Editor’s Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts by the name “stronginthecity.”
I am currently in a relationship with a sociopath. I’ve been with him since June 2013. I was with him before. That relationship ended in 2006, leaving me jobless and depressed because he left the relationship abruptly and literally disappeared.
I am a medical professional, so I am the typical target I guess.
He resurfaced last year proclaiming his love for me and how much he missed me — giving three or four reasons, explanations why he left. I kept tabs on him through the years from time to time and found out he was in prison in 2009 for drug charges.
He is a constant liar and manipulator and we had a “chance” meeting in a drugstore parking lot where I had never been before in February 2013.
Again he disappeared then reappeared around May 2013. I saw him drive past my house many times. He never tried to contact me until June of 2013 when he got my phone number from a mutual friend.
I had just started dating again and was on a first date with a man when he called me. The calls were blocked and I didn’t listen to the messages until the next day.
He said that he was at a street festival and “why don’t you answer your phone” and “you should meet me”. I didn’t even know it was him. I had an idea but wasn’t sure.
A few weeks later, exactly the time I was leaving for work, he called again from a blocked number and I answered. It was him telling me he was working in my state, when he was really 2,000 miles away with his wife and children, saying he wanted to meet me for dinner. I agreed to meet him and before I knew it I was in deep again.
He actually did get divorced from his wife, but now the wife has moved to my area and things are again in the crazy stage. I have caught him in numerous lies and am certain he has cheated multiple times but I never actually caught him.
I have been back and forth trying to establish no contact but somehow I always end up back with him as he makes me believe the lies and sucks me into the drama. He loves me. I am the only one yet other women, who he claims are friends call his phone.
I also believe he has made copies of my house keys and comes into my house when I am at work.
He has not held down any steady job since June 2013, thank goodness I am full time employed but he knows my work schedule and keeps tabs on me. He tells me I am crazy when I question the nonsense. He lies about his whereabouts and actually gives me “clues” just to make me jealous. I am at wits end right now as he is trying to wiggle his way back into my life.
The last time I saw him was Halloween weekend, after an argument again about his whereabouts.
I need help to maintain no contact as he is texting me with the, “I’m a good guy story, I miss you” again. Of course we have an incredible sexual relationship and he swears he does not want anyone else, and has not been with another woman since June 2013.
My gut is telling me he is lying and I know I am right.
Unfortunately, I had a setback and saw him last weekend and during this week. Thank goodness he had a trip planned during our no contact and I am glad he is gone as I found myself making life plans with this man again.
He has been on his best behavior since I agreed to see him Saturday night. He spent the night Saturday and Sunday. He went to work Monday and Tuesday night and came over again making me dinner, flowers, my favorite wine and worked on my house. The whole nine yards. He left Thursday morning because he wanted to see his kids that he has not seen in over a year.
I am glad he is there as I need this time to regroup and make sense, crazy sense of this entire situation. I will continue to post and read on your Lovefraud because it’s so helpful to me. I know that I need to stay away from this man ”¦ he was talking about getting married again. He said lets write up a prenup and get married because he loves me, blah blah blah.
I DON’T TRUST HIM.
I left him alone in my home again. I need to end this once and for all.
Strong,
Yes, the ol ding dong ditch! Funny though, he has no guy friends so it woulda been a girl doing that for him!!!
I remember when that happened to you!!! Hopefully, it was a 1 time thing!!!
I hate it! Too scary!
I’m glad you’ve been spending time with your ex… that is nice. I will pray for him.
Xoooooooo
Remembertoforget,
Hi there!
Hopefully all is nice, quiet and peaceful for you tonight.
No guy friends huh?
Well that says a lot.
It’s scary indeed but it will calm down.
It’s been wonderful here since he moved.
No break in’s or stalking.UGH
As if that’s normal.
Crazy train..I’m jumping off.
Last stop normal town!!
Thank to so much for the prayers.
One day at a time…
Hugs
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
Remembertoforget, KeepingOn, and all my LF friends,
Just a quick hi and a quick note of encouragement.
There is a great life right around the corner.
I am taking care of business.
