Editor’s Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts by the name “stronginthecity.”
I am currently in a relationship with a sociopath. I’ve been with him since June 2013. I was with him before. That relationship ended in 2006, leaving me jobless and depressed because he left the relationship abruptly and literally disappeared.
I am a medical professional, so I am the typical target I guess.
He resurfaced last year proclaiming his love for me and how much he missed me — giving three or four reasons, explanations why he left. I kept tabs on him through the years from time to time and found out he was in prison in 2009 for drug charges.
He is a constant liar and manipulator and we had a “chance” meeting in a drugstore parking lot where I had never been before in February 2013.
Again he disappeared then reappeared around May 2013. I saw him drive past my house many times. He never tried to contact me until June of 2013 when he got my phone number from a mutual friend.
I had just started dating again and was on a first date with a man when he called me. The calls were blocked and I didn’t listen to the messages until the next day.
He said that he was at a street festival and “why don’t you answer your phone” and “you should meet me”. I didn’t even know it was him. I had an idea but wasn’t sure.
A few weeks later, exactly the time I was leaving for work, he called again from a blocked number and I answered. It was him telling me he was working in my state, when he was really 2,000 miles away with his wife and children, saying he wanted to meet me for dinner. I agreed to meet him and before I knew it I was in deep again.
He actually did get divorced from his wife, but now the wife has moved to my area and things are again in the crazy stage. I have caught him in numerous lies and am certain he has cheated multiple times but I never actually caught him.
I have been back and forth trying to establish no contact but somehow I always end up back with him as he makes me believe the lies and sucks me into the drama. He loves me. I am the only one yet other women, who he claims are friends call his phone.
I also believe he has made copies of my house keys and comes into my house when I am at work.
He has not held down any steady job since June 2013, thank goodness I am full time employed but he knows my work schedule and keeps tabs on me. He tells me I am crazy when I question the nonsense. He lies about his whereabouts and actually gives me “clues” just to make me jealous. I am at wits end right now as he is trying to wiggle his way back into my life.
The last time I saw him was Halloween weekend, after an argument again about his whereabouts.
I need help to maintain no contact as he is texting me with the, “I’m a good guy story, I miss you” again. Of course we have an incredible sexual relationship and he swears he does not want anyone else, and has not been with another woman since June 2013.
My gut is telling me he is lying and I know I am right.
Unfortunately, I had a setback and saw him last weekend and during this week. Thank goodness he had a trip planned during our no contact and I am glad he is gone as I found myself making life plans with this man again.
He has been on his best behavior since I agreed to see him Saturday night. He spent the night Saturday and Sunday. He went to work Monday and Tuesday night and came over again making me dinner, flowers, my favorite wine and worked on my house. The whole nine yards. He left Thursday morning because he wanted to see his kids that he has not seen in over a year.
I am glad he is there as I need this time to regroup and make sense, crazy sense of this entire situation. I will continue to post and read on your Lovefraud because it’s so helpful to me. I know that I need to stay away from this man ”¦ he was talking about getting married again. He said lets write up a prenup and get married because he loves me, blah blah blah.
I DON’T TRUST HIM.
I left him alone in my home again. I need to end this once and for all.
Amille22,
You will get there too.
I promise.
You will be led to the right direction.
Keep faith and stay strong!
(It’s ok to have a good cry too!)
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
KO,
Yes, I thought that too, since they are all alike thats what would happen.
He would have one of his puppets follow me.
Be careful!
Me and little strong are going to the beach, I am just a little disturbed he may be back in town, who cares…he called his 3 times last night, line gets disconnected.
Haha.
Try to get that plate # if you see that car again.
Have a safe and wonderful day!
SITC
KeepingOn,
Ok, take some breaths.
The car that was parked out front was there when the police came?
If this is a stalker, may or may not be but’s lets stay safe here.
Did you see the car again today?
If you do see the car again either out walking or parked outside call police right away.
Make sure you note day and time of seeing the car.
Try to note, if you can the type of car.
Is it like a Camry, or a large sedan? Do you think it’s a current model? Color? Dark or light?
Do you have a friend that can come stay with you tonight?
The officer who came to your home may have noted this car when he came by.
They are trained to look for things and may have remembered seeing the car too.
I’m not saying stay locked in your home but just be cautious.
Change up your routine.
Can you drive to a public park and take your walk there?
Just for now until you figure out whats going on here.
If he knows this will scare you he may be banking on you reaching out to him.
Keep your grounding.
Did you speak to your therapist today?
If not, put in a call and leave a message.
