Yesterday I attended a family celebration in honor of my little niece’s First Holy Communion. The guest of honor, my niece, is in the second grade and is a beautiful, vibrant child—blond hair, blue eyes with a sprinkle of freckles across her nose. In her white Communion dress, she looked like a little angel.
It was a sunny day and a pleasant get-together. Most of the guests had left when my niece and her friend, another little girl, wanted to put on a “show” for those of us who remained. We, of course, agreed to be the audience.
With a video clip from the Internet providing the music, the girls sang and danced to the song Beggin’ On Your Knees by Victoria Justice.
I was horrified.
Victoria Justice
Victoria Justice is 18 years old. She has been performing since the age of 10, and has acted in several TV shows on Nickelodeon. Without a doubt, she is a beautiful, talented singer and dancer. But she is also selling sex to little girls.
Here’s the video of Beggin’ On Your Knees.
The video is slick, obviously packaged by entertainment executives and corporate bigwigs to appeal to tweens—and younger. It’s set on a seaside amusement pier, with the actors playing arcade games and going on rides. The performers, of course, represent a nice multicultural mix—I’m sure the money men don’t want to miss any marketing opportunities.
So Victoria Justice sings about her relationship with some guy, and how he cheats on her. The chorus goes like this:
and One day i’ll have you begging on your knees for me
yeah, One day i’ll have you crawling like a centipede
You mess with me?
And mess with her!
So I’ll make sure you get what you deserve
yeah, One day you’ll be begging on your knees for me
So my little niece, who a few hours earlier was angelic in her white Communion dress, was shaking her body and crawling on the floor as she sang along to Beggin’ On Your Knees.
She, of course, had no idea what the words meant. But the messages are there for anyone to see: Girls achieve success by attracting good-looking boyfriends. Good-looking boyfriends cheat on their girlfriends. When cheating happens, girls take revenge.
Gee—when I was my niece’s age, I watched Shirley Temple sing Animal Crackers in My Soup.
Cheerleaders
This isn’t the first time I was struck by the blatant sexual messages being communicated to young girls. A few months ago, friends were in Atlantic City to watch their daughter perform in a big cheerleading competition. They invited my husband and I to join them.
This girl is a senior in high school and has been cheerleading since she was young. Approximately 3,000 girls were participating in this competition, ranging from high school age to girls my niece’s age—or younger.
As I walked around Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City, I could not believe my eyes. All of the girls, down to the youngest ones, were parading around in cheerleading costumes that featured off-the-shoulder tops, bare midriffs and extremely short skirts. They all wore heavy make-up. They were all being taught to strut, show what they’ve got, and smile.
Abusive dating
I, in the meantime, am preparing to talk to another group of high school students about Sociopaths and Abusive Dating Relationships.
Part of my message is that sociopaths use sex to trap their victims. If you’re lonely, you are vulnerable. And when you have sex, you form a psychological bond that makes it difficult to get away if the person turns out to be an abuser. This is how domestic violence starts.
Yet according to the constant bombardment of messages directed towards young girls, their success depends on how sexy they are, and whether they can attract a hot boyfriend. Any girl without a boyfriend, therefore, will feel lonely, and will be vulnerable to the abuse of a sociopath.
So how do I compete with overwhelming, lifelong marketing? How do I tell these high school students that sex may get them in trouble when they’ve been fed a steady diet of “sex sells” since they were little kids?
Girls are being brainwashed by marketers out to make a buck. I don’t even know how parents can protect their kids from the onslaught—they’d have to raise their daughters in a cocoon. As a result, so many little girls are probably ripe to become the next generation of victims of sociopaths.
Yes Ayelah,
Even the frog turns into a prince. My frog sure didn’t. It was more like the prince turning out to be a frog. But little mermaid is one of those tales of real life tragedy. It is very educational imo. It tells the tale of what happens if you want to change yourself in order to be with a man, for no other reason than that he’s attractive. Of course, most of Anderson’s tales come with a sting and tragedy.
Little Red Riding Hood though is not about being beautiful and sexy. It explicitly tries to warn against the wolf. Red capes were a typical dressmode for inexperienced teen girls that were about to come out into society, and might be preyed upon for sex by money and sex lusting guys.
Sleeping beauty can be seen from a mysoginic point of view: a woman in that tale is portrayed as neurotic and wanting to ward off the men (the thorns around the castle). The men then have to override the neurotic self-protection and rape her (in the oldest versions, sleeping beauty is not just kissed, but raped).