My home…working on refinancing, insurance quotes on home and car(long overdue) been getting ripped off for a long time and since I had to take care of the adult babies needs and dump all of my responsibilities I pushed it all aside.
He left me so exhausted that I had no time to do anything.
No more.
I feel more and more like myself everyday and even by back pain is getting better.
Certainly life has it’s ups and downs but I have learned to cope with things much better than ever before.
It’s not getting stuck in that ball of yuckiness…I know the gorls who listened to Melanies seminar know what I mean!
Have a wonderful day.
Off to see the Naprapath for a tune up and off to the the store to return something!
Stronginthecity
KeepingOn,
I am going to plant some lavender in my garden, alongside the sage!
I love it.
I have been putting it on my pillow and sleeping like a baby.
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
Remembertoforget, KeepingOn,
HELP!!!
The spath called last night and since I just sent a text to my ex husband to say goodnight I was already half asleep so I did not look at the caller ID.
He tried desperately with full mask on to work on me..I miss you, I love you..
I told him I have moved on and and did not say much.
Errr, I hate this.
Now….time to change my #.
SITC
Aww, strong – you missed your chance to hang up on him in mid I-love-you! Preferably while laughing very loudly in the background.
You are OK. You recognized the mask and did not get sucked in. Pat yourself on the back for a bullet dodged!
NoMoreWool,
Lol!
I am fine, thanks!
I had a bad night sleep and feel off today.
Good thing I have an appointment today that will keep me busy.
The thought him gives me the creeps..
Ugh.
Never, ever sucked in again!
SITC
Strong,
Crazy how just a short contact with them can leave us feeling “off”.
Pretty slimy.
Recognizing the mask is great.
Hang in there, eventually he may give up, if you don’t change your number first.
🙂
xoxoxo
Remembertoforget,
It passed so quickly.
I am just fine!
Thank you.
How are you doing?
SITC
Strong,
Good job keeping it short and not allowing yourself to get sucked in!
Change that number!!! You will feel so much better. Even though he’s been blocked in the past you’re still able to see it and clearly he gets through regardless. A new number may still be discovered by him in the future but he may not go there. Either way it buys you time to be spath free!
How’re you feeling about it all now?
KeepingOn,
Thank you!
I did gray rock and then he put on the full mask and I said I have moved on while he put on the crying voice.
I hung up.
Changing my phone number of coarse is a temporary fix.
If he wants to find my number he will.
I think it’s more about me taking control.
I feel great.
The fact that I do not fall into my past behaviors because of all the work I have done is so important to me.
The work I have accomplished in the last month and a half has been incredibly freeing and life changing.
Yesterday I found a new pain management doctor and she is amazing. It was a long drive but I feel so much better.
When I was driving home, I was went noted how I was feeling in that moment.
With all of the things going on such as my ex hubby’s terminal illness, my daughter watching her dad die in front of her eyes, lack of family support and possibly being jobless next week I for the first time in 2 years felt grateful,hopeful,optimistic and happy!
To me, he is just something that happened…needed to happen to get me to where I am today.
I have always believed that everything that happens in life happens for a reason.
I was angry back then when he moved away but now know that was the BEST thing that could have happened.
It gave me space to do the work necessary to finally figure out what the common denominator in all of my past relationships was me, DUH!!!!!
I can smile and shake my head about it now.
Bottom line, he will continue doing what he does and there is nothing I can do to change that.
I have truly moved on and will never fall victim to a person like that in my personal and professional life.
This website has allowed me to connect with some awesome people and resources to do the work.
Every post has been invaluable to me and I thank you.
I am now living in the moment and enjoying my life more than I ever thought possible.
Will there be twists and turns?
Yes.
I am now and forever spath free.
I read that you are training for a marathon?
That’s awesome!
Great work putting your wants and needs first even with the stalking and other craziness that other people have put before you.
Keep working at it and it will be better.
I promise you.
Hugs!
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
Strong,
I am good!
All that you said, is good good good!
When mother nature rolls around again, and if I feel myself getting upset again, I will do the practice again. Identify the feelings underneath the thoughts. It was so helpful forme to be able to do that.
I really think I got this now!!!!!!!
When you see what your ex husband and daughter and you are goig through with his illness, it really puts things in perspective also.