This stalking tactic is meant to keep you off balance.
You know this.
Did you speak to your neighbors about this?
You are right about blocking my expath completely.
Even though the line disconnects when he calls it’s bothering me.
Things have been really quiet for several weeks and here we go again.
I just did the 9999 block right now so I won’t even know when he calls, plus when I got back from the beach(I only stayed a bit to read a book for the first time in about a year) I think I saw him drive by.
I just closed and locked all of the windows and put the air on even though its a gorgeous night.
I can’t risk seeing him.
I know how you are feeling.
Like I said it’s that fest weekend, when he first called me and all of his puppets will be there.
If I get one single call from a blocked or other number(#’s that are not in my contacts get blocked by app) it’s time to change the number and I have no problem doing that.
It will be ok, we will be ok.
Your intuition is kicking in for a reason and I say trust it.
I will be home fore the evening if you post I will respond.
Hugs..it’s going to be ok
I don’t mean to freak you out but I say better safe than sorry.
Call 911 if anything at all looks or feels not right.
You can request the police to monitor your home throughout the night if need be.
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
Thanks for your support, Strong. I did talk to my therapist today. She’s the one who told me it’s most likely his doing because of the standing NC.
The car is a very big SUV and not very common. I described it to the police as having too many windows. Haha. The police officer came into my house and I didn’t even think to mention it. Not sure if it was there when he left?
I’m staying safe. No car today. I live in a tight knit community and spoke to some neighbors all of which said they’ve never seen that car outside. Sooo creepy. I’m sure they didn’t known the cops we’re coming. Hopefully that was a good deterrent. My therapist said she thought me using my phone would maybe scare them off. Clearly not if they were parked outside after!
I’ll call the police if I notice anything. Hopefully I won’t!
Glad you’re staying safe. If you suspect he drove by while you were out he probably did. Sucks having to lock yourself inside. Good work on the blocking his number! I can’t stand that we have to consider their minions too. Enough is enough!
I ended up calling the national domestic hotline last night which helped some. The person I talked to suggested it may be time to safety actions and move out of town. Not the first time I’ve been advised to do this. I’m just not ready and hope he gets bored.
KeepingOn,
You are welcome!
Sounds like you are on top of it.
Great job calling the hotline last night for support.
Hopefully whoever this is will get bored because you are not reacting and just go away.
We both know that they want any reaction and we are not giving it to them.
I hope you don’t have to move.
I’m glad that you will call police. They will respond. I too hope you don’t have to but….
I don’t want you to divulge any info here that will put you in danger.
Its so good that we have each other.
I’m not too worried about him, there is nothing he can do or say to make me talk to him.
I’m staying on the it’s all about me now plan.
I know how irate he becomes when he can’t contact me.
Hopefully one of his other supplies and or puppets are keeping him entertained.
I saw him(I think it was him) drive by when I came home from the beach.
Have a safe peaceful evening.
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
KeepingOn,
I hope that you had an uneventful evening and all is well.
I checked all of the windows in my house before I went to sleep and was PISSED to find out the window in the guest room was UNLOCKED.
I never leave a window unlocked.
I am very aware of this.
I don’t use the guestroom all that much but I know that even if I open a window to clean it or if I just have the windows open I always lock them with the regular window lock and the little things on the side that only let you open it about 4 inches.
Anyway it’s locked now.
I feel very tired today.
I slept until almost 10…
I saw there is a love chat coming up, I think it’s tonight.
I could use some support!
Let me know how you are!!!
SITC
KeepingOn,
The second sentence of my last post was a typo..it said thats good.
Sorry about that.
SITV
Strong, KO,
I hope you guys are having a well weekend.
I hope you don’t have a run in with the ex Strong.
I hope you are NOT followed again KO. Maybe it’s some new creep… ugh.
I am done finally for the week. It was a 6 day week for me, well one is only a quarter day, but still… now I have the next 2 days off.
I had some thoughts here and there creeping in and out. Bleh.
At least they don’t bother me that they exist anymore (the thoughts).
Blah Blah Blah, I don’t wana blab about the ex and thoughts. LOL.
Hey, in Melanie’s emails I find the articles linked in them to be great.
xxxxxxooooooo
One day they will all just be a faint memory. May we all live that long.
🙂
Remembertoforget,
Glad you have some time off!
I hope you have some time to focus on you now.
No run ins, not going to focus on the pain and emotion of “it”.
Don’t let them creepies in.
We really need to focus on us!
We rock.
She has 3 new youtube videos if you can’t find them let me know.
It really explains the cycle of addiction.
