Editor’s Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts by the name “stronginthecity.”
I am currently in a relationship with a sociopath. I’ve been with him since June 2013. I was with him before. That relationship ended in 2006, leaving me jobless and depressed because he left the relationship abruptly and literally disappeared.
I am a medical professional, so I am the typical target I guess.
He resurfaced last year proclaiming his love for me and how much he missed me — giving three or four reasons, explanations why he left. I kept tabs on him through the years from time to time and found out he was in prison in 2009 for drug charges.
He is a constant liar and manipulator and we had a “chance” meeting in a drugstore parking lot where I had never been before in February 2013.
Again he disappeared then reappeared around May 2013. I saw him drive past my house many times. He never tried to contact me until June of 2013 when he got my phone number from a mutual friend.
I had just started dating again and was on a first date with a man when he called me. The calls were blocked and I didn’t listen to the messages until the next day.
He said that he was at a street festival and “why don’t you answer your phone” and “you should meet me”. I didn’t even know it was him. I had an idea but wasn’t sure.
A few weeks later, exactly the time I was leaving for work, he called again from a blocked number and I answered. It was him telling me he was working in my state, when he was really 2,000 miles away with his wife and children, saying he wanted to meet me for dinner. I agreed to meet him and before I knew it I was in deep again.
He actually did get divorced from his wife, but now the wife has moved to my area and things are again in the crazy stage. I have caught him in numerous lies and am certain he has cheated multiple times but I never actually caught him.
I have been back and forth trying to establish no contact but somehow I always end up back with him as he makes me believe the lies and sucks me into the drama. He loves me. I am the only one yet other women, who he claims are friends call his phone.
I also believe he has made copies of my house keys and comes into my house when I am at work.
He has not held down any steady job since June 2013, thank goodness I am full time employed but he knows my work schedule and keeps tabs on me. He tells me I am crazy when I question the nonsense. He lies about his whereabouts and actually gives me “clues” just to make me jealous. I am at wits end right now as he is trying to wiggle his way back into my life.
The last time I saw him was Halloween weekend, after an argument again about his whereabouts.
I need help to maintain no contact as he is texting me with the, “I’m a good guy story, I miss you” again. Of course we have an incredible sexual relationship and he swears he does not want anyone else, and has not been with another woman since June 2013.
My gut is telling me he is lying and I know I am right.
Unfortunately, I had a setback and saw him last weekend and during this week. Thank goodness he had a trip planned during our no contact and I am glad he is gone as I found myself making life plans with this man again.
He has been on his best behavior since I agreed to see him Saturday night. He spent the night Saturday and Sunday. He went to work Monday and Tuesday night and came over again making me dinner, flowers, my favorite wine and worked on my house. The whole nine yards. He left Thursday morning because he wanted to see his kids that he has not seen in over a year.
I am glad he is there as I need this time to regroup and make sense, crazy sense of this entire situation. I will continue to post and read on your Lovefraud because it’s so helpful to me. I know that I need to stay away from this man ”¦ he was talking about getting married again. He said lets write up a prenup and get married because he loves me, blah blah blah.
I DON’T TRUST HIM.
I left him alone in my home again. I need to end this once and for all.
Remembertoforget,
Good job coming here and only thinking about it for a short time.
Eventually the “moments” will come and go quickly.
Birthdays, happy one to you, and other important moments are sabotaged as we all know.
The others are right, it really does not matter when his birthday is…
I understand about the lying…we have to just remember that EVERYTHING they say is a lie.
I am just so pissed that I am the one who has to go to therapy and he just goes on doing what he does.
OMG did you read the new story from Lila about the biker guy?
So sad. I will reach out to her as she needs so support.
You did NOT break NC officially….
Obsessing for a little bit….that will eventually go away.
XOXO ,
Stronginthecity
SITC,
Well if it wasn’t really his birthday last year, he must have had some dupers delight, good thing I only gave him a card and a keyboard he wanted. Lol
Wackys. Done with em all.
Bless you, good night.
🙂
Kittylover!
Thanks for the reply!!!!!
I was worried about you.
I’m glad you are ok and staying NO CONTACT!
XOXO,
SITC
Kittylover,
You are welcome.
Thank goodness you do not want to contact him.
You have been very strong with this.
Keep om keeping on.
You have all been so supportive to me through all of this and I am staying strong to be there for everyone else.
Now you know what pure evil is and I’m sure you will find someone amazing when you are ready.
Please stay safe!
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
Keepingon,
now i cant find the letter, it was one of those your info has been hacked letters, I have received them from my own insurance company but this one stood out because I have NEVER received a piece of mail with my middle name.
Im not going to worry about it, my insurance company offered credit monitoring for a year so I will defiantly do that tomorrow.
I am not going to let it bother me, if he did it he did.
