Editor’s Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts by the name “stronginthecity.”
I am currently in a relationship with a sociopath. I’ve been with him since June 2013. I was with him before. That relationship ended in 2006, leaving me jobless and depressed because he left the relationship abruptly and literally disappeared.
I am a medical professional, so I am the typical target I guess.
He resurfaced last year proclaiming his love for me and how much he missed me — giving three or four reasons, explanations why he left. I kept tabs on him through the years from time to time and found out he was in prison in 2009 for drug charges.
He is a constant liar and manipulator and we had a “chance” meeting in a drugstore parking lot where I had never been before in February 2013.
Again he disappeared then reappeared around May 2013. I saw him drive past my house many times. He never tried to contact me until June of 2013 when he got my phone number from a mutual friend.
I had just started dating again and was on a first date with a man when he called me. The calls were blocked and I didn’t listen to the messages until the next day.
He said that he was at a street festival and “why don’t you answer your phone” and “you should meet me”. I didn’t even know it was him. I had an idea but wasn’t sure.
A few weeks later, exactly the time I was leaving for work, he called again from a blocked number and I answered. It was him telling me he was working in my state, when he was really 2,000 miles away with his wife and children, saying he wanted to meet me for dinner. I agreed to meet him and before I knew it I was in deep again.
He actually did get divorced from his wife, but now the wife has moved to my area and things are again in the crazy stage. I have caught him in numerous lies and am certain he has cheated multiple times but I never actually caught him.
I have been back and forth trying to establish no contact but somehow I always end up back with him as he makes me believe the lies and sucks me into the drama. He loves me. I am the only one yet other women, who he claims are friends call his phone.
I also believe he has made copies of my house keys and comes into my house when I am at work.
He has not held down any steady job since June 2013, thank goodness I am full time employed but he knows my work schedule and keeps tabs on me. He tells me I am crazy when I question the nonsense. He lies about his whereabouts and actually gives me “clues” just to make me jealous. I am at wits end right now as he is trying to wiggle his way back into my life.
The last time I saw him was Halloween weekend, after an argument again about his whereabouts.
I need help to maintain no contact as he is texting me with the, “I’m a good guy story, I miss you” again. Of course we have an incredible sexual relationship and he swears he does not want anyone else, and has not been with another woman since June 2013.
My gut is telling me he is lying and I know I am right.
Unfortunately, I had a setback and saw him last weekend and during this week. Thank goodness he had a trip planned during our no contact and I am glad he is gone as I found myself making life plans with this man again.
He has been on his best behavior since I agreed to see him Saturday night. He spent the night Saturday and Sunday. He went to work Monday and Tuesday night and came over again making me dinner, flowers, my favorite wine and worked on my house. The whole nine yards. He left Thursday morning because he wanted to see his kids that he has not seen in over a year.
I am glad he is there as I need this time to regroup and make sense, crazy sense of this entire situation. I will continue to post and read on your Lovefraud because it’s so helpful to me. I know that I need to stay away from this man ”¦ he was talking about getting married again. He said lets write up a prenup and get married because he loves me, blah blah blah.
I DON’T TRUST HIM.
I left him alone in my home again. I need to end this once and for all.
Hello
Just reading some recent comments I believe when dealing with injunctions, a good attorney should be retained. Every injunction will come to a court hearing and to have a trusted attorney by your side is very valuable.
Unfortunately I was the recipient of an injunction by my cop ex husband and needed to defend myself against Faldo allegations. I noticed a tremendous help was my attorney. Not only in court but in preparation and for emotional support. Luckily my ex’s b/s was dismissed.
I would never go into any court hearing without an experienced lawyer.
The day of that court hearing I filed for divorce and put an end to this 20 years of crazy making. I was done . Then and forever.
KeepingOn,
I agree about the boss getting noticed. That helps!
Classic narc, not a psycho! Good point! Yea, so sneaky and slick. Until you figure it out.
Keep that head up and keep on keeping on!
xoxooooo
SITC,
Good for you on heading back to work! Agree, just do our job and go home. It’s almost not even worth the socializing.
Hang in there! You are doing so well!
I want to send Donna my email address tomorrow.
🙂
Good night
Remember and Strong,
I feel silly about writing about this, but I’m kind of freaked out something and haven’t shared with family and friends. Not spath related.
So a little over a month ago some strange things started happening to my left breast. It started the day I got on antibiotics after a infection from a root canal. My breast has gotten increasingly worse over the last month and I finally called the Dr today. They’re getting me in first thing tomorrow and I decided to take the day off work (I’m burned out anyway!).