I’m worried about KO, she has not responded after last night when she was talking the car situation.
I’m hoping she is safe and just lying low right now.
Have a nice peaceful weekend!
XOXO,
SITC
Strong and Remember,
I’m doing okay. Just in a bad head space. I was doing so much better. Focusing on me, seeing the light. I know Melanie says we can stop the madness by healing within. Struggling with that right now. I’ve been doing meditations but I am bothered and scared.
The stalking has been going on for so long. Sometimes I handle it okay. Sometimes not (like now). After some clear thinking and therapy I know it’s him. Too many things adding up. A lot more stalking events recently that I haven’t shared. I don’t want to give him power but I’m scared for my safety at this point.
I’m trying to let go of my fear, trying to look within. Regardless, it’s hard to do that when I feel my life is in danger. I feeling lost and alone. I’m usually able to stay postive through all of this. Right now I want to curl up and hide. This is so not me. But seriously, this crap is really starting to get to me.
I’ve maintained NC to the fullest. I’ve made so many changes. I’m focusing on myself and self care. How do you ground and focus on self when being threatened so often. I feel like I’ve lost the balance I worked so hard to achieve. I was finally almost there! I could feel it. And now I’m beating myself up for not enjoying life when I fear he’s going to harm me.
When I feel at a loss or unsafe I take action…I take care of me, surround me with healthy people, I go to therapy, call the domestic hotline, and the police when I reach a final point (despite my not so great experiences). Maybe I’m not looking in enough? I feel like I’m pretty good with expressing and letting myself go? I know the nature if trauma…I’m so skilled at it at this point! Haha. Or maybe this is just the nature of stalking? How do I free myself when this man has so many holds of me (elextronic, physical, etc)?
Sorry for the rambling and dramatics. I hate when I get to this place. I feel helpless. I may be able to control me, my environment and my responses…but I can’t control him and his actions.
KeepingOn,
Glad you are ok!
You had a bad day today.
Tomorrow will be much better.
Don’t let this be your new norm.
You are there.
What’s going on is enough to make anyone feel that way.
You are doing everything you can to take care of these things.
Don’t let him take your freedom and independence.
Please don’t feel you have to apologize.
He will get bored, you know he’s trying to get a charge from you.
Don’t let it.
Make some plans to do something tomorrow.
Try not to let it run your mind.
I know easy for me or anyone else to say.
We have and will continue to work to free ourselves from this.
We will.
Get some good sleep tonight and tomorrow is a new day.
You are not alone…
Hugs,
Stronginthecity
PS Try to look at the youtube videos there were 3 that are in a email link today and # 3 has a session included.
It’s an hour long so that can clear your mind for a bit??
Strong,
Thank you! Ugh, I don’t have the energy to do anything tonight. Another strange car, another bad experience. I’m too tired to go into details. I wasn’t on a walk, was at home but I did get some video of it. Maybe I’m just parinoid? I don’t think so. This is all not common where I live.
I spoke with a neighbor after my last post. She said on Wed (the 1st day I was followed) there was a big car (matching my exact description) parked in the middle of the street in front of my house. The car wouldn’t let her by so she had to circle the block to park. She thought it was strange. This was 3hrs before I was followed. She gave me the model of the car. I told her it was parked outside of my house the next night after following me again. She said until that day she’d never seen it.
Okay, here I go, going down the rabbit hole but this is all so not normal….I’m just trying to wrap my head around it.
My therapist says I down play this stuff too much because I don’t want to believe it and that it’s a natural trauma coping response. Not sure what she’ll have to say about the car tonight…
I didn’t want to call the police.
Maybe I’m just paranoid and crazy.
KeepingOn,
How are you?
I was thinking about this and I guessing the reason you don’t want to call the police is that you don’t want to stir the pot.
IDK, but maybe if you handed off some of the work regarding whats going on here you might feel better???
That SUV that was blocking the street with your neighbor the other day did she happen to see if the plate is from your state or out of state?
Try if you can to get the plate #, I know I sound like a broken record but just for peace of mind it can be ran by police since stalking is a crime and you have already reported it.
Don’t let this take you back to that place again.
We feel the fog lifting and we are getting better.
I felt something last night, it was the fog lifting and I was able to see the entire situation for what it was.
I want you to get there too.
I don’t know whats all involved here with the stalking but if you run this past one of your trusted friends maybe they can tell you to let the police handle this.
It will be ok.You are not crazy or paranoid, you are scared.
Please consider letting the police handle this???
Even a common thug will be scared off by a visit from a detective…
Just sayin!
