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Grooming a new generation of victims

Yesterday I attended a family celebration in honor of my little niece’s First Holy Communion. The guest of honor, my niece, is in the second grade and is a beautiful, vibrant child—blond hair, blue eyes with a sprinkle of freckles across her nose. In her white Communion dress, she looked like a little angel.

It was a sunny day and a pleasant get-together. Most of the guests had left when my niece and her friend, another little girl, wanted to put on a “show” for those of us who remained. We, of course, agreed to be the audience.

With a video clip from the Internet providing the music, the girls sang and danced to the song Beggin’ On Your Knees by Victoria Justice.

I was horrified.

Victoria Justice

Victoria Justice is 18 years old. She has been performing since the age of 10, and has acted in several TV shows on Nickelodeon. Without a doubt, she is a beautiful, talented singer and dancer. But she is also selling sex to little girls.

Here’s the video of Beggin’ On Your Knees.

The video is slick, obviously packaged by entertainment executives and corporate bigwigs to appeal to tweens—and younger. It’s set on a seaside amusement pier, with the actors playing arcade games and going on rides. The performers, of course, represent a nice multicultural mix—I’m sure the money men don’t want to miss any marketing opportunities.

So Victoria Justice sings about her relationship with some guy, and how he cheats on her. The chorus goes like this:

and One day i’ll have you begging on your knees for me
yeah, One day i’ll have you crawling like a centipede
You mess with me?
And mess with her!
So I’ll make sure you get what you deserve
yeah, One day you’ll be begging on your knees for me

So my little niece, who a few hours earlier was angelic in her white Communion dress, was shaking her body and crawling on the floor as she sang along to Beggin’ On Your Knees.

She, of course, had no idea what the words meant. But the messages are there for anyone to see: Girls achieve success by attracting good-looking boyfriends. Good-looking boyfriends cheat on their girlfriends. When cheating happens, girls take revenge.

Gee—when I was my niece’s age, I watched Shirley Temple sing Animal Crackers in My Soup.

Cheerleaders

This isn’t the first time I was struck by the blatant sexual messages being communicated to young girls. A few months ago, friends were in Atlantic City to watch their daughter perform in a big cheerleading competition. They invited my husband and I to join them.

This girl is a senior in high school and has been cheerleading since she was young. Approximately 3,000 girls were participating in this competition, ranging from high school age to girls my niece’s age—or younger.

As I walked around Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City, I could not believe my eyes. All of the girls, down to the youngest ones, were parading around in cheerleading costumes that featured off-the-shoulder tops, bare midriffs and extremely short skirts. They all wore heavy make-up.  They were all being taught to strut, show what they’ve got, and smile.

Abusive dating

I, in the meantime, am preparing to talk to another group of high school students about Sociopaths and Abusive Dating Relationships.

Part of my message is that sociopaths use sex to trap their victims. If you’re lonely, you are vulnerable. And when you have sex, you form a psychological bond that makes it difficult to get away if the person turns out to be an abuser. This is how domestic violence starts.

Yet according to the constant bombardment of messages directed towards young girls, their success depends on how sexy they are, and whether they can attract a hot boyfriend. Any girl without a boyfriend, therefore, will feel lonely, and will be vulnerable to the abuse of a sociopath.

So how do I compete with overwhelming, lifelong marketing? How do I tell these high school students that sex may get them in trouble when they’ve been fed a steady diet of “sex sells” since they were little kids?

Girls are being brainwashed by marketers out to make a buck. I don’t even know how parents can protect their kids from the onslaught—they’d have to raise their daughters in a cocoon. As a result, so many little girls are probably ripe to become the next generation of victims of sociopaths.

 


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Wow, Oxy, I think the, “love Mama” would have screwed me up for a little while.
Toward the end of my relationship with Spath, I would feel nothing but anger and contempt when he told me he loved me. One time He said it about 3 times, trying to force me to respond I love you, too. I never did say it. How can someone think it’s okay to try to forse you into a loving response when you’re seething with anger. That IS ONE OF MY BIGGEST ISSUES. AND ONE OF MY BIGGEST TRIGGERS.

Oxy,
agreed with Kim, “love Mama” would have sent me spinning. Yes, I’m THAT easy when it comes to my family. Not with the spath, but with the family…OMG, a phrase like that is like a dagger in my heart.

That’s why I avoid them. I wish I could be a “spathinator” when it comes to them, but I’m just not there yet and don’t really know how to be “there”.

