He makes me believe the lies and sucks me into the drama

Spath TalesEditor’s Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts by the name “stronginthecity.”

I am currently in a relationship with a sociopath. I’ve been with him since June 2013. I was with him before. That relationship ended in 2006, leaving me jobless and depressed because he left the relationship abruptly and literally disappeared.

I am a medical professional, so I am the typical target I guess.

He resurfaced last year proclaiming his love for me and how much he missed me — giving three or four reasons, explanations why he left. I kept tabs on him through the years from time to time and found out he was in prison in 2009 for drug charges.

He is a constant liar and manipulator and we had a “chance” meeting in a drugstore parking lot where I had never been before in February 2013.

Again he disappeared then reappeared around May 2013. I saw him drive past my house many times. He never tried to contact me until June of 2013 when he got my phone number from a mutual friend.

I had just started dating again and was on a first date with a man when he called me. The calls were blocked and I didn’t listen to the messages until the next day.

He said that he was at a street festival and “why don’t you answer your phone” and “you should meet me”. I didn’t even know it was him. I had an idea but wasn’t sure.

A few weeks later, exactly the time I was leaving for work, he called again from a blocked number and I answered. It was him telling me he was working in my state, when he was really 2,000 miles away with his wife and children, saying he wanted to meet me for dinner. I agreed to meet him and before I knew it I was in deep again.

He actually did get divorced from his wife, but now the wife has moved to my area and things are again in the crazy stage. I have caught him in numerous lies and am certain he has cheated multiple times but I never actually caught him.

I have been back and forth trying to establish no contact but somehow I always end up back with him as he makes me believe the lies and sucks me into the drama. He loves me. I am the only one yet other women, who he claims are friends call his phone.

I also believe he has made copies of my house keys and comes into my house when I am at work.

He has not held down any steady job since June 2013, thank goodness I am full time employed but he knows my work schedule and keeps tabs on me. He tells me I am crazy when I question the nonsense. He lies about his whereabouts and actually gives me “clues” just to make me jealous. I am at wits end right now as he is trying to wiggle his way back into my life.

The last time I saw him was Halloween weekend, after an argument again about his whereabouts.

I need help to maintain no contact as he is texting me with the, “I’m a good guy story, I miss you” again. Of course we have an incredible sexual relationship and he swears he does not want anyone else, and has not been with another woman since June 2013.

My gut is telling me he is lying and I know I am right.

Unfortunately, I had a setback and saw him last weekend and during this week. Thank goodness he had a trip planned during our no contact and I am glad he is gone as I found myself making life plans with this man again.

He has been on his best behavior since I agreed to see him Saturday night. He spent the night Saturday and Sunday. He went to work Monday and Tuesday night and came over again making me dinner, flowers, my favorite wine and worked on my house. The whole nine yards. He left Thursday morning because he wanted to see his kids that he has not seen in over a year.

I am glad he is there as I need this time to regroup and make sense, crazy sense of this entire situation. I will continue to post and read on your Lovefraud because it’s so helpful to me. I know that I need to stay away from this man ”¦ he was talking about getting married again. He said lets write up a prenup and get married because he loves me, blah blah blah.


I left him alone in my home again. I need to end this once and for all.


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2124 Comments on "He makes me believe the lies and sucks me into the drama"

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I read your post last night and have been thinking about you today.
Reading your post brought up a lot of emotions about everything we have all been working on and trying to learn and grow but when it comes to your work, your livelihood, your paycheck dammit..
This situation is stinking bad, I can’t even imagine what you are thinking and feeling.
It sounds as if you have done everything right and now you are being told to look the other way and he gets to stay?
How familiar does this sound?
Having the others on your side and them willing to talk is a great thing.
Stay strong and whatever decision you make we all unfortunately know these types are everywhere and now that we have so much knowledge its incredibly easy to spot.
He may end up winning, meaning he will be able to keep his job (which is downright ridiculous) it sounds as if your employer is afraid of a lawsuit on his part somehow.
My prayers are with you as this situation unfolds.
It is what it will be and it is not your fault.
Please hang in there.
We are here for you.

Thanks Strong,

This situation is freaking bad! Now I’m just playing the waiting game. I’m preparing for the worst kind of backlash. You’re right, it is very different in this situation considering how much it’s affecting my lively hood and a job I love.

I definitely need to find another job. I’m feeling good about it though. I have a very good reputation city wide, beyond my workplace. So many people have expressed how valued I am and are already putting my name out there. 🙂

Funny thing is, through all of this I’ve managed to stay fairly positive. Scared but positive. He may end up staying. Regardless, I need to move forward and believe I’ll be okay. I’ve put a lot of faith in God.

I’m taking this as a sign. A few years ago my bosses bullied me. Now it’s happening again, but on a much higher level. When I’ve been in relationships with spaths I’ve been given the same signs and chose to ignore them. If this is a sign and I ignore it and stay, how bad might it be next time?

I’m my experiences, when I’ve been given these hard decisions and trust in myself all turns out okay. I just pray he isn’t allowed to hurt more people. It actually goes beyond women but I’m not comfortable sharing more than that on here.

Our society is disappointing me tremendously. We need to start educating people more. Until then, I continue to offer my love and support to those I come across in hopes it really does just take one person who makes a difference at a time.

I wanted to check in and say hello.
I have been thinking about you and everything that is going on right now.
I am here!

Complex post traumatic stress disorder website–

Wanted to share.

Hugs to all!

HIV positive man in prison for knowingly infecting girlfriend and 4 others.

Hello Love fraud friends!
Wow it’s been awhile since I have been here.
Lots has happened and wanted to give a follow up to those who posted on my story from 2014.
I stayed no contact for 2 years after getting the order of protection.
It’s actually still in effect.
I had a recent hoovering from the narrsasist and actually saw him in my city.
He had moved away to another state and was here doing..I’m not really sure but he was here.
I had no desire to see him or talk to him after all the work I did in these past years.
I heard from others that he was here to see me and I really didn’t care.
I am remaining true to my name of stronginthecity because I am.
This has been a tailspin for me knowing he was here but all I had to do was read my story here on Love fraud along with my journal that I keep when I am feeling funky.
This has helped keep me grounded and focused.

Hi Love fraud family!
I am posting on my original story from 3 years ago.
I just wanted to say hello to anyone that is still here.
So much has happened since the original post ..some good and some not that good but overall doing ok.
I would love to hear how every wonderful person who helped me through the nightmare that changed my life.
Please say hi!

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