Editor’s Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts by the name “stronginthecity.”
I am currently in a relationship with a sociopath. I’ve been with him since June 2013. I was with him before. That relationship ended in 2006, leaving me jobless and depressed because he left the relationship abruptly and literally disappeared.
I am a medical professional, so I am the typical target I guess.
He resurfaced last year proclaiming his love for me and how much he missed me — giving three or four reasons, explanations why he left. I kept tabs on him through the years from time to time and found out he was in prison in 2009 for drug charges.
He is a constant liar and manipulator and we had a “chance” meeting in a drugstore parking lot where I had never been before in February 2013.
Again he disappeared then reappeared around May 2013. I saw him drive past my house many times. He never tried to contact me until June of 2013 when he got my phone number from a mutual friend.
I had just started dating again and was on a first date with a man when he called me. The calls were blocked and I didn’t listen to the messages until the next day.
He said that he was at a street festival and “why don’t you answer your phone” and “you should meet me”. I didn’t even know it was him. I had an idea but wasn’t sure.
A few weeks later, exactly the time I was leaving for work, he called again from a blocked number and I answered. It was him telling me he was working in my state, when he was really 2,000 miles away with his wife and children, saying he wanted to meet me for dinner. I agreed to meet him and before I knew it I was in deep again.
He actually did get divorced from his wife, but now the wife has moved to my area and things are again in the crazy stage. I have caught him in numerous lies and am certain he has cheated multiple times but I never actually caught him.
I have been back and forth trying to establish no contact but somehow I always end up back with him as he makes me believe the lies and sucks me into the drama. He loves me. I am the only one yet other women, who he claims are friends call his phone.
I also believe he has made copies of my house keys and comes into my house when I am at work.
He has not held down any steady job since June 2013, thank goodness I am full time employed but he knows my work schedule and keeps tabs on me. He tells me I am crazy when I question the nonsense. He lies about his whereabouts and actually gives me “clues” just to make me jealous. I am at wits end right now as he is trying to wiggle his way back into my life.
The last time I saw him was Halloween weekend, after an argument again about his whereabouts.
I need help to maintain no contact as he is texting me with the, “I’m a good guy story, I miss you” again. Of course we have an incredible sexual relationship and he swears he does not want anyone else, and has not been with another woman since June 2013.
My gut is telling me he is lying and I know I am right.
Unfortunately, I had a setback and saw him last weekend and during this week. Thank goodness he had a trip planned during our no contact and I am glad he is gone as I found myself making life plans with this man again.
He has been on his best behavior since I agreed to see him Saturday night. He spent the night Saturday and Sunday. He went to work Monday and Tuesday night and came over again making me dinner, flowers, my favorite wine and worked on my house. The whole nine yards. He left Thursday morning because he wanted to see his kids that he has not seen in over a year.
I am glad he is there as I need this time to regroup and make sense, crazy sense of this entire situation. I will continue to post and read on your Lovefraud because it’s so helpful to me. I know that I need to stay away from this man ”¦ he was talking about getting married again. He said lets write up a prenup and get married because he loves me, blah blah blah.
I DON’T TRUST HIM.
I left him alone in my home again. I need to end this once and for all.
stronginthecity,
Wow what a scary nightmare you are enduring, Hugs to you!! You are at the right place for support and guidance. The most important thing to know is you are not alone…sociopaths isolate their victims so keep reaching out for help not only here at Lovefraud but also your local domestic abuse center and the National domestic violence hotline in the USA the number is 800-799-SAFE 24/7 365 days a year. If you are not in the USA then just google National domestic violence hotline for your countries number. Do not tell him you talk to a domestic abuse counselor or about lovefraud but tell your trusted friends and family. This is for your safety.
Your post is very scary and you are in danger with this guy. The fact that you state “I also believe he has made copies of my house keys and comes into my house when I am at work” that he calls you and knows where you are and knows when you leave work send the hair on the back of my neck straight up. His behavior is down right SCARY and he is a stalker.
Is it possible that he is tracking you with gps via your phone? Most phone companies these days have a gps phone tracking program that is about $5 per month if you set it up via your phone account over the net. The original purpose of the phone companies offering this gps tracking was for parents to track their kids. I dont think it is at all coincidental that he is showing up where you are not with a sociopath. Call your phone company to see if this gps tracking program has been set up on your phone and if this is the case call the police asap and get a restraining order. Or maybe he is tracking you by a car gps tracking device he has placed on your car? Or has in installed a gps tracking app on your phone?
I would also suggest you get a copy of his divorce papers through the court his wife filed because his ex wife clearly had enough of his sociopathic behavior to divorce him so she might have listed info in the divorce court paper about his behavior that will help you see more into his sociopathic behavior which will open your mind up from all of his brain washing he has done with his pathological lying.
Breaking the emotional bond a sociopath has created with his lies and love bombing is not easy. The No contact rule IS the ONLY way though to get them out of your life and to have a peaceful and calm life. Following the no contact rule is not easy but it is essential. The best advise on following the No contact rule is to read, read, read everything you can get your hands on about sociopathic behavior and related it to his behavior. When you are sad read, when you are angry with him read, when he does something that scares you read…read everything every time he does something. Also Donna Andrrson of Lovefraud has a life couch service where to can talk with her one on one she can help guide you to open up your mind.
Remember the sociopath literally mind control and brain wash their victims YES this guy is brain washing and mind controlling you with his words EXACTLY like a cult leader does to his follower so you must block him and deprogram you mind from his brain washing. This is why it is important to keep reading and educating yourself on his behavior. When you feel the urge to call him come to lovefraud and read, read, read until you no longer have that urge to contact him.
Clearly phone blocking him is not working he calls with a blocked number so you need to literally change your phone number and make sure you only give your new number to your most trusted friends/family and tell them what is going on and not to ever give him your new phone number. Change your email account too and close your old one.
As for your home safety…change you locks immediately! You can go to a big hardware store and get new locks and install them yourself or with a help of a friend/family member or bring your locks tumblers to a lock store to change them for others verse paying a high price for a lock smith to come to your home and change them.
Also install a none hardwire security system asap…if you are in the USA stores like Homedepot and Lowes have inexpensive security systems that use batteries vs hardwiring them. See their websites on their security systems they run about $15 per door or $100 for a full system. But in your case it might be wise to pay a month security service to install a security system that way they call the home if the alarm goes off you can advise them that only you should be answering the phone no males in the home. Do not tell this guy you are installing a security system for your safely he may talk you out of it or break the security system. Plus give your neighbors his car and license description and asks them to cal the police if they see his care in your neighborhood.
ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS Follow your gut!! Your gut is screaming this sociopath is a very bad person listen to your gut it will never steer you in the wrong direction. Google “Oprah Gavin Debecker you tube” to listen to their interview on following your gut. Gavin Debecker is the author of “Gift of Fear…a must read book for every woman on this planet.
