Editor’s Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts by the name “stronginthecity.”
I am currently in a relationship with a sociopath. I’ve been with him since June 2013. I was with him before. That relationship ended in 2006, leaving me jobless and depressed because he left the relationship abruptly and literally disappeared.
I am a medical professional, so I am the typical target I guess.
He resurfaced last year proclaiming his love for me and how much he missed me — giving three or four reasons, explanations why he left. I kept tabs on him through the years from time to time and found out he was in prison in 2009 for drug charges.
He is a constant liar and manipulator and we had a “chance” meeting in a drugstore parking lot where I had never been before in February 2013.
Again he disappeared then reappeared around May 2013. I saw him drive past my house many times. He never tried to contact me until June of 2013 when he got my phone number from a mutual friend.
I had just started dating again and was on a first date with a man when he called me. The calls were blocked and I didn’t listen to the messages until the next day.
He said that he was at a street festival and “why don’t you answer your phone” and “you should meet me”. I didn’t even know it was him. I had an idea but wasn’t sure.
A few weeks later, exactly the time I was leaving for work, he called again from a blocked number and I answered. It was him telling me he was working in my state, when he was really 2,000 miles away with his wife and children, saying he wanted to meet me for dinner. I agreed to meet him and before I knew it I was in deep again.
He actually did get divorced from his wife, but now the wife has moved to my area and things are again in the crazy stage. I have caught him in numerous lies and am certain he has cheated multiple times but I never actually caught him.
I have been back and forth trying to establish no contact but somehow I always end up back with him as he makes me believe the lies and sucks me into the drama. He loves me. I am the only one yet other women, who he claims are friends call his phone.
I also believe he has made copies of my house keys and comes into my house when I am at work.
He has not held down any steady job since June 2013, thank goodness I am full time employed but he knows my work schedule and keeps tabs on me. He tells me I am crazy when I question the nonsense. He lies about his whereabouts and actually gives me “clues” just to make me jealous. I am at wits end right now as he is trying to wiggle his way back into my life.
The last time I saw him was Halloween weekend, after an argument again about his whereabouts.
I need help to maintain no contact as he is texting me with the, “I’m a good guy story, I miss you” again. Of course we have an incredible sexual relationship and he swears he does not want anyone else, and has not been with another woman since June 2013.
My gut is telling me he is lying and I know I am right.
Unfortunately, I had a setback and saw him last weekend and during this week. Thank goodness he had a trip planned during our no contact and I am glad he is gone as I found myself making life plans with this man again.
He has been on his best behavior since I agreed to see him Saturday night. He spent the night Saturday and Sunday. He went to work Monday and Tuesday night and came over again making me dinner, flowers, my favorite wine and worked on my house. The whole nine yards. He left Thursday morning because he wanted to see his kids that he has not seen in over a year.
I am glad he is there as I need this time to regroup and make sense, crazy sense of this entire situation. I will continue to post and read on your Lovefraud because it’s so helpful to me. I know that I need to stay away from this man ”¦ he was talking about getting married again. He said lets write up a prenup and get married because he loves me, blah blah blah.
I DON’T TRUST HIM.
I left him alone in my home again. I need to end this once and for all.
Jan7
Al Maldonado, I also want to let you know that when you have a break up your body naturally releases high levels of cortisol and this is the hormonal that makes you feel anxiety & depressed.
Make an appointment with your doctor or an endocrinologist doctor at your local hospital to get tested for cortisol levels, vitamin/mineral deficiency & hormonal imbalance all issues with stress & PSTD.
The adrenal glands regulate cortisol & adrenaline levels, blood pressure, blood sugar & over 50 hormones including cortisol & adrenaline…when someone is under continual stress the adrenal glands burn out and in return it wreaks havoc on the body & mind. Some symptoms of adrenal fatigue…racing mind, anxiety, depression, mood swings, brain fog, memory loss, sleep issues etc. You have been under a tremendous amount of stress so most likely you adrenal glands are working over time or are burnt out.
See sites like DrLam. com & Adrenalfatigue. org to learn more about this issue.
The good news is you can heal your adrenal glands. So check with a Endocrinologist doctor (just google this doctor type with you city name) and get tested. Do this ASAP. DONT SUFFER ANY MORE under stress. There is help for you.
CatHas9Lives
I was suicidal when I with with exPH, please hang in there, it gets better!
Hugs,
Cat
Jan7
Al Maldonado, I am sorry that you are in emotional pain over your divorce. It’s not easy to deal with all of the pain & the racing mind from the stress you are under now & have been under.