In the book I’m reading, The Happiness Trap, it says that it’s a mistake to avoid pain and uncomfortable situtations. You’re supposed to “observe your pain, and make room for it.” By doing this, (making room) you relieve the stress of STUFFING IT DOWN AND COMPRESSING IT. Its a bit like CBT, where you expose yourself to phobias until you finally get used to it, but in this case, you expose yourself to your own emotions until they stop bothering you so much. I’ve gotten better, but only like 10%, the other 90% is still FREAKING ME OUT.

Well, not sure why it didn’t bother me but it didn’t. When I e mail her I don’t say “dear mama,” or even “mama” I just get right to the meat of the message, “I got a call yesterday from …” and then I end it with “I’ think X about this and just wanted to run it by you. Let me know what you thinnk.” No “oxy” or Love oxy or anything else, just END IT

Son C’s e mail to her telling her to forget trying to find out where he lives etc started off “Mrs. ____ ” (her last name) and signed it with his full name. LIke you would write to a stranger.

I just realize finally, emotionally not just logically realize, that she really “doesn’t get it” that we are NC FOREVER and she thinks that at some point I will “break down” and we will kiss and “make up” like we have in the past after periods of “not speaking” and you know, she and I have had several months long periods of not speaking…and I had put them out of my mind like they never happened and now, looking back on them, they were always over SERIOUS boundary violations on her part, like when she took in P-son against my wishes when I was going to have him arrested for breaking my ribs when he was 15….and so on….and several other times, in fact a couple of times I had completely “forgotten” about….can we say “repressed?” LOL But this time is different. I do not WANT any relationship with her because I know that there is NO respect for me on her part. Never has been, no honoring of boundaries and it has always been about HER CONTROL of me…even thought control. I can’t change that. She doesn’t want to change that and it is something I am,I think, truly coming to ACCEPTANCE OF…like the final stage of the grief process.

It is like the psychopaths, they SAY the word “love” but they have no idea how to treat a person to demonstrate LOVE.

Love is a VERB, it is an ACTION VERB, and we demonstrate our love by how we TREAT someone. Love is not just a “squishy” feeling. My egg donor has DEMONSTRATED to me how much she “loves” me by how she has treated me, not just as a child, but as an adult…she has lied about me, lied to me, enabled the man who tried to kill me, deliberately spread shait about me to the community and individuals and wants me to “pretend none of this happened.” Nah, I know how much she “loves” me—and “frankly, Scarlett, I don’t give a damn.” There just comes a point when you love someone and try to please them and try to please them and can’t ever succeed that you quit trying…you quit caring. I think I have come to that point with the egg donor. I’m reaching the nirvana of “don’t give a sheet” what she does or thinks about me.

Oxy,
my BF went NC with his mom for about 10 years, many years before she died. He didn’t tell her off, he just stopped calling her, gradually until there was a 10 year gap of not calling. (because all he got was abuse when he did call.)

During that time, he heard thru the grapevine that she was telling everyone of her friends that “my son is dead”.

She was a flaming N, therefore in her mind, she could not conceive of her son NOT calling her. In her mind, there was really no conceivable reason her son would not call her. Of course she never called him, she didn’t try to find out HOW he died or where he was buried. Nope, just pronounced him DEAD.

I wonder when your egg-donor will finally pronounce you dead? And if she sees you after that, will she tell people she saw the ghost of Oxy? or that she recieved an email from “beyond”?

Nah, she knows I’m not dead, and her friends see me from time to time so I don’t think she will try that. LOL I can imagine your BF’s N mom doing that though….

My egg donor has pronounced me “crazy” and “mentally ill” and all that, but oh, well whatever rings her chimes. I’m just going about my business as usual and what she does or says doesn’t mean much.

I’ll be leaving on Thursday to go stay with my cousin, whose husband I think is dying and their RN daughter has to be gone for a few days. This cousin is my P-sperm donor’s first cousin, and she has been a “mother” to me in many many ways, and a support and a comfort to me. Her mother was also a comfort and a support to me and I feel really close to this branch of my P sperm donor’s family. So I want to be there for them if I can possibly be.

Son D is leaving for scout camp in a few days but I’ve made arrangements for the duckies and the duckies to be hatched this weekend, so things are taken care of so I can be gone for a few days at least.

One/joy and Oxy.

Thank you so much for the advice about my fiance, the spath ex-wife, and the kids. No need to worry about offending me or sounding negative – your comments were a great wake up call.

I do need to think about me – and what I’m getting myself into; and what responsibilities are mine vs what are the responsibilities of my fiance.

I don’t live with him yet. I do have time to think… and to raise the right issues with him before I commit any further.

Thanks again! and great idea about ‘family wizard’. I’ve seen it mentioned here before and it seems genius. I’m in Australia though and I haven’t heard of an equivalent system here.

I’m off to ponder. and to read more.

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