Other books to read to open your mind up from his brain washing/mind control:
Lovefraud by Donna Anderson (plus her other books see the list on this site)
The sociopath next door by Dr Martha Stout (this one you can listen to the audio version for free on you tube)
Woman who love psychopaths by Sandra Brown (must read)
Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft
others sites: Psychopathyawareness. wordpress, psychopathfree, after narcissist abuse.
YOU can break free from this sociopath you just have to work hard at the no contact rule.
Wishing you all the best!
Thank you for your response…
I have read it and all of the others several times already and am literally sick to my stomach as I have been trying to make sense all of of this while he is away.
His ex wife does have a restraining order written into the divorce papers.
He is coming back to town tomorrow…I made plans to see him. It’s Christmas and of course he needs to be with me.
I really do not want to see him…he talked me into it. I still have time to back out.
He is very good at convincing me that he has changed…I know he has not.
I was hoping he would stay in the state where his children are…far far away.
Thank you again Jan7, I refer to this reply pretty much every weekend.
It has been a life saver to me.
I am still recovering but spending a lot of time alone and don’t know if this is good or bad.
I’m doing what my heart tells me, and that is to be alone right now.
I’m trusting my heart now and forever.
I wish I had done that before.
I always told him my intuition was telling me that he was lying to me..he would tell me that my woman’s intuition is broken..clearly it’s not.
Jan7,
Can you please reach out to kittylover?
She posted a comment today, last in this this thread.
She took her spath back and let him move in.
She got a pocket dialed call aka butt dialed call from him while he was in bed with another woman professing his love for her.
My heart is breaking right now.
Stronginthecity
Stronginthecity, yes, thank you for looking out for kittylover. So much strength & support for all of us here…what the sociopaths do not count on is all the victims joining forces to lift each other up!
Jan7,
Thanks for the quick reply. My heart is breaking and I am downright pissed off right now.
I made a bad decision this week and saw my expath when I was vulnerable and feeling terrible about the passing of my daughters grandmother.
Of coarse he agreed to see me. We had lunch and took a walk…talked about everything and was on his best spath behavior.
It did not take long for me to see the crazy happening before my eyes. Yes, he spent the night, I went to work he went home..to sleep no doubt. I had dinner with him Thursday and he tried to start again making plans for our future…he has it all planned out.
Since he is enjoying his SSI payments and has no intention of working, apartment lease up in June..the new plan is to move back to the state where his kids and the rest of his family live and buy a house there..and now he wants me to come with him.
I should rent my house here and move down there with him and he will take care of me. ok….BIG EYE ROLL.
I could not sleep last night, he was not here. I never have trouble sleeping..my mind was racing out of control.
We had not seen each other in 3 months and he just thinks that he can just roll right into my life again. NO! Not going to happen.
The reason I couldn’t sleep was sub conscious telling me RUN, do not even listen to a word of his lying nonsense.
I have not come this far to throw it all away for a broke down, broke ass manipulating liar.
Seeing him for me was good. All these months of missing him…missing what.
A man that crumbled me up like a piece of trash and just threw me away years ago.
I took him back before because I was not educated but now I am and I feel much stronger.
Stronginthecity, you have been through so much these last few months the good news is you know you are vulnerable and you also see right through his con game. That is progress! Day one NO contact starts today 😉 again (it’s ok to start over again!)
They are so good at running their con game. When I found out about the 3 women that my ex h was cheating with I served him divorce papers. He sent me a email stating “I thought we were going to work things out”…WHAT!?! there is nothing to work out when he had a two year affair begged me to stay and now is caught cheating with three different women in two different states!!
For me I packed up and drove across country to get away from him. He tried to rope me back in with we “need to talk about the divorce” or “Im injured can you call me”…NOPE I do not want to talk with you!! After 12 years…yes 12 longgggggggggggggggg years I finally with the help of a counselor who told me who he was & sites like lovefraud I was done!! I knew who he was…yes I wanted the “good guy” back the guy that we had “fun together” but the more I read & learned about sociopaths and really truly analyzed our relationship I realized there were no good times, there was no good guy mixed with the evil guy nope he was pure evil every second of the day I was just choosing to turn my head with his manipulation and because I was so exhausted mentally, emotionally & physically that I just wanted some type of peace.
The reality is you never will have peace with a sociopath…nope you jump on the roller coaster ride everyday, every hour every second.
Stronginthecity, take this time to write down his manipulative game he did these last few days and write down how you felt at the end of those days. Then when you have doubt about him pull that sheet of paper out and read what you feel know.
You are going to break away from him for good. You see who he really is and you see why you called him…huge enlightenment…you are breaking free from his grip.
I finally understand the importance of journaling.
Yes I felt like documenting here was enough but no.
You must write it down in the moment when the crazy shit is going down along with how the abuse made you feel.
Word for word what was said including conversation leading up to the crazy behavior.
It was one thing I didn’t do and wish I had.
PS…Keep a journal with dates, times, innocents that occur with this guy and ask a family member to do the same as you will be able to use this info to get a restraining order against him.
stronginthecity,
LF buddie, I’m feeling straight forward tonight and I just wanted to try and save you from becoming depressed again over a man like that….please, Run.
Run!! Run back to the life you had without a sociopath in it, if you don’t mind me sayin’ what you are probably thinking yourself.
He isn’t worth the heartache and emotional roller coaster ride that comes with him.
You, nor I need to support them financially, even if it’s supplying dinner a few nights a week. Who do they think they are? They are adults whether they behave like one or not.
Please don’t go backward in your life’s time-line….He’ll be fine, so don’t worry about him.
Miss the sex? Me too. But he still isn’t worth the risk.
He is trying to trick you and you know it. You know what to look for and why should you have to be looking for crap? Look for peace, and it’s not going to be with him.
I am not only writing this to you, I am doing my best to tell myself the same stuff, and I have to admit that I have been trying to get away and keep him away for 4 years.
I must have broke it off with him fifteen times before. He comes back. I would fall for his pretend niceness. Each time he came back though, we didn’t talk about what broke us up. Well ‘nice’ didn’t last long. Usually only 3 days and then he would start to turn into that moody rude snarky faced grouch on my couch.
For me, this time, it’s been 11 days no contact.
The longest he has stayed away is 31 days.
Eleven days ago, I said the words to him, that I have known for months and months. I didn’t want to say them to his face, because I didn’t want to see his face AND hear his reaction, so I left him a voice mail that I don’t love him anymore (not that he gives a damn) to which he left me the voice mail I anticipated with him blaming me for not loving him anymore because I don’t care, I never tried, I didn’t listen to him, I didn’t respect his opinions, he should have known I didn’t want to be with him…blah blah blah.