Stronginthecity
Strong,
I’m having a much better day. I came to a point last night that enough is enough! I meditated this morning, went on a long run, saved a dog from traffic and got it back to its owner. Feeling good.
I did talk to neighbors about getting plates if they see the car again. I’ve talked to my therapist in length about filing a report. My therapist has a lot of experience with this type of stuff and sometimes reports can amp things up, depending on the stalkers profile. I ultimately don’t feel safe filing and have to trust my gut on this. I believe he would take this as a challenge and it would be fun for him.
Thank you for your suggestions. Definitely going to work on getting the plate #! As for my close friends, they are very supportive. They belive I need to move far away and have offered to help. I just don’t feel ready. I read an article of Melanie’s last night about it. She said if a person feels unsafe they need to move first before working on the healing and that most victims will not feel ready for a move and to just do it!
I’m just grateful to feel grounded again today. I have more moments than not of the fog lifting. I’m going to open my heart, continue looking within and believe the answers will come and I’ll know what’s right for me and what steps I need to take.
Thank you so much for your support and for your help lifting me while I was down!
I’m so happy your fog is lifting and you’re finding yourself in a better place. You deserve that, as do we all!
KeepingOn,
So glad to hear you are feeling better today!
You saved a dog from traffic!
The owner and doggy are grateful I’m sure!
You know what’s best.
I totally get it.
These people are unpredictable and you have to stay safe.
If you need to move to save yourself from this, and you have friends offering to help you..something to consider for sure.
Once you are removed from the day to day nonsense with the spath it becomes clear.
It’s a slow process but every day is getting better.
I have a mountain of paperwork to go through and take a look at the bills…ugh
Ordered my supplements this morning, my vid D3 is so low and I ordered some other things for me!
I found out that to get a quick dose of magnesium take a Epsom salt bath! I did not know that.
I did that and soaked for 20 minutes, it helps muscle tension and it gets absorbed through the skin.
I hope you have a nice relaxing day.
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
Strong,
I have Epsom salt but rarely use it. I had no idea about the magnesium! I may just have to put that on my schedule for tonight. 🙂
It feels good ordering things for yourself. Good to hop on the supplement train. I’ve struggled with low D as well.
Good luck with the bills! I’m going to go buy good food and keep my spirits lifted. Definitely considering a move. One day at a time for now.
Enjoy your Sunday!!
Hi KeepingOn,
First off, I want to encourage you to listen to Melanie’s radio show.
I had been doing so much I finally clicked on the one I put in the link and it makes so much sense.
I had been unhappy for a long time even before the fog inducer came around.
I had a great career and was very blessed to be able to take care of myself financially.
After my divorce over 10 years ago I was on top in my field. I had it! I changed jobs about every 2 years because of money.
Now I barely have any and the job I may or may not have in 2 weeks is not even in my field..long story.
I don’t want to go back there,but if I don’t get on board here I am going to be a bad scene.
That’s why I was so disappointed when things didn’t go as planned with him.
The thought of having a partner to help me pay the bills and possibly moving to the country was my dream.
He was using my dream to get in my head when he had no intention of doing so.
Now that I am alone I realize this is my chance to be happy with me.
I never used my intuition to stay away from these people because I did not know that I needed to work on me before I could choose the right partner, job and home location.
Done with the bills…I totally lost track of the month of July..I paid my mortgage and CC but the utilities got lost somewhere. Oh boy.
Now I have to figure out the rest of my life, lol.
I am actually smiling and laughing.
Seriously I have to figure this out. I have to figure out(KO I know you can identify with this)
Vitamin D deficiency is genetic and depending on where you live a large problem.
I get the gummy flavored(like a treat I take them) and you need to get 4000 iu daily.
This like so many other things I put aside when I was in the fog.
I’ve been out for at least a month.
Next time you get blood drawn ask your doc to add it.
Sorry I am rambling here.
My sister went to the fest last night and invited me to go but I opted out of that one.
I don’t know if she knows that I am in a funk about him possibly being there but I didn’t want to dump it on her.
I can’t say that I am grateful for having my breakdown, but I kinda am.
I would have just kept going along on auto pilot, pushing this all down and probably would have contacted him for relief even though I know it would have been for me.
I do take responsibility for my role in all that happened.
I hope you listen to the show when you get a chance!
Very good.
I need to get something for dinner too!
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
KeepingOn,
UGH!
Regarding the Epsom salt bath, start slow with a half cup and only stay in it for a 5 minutes and not 20 like Dr. Oz said.
I woke up in the middle of the night with stomach pain and cramps. I needed to take some Imodium.