The xs were just something that happened along the journey. I get it- we are no longer a vibrational match to them.
Hooray!
🙂
Remembertoforget,
Quick reply.
I wanted to let you know to check out PMS Harmony by the company Futurebiotics.
Whole Foods carries it but much cheaper online it it works for you!
3 tabs to a dose I believe under 20 bucks a month, it was priceless to me!
SITC
KeepingOn,
Hi there.
I have been in such good spirits since I have moved on emotionally until I have within the last few days seen the same car driving past my house.
No stopping of following me just driving by like the spath used to.
I am very observant to this and can understand how you described this.
The car, driven by the same man may be a coincidence but I don’t think so.
I now understand how scary this has been for you.
When the spath was stalking I knew who it was but now I don’t know and I will be on guard with a note pad and phone close by.
This has started since..hmmm Sunday.
I am trying really hard to not let this get to me but I know his behavior. He does not take no for an answer.
He knows a lot of slimy people and when I would ask him who do you think you are, his stock answer was you have no idea.
I always took this as his cocky personality when things would not go his way.
I wouldn’t put it past him to do this to me.
Any input?
SITC
Strong,
Sorry I’ve been MIA. A lots been going on. I’ll get to that in a bit.
First, good work taking care of yourself! You’re definitely on a good path!
As for the car, trust your gut. Sounds like you are. I find the timing interesting. What was the day you accidentally picked up the phone and spoke with him?
Sounds like your ex wad being honest by saying “you have no idea.” Those little nuggets and insight to who they are go a far way. I’ve figured that out. My ex was similar. That’s how I know the person following me is connected to him. I haven’t been followed since last week Although my schedule has been crazy so who knows.
Have you had any more incidences? He might just be trying to figure out what you’re up to or want to scare you. It could also be more serious. Keep that pad of paper close by! I haven’t been so lucky in the recording the license plate department….
So I have a new supervisor at work and she’s definitely a narc. Not even 2 weeks in and she’s targeting me. It’s shitastic! I’m damn good at my job and have a great reputation. I’m certain she’s sensed me out. I feel like this woman is trying to take me down. And she barely knows me or what I do!
Thank God I’m educated on thus stuff now. If this happened in the past I would feel horrible and be taking everything personally. I’m being polite, sticking to business when she attacks, I refuse to get defensive and am using direct statements about and rational about choices I make in the best interest of my company. My job basically is based on her opinion soley. This will get interesting (it already has). At least I have an idea what I’m up against. And document, document, document! 🙂
Still, this has been a bit exhausting. I have a tiring job anyway let alone having to deal with an emotional vampire. Not to mention the whole stalking thing…
KeepingOn,Remember
Hi there.
I have a few minutes to catch up before I have to go back to be with my daughter and her daddy.
Things are very bad right now.
I won’t go into the horrifying details but dealing with his sister(my ex sister in law) who I just found out is the medical power of attorney is a narc too.
Ugh the N boss, been there too.
They can be a challenge for us for sure.
Trigger, trigger…
Hopefully she will not last too long where you work as I have had a few of them that were terrible and then they got canned.
I still struggle with taking EVERYTHING personally.
A work in progress.
Any input in that area would be greatly appreciated
I saw that Melanie is doing some healing youtube videos.
I was able to watch part of one today.
They ARE everywhere now that we have our antennas on.
Since I have been back and forth home at odd hours I have not seen any stalkers, if they are there I was too exhausted to notice.
I really hope you have ad some peace as well.
Remember, I saw that you had a narc at work as well, and buh bye to her, don’t let the door hit ya in the ass when you go!
Have a great evening!
I’ll try to catch up more tomorrow.
XOXO,
SITC
SITC,
I will check it out!!
Thank you,
I hope it doesn’t taste bad. Lolllll
Remembertoforget,
Hi there!
Regarding the supplement, I would just take it as soon as I started to feel that mood coming on.
It did not upset my sensitive tummy at all.
I hop it works for you!
I had issues with that for a LONG time and can truly relate.
When that time comes, just know that you will have to be kind to yourself and know that it will pass in a few days.
The journey..ahh yes.
When I think about the entire situation, it now seems so transparent to me.