I know better, and him throwing blame on me was something I expected. I tried for over 4 years to talk some sense into his sneaky bad self to no avail. He is one of those people that uses diversion and interruption during a conversation, so the original topic of his rotten behavior was lost into oblivion…..and besides it was mostly him talking and then yelling and ranting. Nothing was ever his fault. I’m in some weird semi-breakup shock, but I’ve done the first 30 days of no contact about 6 times already now and it didn’t kill me, so this last one won’t kill me either, lol. I’m going to ignore him if he shows up and rings my doorbell and I’ve blocked his number so he can’t call me. I warned him last time that he better not make any more antagonistic rude snide comments or we were through. I meant it. 11 days ago he made his last rude abusive comment and I asked him to leave.
stronginthecity LF buddie, Let’s run far away and stay away from these demons together,
What are we waiting for?
Peace out,
Jenni
Good for you Jenni, I am guilty of “relapse” several times and I know how hard “no contact” is especially when you become an intense target. Dust yourself off and keep stepping is my motto. You are doing a great thing encouraging others the way you are – Many times I have found the strength to make it through with the kind words of someone here on this forum. Thank you and thank God for Donna who makes a way for us to express our feelings ,vent our frustrations and share our failures/successes.
Amen!
By the way, I have done a personal consultation on the phone with Donna.
Saved my life.
Thank you Donna.
She explained the reason why this break up was so hard, so emotional. Like an addiction.
Hey Jenni,
I tried to respond last night but I was not able to log into the website.
Thank you for your encouraging words, as I do need a buddy that understands.
I love the part of your comment that talks about why should I have to be looking for stuff.
You are right… I am literally drained trying to figure out the lies and double talk.
I do want peace, I will do it. I can do it. We can both do it.
Jenni,
Please tell me how you are doing.
I hope you are ok.
I think about your snarky faced grouch on my couch comment all of the time.
Thank you.
I hope you are ok, I have not seen you post here for awhile.
S
stronginthecity,
Hi 🙂
I couldn’t help but to re-read our posts from last December, and I remember how much I wanted to be able to say something to you that would be like a sort of life-jacket, for you to be able to avoid sinking into the pit of darkness with that ‘evildude’ again, (which also helped me that night, a lot) because I know how easy it is for us to somehow be fooled by him/them. I let myself get fooled one more time after that post 🙁 I have not been doing great, but have been getting through my days. Faking it, but making it.
I was 11 days of NC when I posted in Dec.
I know this may get long…..but it feels nice that a LF buddie is asking me how I am…..
I hope you are doing good and feeling better every day too, my friend. I forgot about the grouch/couch thing, and I laughed when I read it again because he never deviated from that description of him….
I can’t talk to anyone about this. I had been hiding the fact from my family and my best friend, that I was with/without/with/without him for about a year and half. mike knew I wasn’t telling anyone that I was back/not back/back/not back with him, because I straight out told him when he asked why noone knows, that once he gives me something possitive enough to say about the way he treats me compared to what my family and friends already know about his awful treatment of me before, that I might mention to them that were together again, but not before. Even after more than a year, I didn’t tell anyone I was dealing with the guy again. I guess I didn’t want to feel ashamed for getting back together with the monster I told my peeps about and he didn’t give me anything possitive enough for me to convince my peeps that I would be okay with this guy, this time. Oh well.
I’m going to just go ahead and get this all out…… I need to. I am having ptsd kinds of flashbacks that I have to keep fighting off. Sleeping or working is the only time I am not constantly thinking about this evil guy.
After my December posts– I made it 46 days of NC,
before I allowed NC to be broken….. 🙁
On Jan 18th I went down to the river. I pulled into the main entrance. His truck was there. I didn’t plan on staying, now that he was there. I saw that he and his roommate (evil dudette) were getting ready to leave though, so I thought I would just wait in the other parking area until they leave and then drive back over. He ended up seeing me turning around to drive out. I went to the side of the park that can’t be seen from where he was. I waited about 5 minutes thinking he would be gone from the other side by then, and I could go back to where I wanted to be, to use the better walking trail.
But, it wasn’t enough time. Our cars crossed paths as he was leaving and I was re-entering. Dangit, but since he kept driving away…. I just went in and parked. I took a short walk, it got kinda cold, I got back in my car to leave and wouldn’t ya know it, as I was leaving, he had apparently ditched the roommate to come back by himself, and was entering the park as I was leaving.
I passed him, and for some unknown reason, I pulled my car into the little cul-de-sac at the end of the road that goes to the river. I think I just thought that I would be able to see him drive by and just be an observer of his latest attempt to find and trick me, and I must have thought I was safe where I was by the way I had parked my car to be able to drive off if he did stop there too.
I should have just left completely. He had turned around and come back down the exit road, drove his truck up onto the little embankment I had parked next to so he could put his driver side window right next to mine and he said, “Jenni… It’s good to see you” in that voice he makes, that sounds like he really means what he is saying and so smoothly and sweetly.
I talked to him. I broke NC!!!!! We had one beer. We didn’t talk about getting back together. We didn’t talk about why I had kicked him out 46 days earlier. I asked him if he had messed around with any other girl while we were apart. I guess I just expected that he surely would have, with at least one of the girls he is ‘friends’ with that only come around when I am at work. He said no and asked me if I had messed around with any girls either…haha very funny. . An hour later I went home.
I ran into him at the river the next night too. We didn’t plan to meet up. He was just there again. We talked for a couple hours about nothing important and before I knew it, within a week, he was spending the night at my place again and we were acting like we were that same couple we were before. Once again I was slowly getting stressed out with sleep deprivation from his constant nighttime drama, and his making everything I say into some argument, from his triangulation tactics with other girls, from his manipulations and the obvious joy he got out of doing it to me- he even admitted liking to watch me get all worked up over the things he says and the simple answers he withholds when I ask him any effing question!!! – and the scary lack of appetite he was causing me, that was taking me down to 102lbs, from the 116lbs that I was when I met him. It will take me years to get back to my pre-sociopath weight.
I work 8-5, Mon-Fri. He doesn’t have a real job. He rents out his couple of run down houses to his parasite low life friends, who never pay the full rent anyway.
After getting with him again, this time, again, he still wasn’t being forth-coming about his day, his life, his anything, IF I was in for the backlash I would get if I did ask him about it, that is.
Over the years, I slowly learned it wasn’t a good thing to ask him anything if I wanted an answer, and that I had to endure emotional and verbal torture if I did ask him a question. He complained that all I did was work all day and expect answers to my questions to him as if these were both bad things!!!!!!! GRrrrrrrrr that used to make me so mad when he would berate me for expecting an answer to a question, but heaven forbid I don’t answer his questions!!!!!!!!!