Sorry. I hope that you did not have the same issue.
I’ll keep my home remedies to myself!
I thought I could trust Dr. Oz!
Hope all is quiet and non foggy for you today!
XOXO
Stronginthecity
KeepingOn, Remember and anyone else that needs an uplift right now.
Worth a listen..
Good stuff.
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/empowered-love/2015/07/24/narcissistic-abuse-the-5-victim-illusions
SITC
Strong, KO,
Holy crap! I thought everyone was quiet, I just looked at my spam folder and there was 15 emails! I forgot to renew my subscription here, and can’t find that email!
I hope you guys had a decent weekend. I’m sorry KO. I think healing the inside doesn’t apply to straight up stalking issues!
That’s nothing to do with your wounds!
Strong who has 3 new videos? Teal or Melanie?
Xxxxoooo
Hey Strong and Remember!
I’ve been off the radar. I’ve had a ton of work stuff to do and positively plugging along.
Remember, update that subscription! I can see how you’d lose that email. 🙂 I agree with the healing and stalking issues. Normally I can separate them but the scare tactics are amping up. It makes me uncomfortable. I talked to my therapist, again, sigh…she thinks there’s a strong possibility the new car and strange man watching me are connected. She responded to me saying “this doesn’t make sense” because “it doesn’t make sense.” It’s not right. Some more crap happened today. Just keeping on!
Strong, I wanted the same things as you..a partner to share bills with, be happy and move to the country of my dreams! They play on that stuff big time. All in her can identify, I’m sure. I created a strong budget yesterday so I can move out of the country rather than just be forced out of my home. May as well move toward something I’ve always wanted to do!
Thanks for sharing about the bath. I’m sure we all have a different tolerance level? I didn’t take my bath or listen to the link you posted. I will in time…yesterday I did work and self care. It felt best to stay away from the narc world and everything associated. I’m still focusing on me but sometimes I need to take a step back and over without being too thoughtful about it.
For many years my vitamin D has been up and down. Didn’t realize there is a genetic factor! I’m due for my annual soon and will make sure in get the blood work!
Hope you ladies are well today! I plan for bed early tonight.
Remember and KeepingOn,
I had a very quiet weekend until Sunday night when I received my first “flying monkey ” call.
It was a call from one of his stupid friends telling me that I NEED to call him (thespath).
While I was on the phone with dummy the spath (dummy#1) called and was able to get into my voicemail.
This indeed put me into a bit of a funk.
I deleted the voicemail but listened to it today because if it was threatening in any way I was going to file a report.
I logged into my cell carrier and saw all of the calls(blocked)to me and I have had enough!
Well the voice mail just said that I NEED to call him immediately in his stern voice..
Um, that would be NO, I am not calling you.
KO, i am so sorry that this stalking situation has gotten worse.
I know you are capable of taking care of things. Please be safe and I will pray for you.
Remember, you sound good!
Very positive!
Melanie has 3 videos, on Youtube, they are not new, but she just posted them..IDK that lady kinda confuses me, lol!
I am going to see a Naprapath for my back this morning that happens to be blocks from my house, I’m hoping he can help and not put me in the ER, I will try to remain positive!
Still don’t know whats going on with the job..
KO, positive thoughts your way on the moving situation!
Remember, keep up the positive energy.
Love you guys!
SITC
Strong,
Good work staying NC and recognizing what he’s up to…change that #!! 🙂
Glad the acupuncture went well today! Thank you for sharing your thoughts on paying for the modules. Good to know! I was wondering about that…Hopefully it will be worth the money in the long run!
I truly appreciate your positive thoughts and support. Today has been a good stalking free day!
Strong,
Hi!
I am very glad you have 0% desire to talk to him. It’s pointless!
I’ve seen Mel’s videos- they are about peptide addiction. The things I prefer most from her are her articles linked in her emails. The rest is ok.
Today my hormones are effecting me. I got upset because I remember my first phone convo w him and he was like No noo relationships- just a few friends…n I was like oh friends w benefits etc etc…I don’t do that.
I should have listened to that. Of course once we started hanging out more he was all in. I still got love bombed, well, I guess he has it like that. Friends with benefits. He isn’t even cute.
SITC,
Cont… so i’m trying to identify what is it i’m feeling? Regret? Pity for myself? Jealousy/ego?
I’m trying here!
Remember,
I totally get it! Wth was I thinking?!! So many red flags from the start…
I find myself in that place sometimes. Hormones, regret, pity, ego and jealousy…all of the above! So we looked past the res flags, we are more educated now and discovering ourselves like we’ve never known.