Of coarse when you are in it that’s another story that we all know too well.
I was wondering if you have heard from kittylover at all.
I have not been on here that much lately and hope she is ok.
Sure hope that things are nice and quiet for you.
You got this, indeed!
We are all going to be ok.
Intuition baby!!!
It’s NOT broken…and the next time I feel something is wrong there will be no discussion with any man and bounce that person on out of my life.
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
PS I saw a pic of his ex wife, a recent pic and she looks fabulous.
Looks like she has been taking care of herself and lost a lot of weight (190 lbs) or so..
Creepy thing about it is she has her hair cut like mine.
Oh well, not going to think too much about it!
Good for her.
Remembertoforget,KeepingOn, Kittylover, NoMoreWool, Slimone, Jan7, AnnettePK, Diane111 and all of the other LF angels,
Update!
Saw the doc today, one month follow up.
He was impressed and interested when I talked about my progress and how my “group therapy” has been so helpful.
He is very knowledgeable about these disordered individuals and I have only given him the tip of the iceberg about what happened.
I told him that seeing a therapist was not helpful but will look into finding someone to help me stay on track as we all know that they are so unpredictable.
Need to stay on top of it.
I wanted to say thank you to everyone for all of your support and info that has helped me.
I am not done with the work.
Have to keep at it but I certainly feel so much better and no longer feel the need to know what he is doing or keep in contact for any reason.
The doc said that understanding how and why this happened is very important.
I agree 100%.
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
That is great! Keep up the good work!
KO,
Ooooh I wana chime in on that quickly.
I’ve had a full on Narc at work for 2 months but only 3 days a week, and barely wants to work that. She has been diagnosed and all- she takes medicine that does not work for her.
She hogs up part of my station so I go sit up front. Today a stylist and her got into it, then she pissed me off, but we were all fine after.
We have bets on how long she will last. The scary thing is there are things about her that remind me of the ex.
I know that you have to work side by side with the woman, sorry for that…but yes, stand your ground and don’t agree with any catty or negative stuff about anyone, be as boring as you can. YOU already Know!!!
But yes, it can get draining.
Xxxxxooooo
Hi Remember!
Thank you for your reaponse. I wrote you a post back but lost it. Too tired to rewrite it now but I’ll respond back again soon!
Narc’s are pathetic individuals. How sad for them.
Xoxoxoxo
KeepingOn, Strong,
Our Narc got canned today! She was far more trouble than she was worth.
See ya wouldn’t wana be ya!
Buh bye nut job.
That’s not nice of me, but damn…
Xoxoxoxoooo
KO, Strong,
Oh yea, and of course, she was verbally insulting like a highschool girl, and threatning on the way out! She called the cops…hahaaa.
I told my boss block her from the salon page because they love to smear!!!!!
Remember,
Yay!! I’m so glad she was canned!!! Definition sounds like she had what was coming to her.
So my supervisor called me in for a meeting today to talk questions she has and things she wanted to discuss. It was weird. She had a positive tone but never said a positive thing. In fact, she hasn’t said a positive thing in 2 weeks. In our meeting today she actually covered her heart woth her hand and said painfully “you said something that really hurt my heart.” I was thinking what the hell did I say?? It turns out I said something that she thought is politically uncorrect to the company but it’s okay behind closed doors with her. In reality what I said was correct and readily accepted by my colleges. I used professional terms. So weird… her eyes were dead as she sweetly told me I hurt her heart. And her logic made no sense!
I have bigger fish to fry. My ex stalks me electronically. I cut off a huge peice that he uses to stalk me with. It’s taken me months to change because of financial reasons and a fear factor. I don’t want to explain any further. Happy I did it but I’m scared about what it may bring.
KeepingOn,
She sounds weird. Weird, weird.
I hope you can be done with that stalking crap!!!
I hope you have been able to have some nice you-time to d
Cont…oops
Decompress from the hustle and bustle.
My coworker googled Teal and found all this stuff on her that she is psychopath etc…I looked and read some stuff.
Hahaaaaa. Oh well, atleast I got a couple good things out of it. Now I am laughing.
Happy Saturday!
Strong, you too!!!!!