He would spend hours telling me that he ‘wants’ to tell me what he did today, but he has some things to say first, which really was his code words for the insults that would follow. Hours and hours hearing him tell me that everyone understands what he is saying except me, and I since I claim to be so smart that I should get just as excited about what he has to say as other people do, and just agree with him even if he is wrong……. and so much more that I don’t want to think about it right now…..but you would think if I were as stupid as he said, that he wouldn’t tell me how I am the ‘best’. WTF.
I kept telling him for years, that I was never gonna stop asking him the normal things a girlfriend asks a boyfriend who has loads of female friends that only come over when she is at work and her boyfriend has a problem with ever mentioning that he has breakfast and lunch with them, and since the girlfriend finds all this out on her own, he made it so that now she wants to know who he is spending his time with and not telling her about, and since he claims that nothing is going on he needs to start calming down and answering me if he did spend time with a ‘friend’, if I ask him! LET ME decide if I LIKE IT OR NOT, but DON’T HIDE and DON’T LIE and DON’T play HEAD GAMES ON ME!!!
I dared him to be honest constantly- from day ONE! He told me more than once that he didn’t think I could handle the truth. WHAT?— When the truth is ALL I ever wanted, and kept telling him so?!!!
I’m not an Effing Hipocrite!! My comeback was usually along the lines of “what does he do that would cause him to think that I couldn’t handle the truth, if he is supposedly not doing anything to hurt me?” hmmmmm? Doesn’t make sense to tell me that, does it mike!?!
…
fast forward…..
By the time Feb 19th came around, he had spent at least the prior 2 weeks being his usual bitchy drama- queen, instigating, insulting, sneaky, stonewalling, complaining, two-faced evil mean porn freak self.
The night before, during sex (sorry if this is TMI for anybody) he accidentally spoke to me as if I was the young girl in whatever fantasy he was having at the time and said out loud “you’re SOOO YOUNG (I’m 51), and it was such a yucky turn off for me, sort of sad too, that it was like a big bucket of ice water on the mood. He felt me tense up. He knew he had slipped, but he still tried to tell me that “YOU ARE ‘so young’ “…… nope, sorry, even “NOMO” (mikes new nickname) knew trying to convince me of this BS wasn’t going to work this time. We just didn’t talk anymore that night and went to sleep.
The next night, he had come over to my place after I got off work. We watched some tv, and then around 10pm he started to put his shoes on to leave in his dramatic exit way, so I indulged him and asked him why he wasn’t going to stay. He said for two reasons:
1—- “when his cell rang the hour before, I had asked him who it was. I, again, had insisted that he ‘tell me’ who he was talking to as if I didn’t trust him, and that I shouldn’t be asking him who it was in the first place even if ‘she’ IS one of his FRIENDS”
(It was his friends wife who he was effing right before he met me, so she could get back at her husband, NOMO’s friend, for his cheaing on her. The friend knew all about it and figured that he deserved it. She also happens to be the chick that he wouldn’t peel off of him for the first 8 months of our relationship, until I convinced him that I am sure she will understand that the current girlfriend doesn’t appreciate not getting to see the boyfriend until 9-11 at night, after he spent almost every single day with the ex-f*ck!
2—-“you weren’t in a very loving mood last night when we were cuddling, and I kinda get the feeling that you really don’t want me here anyway, and that you are going to ‘attack’ me with questions, or some girl might call, and then you won’t believe a word I have to say, and I’ll have to explain myself over and over because you just won’t let up and let things go like you always do!”. (remember that EXPLAINING himself meant nothing more than hours and hours of him insulting me for asking him a question in the first place)
I OPENED THE DOOR SO HE COULD LEAVE AND LOCKED THE DOOR BEHIND HIM. I SENT HIM A TEXT THE NEXT MORNING THAT WE ARE NOT GOING TO BE TOGETHER ANYMORE, FOREVER. HE CAME BY FOUR MORE TIMES IN THE NEXT FOUR DAYS BUT I IGNORED THE DOORBELL.
GOOD NEWS:
TODAY IT IS DAY 50 OF NC! 🙂
I had been feeling the ‘vibe’ of him being around or near or about to be near all day yesterday. and I must tell you what happened last night. I went to the river. he was there. i left and parked down the road. ate my taco. he drove past me, turned around, pulled his car window up next to mine, my window was up, I looked over at him looking at me with a super tired looking sad kind of face and while looking straight at him, I mouthed the words EF-OFF while flipping him off, and then waived him off on his way. I looked away. he paused and I thought he might not drive off and would try to start talking to me, which would either trick me or insult me or piss me off enough to engage with him with anger which he enjoys seeing, and since he’s not gonna get to do that to me anymore, i started my engine so I could drive off if he wasn’t going to, and he decided he’d be the FIRST ONE to leave and he drove off. I turned off my engine, finished eating my taco and then went back down to the river again like I had planned to do in the first place to eat dinner. damnit guess what? he was parked there again. he had went right back…. it was getting dark but i saw that he parked sort of behind a tree over there. I didn’t go over to him. I was far enough away that I could get in my car and leave before he could get near enough to me that i might be able to hear any words he would say. I am not going to allow myself to do the ‘stupid dance’ of trying to make things work with NOMO. I feel better when I am outside. I need to feel better. I don’t have to go there very often if it is too much of a risk of continually running into him, but I like the river and don’t want to give him any satisfaction knowing that he is keeping me from being where i want to be and when i want to be there. This is my life. I don’t want to give up the few beautiful places to go inside this town. I wasn’t going to go home or leave just because he was there again and afterall he did just see me flip him off and tell him to EF OFF, so why would he want to receive that same thing again by trying to talk to me. I listened to my fav talk show host Mark Levin while I shot at paper targets with my Daisy BB Rifle. I stayed for about an hour. he didn’t try to talk to me and was still parked over by the tree when I drove off. he could have left any time. I now know that I have to be extra diligent with NC. he is on the radar screen again. I don’t want to give him the wrong idea. I should not have stayed at the river, but I don’t seem to care if I am giving him something to think about! so effing what if he is thinking about the next trick he can pull on me. i don’t care because no matter what his next trick is, I am not going to allow him to talk to me ever again. I don’t want to be with him. I do miss his package, shame, but true. It’s just too bad that he IS as big a d**k as his d**k is. sorry tmi. I’m still breathing and this is all the truth.
How am I? that’s it, I’m breathing. the rest of the time I am this zombie sad girl who has to put on a happy professional face at work, and sits paralyzed by ptsd type symptoms at home after work while I try to push NOMO out of my mind, until I can’t keep my eyes open and I fall blessedly to sleep. I have to get through this. I have to make sure that I don’t lose it at work and ball my eyes out. I have to make sure I eat something.