Please contact the The Veterans Crisis Line 800-273-8255
This is the wording on their site which you can google “The Veterans Crisis Line” to read more:
“This Crisis line connects Veterans in crisis and their families and friends with qualified, caring Department of Veterans Affairs responders through a confidential toll-free hotline, online chat, or text. Veterans and their loved ones can call 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1, chat online, or send a text message to 838255 to receive confidential support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Support for deaf and hard of hearing individuals is available.
PLEASE REACH OUT FOR HELP TONIGHT WITH THE CRISIS LINE & ALSO YOUR FRIENDS. You are not alone so reach out.
almaldonado07
Hello,
It is so tough. I just want to get even. I received an email from sources that belongs to Immigration Fraud division. I want so bad to get even. But, one of my friends tells me to let it go. Karma, will find a way to reach her. But, the though that she is laughing and now having a good time, makes me sad, angry and want to get even at any cost.
How can I be so stupid, not to see the signals.
Would, I be able to love, trust any other woman in the future.
I am a simple man, that is seeking a wife to love, cherish, have family and move forward with a life filled with all that comes with it; happiness, sadness, adventures, challenges and love.
What is wrong with this freaking world.
The only people that get ahead are those that commit evil acts.
WTF!!!!
NotWhatHeSaidofMe
almaldonado07
I don’t think that not submitting to being a party to her continuing fraud is “getting even”. It’s being a responsible citizen.
My ex commits financial fraud against people. Is it wrong of me to prevent them being victimized by his illegal activity? Or… rather, IF I can legitimately prevent victimization, do I have an obligation as a citizen to do so?
You decide.
Karma is a theory, and one that is frequently used to stop people from societal responsibilities. I wouldn’t allow someone to be a predator of children in the belief that karma will win out in the end.
Maybe being responsible about scams and frauds IS the manifestation of karma for them!
stronginthecity
Remembertoforget,
Happy birthday to you!
I hope you have a wonderful day!
Hugs,
Stronginthecity
KeepingOn
Happy birthday, Remember!
This is a start of a new and improved spath free year! Yay 🙂
Good thing you burned your dammit doll. New beginnings!!!
Xxxxx
Remembertoforget
SITC, KeepingOn,
Thank you guys!!
41- Lol!!
Here’s to a new year,new growth,and complete healing!
I did burn the doll, and the angry, sad journals!
I just saw his cousin outside, haven’t seen her in months- she was in detox rehab, so you see how the family is. She didn’t stop but talked as she walked and we exchanged hello’s how are you’s and take care. Ugh.
Lol. Moving on…!
KeepingOn
Remember,
Of course you would run into his cousin on your birthday! At least it was short and in passing.
Good work releasing your anger! I hope to be there someday soon.
Hope you’re enjoying your day and 41 so far!!!
Remembertoforget
KeepinOn,
That’s great how you notice some days the thoughts are less upon waking!
That’s how it got for me too. It is a process, and I had some triggers/anger all week, but it subsided. Hormones to contribute to that.
If anger comes back, next time, I may just use the punching bag or whatever the thing is someone has outside!
Congrats to you for socializing and keeping on!
xoxooooo
Jan7
Al Maldonado, I am sorry that you are in emotional pain over your divorce. It’s not easy to deal with all of the pain & the racing mind from the stress you are under now & have been under.
Please contact the The Veterans Crisis Line 800-273-8255
This is the wording on their site which you can google “The Veterans Crisis Line” to read more:
“This Crisis line connects Veterans in crisis and their families and friends with qualified, caring Department of Veterans Affairs responders through a confidential toll-free hotline, online chat, or text. Veterans and their loved ones can call 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1, chat online, or send a text message to 838255 to receive confidential support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Support for deaf and hard of hearing individuals is available.
PLEASE REACH OUT FOR HELP TONIGHT WITH THE CRISIS LINE & ALSO YOUR FRIENDS. You are not alone so reach out.
Jan7
Al, there is light at the end of the tunnel you just have to reach out for more help & right now it would be best for you to talk to someone on the phone vs over the computer. Here are two hotline numbers you can talk to a free counselor so you can know you are not alone…
1) The Veterans Crisis Line 800-273-8255
This is for US Veterans & since you served in the arm forces you can call this hotline to talk with someone about your situation.
