It’s the holiday season, and many of us are running around doing last minute shopping, trying to find gifts for everyone on our list—and possibly, with this economy, on a limited budget. But what are we planning to give the most important person on our list? That is, what are we planning to give to ourselves?
This year, some of us have been forced to face the fact that the person to whom we dedicated our time, energy, love and money was a sociopath, thoroughly prepared to take everything he or she could from us. Some of us discovered this a year or two ago, and are still processing the awful truth.
When we become entangled with a sociopath, it shakes the foundation upon which we built our lives. Axioms by which we lived turned out to be flawed: No, not everyone can be saved by our love. Yes, when some people say, “I love you,” they’re lying. No, not everyone is good deep down inside. Yes, evil exists.
The turmoil can leave us feeling like we’re drifting without an anchor.
I’d like to suggest that this year, we give ourselves the gift of a new anchor, a new axiom. And what is the gift? Trusting ourselves.
Most of us knew on some level, early in the involvement with the sociopath, that something was wrong. The sociopath’s stories didn’t add up, the behavior seemed odd, the emotions didn’t match the words. But we doubted ourselves. We let the sociopath explain away our queries, or convince us that we were paranoid.
Then, as the entanglement progressed, we started to lose ourselves. Perhaps the sociopath told us we were insane. Perhaps it was easier not to argue. Eventually our lives no longer seemed to be ours.
Well, we’ve learned the hard way that we were right all along. So let’s not berate ourselves for not heeding our instincts. Let’s take it as proof that our instincts work.
We may have to start slowly, by consciously asking ourselves, “What do I want to do now? What is right for me in this situation?” But as we release the anxiety of the sociopathic relationship and listen to ourselves, we’ll find that we have the answers.
This year, let’s give ourselves the gift of trusting and believing in our own good. We can do it. We can emerge from this experience with hard-won wisdom, and move forward to create a happy and fulfilling life.
The Lovefraud authors will be taking a break for the holidays, and will resume posting after the New Year. We wish all of you a healthy, safe and Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, blessed solstice, or whatever you celebrate, and a wonderful New Year!
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Polly: LOVE the complex NLP exercise!!! LOL. I do make SOME headway with, ‘STOP….but it doesn’t always work. I’ll give ‘shut the fuck up’ a try.
thank you for this incantation, this spell of good wishes and wisdom.
head bowed and smiling,
one step.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
thanka Polly – this one had me laughing aloud the other night:
cakewrecks.blogspot.com/
one/joy_step_at_a_time
( i used to cook professionally and my best friends here are in pastry)
pollyannanomore
Oh I LOVE that site – cake wrecks – it makes me soooo hungry though! I have heaps of respect for those who can pull off more than one! Could this possibly be a way to make you some money? Not necessarily wedding cakes, but what about birthday ones and other special occasions … or could you teach others? Might be worth thinking about some more … people are really into those cookie bouquet classes and cupcake decoration. You might also like Craft Fail – it’s hilarious and so much up my alley. I always take on stupid projects and make a hash of them so I am glad to see there are others like me out there!
That phrase should be repeated over and over till the thoughts stop – like a mantra really! He has some amazing things – wish I was rich and could buy more of his cds.
Glad to see you’re having a laugh One Step – looks like telling the lousy thoughts to eff off worked!
recovering
To my virtual support group at Lovefraud:
For the New Year, here’s something with plain feel-good stuff — just a simple video with joyful high-schoolers jamming to Hall and Oates’ “You Make My Dreams Come True”
http://www.youtube.com/Shorewood Lip Dub
Enjoyable!
Best wishes to all for ongoing healing and making your dreams come true in 2010.
Ox Drover
Hey, Gang, I have made some chocolate cakes that looked like FROSTED COW PIES, does that count as a “cake-wreck?”
Stargazer
What a coincidence. I am craving chocolate cake. I’d eat the frosted cow pies! I’m guessing you cooked them in your skillet!
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Oxdrover: Cake wrecks has a WHOLE section of ‘pooh’; cow pies would be the best!
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Pollyannanomore: THANK-YOU for using your entrepreneurial mind for my benefit!
I am NOT a pastry person, and if my hands were okay to do that sort of stuff, I’d still have my own business.
You reminded me though – when i was still cooking I was looking at ways to divirsify; one of our local grocery stores has a cooking kitchen that they rent out for classes and i had a couple i wanted to teach to kids. This was fist on my list – and maybe someday i’ll get to do it: http://people.tribe.net/toto/blog/468b4d6b-adee-4e66-bdf2-fb3c17a689e3
(as a diehard cat lover, I would, however have to pull back a bit on the tootsie rolls – i mean, that’s just GROSS!! LOL)
pollyannanomore
Oh I wish we had a closed forum where we could safely share pictures and things – Oxy I would love to see your cow cakes … and I bet they taste fantastic!
One Step – that is gross! I take it the ‘poos’ are tootsie rolls – I remember them from the Shirley Temple song On the Good Ship Lollipop 🙂 What are they? We don’t get them here yet they’re famous around the world. A kids cooking class would be very cool and I bet you’d have a lot of takers! I have often wondered about cooking classes for men too – there are literally thousands who find when getting divorced they can’t feed themselves. I bet it would be popular – just basic good and simple foods. Have a think … something good is going to come up for you – I feel it in the air 🙂
My book just arrived in the mail Stalking the SOul and it looks amazing – so I might just have to have a little read:)
Hugs to you all – hope the sun is shining where you are