Snowwhite has a similar mind: she hides away from discovery of possible evil and ends up poisoned, and only a man can overcome it supposedly.
Another great article Donna, and wonderful comments so far.
I feel for anyone bringing up children in this day and age. I fear we’ve collectively allowed the spaths amongst us to take over our entire culture. And I believe it’s abusive to everyone involved which is, I believe, the whole point: to foster and celebrate abusive behaviours and exploitation in order to create a morally bankrupt society.
Below is an excellent article I ran across, which shows another aspect of this that rarely gets talked about – that children of abusive parents are almost invariably “groomed”, but they are frequently as liable to be groomed as criminals as they are to be groomed as victims.
http://whatprivilege.com/how-the-golden-child-upbringing-is-abusive/
Annie,
wow! thanks for that link. It succinctly zeroed in on the “golden child” version of abuse which so many narcissists do.
Edit:
such a great link with so many GREAT articles. Thank again Annie.
In looking back at some family dynamics in some families I know well, where the parents were VERY abusive, it is interesting to see that some do turn out just like their Parent, and others turn out to be victims…..few seem to turn out “normal” unless they CONSCIOUSLY work on leaving their victim status and becoming fully functioning people.
Many of the “victims” marry abusers, lead chaotic lives, or even become co-abusers with their abuser spouses….their children grow up in chaos as they did, and the cycles continue…some abusers and some victims in each generation.
The criminal or semi-criminal aspect of many of these families, the, at best, irresponsibility inherent in the life style of producing many children, often at a young age for the parent, inability to independently provide for these children financially, much less emotionally or spiritually, frequent changes of partners, violence and emotional abuse witnessed by the children from birth…little or no chance for success in school for the children, and almost no chance to rise out of poverty created by the irresponsibility modeled for them by the family….exposure to early sex and drugs, media hype creating desires for things they can never afford…fancy cars, cool clothes…and people wonder what is taking over our society/culture or why our kids graduate from high school unable to read, or why they have no real concept of history, geography, our a work ethic.
Who is idolized by our youth? People like Michael Jackson, (a pedophile who could sing) Mel Gibson (an abusive man), Paris Hilton, a beautiful woman whose only claim to fame is being born rich and beautiful, O. J. Simpson and Michael Vick—strong men who can throw a ball but are violent and dangerous to others, and I could go on with the list.
Our political “leaders” such as John Edwards, Bill Clinton, Jim McGreevey, and Blaggo, who have the moral compasses of alley cats—and I could go on with that list as well.
Men and women of “faith” who are pedophiles and their bosses who cover up for them, pass them on to a new group of people to abuse…Churches who allow this (not only the Catholic church but others as well).
What happens to a culture, to a nation when the morals of that country break down, when cheating, lying, become “normal”? I think the same thing happens to a country that happens to a family in such a situation. Look at Mexico now…dangerous to try to stand up for justice, law and order…dangerous to NOT participate in the drug/money culture.
There are areas of our country that seem to be going that direction with violence…and the violence seeping into more and more “mainstream” neighborhoods—and the next generation being taught “macho” is good, “sexy” is where it’s at and just “shake your booty”—it is sad. Fortunately there are those who are working against this, pushing back the tide of abuse, but sometimes it does feel like you are pithing into the wind to do so, or trying to move mountains with only a spoon, not even a shovel.
Keeping motivated to keep on digging, even with our spoons though, to reach one person at a time if that is the only way to do it, we can’t give up.
Darwinsmom,
Yes, thank you for pointing out some of the variations in the fairy tale themes like “little red riding hood”….ultimtely like in this fairy tale, little red riding hood is the “good girl” taking food to her grandmother and risking her safety going into the woods. She encounters the “big bad wolf” in BED and she questions his identity, there are different variations on the ending including her getting rescued by the woodsmen who hear her screams.
There ere are variations on fairy tale endings, but typically they compromise the female to be nurtutring, submissive, good, loving, giving and try to change themselves or the frog or big bad wolf for the better. Ultimately they all pose the woman as the responsible one for her relationship with the male.
In the case of dealing with S/P/N, you are right….they start out being “prince charming” only to turn into FROGS. But, we end up in the ARCHETYPAL FEMALE CHARACTER, responsible for turning that frog around back to being a prince.
Thanks Skylar. I found that site through a link to my favourite article of her’s (so far): “How Not to Raise a Rapist”. Very powerful articles, and so true. Thanks for your link to the epigenetics article on the other thread, btw!
