Editor’s Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts by the name “stronginthecity.”
I am currently in a relationship with a sociopath. I’ve been with him since June 2013. I was with him before. That relationship ended in 2006, leaving me jobless and depressed because he left the relationship abruptly and literally disappeared.
I am a medical professional, so I am the typical target I guess.
He resurfaced last year proclaiming his love for me and how much he missed me — giving three or four reasons, explanations why he left. I kept tabs on him through the years from time to time and found out he was in prison in 2009 for drug charges.
He is a constant liar and manipulator and we had a “chance” meeting in a drugstore parking lot where I had never been before in February 2013.
Again he disappeared then reappeared around May 2013. I saw him drive past my house many times. He never tried to contact me until June of 2013 when he got my phone number from a mutual friend.
I had just started dating again and was on a first date with a man when he called me. The calls were blocked and I didn’t listen to the messages until the next day.
He said that he was at a street festival and “why don’t you answer your phone” and “you should meet me”. I didn’t even know it was him. I had an idea but wasn’t sure.
A few weeks later, exactly the time I was leaving for work, he called again from a blocked number and I answered. It was him telling me he was working in my state, when he was really 2,000 miles away with his wife and children, saying he wanted to meet me for dinner. I agreed to meet him and before I knew it I was in deep again.
He actually did get divorced from his wife, but now the wife has moved to my area and things are again in the crazy stage. I have caught him in numerous lies and am certain he has cheated multiple times but I never actually caught him.
I have been back and forth trying to establish no contact but somehow I always end up back with him as he makes me believe the lies and sucks me into the drama. He loves me. I am the only one yet other women, who he claims are friends call his phone.
I also believe he has made copies of my house keys and comes into my house when I am at work.
He has not held down any steady job since June 2013, thank goodness I am full time employed but he knows my work schedule and keeps tabs on me. He tells me I am crazy when I question the nonsense. He lies about his whereabouts and actually gives me “clues” just to make me jealous. I am at wits end right now as he is trying to wiggle his way back into my life.
The last time I saw him was Halloween weekend, after an argument again about his whereabouts.
I need help to maintain no contact as he is texting me with the, “I’m a good guy story, I miss you” again. Of course we have an incredible sexual relationship and he swears he does not want anyone else, and has not been with another woman since June 2013.
My gut is telling me he is lying and I know I am right.
Unfortunately, I had a setback and saw him last weekend and during this week. Thank goodness he had a trip planned during our no contact and I am glad he is gone as I found myself making life plans with this man again.
He has been on his best behavior since I agreed to see him Saturday night. He spent the night Saturday and Sunday. He went to work Monday and Tuesday night and came over again making me dinner, flowers, my favorite wine and worked on my house. The whole nine yards. He left Thursday morning because he wanted to see his kids that he has not seen in over a year.
I am glad he is there as I need this time to regroup and make sense, crazy sense of this entire situation. I will continue to post and read on your Lovefraud because it’s so helpful to me. I know that I need to stay away from this man ”¦ he was talking about getting married again. He said lets write up a prenup and get married because he loves me, blah blah blah.
I DON’T TRUST HIM.
I left him alone in my home again. I need to end this once and for all.
Kittylover,
You sage girl.
Get that negative energy out!
Kitty hug to you!
I wish we could all plan a weekend and have a Lovefraud retreat!
Maybe some day
Hugs
SITC
My kitties are wondering when meowmie is coming to bed
I normally don’t stay up this late
Just can’t sleep
Time for my medication.
Sweet dreams my LF friends
SITC
Kitty,
I’ve used sage for years and swear by it! In fact, I cleaned the crap out of my house today so I can sage him all away tomorrow!
Love that you posted this. Such great timing!
hi LF peeps!
hi SITC!
I blew NC for a few days after an 85 day NC stretch. I haven’t talked to him now for 3 weeks. SO GLAD 🙂
it’s probably time for me to seriously figure out why I kept thinking he could turn into a reasonable person at any moment if I just hung in there, but regardless, I learned my lesson the hard way. again. Here I go with NC forever and I have accepted this.