Remember,
My new boss isn’t just weird. She’s creepy. I can see right through her. When she’s trying to seem positive she talks in this sweet voice however I have yet to hear a single positive comment come out of her mouth. Let alone her showing any positive actions. She offers help and givea none. She’s a fake.
Crazy about Teal! I googled it. Who knows, although from what I’ve read it makes sense. Leave it to a psycho!
I’m hoping the best for the stalking stuff. My boss crap and this have made me tired. I’ve done a lot of self care today!
Glad you got a good laugh out of the Teal stuff. This world….
KeepingOn,
She has a sweet tone but nothing sweet comes out!!!!
POW! Just shoot me already! Just kidding! But these psycho’s are everywhere!
I read once that when you see movies about vampires and/or zombies too maybe, that they are really reffering to Ns and Ps. Hence, vampire.
Ok so i’m excited to tell you- lol that I listened to an in-depth interview with Cameron Clarke telling her story of living with Teal and others! That woman is a Psychopath!! She even suggested a woman kill herself and she did. Scary thing is some stuff she describes that happened was just like the ex.
Whew!!!!!!
I worked all day and it just hit me that I am beat from the week. Lol
Glad you did some self care. That is most important. Always.
xoxoxoxoo
Remember,
They are seriously everywhere! It helps so much being educated and having my eyes wide open.
So funny you mentioned the zombie/vampire reference! When I watch that kind of stuff I think of my ex. Everytime I watch the walking dead I feel like I can identify with the survivors include certain ways.
I need to check out that interview. It’s really sick and sad how bad people disguise themselves as helpers.
Hope you get some much needed rest tonight!
Xoxo
Hi KeepingOn, Remember & everyone.
I had one at work a couple years back. He was the manager that I had to work under. He was slick, smooth, charming, charismatic, good looking, and also arrogant, cunning, and deceptive. While he eventually became known for being aggressive and obnoxious to other contractors, he hated my guts. Why ? Same reason all the other ones do. I stood up to his bullying and lying and called him out on it in front of the business owners. I see you ! These freaks hate it when we see through their masks. He made my work life miserable for 5 years till he left. I know the female types very well too. Like you said about the sweet tone with the dark message underneath. It’s not genuine or natural. They love to deliver their poison in scented gift bags. So polite. I wouldn’t underestimate her if I were you. Ok let me shift gears here. I never heard of Teal before so I googled. Wow. She really reminds me of my main spath Jenzebel. Mine is a bit older but I have seen pics of the younger version. The eyes, the facial structure, the posturing, the supreme confidence, the underlying dominance hidden under the sweet facade. The genetic similarities are strong. Gross. Take care.
KeepingOn, Strong, 4light,
KO, I hope your week has started well. I did get rest and was productive.
4light- yes, the girls story that lived with Teal probably sounds like the relationships we were all in. It definitely sounded disordered! Yucck.
Strong,
Sending prayers for your exhubby and your daughter and you love. Hang in there with hids sis too…this can really bring all kinds of stuff out of people.
God Bless you guys.
Thinking of you all…
Remembertoforget,KeepingOn and all my LF friends
Hi there.
My ex husband(not the spath) passed this morning after a 7 year battle with the C monster.
He was in hospice care at home for a week.
It all happened fast but everyday seemed like a million years.
I now have to deal with his narc sister through the service and then bounce her out of my life.
She was there for my daughter but she treated me and her own brother terrible until the end.
All that I have learned here is going to be useful in the next few days.
Prayers needed.
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
Hi Strong,
I had a feeling before I opened the message that you were going to say he passed.
God Bless you Strong. At least he isn’t suffering anymore. Thank God you don’t have to deal with going to work at this time either.
You are in my thoughts and prayers love.
May you not be troubled by her or anyone in these days.
xoxoxoxoxo
Remembertoforget,
Hi Remember,
Thanks for the thoughts and prayers.
No more pain, no more hospital and no more evil medicine.
I miss him so much already.
I am taking it day to day with the sister in law.
Now she is trying to take charge of my daughter…control freak.
I will let her explain the estate and what she needs to do but then momma bear steps in.
Have a happy and peaceful weekend!
XOXO,
Stronginthecity