Oxy, I’ve been saying the same thing for years, that you almost always come out as either the next generation of victim or the next generation of perpetrator (although there is a third ‘opt-out’ category which is completely insane – and can sometimes be a mix of the two). It takes some *serious* outside intervention to break that cycle. BUT THAT CYCLE CAN BE BROKEN!!!!!
Oxy,
You are absolutely right. We have become a culture void in morals and consumed in the drama of cheater, liers, violence and chaos
This is “PAX AMERICANA” ….we are headed in the same direction as that of the fall of the Roman Empire!
Oxy, re: your point about this feeling like moving mountains with only a spoon. Have you read “The Tipping Point” by Malcolm Gladwell? He compares the behavioural characteristics of societal trends to epidemics, and says that there are three main ‘factors’ involved that all need to be ‘just so’ in order for an idea to ‘take off’ (i.e. become trendy): a ‘sticky idea’, an effective carrier, and a conducive environment. But he also talks about how those trends can (sometimes quite simply if not easily) be interrupted by countermanding one of the three ‘legs’. I think a large part of our problem is that unethical behaviour has becoming ‘trendy’ in today’s society.
I think interrupting that cycle is what Donna is doing through her school outreach program – it’s making the environment less conducive to spread the disease of exploitation and abuse. And I see signs everywhere that society has had just about enough, and is ready to turn around things around. So perhaps, here’s hoping, that mountain is less of a real mountain and more of an insufficiently supported illusion of a mountain? Perhaps a few good well-placed kicks to its supports (e.g. Hollywood and the Gaming industry) might be enough to bring it down a bit?
Skylar,
I’m glad you ‘get it’ about the whole golden child thing. Most people either refuse to consider/accept that concept or haven’t thought about it at all. I think that concept is one of the keys to interrupting the whole cycle of abuse. You sound like you’re another person with an ‘inner geek’ like me – someone who goes digging deep into seemingly obscure sources to look for bigger truths. Note: for all those who think calling some a geek is an insult, I say that with only affection and admiration.
Because of my own family background, and as a result of some of the coverage around the Russell Williams case (which I read from an entirely different perspective than most) I started to take a look at the background of rapists and serial killers. And what I found, frankly, shocked and appalled me. And it wasn’t the rapists and serial killers themselves that shocked me (the crimes they do are obvious and well-documented). What shocked and appalled me was that the version of the ‘truth’ about that type of criminal as I’d been led to understand it by the media and the HUGE industries of ‘victim’ services, social workers, mental health professionals, justice system professionals, etc… is pretty much the 180 degree inverse of the actual truth. For instance, as the “How not to raise a rapist” article illustrates, rape is a learned behaviour; rapists are trained by various exposures that could be controlled &/or that training interupted or countered..
What appalls me the most is that these professionals either know, or should know, what goes into creating the vast majority of these criminals, with the possible exception of the most genetically pre-disposed, and yet seem to remain deaf, blind and dumb. On a technical forum I follow there was a recent discussion about how ‘rent-seeking’ behaviour corrupts any process and dooms the product that process produces. When I look at how narrow and parochial the discussion seems to be about violence in society I have to wonder how much of the professional behavour and opinion which describes/proscribes it, as in the wonderful book Oxy reviewed the other day, is truly altruistic, how much is well-intended but severely misguided, and how much is something else entirely.
I have a comment in regards to teenage boys – they are being taught even worse things because of all the hype about how “sexy” the girls should be.
Mine just turned 16 and I swear to BOB that just within the last year, my little boy that used to have manners and respect has completely disappeared. I’ve heard the way he talks about the girls in his school with his buddies over the phone and I know how he talks to me now.
I’ve sat him down and tried talking to him about respect and he just rolls his eyes at me.
His father and I share custody of him – literally 3.5 days a week for each of us. It was an amicable divorce because his dad just couldn’t seem to find time for his family between working nights and coaching, playing, reffing rugby and I wanted the freedom to be the single mom I already was in the marriage and his dad got his freedom during the week without having to hear “blah blah blah” from me. When I try talking to his Father – he just blows it off as “that’s the way boys are nowadays” (no wonder he never remarried either)
so it’s not just girls, but the boys are losing respect for the women around them. It really makes me sad that I’ve given birth to someone who is just as shallow and could very well be on his way to a Sociopathic life just because of their generation.
(shake my head in shame & pity)