Don’t know why I feel embarrassed about sharing on here but I’m kind of scared. I’d be happy to think that it’s just a weird internal infection of sorts but I was on 2 antibiotics when it started (the infection was bad enough they almost hospitalized me for IV meds). Enough to kill anything! I would think…the Dr may think differently?
I’m not reaching out for medical advice. We’re no doctors. I’m just a little freaked out and could use some prayers.
KeepingOn,
Hi there!
Just saw this…how are you?
Did you go to the doctor?
I hope all is well…
Please lets us know, ok?
Prayers always.
Hugs to you,
Stronginthecity
Strong and Remember,
The doctor found a 4.5cm breast thickness and a 2cm lump. Not sure if I should be concerned. She didn’t seem positive or concerned. Guess it’s better that way? It’s been 5 weeks of my breast showing strange symptoms. Hopefully it’s nothing or just an infection of sorts.
I’m waiting to hear from someone to schedule a mammogram and ultrsound. Fingers crossed I get in soon.
Feeling a little emotional. I’ve been feeling so burned out anyway. I have a date with my couch for the rest of the day….
Thanks for your support. Xoxo
KeepingOn,
I hope you get your tests scheduled asap so you and your doctor can find out whats going on.
Double hugs.
I have been ignoring a lump in my breast attributing it to my HRT, but am sending a message to my doc to get a mammogram too.
It’s emotional for sure. Good thing you saw your doc today and we are all here for you.
Please rest and take care of yourself.
It’s all about you..
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
KeepingOn,
Aw i’m sorry to hear about that.
You are on top of it going in tomorrow and that is great.
I will pray for you and send well thoughts.
I believe you will be ok. 🙂
That is weird after the root canal infection….the body is strange huh?
I’m glad you are taking a day off as well. Hopefully the whole day won’t be taken and you can have some rest/relax time.
Please let us know when you get the results.
Breathe.
xoxoooooo
Remember,
Thank you for your reply. Yes, the body is so strange. I’ve found so much over the years..body, mind, spirit. Although there are just those weird body things that take over. Not always good (as you know more than most).
I plan to go to the Dr in the morning and than nap, self care, nap, etc and try to not work! I talked to my therapist. She advised that depending on the Dr appt tomorrow and if it takes a toll I may want to consider taking Friday too. We’ll see…that’s hard for me. Taking time for myself. A work in progress.
Thank you for your prayers. I feel I need them right now.
I’m happy you’re liking your job and hope your cold is keeping at bay. Along with your soreness! Prayers to you too. I’m grateful we have each other.
Xoxo
KeepingOn,
I agree with the therapist, possibly take Friday off. You deserve it!
I am here for you anytime, and I know all about that body/anxiety crap.
Ypu will be all well. I know it.
🙂
Sending you wellness, peace, and love.
Hi all,
At 5:32 into the video…words of release…
Enjoy and be peaceful.
https://youtu.be/ilnXYDfcs7c
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
KeepingOn,
Aw honey i’m sorry you have to think about this crap now.
I have had a few 2or3 breast scares. I have had a few different biopsies too, and they were benign.
Yes, double, triple hugs to you.
When I was with spath my right breast hurt and had a long going across thickness or swelling whatever, so crazy, but it went away. Some things come and go with our cycle. Not saying that’s what you have, just sayin.
Have you ever had a mammo? I know you are younger than me.
We are here! Rest, breathe, in and out. Long healing breaths out.
Love to you girl…
xoxoooooo
Remember,
Thank you so much for your support. I’ve had a few mammos years ago because of fibrocystic stuff. It’s been 6-7 years since my last.
I’d be OK with a doc just finding a lump. It’s all the breast changes prior to going to the dr that concern me, now plus the thickening and lump. I’m concerned because I’ve been through 2 menstrual cycles now and things are getting weirder. It started with a quarter size dark red spot under the skin. I decided not to freak out and wait. Then the other stuff started popping up. Even this morning when I woke up.
I have dense breasts and my concern is they will say it’s nothing. Of course I want it to be nothing, especially not bc!! I’m just hoping it’s an infection or a hormonal change they can explain. I know my body and this is off…
Now if they would just get back to me about an appointment! I’m calling first thing Monday.
Bright side, I haven’t spent much time thinking about my ex! 🙂
KO,
Just saw this…good thing you have a plan to call Monday.
It’s been such a wake up call and all of the emotional stress and crap WE put out for these crazy dudes has taken it’s toll on me too and I have vowed to take all the energy that I our toward trying to figure shit out and worry about what he is doing and put it all back on me.
It is so freeing,
You even said that you did not have time to even think about him….