2) The Suicide Assistance Hotline 1-800-273-TALK
No matter what problems you are dealing with, we want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE..PLEASE CALL THIS NUMBER TO TALK WITH SOMEONE & also call your friends & family for help too.
ichoseme
Al Maldonado,
What’s you’ve gone through is something that will take a lot of time to get over. It’s like you know there are people out here who aren’t good for you, but you never think that the better you treat someone the worse they can treat you, the more than can take for granted everything you’ve done for them, and that’s been the hardest pill to swallow for me. I’m not sure where you are now in comparison to when you sent your first message but I hope that you know even considering ending your life gives your ex ALL of the control. She’ll know she got the best of you and that you believed life without her wasn’t worth living. Don’t give her the benefit of having a LIFETIME of narcissistic supply to feed off of. I promise you when I say it gets better and once the fog clears you’ll begin to see things a little more clearly. You will still be angry, but as that subsides, and it will subside, you won’t feel the sting of her words or actions nearly as much as you do now. Please give it time and come back here for support – ALL of us want ALL of us to move on successfully.
stronginthecity
Jan7,
Did I see a comment last night about someone saying something about a gun?
SITC
almaldonado07
What is going on in this world. How can people manipulate others for their own gain and then walk away from a relationship. I feel so much that I do not belong in this nasty place. You give all your heart, you plan for the future. A person plans for the best and make some sacrifices. All to be kick, spit, to be treated as an enemy and worse after 3 weeks of separation to be cheated and betrayed.
What am I suppose to? Pretend none of this happen. Pretent and move forward with life. What the hell is going on of this worthless planet.
Jan7
Almaldonado07, it’s an emotional place that you are at right now. It’s so hard to deal with all the flash backs of your relationship as well as dealing with the reality of life right now. YOU will survive this place you are at right now…there is light at the end of the tunnel.
PLEASE PLEASE call this FREE hotline the The Veterans Crisis Line 800-273-8255 to talk with a free counselor right now 24/7 365 days a year. They can help you, you are not alone.
Also please make a doctors appointment to check your cortisol levels. With any breakup the body releases larges amounts of cortisol causing anxiety, depression, racing mind, sleep issues etc so the way you feel is also a physical body issues that is effecting your thinking right now. Your doctor can help you with this and settle your mind & cortisol levels.
Keep reaching out for help.
Donna Andersen
almaldonado07 – Everyone here at Lovefraud understands exactly what you are experiencing. The greatest shock of all is the realization that such evil, manipulative people actually EXIST, and they pretend to be loving and connected.
The shock is huge. Earth-shattering.
But you can get over it, I promise you. Reach out for help. You may be experiencing depression – which is certainly understandable, given what has happened. A doctor or therapist can help you.
stronginthecity
almaldonado07,
Hello. I am so sorry to hear what has happened and all us here can certainly identify will your feelings.
You will get through this, just know that is going to take time.
The thought these people can have absolutely have no remorse or empathy is overwhelming to say the least.
Be kind to yourself, please try to see a therapist so that you can start to move forward.
You will never forget but you have to power(in time) to forgive.
I understand that this is not going to happen overnight but you will get there.
Keep posting here, reading others stories and educate yourself on the sociopath so that you will never fall victim again.
Hugs to you,
Stronginthecity
Gaslit073168
Almaldonado… it’s truly devastating to be so poorly treated, but to also realize it was done with malicious intentions makes it so much harder to understand and accept.
No one deserves to be the target of abuse, and realizing that after loving someone who you found out too late has mental disorders can make you feel desperate and unsure about your own mental health. But that’s the part that I personally have to keep reminding myself of… I’m not the one who’s mentally ill. I was taken advantage of and abused in many ways by someone who intended all along to hurt me. It’s incomprehensible, but it’s a reality that everyone here can relate to. I’m sorry this was done to you. Remember, you didn’t deserve it and it was NOT your fault.
I hope you have reached out for help. I know others have given you the phone numbers to call, and I think when you’re feeling hopeless making these calls is the best possible option for you. Talking with someone who cares can make all the difference.
Take care.
stronginthecity
Hi Kittylover,
We are here for you.
I am so sorry that you had to under a medical procedure today.
I am happy that you are ok and its being monitored, how cool is technology?
I am also glad that you are taking care of yourself.
You really have come a long way in a relatively short period of time.
I am kinda feeling the same way today.
After I realized the guy I was supposed to meet yesterday clearly wanted to just “hook up” I decided that I was not ok with that, reg flag. At least he was honest! I don’t think he is bad but that is what I don’t need right now.
I did go to dinner with my sister Saturday night and that was fun.
It felt so good to get out of the house and be social.
You will find a way to make it to the courthouse, you still have time.
Right now please rest and let that camera do it’s work.
I know you are feeling yucky, taken advantage of but that is done.