When they met me, All of his friends told him not to eff it up this time. I thought it was cute at the time and took it as a compliment, but now I am here to tell you that if you ever hear a mans friends tell him that…..RUN!!!!
50 DAYS NC.
this is all rambling, and there’s nothing that is gonna help me more than getting this poison out. There are things that happened over 4.5years ago that are suddenly coming up into my mind. WHY!!!! I had blocked out all THAT past pain before apparently, why is it coming up now!!!
stronginthecity, I sure hope you are doing better than I am. I get so worried when I read that it can take years to get over these creepy air-breathing sociopaths.
to NOMO: KISS MY ASS!!!! YOU DON’T GET TO MESS WITH ME ANYMORE THAN YOU ALREADY DID!!
tomorrow is coming. do i go to the river like i normally would do? maybe I should not do that for a few weeks….. I just don’t know. I am so ANGRY and SAD and resigned to feeling like this, and maybe someday i will feel better.. all i know right now is that I don’t want to THINK that i WANT to be loved. I had a bad boyfriend before and as a result of him I decided to stay single and finish raising my third child without any risk of him seeing or hearing what bad boyfriends can do. I didn’t want my son to see what abuse looks like. I thought I was strong enough to never let another jerk into my life, but not sure enough for my sons sake so I told everyone that there is no man who would ever be able to put up with me and my morals, so why worry about not having a man in my life. My son has his father who seems to be really genuinely nice to his third wife, who I like and she Loves my son to pieces and thinks he is the cream of the crop. His father was a good enough example on how to treat a woman by the time my son was 11yrs old and I didn’t want to chance bringing any horrible dude into the picture who would negatively influence my kid. My son is engaged to a very sweet girl now, wedding this coming June, and the word ‘abuse’ is not in their vocabulary. I actually didn’t mind being single AT ALL. 🙂 I was a single mom and celibate for 9 years before NOMO came into my life, so i know i can go years without a hug and not die, LOL.
and guess what?
With this 50 DAYS of NC- I have gained 2 WONDERFUL pounds back and kept it on as of today!
peace everyone. this is long, but I can’t seem to stop……….but
bye
Jenni
Jenni!!!
I am so glad to hear from you. We have so much in common. I too am 51, work a full time job(he does not and is a bum)and like you put on the corporate face and all of my coworkers think I have it all together.
Then the weekend comes and here I am holding on by a thread.
When is this going to end? I know, it’s a beautiful day, get outside go for a walk get a mani/pedi..I don’t care right now.
I have to get through this in my own way.
I don’t think you should stop going to the river, its what you love and even though he knows that you go there and chances that you will run into him there are very high try to avoid eye contact with him. Wear sunglasses and if he tries to talk to you in that tone, I know that tone and he knows it too take a deep breath and walk away.
I am not at all offended about the sex comments and we all need to talk about it because it’s one thing they all have in common.
He was the best I have ever had, he rocked my world and he knew it but that’s what creates the emotional bond.
I am worried about your weight. Please if anything take care of your health. Go get a physical and possibly see a nutritionist.
I have done the opposite, I gained 12 pounds since I stopped seeing him in January..lack of sexercise! Its ok though I am getting back on track and watching my weight and diet.
He would always make comments about his ex wife..the one who moved to our city after the divorce…thats a whole other story. She gained a lot of weight and even though he said he didn’t care he did. He would always ask me how does a woman let herself go like that? I said that he probably drove her crazy and started doing the only thing she could control and that was to eat everything in sight.
Your comment about how NOMO does not have a real job and rents his run down houses to his lazy friends painted a picture of him. Also my ex would always make comments about my job, and oh for such a smart girl blah blah.
Jenni, I know this is probably not practical but is there any chance that you can move?
The reason I ask is that my company has offices in many different states and I am considering transferring. I have never lived any where but this big Midwest city but since I could easily rent out my home, yes I own a home and keep my same salary I am seriously considering it. They have an office in SC and have been in contact with another employee that has transferred there.
There is nothing really here for me anymore. My daughter will probably move out of state soon with her new hubby who by the way is amazing. Cycle broken thank the Lord. I have to mention that my sister, who is 18 months older than me has also fallen prey to a sociopath. Her weight drastically plummeted also…I try to tell her that we were dating the same type of man but she does not think hers was as bad because he had a job. Sorry sis, when a man that you just met proposes after 2 months of dating and then takes you on a trip to Mexico and locks you in a hotel room after you dare question him about the wedding date proclaiming to be top dog and he is in control screams crazy to me. She does not see it that way but again that’s another story.
Jenni, please keep in touch and we can do this together. I know how you feel. I really do. Don’t accept his bad behavior..I know how hard it is. I am so cranky because I miss the fake passion.
Oh let me address the comment you made about him saying the young thing while you guys were having sex.
Creep city girl.Mine is a pervert too. Look for my post about the teen porn I found on his phone and him eyeing down the little girl in the restaurant. Yuck.
I understand that you cant talk to anyone about your on and off relationship with your friends because like mine they don’t understand how strong the bond these crazies create.
Stay strong and if you get the urge to see him write here. It’s not worth it. I get it believe me.
I am so ashamed of myself for falling for his trick on Christmas with the whole ring thing…
I never actually caught him cheating but I know he has and with women like me.
His own brother even made a comment about how does he get all of these women..I was like what???? Then he said oh, I mean women like you. Yeah right. He knows and even tried to warn me but those brothers are so tight he would never tell me the truth, hell his brother actually called me while he was away seeing his kids before Christmas telling me that he is no good and saying that I deserved better..him! AHHHHHHHH
Lord help us all to stay strong. These people are life suckers and all I can do right now is continue to educate myself on how to stay away and never get mixed up with someone like him ever again.
Write back when you have time.
Stronginthecity
Jenni,
I was reading your post again. Regarding the PTSD and flashbacks..
I have that too. Even though he has not been here in my home for months, I still will come across a sock in a drawer, a shirt in the closet and it happens.
Like you said work and sleep…I feel the same way.
I remember back in the crazy time when I was still trying to make sense of the nonsense I logged into his cell phone acct and since he does not work I saw what he did all day..talked on the phone. I could not believe the amount of calls that were listed. Enormous. I then became obsessed with finding out who those numbers belonged to. There were woman, people that he told me that he never talks to anymore, his stupid friends on and on.
I would start to dread my drive home from work because if I did not answer the phone(because I was driving or did not feel like hearing about his day) I would never hear the end of it. So I obeyed like a good socio girlfriend.
If my phone rings at this time now..I start to panic and get dizzy. I know its not him because I have him blocked but the time of day triggers these feelings.
Jenni!!!
How are you doing? I hope you are ok. I had a slip up this week too but was able to see everything so much clearly now.
Please let me know how you are.
