happy holidays and maybe we can meet in the middle somewhere and be comfortable! LOL
ErinBrock
Hi Guys,
Been MIA for a few…..
Lurked in and saw that Hens had an ‘encounter’ and I was thrilled with the empowerment that came from your ACTIONS!!! Kudos to you henry……movin on dude!
We’ve got beautiful blue skies today and through the weekend, so ya’ll can come for a visit…..oh yeah….you can’t your snowbound…. 🙂
I’m off for the Christmas eve torchlight parade with the kiddos….they ski/board in it every year and it’s quite a sight…..skiers carrying torches down the mountain…..on a good year the torches span from top to bottom….
Bonfire and Santa at the bottom with lot’s of hot chocolate and caroling.
We have a ‘quick’ Spanish shrimp dinner on Christmas eve because we drive around after the parade and look at the Christmas lights.
Mama’s running a bit behind this year…..so I’ll be wrapping gifts tonight after they all go to sleep…..me and Santa!
I had a nice lunch date yesterday with a NORMAL guy…..not hot, not a braggard, not attention seeking…..and I’ll tell ya…..it’s throwing me for a loop…….NOT what I was used to. He wants to go out again…..
He has persued me and he’s got no drama going on…..(certainly at first sight)….
Opens doors, was totally respectful and OMG….can EB handle a dull and boring NORMAL GUY……I suspect so!
Stay warm….and gem…keep that AC on!
I WISH YOU ALL A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS and may we all have dreams come true in this NEW YEAR!!!!!
Thanks for being around!
Ox Drover
Dear Erin,
Gosh how NORMAL OF YOU! Sound totally NON-dramatic and so fun! LOL
I can picture it all, wish we were there with you!
Actually we are having a “white” christmas (rare here) and my GF from Dallas sent me a photo of their white christmas (well semi white anyway, not enough to completely cover the ground LOL)
Snow and Ice hasn’t started falling here yet, but just one county over according to the radar, but Henry’s area got blasted with they said 60 MPH winds and blinding snow!
Floods here too, santa will need a ROW BOAT! We just topped out by 5 inches (so far) of rain the wettest year since 1882 they said! It is so quiet here though, not even the sound wafting across the hills of the gas drilling rigs, though I did hear some high pitched beeping (those back up beepers on some big equipment) earlier today just faintly across the hills.
Thanks for sharing your Christmas plans with us, and about your DATE TOO! Sounds really NORMAL and BORING! And WONDERFUL! If you decide you don’t want him remember you have lots of sinigle friends here at LF if he isn’t a P!
Right now I think BORING is wonderful! LOL (((hugs)))) and Merry Crhistmas!
one/joy_step_at_a_time
I am with myself tonight, and it feels fine.
the weather turned mild today – the girl who lives with her windows open is very happy about this.
i am writing about and to the spath (not to be sent) I miss him. and i am crying that she created him and then she took him away. quite cruel. the missing and the cruel move through my body with sobs.
I have been having lots of memories the last few days. I am so glad for four days off. I have, finally some time to process this stuff and to deal with some other things – without the pressure of trying to work.
remembering the times when she would act odd – the things that she acted odd about. and i am drawing little lines from one to the other. just the very start of this.
the sock puppets around ‘him’ were the ones who started to be nasty. how come she could do the main character so well, and the others not so well? – she couldn’t hold it together when she was doing mean – the stories didn’t hold togehter. but, yes, also it is that i loved him that HE was beautiful.
I don’t know what she is up to. not going. not asking. writing is good.
what a stupid wild ride.
an old friend – from many years ago, called tonight – the person who has lived with and taken care of his folks forever- and asked me if i could pay for my prescriptions. he actually asked that, directly. i will have my prescriptions for next month. I am blessed.
and all day, the line is going through my head: if their lips are moving they are lying.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Hey EB, I was wondering where you were. Your Christmas celebration sounds like one of the most wonderful I have heard of. Have fun!!!!!
All the best
one step
ErinBrock
NORMAL is something I need to connect with!
🙂
Btw….WTF is NORMAL anyways????
witsend
Erin Brock,
How are you…? Sounds like you had a fun day today.
Normal is whatever you define it as…Lol.
ErinBrock
One…..
I’ve been running around with a ‘boy’! (he’s 6 years younger) Hehe!
I’ve also been processing things more and I had a heart to heart with a GF and giving her words some thought. I have so much respect for when people are upfront and honest, even if they are ‘taking’ a risk (they think) by stating their opinion…..
I have ALSO been up to NO GOOD!!!! another hehe! 🙂
About a month ago, I sent the S a letter of ‘ABANDONED PROPERTY” notice of disposal. The intent was to give him 14 days to respond with notification of a date of intent to retrieve his belongings, or he would lose all rights to any property he was awarded in the divorce/stated in decree…… Golf clubs, jet ski cookbooks…..
So I notified him, gave him a cutoff date of Dec 15 to respond and guess what……no response……
So yesterday, when I was in town, I transfered title to jet ski over in my name…..IT WAS ANOTHER BIG MOMENT!!!!
FUCK HIM!
I don’t have to store your shit?????
He fought me on those items, after he lost both houses, any custody, ‘toys’, and cars…..thats all it came down to in court for divorce.
Once I conceeded…….that was all he wanted! Concession.
He’s not interested in picking anything up…..Shit our divorce was granted over 7 months ago!!! Anyone but a socioapath would be right over to collect the stuff….huh!?
So this is my kids Christmas gift! The jet ski…..courtesy of their father!
I always did buy all the gifts he put his name on……so why should it stop now! HA!
Anyways…had a nice night at the parade and picked up ice cream on the way home………and hopefully I will get my nightowls to bed early…..i’m tired and got ‘work’ to do with Santa!
Merry Christmas.
ErinBrock
Wits:
You have been on my mind!!! What’s up girl….?????
I saw your dog has taken over the couch! It made me smile…..I toyed with getting a dog for the kids for x-mas….maybe in a few more weeks….
I’m glad he’s doing well…..and the couch is an easy give up! think of the companionship ya got!
How does a dog look on a jet ski??? 🙂
Merry Christmas girl…..Keep that head up huh!
one/joy_step_at_a_time
EB,
Yay to boys!!!!
(Hey, i thought I HAD ONE, but it was really a lying sack of shit 57 year old female spath. I was soooo sad when I realized he hadn’t ‘turned’ me 😉 )
and dogs look awesome on jetskis – especially as hood ornaments in their little life jackets.
i remember your, ‘anyone want any cookbooks’ post 🙂 🙂 🙂
have a good night doing your elfish duties, and a great day with your kids.
Merry Christmas,
one step