I’m gonna just wait out all the sadness and uncomfortable thoughts until I feel as good or better than I did after those last 85 days of NC went by.
I just wanted to post a poem I wrote from the things I had written down about ex spath ‘NOMO’
~~~~
AND:
INVITE you to check out the picture on this album cover because it is so fitting for all of us who fell for and danced with the devil:
ALBUM: TROUBLE
Artist: RAY LaMontagne
~~~~~
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
A Poem
Inspired by ‘NOMO’ the psychopathic Mike-
Game Over
your game sucks as it turns out.
your rules and your goal posts were moved all about, but
you won your game when you lost me.
you must have thought it was okay to toss me.
pull me up.
shove me down.
you are such an evil clown.
your lies not believable were getting old.
the look in your eyes always so cold.
my mind spun left.
my heart spun right.
every day and every night.
I heard my pleas.
I heard my cries.
please don’t start another fight.
abuse is abuse and it’s never alright.
your lies from last time are still riding high.
all that torment and bullshit that made me cry
turned my tears into anger so fresh I can’t lie.
I won’t take your excuses, nope.
not anymore.
now it’s Goodbye to you.
I’m Closing my door.
~Jenni
/////////////////
It sounds so cold, but true that we need to get the heck away from evil people like SP/NPD/ASPD’s because they will NEVER change and they ENJOY hurting us every way possible. It has taken me 3 years after finding out NOMO was disordered, to admit that he is, and get him out of my life. There is nothing you can do to change or help them understand what they have done to you. They don’t care.
Please get the evil clown out of your life and never doubt that you are making the best decision for YOU.
Peace to you all,
~Jenni Marie
Hi Jenni Marie… I’m new here, but still wanted to say I’m sorry for you that you lost NC for a few days. I wonder what triggered you to do that? The good news is you went back to NC when you realized the mistake you’d made.
Your poem is very good! It’s an excellent depiction of what it’s like to be with a disordered person! Well done!!
You’re right – there’s no way to make them understand what they’ve done to you. They see it only in one light… through the pain they caused you, and that gives him pleasure. Really outrageous because we can’t relate, but we should be very happy we can’t relate to that kind of nastiness! That would put us on their level. I still wish I could make my ex get it, but there’s no way because he has no real feelings. He simply has no soul, and you can’t argue with that.
Peace to you too, Jenni! 🙂
Gaslit
jennie marie,
I am sorry that you had another round with the spath.
Double hug to you.
Girl, no judgement here…I did it over and over again until I hit rock bottom, like an alcoholic or a drug addict does.
I had not seen you here and was thinking about you.
No, they will never change, they only get worse.
They become more devious, vindictive and hurtful.
You did it for 85 days, do you want to share what happened?
I have my first therapy appointment today!
I am currently on a leave of absence from work(rock bottom).
I had to, I was having panic attacks and acting out like a crazy person.I was not sleeping and if I did not take a LOA I’m sure I would have been given the boot!
NOMO needs to go away on a farm with all of the other sociopaths.
Stronginthecity
Jenni marie,
The poem is not cold.
It’s awesome.
I feel your pain.
Walk away!
Hopefully he will move away.
SITC
Jenni,
How are you doing?
Please let us know.
SITC
I love the poem. I used to think of my ex psychopath as a clown, even dreamed about him as a clown. Thanks for sharing it.
Kitty and Gaslit,
About the dreams I included one snippet, but think about it.
Remember the term dirty rat?
What can I learn about myself from dreaming about rats?
“The first thing to think about is whether you or someone you know is behaving unethically in a situation in your life,” suggests O’Connor. “You often hear the expression that someone is a ‘rat,’ meaning he is untrustworthy or has betrayed someone.” Alternatively, a rat in your dream could represent feeling like you’re caught in a maze somewhere in your daily life.
Pretty much all of the google search came up with the same thing.
Thanks for the well wishes with my appt.
Of coarse now that I don’t trust anyone, I am afraid she will not understand but I have to give it a shot.
I have to get myself better and back to work.
have to get ready for my appt, Gaslit, I hope you decide to see someone too!