Your LF bubby,
Stronginthecity
Jenni,
I just read your post again…
I am totally convinced they are all the same person.
SITC
Jenni Marie!
How are you?
I hope you are happy and thriving… living life to its fullest.
I think about you and wondering how you are doing??
SITC
Hi stronginthecity!! I am doing well! I think about you too and hope you are doing well also!
I have been keeping absolute No Contact with “NOMO” since Dec 15, 2015. And in 2015 I only saw him for a couple weeks in Feb, then No Contact until after Thanksgiving 2015 when out of the blue he texted me a really beautiful pic of the sunset, and like a dummy, I texted back ” Does your new girlfriend know that you are texting your recent ex-gf?” Ouch, because this is when he told me that the 20 year old daughter of his friend had drunk dialed him for sex and he has his animal needs so he went for it. This is the little slut that he had squished himself up next to her in her little bikini while we were all on his boat 3 summers ago! I warned him then, that she is the kind of girl who would think his special attention was a come on, and I was right. Surprisingly I just felt grossed out knowing this 56 yr old man slept with his friends drunk kid who isn’t even old enough to drink and is younger than my youngest child and I told him that it kinda makes him look like the child molester that his sons mom accused him of being through that whole court trial he had with her. He said he was just simultaneously washing his sons penis & the anal area with his finger to get it clean because he doesn’t like poop and the whole thing got blown out of proportion because his sons mother didn’t like the fact that he spent his days playing at the lake, selling pot, and never planned on getting a real ! NOMO spent almost every single Sunday talking about the molestation case against him to the point where I knew that my Sundays were going to be spent in the house with him defending himself against the charge and he used it as a way to be angry all day. Also found texts on his phone from a “tenant” how much she enjoyed their deep conversations and how great of a man she thinks he is. I told him that if he’s going to try and get with me he better tell her to go away. Hours and hours later, he finally sends her a text that said “as for now, I’m romantically bound to Jenni”. I’m like seriously?!? AS FOR NOW?!?!! I then showed him the view of the outside of my front door and tols him to get lost. Sad news though…..he started showing up at my Starbucks in Feb 2017. He parks and goes inside. I take a pic of his vehicle from my place in the drive thru for proof & my baristas know he is my stalker & help make sure he doesn’t come out while I’m in the drive thru. This has happened 23 times that I’ve caught since Feb 15th. Then 2 weeks ago he called and left me a message that he had found this little brass bear keyring that I gave him in 2012 and “he didn’t know what to do with it”. Well the very next morning, he walked up to my car in the coffee drivethru, had my cell phone recording it as I rolled up my window and he shoved the bear keyring into the window, saw I was recording him, he smiled and waved as if he were a normal person and walked back to his truck. He’s been parked there in the morning three times since the bear day. Please know that 1-He blamed our fights on the fact that I drank coffee, and 2-he is NOT a morning person and is now showing up at 7:30 in the morning to have coffee?????? I tried a diff coffee place but it didn’t taste right so I went back to my reg place, cuz I really didn’t want him to control where I go, but now I’ve decided to go to the Starbucks across the street from his house because he won’t be THERE!!
It took at least 14 months for my guts to stop churning when he came into my mind and when I saw him up close the other day, he looked ugly to me. He has a yellowish tinge to his skin even worse than in 2015 and I had no desire to say one single word to him. I just rolled my window up. I put a curse on him that goes like this: each time he comes to my mind, he has to think of all the power and abusive control that he LOST regarding me, the biggest fool he ever tricked, and how much this fact pisses him off!! Oh, and that 20 year old drunk slut? Well apparently it didn’t work out because she wanted to do things besides sex and spend his money. He didn’t like that.
So, how is SITC?
Oh! Omg I have gained my weight back plus some lol. I’m up to 130 from 102! Normal is 115 hahaha. When I was with him, I couldn’t get over 105 no matter what…for 5.5 years.
Jenni Marie
I just now saw your post from 4 months ago.
I saw Donna Andersen on a tv show and have not been posting on lf for awhile.
I just had to reach out to you and see if you are ok.
The lastest stalking by nomo is really scary.
I’m going to ask Donna if we can connect off lf if you are ok with that.
So much has happened and I don’t want to post too much here.
Stronginthecity
Jenni Marie
Please let me know if you are ok!
SITC
Jenni Marie
I hope you see this response!
I was not subscribed to comments and didn’t see yours.
Hope you are ok!
SITC
I made it 6 months and 11 days with no contact and just today gave in to let him speak to our daughter. Three words to me and I am right back where I started feeling 3 inches tall. He knows exactly what to say to me to make me feel like I am nothing. I was feeling so strong, so tough and now I feel like I am worthless and weak. One has to learn that the longer we stay away, the stronger our position becomes. To give in and allow them their victory is devistating in more ways than one. STRONGINTHECITY you are stronger than you give yourself credit for, you lived, survived and thrived without him for a long time and he probably planned his way back into your life much like a game of chess that he plotted and strategized at great lengths. Sometimes , like myself we have to concede failure and accept it that he will find a way to put us in checkmate everytime. His whole life is plotting his strategy so he is a much better player than we are. We may not be able to win at playing his game, but we have to be able to see him setting up his game pieces and not play the game at all. Stop playing the game. Its the only way I can survive every day so Its the best advice I can give to one who is living in a universe parallel to my own horror.Stop playing the game and you will feel much better I promise.
I am going through the comments from my post.
I don’t think I ever said thank you.
How are you doing? I hope the spring air finds you at peace from the drama and chaos for the sake of your daughter.
It must be hard to have children with a person like this.
Yes, he did plan his way back in my life before..but never again.
I mean NEVER.
S
My heartfelt sympathy to all of us who have difficulty with the “no contact” rule. My suggestion is to transfer your love to something you feel passionate about or to “something” whose love is real. For example, I just got this totally adorable puppy, 2Lb. 9Oz. Last nite I dreamt that my dog was shrinking, shrinking, until she disappeared completely. In my dream I grieved and grieved. My heart was broken and I looked to blame myself. Suddenly, I awoke; it was 10:00 A.M. Time to get out of bed, find my puppy, Rosie, and kiss and hug her for real. Yup! It was a dream and my puppy was Real and my love for her was Real and that’s all I needed to know! Kalina
All good advice. You might also consider the greyrock technique – practicing it may keep you safer from him.
He knows me too well to use that technique anymore
I could never do it either, he always was able to push my buttons. I had to do No Contact. When I have to deal with him, over a tax issue or logistical issue, I can do ok with emails.
AnnettePK
I hope you see this post and I value your wisdom.
About pushing my buttons:
I HATE being told what to do. It seems to be a trigger for me. When someone has “that tone” in their voice, like I am beneath them and that of course I should comply with their imperious order… it makes me feel so violated. It’s something my ex and his family used to do to me. However since I am so triggered by it, I think it must be a childhood thing.