I went out for my friends 60th birthday tonight. Many friends who she hadn’t seen in years came. I enjoyed myself and others there, however I was aware of how negatively a couple of her friends viewed their lives and life in general.
It got me thinking, I’m not yet 40, being stalked on almost a daily basis for over a year now and have experienced so much abuse for many years and from different sources in my life. Yet I view life very differently than some of the people I spoke to tonight. I still feel, hope, positivity and love. It’s hard to explain but I felt that a couple of them have given up in a sense. I was encouraged to stay single, not have children, etc. I explained that I am open to what life has to offer but that it first starts with me and my happiness. They don’t know about my situation. They still discouraged me. I wonder what that’s about? I recognize their views are about them, not me.
I am not better than them. But I am proud of myself. I want all that life has to offer and I refuse to limit myself. I thought I’ve been viewing life from this harsh and negative lense, when in actuality I am viewing life from a brighter light and perspective than I could’ve ever imagined. How about that for a reality check?
All of this crap aside and it’s hit me. I may not be/feel safe, but I am okay. And looking forward to all the goodness my future has to offer.
I hope that you were able to find peace by the end of this day. Knowing you from this site, you did. If not, tomorrow is a new day!
Remembertoforget,
Yes!
Less than desire, so that makes it negative desire, in fact the flying monkeys verified what a true scumbag he really is.
Done talking about that.
The Naparapath doctor was amazing, be decided that acupuncture was right for me and seriously is a half mile from my home, hes reminded me of a smart hippie!
I think I’m in love with him!
He did his thing on my back..haha my dirty mind..
the acupuncture and it was 40.00…
He said that he could tell that I would react well to the acupuncture and could feel the chi releasing.
Well I felt so much better, I was going to go to the beach but as I was leaving his office and heading to the beach I decided to do some errands instead.
Good thing because I feel totally drained and tired, in an awesome way.
Anyway, I wanted to share Dr.Webster’s healing story!
Yes, I agree about Melanie’s stuff, I would not recommend paying for the “modules” because she gives you everything you need in the webinar.
I had such a release with that I wanted more!
I do like emails and the links!
Friends with benefits, I agree..for me I am not into that.
What you are feeling..all of the above.
I think that it’s ok to be with those feelings for awhile, face them feel them and then let them float on by.
Ugh, I remember those hormone days, I feel ya girl.
I used PMS Harmony ..yes it’s a real thing, and that helped me. As soon as I would get my period I would feel so much better.
Hopefully that will pass in a few days.
Don’t blame yourself for falling in love.
I don’t.
I have beat myself up but I am so done with that.
Most of them are not that cute, it’s their acting ability that’s appealing.
Thank you so much for sharing all of the info on the meditations, etc!
They have been so helpful.
Hopefully he is not bothering you and you have a nice peaceful day!
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
Keeping On,
I just LOVE your post! It’s so significant.
I read it twice. All of what you said about noticing people’s behaviors and views, vibes, etc… perfect timing.
I am feeling all of this- and what a reality check indeed.
I have 2 people left, from that genre of people- party people, and the girl, my friend, is going through a mess. Going through divorce, ex has her 3 kids, she’s staying at friends, yet still parties. Came over my place, barely can pay attention to me when I talk, only quickly, on fb, on to the next distraction etc. etc… this is how all those type of friendships went. She said turn on music or tv, aren’t you bored? You’re getting old.
Just like you- I am not better than anyone, but, I am remembering and learning that we are all growing at a different time/pace.
She also was told last year that the Ns 1st ex with the bmw was asking about me and never told me. If an ex girlfriend was inquiring about her I certainly would have told my friend!
And so…I watched a video on outgrowing people today.
Thank you for your post!!!!!!
Xoxoxoooo
Remember,
THANK YOU for your reply. It means a lot to me that you understand. I had a feeling you would which is why I shared.
It’s strange, this new place we’re in. You’re friend saying you were old…hits home. I’ve talked to my therapist on length about it. It’s like I’m so comfortable in the place I’m in yet it seema so unappealing to others at the same time.
I was hit on a couple of weeks ago while with friends. The man was engaging me, talking a lot, giving me compliments. He seemed sincere and I enjoyed it. Apparently I wasn’t reacting enough. He asked if I was bored. No! I was just taking it all in….I used to be such a conversationalist and the life of the party. Haha. Buy seriously(!l I was just taking it all in and felt no need to be otherwise. It’s like I’m comfortable with myself and in my body. No need to impress.