Hugs,
Stronginthecity
Hi Strong!,
Thank you! My almost Birthday!
I am writing in the grateful/happy journal too.
This week, I guess with the 4th and the birthdays, last year we were together on all of them. I planned the things to do of course.
Blech, ick, gross.
Anyways, I hope your appointment went ok and the therapist is someone you can work with.
I’ve been so off this week. Just my brain acting up, feeling the slime at times here and there….
No conscience creatures. Beware, they walk the earth.
Remembertoforget,
You are welcome for the birthday wishes.
My appointment went well.
I feel hopeful she will be able to help me.
I feel you on the slime feeling.
I am dreaming of rats!
Thats what he is a rat.
I just have a sick feeling about his motives for moving back to Florida, a young girl. I hope I am wrong but I don’t think so.
I am not on FB but I have an account that I look at from time to time.
The girl in question has gone from sweet innocent pictures of her and her friends and pets to a young girl, I think she is 12 wearing makeup and liking sites about how to look older and relationship issues…WHAT???
This has been over the last month.
I am hoping her father will see that and make her take it down.
I don’t think young girls should even be on FB.
What is her mother thinking?
Talk about gross….
Sorry just the thought of it is so upsetting, nut my warning bells are going off.
Yes indeed, beware..they walk and slither the earth.
SITC
Strong,
No, they should not be allowed on fb. I’m not on it anymore either, but I know it is getting worse and worse with predators and fake profiles. It’s so disgusting. This week after work I just want to be home and not go anywhere. It’s safest here! Lol
No cra
No creatures, or vampires here!!!
Gaslit,
How are you doing?
I saw the therapist for the first time today.
It was me shoving 7 years of info including my work and other issues.
I told her how he stalked me and his drama filled stories and manipulating and how he left the first time in 2006 with no explanation, the whole story. I was strong, and I feel she gets it!
I told her that I want to work on no contact and how to achieve that.
I wish I could see her again tomorrow!
Damn this is really expensive!
She said that I provided a really good overview of whats going on.
Anyway I was thinking about your story and how you exposed the porn issue(he thinks its real).
The whole prostitute thing bothers me in the sense that birds of a feather flock together.
These people, sex offenders, prostitutes and other unsavory characters hang with their own kind meaning other prostitutes and druggies.
Please be careful.
Are you still in contact with him?
I understand how you fell for him, you wanted to help him.
You are normal, he is not.
Don’t underestimate them.
My disordered person has his cronies watching me.
Just yesterday I saw the same vehicle drive past my house 3 times.
His temper, when confronted was downright scary.
Just saying don’t push him too far.
You did what you did to feel safe in the moment but trust me, they can be dangerous and can enlist their friends to help them.
Stay safe.
Hugs,
Stronithecity
Amen! Lord help us stay STRONG!
So I found a way to release my anger last night.
A punching bag would be great in those moments. A run, a fast walk, etc, etc…
I decided to rip out the pages of both my journals, not the grateful one, and burn them in a big pot outside.
I burned it, all the pain and bulls***.
Did it work? Maybe, but I let it out! Last time I felt anger over a month ago, I wrote in marker on the dammit doll then burned him too.
I try!
“Last time I felt anger over a month ago, I wrote in marker on the dammit doll then burned him too.”
Remember – for the voodoo to work, the dammit doll needed some hair or something from the spath! 😛
I forgot to say – I found a local store that sells dammit dolls, so I know where to go whenever I need one.
NMW,
Ifound a store too that sells them!
Last one I had ordered.
I had no hair or picture to attach to the doll!
Hahaa, but I did hang him from the ceiling fan first!
What a nut!
LOL at hanging from ceiling fan. That cracked me up. Thank you Remember for the much needed laugh today.
Ameille,
Hahaa. Glad you laughed!!
I kept it until the next day then took it down!
Atleast I try to be creative with it!
Hope you have been doing/feeling better over there!
xoxooo
Destroying dammit dolls could get expensive. I wonder if the voodoo would take hold if we made the dolls ourselves and worked an antispath curse into every stitch?