There is nothing to do but move forward.
Just a thought I wonder if you can somehow write HIM off as a medical expense on your taxes, and maybe get some money back???
you were smart to get out as soon as you got that horrible pocket dialed call.
Some people would even take someone back after that and you did NOT!
How wonderful to have a friend that took you for your procedure today. I am still in the process of trying to rebuild friendships that I just blew off over and over again.
You will make more money, and you will be ok.
I’m so happy that you are dating and trusting again.
What he did by lying and promising you that you would be a couple makes me want to puke.
I literally feel your pain.
I got an engagement ring fom mine just to confuse me even more.
It never meant a thing.
My house is a disaster and on medical leave from work….
UGH!!!
Some days, like today are harder than others.
It’s so hard to believe these monsters walk among us…slithering their way through life purposely hurting people for the sick enjoyment of it.
This is a life lesson for sure, I have learned to never ignore my gut feeling ever again.
You will meet an amazing person who will love you and care for you in the way you deserve.
Try to get some rest!
Double kitty hugs to you.
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
Remembertoforget
It’s like…think about it, can you imagine just going with anyone who gives you attention? I have to be attracted, like them, enjoy their company, genuinely. Right? I can’t imagine just bouncing around from person to person declaring such things to them, and not even really liking them.
They are sluts.
They will marry you one minute, and if you fight, go right online and talk to the next girl. Yes, a sickness I get it, but boy I couldn’t imagine being like that.
Eewwwww. Hopping around with any ol person all the time, and declaring the world.
Knock knock knock on your head. Nobody’s home!!!!!!
Remembertoforget
And the night I was cowered down on the kitchen floor afraid for dear life, I should have opened the cabinet and took out the frying pan!!!!
Maybe he wouldn’t do that to anybody again!
BAM!
KeepingOn
Kitty, Remember, Strong…
Yes, this is so unfair!!
Here I’ve been feeling better and then BAM (that’s for you, Remember) I have another nightmare last night and can’t seem to pull myself out of it.
Usually I can manage to semi turn my day around. Not today!!! I’m anxious. I feel sick. I’ve been unmotivated. Tired. And can’t stop obsessing.
Usually when it’s this bad it’s my gut giving me warning flags that somethings about to happen. I hope that’s not the case. So what am I doing? Obsessing about that!
I should’ve written earlier on here today. I feel like I’m just now releasing it even though I’ve been journaling.
I’m having one of my days that I think, “Is this my last day? I’d he going to kill me tonight?”
I know I may sound ridiculous and parinoid. I just can’t shake this feeling. It’s feels so real and deep down in me sometimes. It’s an emotional DANGER feeling. Hard to explain.
At least tomorrow is a new day. I’ll wake up and still be alive and know all is good. Until the next day I have like this!
I’m so sorry for you all. For what your ex’s have done to you.
Kitty, I pray your health is okay. This stress can cause son much bodily harm.
Remember, it pisses me off that at one point you were on your kitchen floor afraid for your life. You are a kind soul who deserves so much more.
Strong, I hope you are able to heal ad fully ad possible during your medical leave. Sorry that guy was just out to get some. At least you saw the red flags so soon!
Remembertoforget
kitty,
Hi hunny. Glad you got through the endo ok. Stuff like that is never fun.
Take it easy the rest of the day, kick back and relax in the AC!
I hope you make it to the courthouse before the RO expires.
I hope your tests on your belly come back fine. Of course your gut is messed up! Mine was as well.
You are doing Awesome woman!
xoxoxoxo
Stargazer
Kitty lover, I’m just starting to learn about Chinese medicine, but I believe acupuncture could help your physical condition – it’s very good for unblocking energy and balancing organ function. It can be used for depression, anxiety, and all kinds of emotional ailments. If not acupuncture, some form of energy work like cranial sacral or jin shin jitsu might be helpful. I’ve had so much of it, and it has been very beneficial to me. Not only can it help you feel grounded and more relaxed, but it can help discharge repressed emotions. A lot of times, trauma victims have a difficult time feeling and discharging feelings. This is part of the PTSD. That is why talking therapy only goes so far for some of us.
Having said that, you have every right to be angry. What he did is despicable. And I think if you can regard it as an expensive lesson, this may help in letting go of the anger so you can move on. I’ve had to throw pillows around and beat them with a plastic bat (poor pillows) at various times to discharge the anger I’ve had over all the betrayal in my life. Do what you have to do to get through it. At least you are out of denial. A very beloved former member here used to say, “Better to have loved and lost than live with a psycho for the rest of your life.”