It’s hard to believe your friend didn’t tell you about your ex’s ex inquiring about you. I’m sure she had her reasons. Maybe she didn’t think much about it or wanted to protect you in some way? She seems to be in her own mind right now and is dealing with her shit in her own way….
I look back and think…is that how I dealt with stuff I the past? Yes and no. After I got divorced years ago without realizing what/who he was I escaped through partying. I was aware I was self medicating, I was still young and I didn’t underatand. I can’t even begin to imagine doing that now and with 3 kids…NO way in hell! Clearly you’re in the same place as I am.
The place I’m in now is different. I feel it’s a spiritual growth. I still get caught up in my own stuff having to do with my ex, caught up in my rabbit hole, which really isn’t a hole at all…it’s my reality, one I would like to think isn’t real at all. Still, I find myself in this place. This place of self acceptance. Maybe boring to some. Yet a place that feels so right and comfortable to me.
I feel like I’m growing. Maybe a sign of self love and respect?
I hope this makes sense. I have to post from my cell and that makes writing on here difficult! I have a hard time writing fluently with this device.
KO,
The girl I was saying, has always been partying-and still is!
Just realize I don’t have anything in common w her.
Strong,
That is awesome news about the accupuncture! 40.00 sounds great!
Doing that and meditating and some stretching is just like therapy! That is a great gift to give yourself.
I believe Melanie about the talk therapy only gets us so far.
Last night I thought about crying but couldn’t hahaaa! I was going to write down, and identify the root feeling of my feelings- but they passed, I guess I identified in my head.
I too usually feel better emotionally once the menstrual starts!
The stuff we women go through!!
So, have a well day and yes, rest when your body says so… and watch out for flying monkeys! Ha just kidding- you are past them!
I did always wish someone would confirm what a loser my ex was. His cousin sort-of did, but she was high when she spoke to me!
Buh byeeeee!
Remembertoforget, KeepingOn, Kittylover and all my LF friends and survivors,
I received this email this morning just in the nick of time!
Wanted to share.
A Letter from My Future Self as a Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse
by Kim Saeed
~ by Amy L.
To My Present Self –
I know right now you feel scared and lost. I know that the amount of pain you are in feels unbearable and you are scared to experience your feelings.
I know that right now you are afraid of the deep depression that you think you may go into if you stop and allow yourself to grieve it all. I promise you one day this will all make sense. I promise that you aren’t going through this in vain. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I promise that you will get there.
You have all the tools, remember to use them. Don’t use alcohol, work or other men as a way to escape. Please have patience with yourself; your soul is going through a transition. Reach out and connect with people when you need help. You are worth it.
I promise you that the pain will lessen each day and that the worst of it is over. If you need to cry, let yourself cry…no matter where you are. Don’t hold back tears for other people’s comfort. Be open, don’t allow yourself to stay secluded in your pain.
Take the time to learn to trust your instincts again, they are beautiful. One day you will use this pain and turn it around. Remember how resilient you are.
Use where you are right now as a tool to further your empathy and compassion for others. Fall in love with yourself.
Remember who you are. Allow God to heal you. Don’t hide. Don’t say that you are okay when you are not. It is brave to share. Stay in the arena. I know how bad this hurts right now. I know you thought you were his soulmate, special and different. I know believing that seemed to soothe the childhood wounds you had that made you feel you were not lovable or important…and I know when he took your dreams away by revealing his mask that those wounds became deeper.
This is your chance to heal the mistaken beliefs you hold about yourself. I am sorry you had to be hurt so to remember that healing these wounds is a part of your journey. Please know that karma is inevitable… and you need do nothing to have justice.
Please stop thinking that connecting to him will bring you closure. It won’t. He banks on keeping you uncertain and imbalanced so he can continue to take from you. Even if he has New Supply at the moment, his keeping you in a state of imbalance ensures that you’ll be around for back-up supply. Remember that. I know it hurts, but you have to be the one to never allow yourself to be manipulated again….
You are getting there, I promise. One day this will all make sense. Pray to God when you need him…He is there, always.
Love,
Your Healed and Hopeful Future Self
Remembertoforgrt,
Sure hope you are feeling better today!
I’m glad those thoughts that you were feeling have passed.
I kinda feel like we are in the same place right now.
I have to figure out where all of this is coming from.
I am trying not to beat myself up over some low life con artist, user and abuser.
I know it’s not about him but it still hurts.
I am going to look for another therapist.
I just need some direction right now because I am feeling lost.
I think that the acupuncture has helped.