It’s my main button pusher, I can deal with everything else and not feel as bothered as this seemingly insignificant thing. Nothing makes me feel as worthless as someone ordering me around.
Does this mean I have a personality disorder, too?
It seems to be my blind spot and so I’ve always wondered. I am okay if others see clearly and have a comment about my blind spot too. I want to resolve it.
Hi. I hope you don’t mind me sharing a few things that have helped me to sort out some of the insanity that others have tried to use to control me and simultaneously make me beat up on myself. Dr George Simon has some really good articles that have opened my eyes to some of the tactics that these manipulators use to gain advantage. There are many articles, some written in series that will cue up on topic. Thinking patterns of disturbed characters, neurosis vs character disorder, covertly aggressive, ect. The site is called Counsellingresource.com. Here on Lovefraud there are archives of incredibly insightful articles. I just read an article from Dr Steve that used the word paramoralism. Pathologically inclined individuals sometimes use language that infers a moral position but are actually just trying to gain advantage over us. I’ve learned to listen very carefully to what is being sold by those who have I have seen without their masks on. I’m surprised at how clearly I can read these wolves now because I have stopped buying their deceptions. To be honest a lot of my clarity has come from being destroyed in my community by the smear campaign. When others who were key players in the narcissistic power plays use distancing, evasion, minimisation, selective memory, blame the victim, gaslighting, ect, to evade personal accountability or to justify the cunning course of an ally it’s easier to see when they try to rewrite history when you know the details. Sounds like you are reading the underlying deception beneath their facade pretty well. Toxic people trigger non toxic people. You may come to embrace the ability to read or at least feel that something is off as a gift. Doesn’t sound like you are the problem, but rather the target.
Not,
It’s my understanding that personality disordered people don’t ever worry that they have a personality disorder, so if you wonder about it that’s a guarantee that you aren’t disordered. I think just about everyone has personal sensitivities.
4Light2shine offers some good perspective.
I think that your awareness that you are triggered by condescending attitudes and tones, your suspicion that it goes back to having been treated badly in some way in childhood, and your understanding of how your ex’s abuse figures into it, all give you power to deal with it.
When you feel triggered you can keep from being overwhelmed by using a calming technique that works for you – taking a break from the situation, deep breathing, counting to 10 slowly. Then you can take time to evaluate whether the person is out of line in putting you down, taking advantage of you, or just plain rude. Sometimes people he person just come across condescending and bossy, but don’t really mean any harm. It’s worth evaluating what people are motivated by and are they a real threat to you.
It may be helpful to take some time to decide how to respond. What is best for you? Confront the person and tell them how they are making you feel? Walk away and cut this person out of your life forever? Let it ride for awhile and then decide what to do? Put up with it? You can choose to do whatever you think the best response is for yourself and others.
Negative emotions can be a good indicator that something needs changing, something needs dealing with, something is wrong and/or you are being mistreated. But sometimes we have been conditioned by bad experience into reacting when there is no real danger. Spaths have messed with our heads so much that we doubt ourselves and don’t have confidence in our ability to discern. I sometimes go back and forth between thinking I am over-reacting and under-reacting, unsure if I’m being paranoid and over sensitive or if I’m allowing myself to be exploited.
I’ve read that trying to respond rather than going with the natural tendency to react is helpful when one’s emotions are triggered. And finding a way to step away, to give yourself time to recover from the overwhelming negative emotion and time to think.
It’s all a lot easier said than done. A lot of my negative reactions are automatic and I find it really difficult to overcome ingrained habit and develop different ways of thinking and responding.
If you can remember the specifics about how you were mistreated when you were a child, maybe it would help to free you from unwanted negative emotions. A good counselor has tools to help you.
Your ex spath may have used a condescending tone with you deliberately because he knew it triggered you already, and that would have intensified your sensitivity.
I hope there’s something here that is useful to you.
4light2shine
Thank You. You are right on about Dr Simon. I have recommended him to so many. And it feels right on when you say “Pathologically inclined… infers a moral position…” It was a brief encounter but totally a narcissistic power play. Wow. I read that person in less than a blink of an eye. Saw into them into his core. Until I read your words, I didn’t realize what had actually happened. But I bet HE knew I saw into him and that’s why a jerk stranger went into attack mode, ordering me around as if he had the right to.
AnnettePK
Thank You so much. 4light2shine’s perspective is spot on. I can’t remember a specific incident as a child, I only know that a core pain is childhood, not from my marriage. BUT… my ex was VERY good at spotting my core pain and using it… pushing that particular button. 🙂 I usually am able to step back and think before responding only this time, it was a man and his wife and it was like they tagteamed me. I felt overwhelmed and I just dug in and ignored them, they name called me, they tried to shame me. That part didn’t bother me, it was their attitude that I didn’t deserve to be where I was, and that they did. Like you, I want to be sure I am not over-reacting or taking things amiss when they weren’t intended, but this incident was intended, overt, and very hostile. So while I didn’t escalate it, I did not comply with his “orders”, I just walked to another area and did the task that I went to accomplish, and ONLY THEN did I leave… which I would have done anyway. I felt so undignified though and maybe that’s what I shall work on, how to respond in a way that lets me maintain self respect and dignity… while ignoring when someone else wants to act a fool.
Thank you both, I am feeling better. Bigotry is such an ugly thing no matter who its from.
Not,
Thanks for the added info about what happened to you. Sounds to me like you handled a couple of evil harmful people very well. There is a lot of good power and energy in that.
Consider that calling you names can be illegal; I think it’s called “curse and abuse.” It could be harassment.
In any case it’s mean and wrong.
greyrock did not work for me either. My now ex just upped the ante, he wanted to see the pain and wasn’t satisfied until he did. The greyrock method just ensured that others got hurt as a method of hurting me.
I too am feeling straightforward, not just for tonite but on this general topic as well.
I want to become WELL KNOWN on these pages for not having gotten away from my spath until he was being accused of a double homicide, one of the victims being the OW that he left me for.
Here have been the additional costs of my not enforcing N/C sooner:
1. The man is more dangerous than ever and nobody has been held accountable for the crime, which has empowered him.
2. The kids are no longer just associated with a weirdo but one whom others have accused of committing murder.
3. I’ve felt very guilty over “not doing something in time” as though I could have transformed him with my magic wand or something. Although this is irrational, it bothers me anyway.
Don’t wait. Break Contact before it is too late! It is NOT just that this person could attack you (which he absolutely could do) but also that you could become associated with someone who is even worse than just a former prisoner serving time for a drug crime.
THEN what would you?! you would do exactly what I do 24/7….KICK YOUR FANNY, that’s what. And there’s nobody around to take that kick….just you. So PLEASE take it from me and make your latest date with the dude YOUR LAST.