I will take measures to make sure no new accounts are open and thats all I can do.
No freaking out.
I need to get a good night rest and get out of the house tomorrow and get some exercise.
I did not even get out of my robe today.
I will get up, take care of my business and get going on to take care of me.
Not going to worry about it, so sick of worrying!
Stronginthecity
Strong,
Sounds like you’re handling this in a healthy way! Focusing on you first. I like it! All on your own time. That’s how I’m living. Call the company tomorrow, if not they’re still there next week.
I’ve been spending a lot of time in my PJs. Letting myself cry, get mad, think…be happy in certain moments, being me when I’m able. I’ve allowed myself entire days in my PJ’S and grief. I’m also letting myself get out there more. It’s a balance I’m struggling with.
I have so many changes I need to make to stay safe. All with electronics and accounts. I’ve decided to take my time. It’s all very overwhelming.
Thank you for everything. You’ve made a huge difference for me these days. As have so many on here.
I’m feeling blessed. Tomorrow may be a different story but for now I’m enjoying this feeling of support and gratefulness!
Keepingon,
Thank you.
I am learning to live in peace.
It’s hard as you know after all the craziness.
Tomorrow is another day and I do thank goodness that we were never married or had children together.
Dealing with the electronic harassment has not been something I had to deal with so hugs to you.
I got the old fashioned stalking.
Oh boy .
I have had enough and wish everyone a peaceful evening.
I don’t know what I would do without my Love fraud sister’s. ..
Be safe and happy.
We are all good people and happiness will come now that we are all educated!
Hugs,
Stronginthecity
Keepingon,
How are you doing?
I was doing some reading online yesterday about this whole sociopath/narcissist personality disorder and I just had to stop because it was literally making me sick to my stomach.
I mean it’s so messed up.
Then I start thinking about how I was victimized 2 different times by the same person.
YUCK.
I am so grateful that he has moved away and I don’t even care if it was planned behind my back anymore.
UGH….I need to get myself together now!
Thank you so much for your support and I hope that all has been quiet with the the accounts and you are staying safe.
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
KeppingOn,
Amen.
xoxoxo
Hi friends,
So yesterday I mentioned that today is the xs birthday…
This morning I got a text from some local number saying, Happy birthday. Sis
It’s not from my sis and no one has my number that’s not programed in my contacts.
Coincidence right?
Remembertoforget,
Yikes sorry about that.
There are website where you can call someone or send a text as someone else’s #.
Just delete and block.
Unfortunately there are “burner apps” where you can create a throw away #.
Sorry, don’t want to freak you out but the birthday thing can cause some turmoil.
Just try to keep yourself busy and don’t spend your precious day worrying about it.
Focus on your upcoming bday!
Hugs,
SITC
Remember,
What is your gut telling you?
SITC, KO,
Call me crazy but my gut told me it was no coincidence!
I’m not worried or anything. Technically he doesn’t have my #, but for 1.00 you can get it. Lol
Remembertoforget,
Trust your gut girl.
It was not a coincidence.
Did you get any other texts?
Not that it matters the number as I know just 1 is all it takes to ruin your day.
Are you doing ok?
SITC
Remember,
You’re not crazy.
This coming from a woman who’s changed her number 5 times!
How would he get your number for $1?
KO,
Well you know how you can look up people’s info- for a cost, well i’ve seen ones that you can find out people’s numbers for like 2.00. Lol
That really would be too much of a coincidence.
How narcissistic to text me happy birthday on his birthday! Hahaaaaaaa.
Have you checked whether your number can be found on the internet, and what other information is out there about you?
If his antics are just humorous, it might be best to just delete and move on to thinking and doing something else with your energy.
If he is potentially dangerous to you, you might look into getting an unlisted land line and a track phone for your cell, or put your cell in a friend or family member’s name rather than yours.
Well, he had to make sure you were thinking about him on his special day. Just don’t obsess about it.
Remember,
I’m with NMW on this. Of course he had to text to make sure you’re thinking about him on his special day!! Haha. Easier said than done to let it go. You doing okay?
I agree with Annette. You could just delete and see if it happens again and consider going a new route. I had to go to many lengths to get a secure number.
Anette, NMW,
I’ve googled myself, nothing is there.
There are people lookups for cheap though.
I don’t feel anything about it, except that hmm that couldn’t be a coincidence.
I wanted to share with you guys though.
🙂
I live right across from his cousin so he could ask her anything he wants technically.
KO,
Hi, I am fine. Totally unfazed by it.
Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. I feel like yes, but who cares, if anything it’s silly.
Anyways, bet he wouldn’t dare text on my Birthday…only his. LOL
I looked up the number but no name was registered to it. No biggie.
I hope you’re having a well day today.
🙂
xoxo