I still have a lot of back pain and stressed out if I should get the injection…
I’m afraid that it will make it worse. I have had 1 a long time ago.
SITC
I feel a bit sad today. The past few days. Must be the menstrual bringing it up.
Just disappointed, this time, this one relationship I wasn’t able to just get through it and keep going. Keep doing business as usual. Nope. All kinds of things stopped, and all kinds of things had to change. I couldn’t keep doing it anymore- whatever it was I would do to keep going.
Behaviors, friends, me, all up for examination and elimination.
Guess i’m greiving my past life.
Are we really better off than those types?
I wouldn’t be able to keep up.
Remember,
I’m sorry you were sade yeaterday. How you doing today?
I’ve been keeping myself busy. Decided to start training for a half marathon which means a lot of early mornings for a while! It’s been a good distraction, that and work. At least they’re both healthy ones! I needed to put more time into work. I’ve done so much self care, down time, etc but it’s time to start balancing my life more. Going to still do a lot of self care but it’s time to start living among society again!
In response to your post, YES we are really better off than them! I’ve grieved my life before as well (still am). Sometimes it’s just hard to wrap my brain around it all. So many loses, sadness and personal growth coinciding.
I too am realizing how little I have in common with past friends. I’ve managed to start surrounding myself with good people who I can relate to and it feels so much better. Good riddens! I still cry about it from time to time though.
I think you should give yourself a big hug. You’ve come so far! Please remind me of the same on my next bad day.:) Oh the ebbs and flows….it’s getting old.
Speaking of hormonal times, I must be giving off a scent. I was asked out last night and fully hit on at the grocery store today. Grocery store guy was creepy. I actually agreed to go out with the guy I met last night. Not sure how I’ll feel about it in a couple of days. I’m not feeling totally disinterested in the idea of it. A month ago, he’ll no!
I’m not intersted in a relationship yet. I still have a lot of personal work to do. He was awkward and attractive. We’ll see. I’m a little curious to get my fwet wet.
I’ve been feeling confident this weekend so maybe that’s why I’m getting hit on? Or they are sniffing out my weaknesses! Being in this place is weird…questioning everyone’s motives…
Just a week ago I was so down and now I’m back up again. I feel like my lows come less frequently and for shorter amounts of time but they are a beast when they hit me! My ups are lasting much longer. Progress….
Remembertoforget, KeepingOn, Kittylover,
Cleaning out the closet…might as well get all the nasty s out of our lives as we move forward right?
Sometimes it’s members of your own family that have to go too.
Anyway I hope everyone is doing well.
I can say that the fog has completely lifted.
All the work that I have been doing has finally come together.
Still a work in progress but I can honestly say that everything I always thought, the true evilness has become so transparent.
Over the weekend I spent time with my ex husband, one on one. He is very ill and will most likely discontinue any chemo.
Sunday, I was home and was thinking over things.
The spath had let up last week with the calls but saw he called Saturday night at 2am.
I was stewing in the conversation I had with his friend last weekend about the spath wanting my money comment.
I made the mistake of sending the spath a text asking him what he wants, of coarse he does not respond after calling me hundreds of times.
After a few hours go by I called him.
The reality of what his true motive was not sitting well but I finally had the truth.
He answers and I ask him what he wants. He starts out with the I was worried about you story.
He said that he has been calling and texting. I said obviously I didn’t want to talk to you.
His response, I don’t care what you want I wanted to talk to you, those words exactly.
I started to get that yucky feeling and blurted out the money thing that his friend told me about.
His typical response, that’s not true, that’s insulting, I didn’t say that.
I cut him off and he hung up on me.
That mask has completely slipped and I believe for the first time ever that I was talking to the person he is with his condescending tone and self important abusive words.
It really did not upset me all that much.
I left the phone unblocked for a few minutes because he is so predicable that I knew he would call me back.
He calls and leaves me a message that he called his friend and he did not say that so all is ok…sure.
He calls a few more times, I don’t answer.
I had enough, while I was blocking his calls again he gets one more in.
He leaves his standard I don’t know why you don’t answer message then he calls me a weirdo.
The arrogance and hatred in his voice was the real him.
The point of me posting this is this:
There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I had no idea why I called him. I just did.
Do I regret it?
Not really.
I realize that that his ego was fed because I called him but it was all about me.
I was testing myself I think.
I wanted to see how I would react to speaking with him.
I was over it as soon as I finished blocking his number.
The truth was all I was seeking all along.
I have it now and that’s all I need.
SITC
Remember,
I hope you are feeling better.
Examination time can be stressful but after the exam we feel better, right!
SITC