Nocontact,
I have to process this before I can respond..
What happened?
Did the spath do something terrible?
SITC
Whenever I start to feel sorry for the sociopath or nostalgic for the times we shared, I just remind myself:
I AM STILL ALIVE. EVERYONE IS SAFE AND ALIVE.
No flattery or good times is worth my life or the lives of friends or family. Financial disaster can be overcome… as long as I am still alive. Loss of property is not a big deal… because I am still alive.
Even though I don’t think the sociopath will come after me right now, I MUST remember that it is a very real possibility, especially if the sociopath thinks there is a viable way to get away with it. With the sociopath in my life, it is all about what I can provide – money, property, sex. Once that is no longer on the table, I think I am fairly safe… as long as the sociopath does not have a reason to fear exposure from me. Not only do I go no contact as much as possible, but I try to erase the existence of the sociopath from my daily conversation and thought processes as much as possible. If the subject comes up, my mental mantra is I AM STILL ALIVE. It is a good reminder as to why I don’t want to be sucked back into the abyss.
All good advice. When going No Contact with the nutcase didn’t stop him, I moved, forwarded my mail to a P.O. Box, garaged my car, and avoided any place he might be. Not good enough. He sweet talked friends into giving him my new address and phone. Then he and his new gf tried repeatedly to break into my new place. I caught them red handed the third and last time, right before I moved again to yet another secure undisclosed location an hour and a half away. Then I forwarded the mail from the P.O Box to another P.O. Box, left all mutual friends and acquaintances behind and stepped under the radar for over a decade. I didn’t come out until I knew he was dead, and yes, he did try to find me and even sent a love letter to my employer to give to me in an attempt to reel me back in.
Understand that:
(1) These people are DANGEROUS. They will use you and they will hurt you if they think they can.
(2) Other people will not see them for what they are.
(3) Every time they talk you back they get more bold in enforcing their agenda.
(4) In their minds there is no compromise. It is winner take all, and they will always win at any cost. Your cost.
Good luck to you, and all of you who are still in jeopardy. You can have a wonderful life, but not with that creature around. Get angry. Then pull together a plan that protects you and do your level best to stick to it.
What a blessing that your ex spath passed away.
I am reading through the comments here and found yours.
First, thank you for the response.
I think my ex is still coming into my house.
How did you find out and did it stop?
For me its little things, I know how I leave my house when I go to work.
I find things like fingerprints on the window, my earrings being moved in my jewelry box, my mail tossed about.
Thanks and love,
S
Everything you say is true.
Is it horrible that I check the obits to see if he is dead?
Great advice.
No contact…real no contact is the only way to get away once and for all.
You are right in saying that others don’t see them for what they are.
Mine has a string of followers… and knows everybody.
These people range from low life good for nothings to extremely wealthy people.
He defiantly has the gift of gab.
And, never underestimate them. They will run out of Supply and look to come back to you! They burn their bridges. Even though he made you out to be an evil blood-sucking woman, he knows he had it made with you. He will be back. IT’s a number’s game. If it doesn’t work with you, then it may work with his other ex-s.
He just keeps going, and recycling, hit/miss. Sooner or later he will find a target.
Part 2 coming soon.
The case of the second cell phone…
His response…I must have activated it!
It was a cell phone from December that mysteriously stopped working when he traveled out of state and he “just bought another one”.
Called it after 2 months, he answered it! His reply uhh ohh I dont know how this phone started working.
It’s been a while since I posted.
This would be part 2 .
When he returned from another state to visit his kids, 2 days before Christmas it was a love fest even though while he was away his phone suddenly stopped working there even though he sent me text messages when he arrived telling me he was there, with his kids and was going to sleep.
The next day a few text messages and then my return messages to him were being returned with an error message saying “out of service” or something to that effect. I freaked out..He then sent me a message a day or so later from his “brothers” phone. Suddenly his phone was not working there even though his carrier has several stores right there in small town Florida.
He called me telling me his phone didn’t work and that he was going to get another one asap so that we could talk.He said I could reach him at his “brothers” number if I needed to talk.
A day or so later he text me with his “new phone” which was 1 digit off from his “brothers” phone. Drama.
We communicated back and forth on the new phone while I questioned why his phone suddenly stopped working even though he sent me messages from the old number.
He became defensive and upset when I questioned this. I backed down. At least he was calling and texting.
Since he would be catching his free ride 2 days before Christmas he claimed that he was doing Christmas with his kids, mother and the rest of the family before his departure.
His cousin, who provided the free ride dropped him off at my house around 8 in the evening. He was so happy to see me, he missed me and stayed at my place through Christmas.
Since I knew he would be around for the holidays I bought some last minute gifts for him, all clothing because I wanted it to be something non personal in case he decided to have one of his “moments”and flee my home in an argument as he has done so many times before.
Christmas eve morning came and he just could not wait to give me my gift. H wanted to make sure I liked it. We were still in bed.
He handed me a small bag. I opened it and inside was a velvet bag with a jewelry box, I thought another pair of earrings..perhaps a necklace but no it was a ring, a diamond ring. A really beautiful ring. Obviously an engagement ring. I said to him that’s a beautiful ring, which finger does that go on? He took it and placed it on my left hand and stated”do you want to grow old with me” ? I have to admit I was caught up in the moment as he slid that beauty on my finger…. all seemed to be right.
He did it again.
Kittylover,
Red the original post and then read my part 2 mumbo jumbo.
The engagement ring for Christmas the son coming out of the blue on my birthday.
This is 7 years after he crumbled me up like a piece of used Kleenex and left town and never told me.
Just disappeared.
I can’t believe I liked after that but I did.
My bad I never educated myself until he reappeared 7 years later and my life turned upside down again.
Read all about it.
Please listen to us here.
We know what you are going through and are trying to save you.
No contact.
No contact.
No contact.
Your friend
Stronginthecity
Thank youuuuuuuu
Update…
I have been NC for 4 months.. it’s been a long road with lot’s of mixed emotions.
I have learned that I am ok being alone and just have to think back what 5 minutes of his company was like.
Drama, chaos lies and manipulation.
I have no idea where he is and really don’t care.
I still feel like he comes into my house when I am not home even though I have changed locks and installed a security system.
It’s going to take a while!
I keep reading here, pretty much every day and always think that we are all talking about the same man.
I wish there was a website to list their names…a warning to others but I go on. One day at a time.
Stronginthecity
Just saw your April 10th update. Too bad I already spent time writing my comment — since you have already moved on! Congrats.
Are there any windows that you can install those easy inside blocks onto? Is that how he could be getting in? Hopefully you are just being paranoid from dealing with his nuttiness.
Congrats on moving forward!