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
KeepingOn,
Hi there.
How are you doing today?
Were you able to get your tests scheduled?
Please let us know how you are doing.
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
Strong,
Thanks for checking in. Been an emotional couple of days! Not only the breast stuff but because I’ve been working too hard.
No appointment yet. The doctor said in a day or two and now it’s the weekend. So frustrating!
I called out to work for today and didn’t hear back so I went in. Big mistake! Turns out I was good to go home but I started crying, didn’t tell the secretary why just that it was health stuff. My big boss called and left a message saying they were worried about me and here for me. She wants me to call her.
Kicker…she was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and is in remission. I feel silly explaining that I don’t even know anything yet but needed personal time. I’m calling her tomorrow but feel nervous about it.
KeePingOn,
I’m the same with dense tissue and fibrocystic breasts.
I am praying for you for sure.
Now that it’s Saturday and youcan’t do anything until Monday, tell yourself you get the weekend off to not worry about it. If you are a nervous wreck, say I can freak out about it on Monday. That’s how I get through medical worries.
So chill, breathe, do whatever the hellmakes you feel good thisweekend! It’s a you weekend!
xoxoooooooo
Remember and Strong,
I’m happy to report that I’ve had a boob free weekend! Meaning I haven’t allowed myself to look at it/think about it much. I’m still calling the doc first thing tomorrow.
I talked to my big boss yesterday on the phone (not the narc boss). She was so supportive and understood I needed time. It felt great.
I volunteered at a big fundraiser all day yesterday and night. It was long but so worth it. And today I stayed in my pj’s all day and refused to work. Feeling so much better.
How are things with you?
Oh! And I found out an old ex (the past one who still likes to stalk me) is moving out of the country with his 24yr old gf in a week. Score!!!
I’m so happy about it but also irritated because that was my dream for us. He’s a dream stealer!! And for her it will be isolation at its best. He’ll be able to abuse and cheat too easily. I’m praying for her and thanking God at the same time.
KeepingOn and Remembertoforget
Hi there
I am glad you diverted your attention last weekend and used it for good.
WAY TO GO YOU!!!!
That’s wonderful that your job is supportive.
Please let us know how you are doing, ok?
I have been praying for all of us to continue to make good decisions.
How did you find out of the dream stealers plans?
Remember, I had a dream the same night you did about the spath.. I had picked up a pretty ice skating outfit and was at an ice rink getting ready to skate. I was sitting in the stands.
The spath appeared beside me in the stand seat and he had a brown blanket over his head and I could only see his face which was flaking and just falling off in flakes and he was trying to show me pictures of his trip to Florida….I remember running away from him.
UGH…..
Hugs to you guys,
My sage plant is overflowing and am going to make some smudge sticks.
SITC
KeepingOn,
Trust me I understand how frustrating it is when your health is on the line.
Just try to relax this weekend, call first thing Monday morning to see if the order is in the system.
As far as work goes hell yeah it’s emotional and this is your life here.
When you call the boss simply explain that you have some personal health matters to attend to.
If this is the boss that is the spath…well I don’t know her and I don’t know you but I just watched someone I cared about put work, work and work in front of his health and now well you know.
Can you take some time off? You have 12 weeks FMLA to attend to yourself so just something to think about.
You need to take care of YOU!!!
We have all been through SO much and need to let our bodies rest and take care of ourselves.
Double hugs,
Stronginthecity
KeepingOn,
Glad to hear about your boob free weekend! Yaay!
That’s great you kept busy. I like my new job.
So, moving away with the 24 year old hmm? Well, good for them right?. I still don’t think i’ll ever fully understand it, but like I hear them say here often, don’t try to understand crazy.
Dream stealer sounds about right. At least Thank God you won’t be stalked by him any longer, we do hope.
I had a dream about the ex last night, but that may have been because I read your post just before falling asleep. He mailed me a card in the dream, lol, but his friend or some guy was talking to me about him and some girl. Barf…..
So, good luck with the upcoming doctors appts. Keep us posted.
I am thinking of you, and keeping you in my prayers.
xxoooooooo
Remember,
So happy you’re liking your job! 🙂
Ugh on the bad dream. Those are the worst! Barf indeed…they are so gross both consciously and subconsciously! Thank god we see the light now.
My imaging appointment isn’t until Thursday. That’s too far away. I’m feeling a little more relaxed though. Taking a couple of days helped.
KeepingOn,
How are you doing?
I hope you are feeling better and got your testing done.
Hugs and prayers your way!
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
Strong,
Thanks for checking in! Actually just got home from my appt. All looks benign! Because of my other abnormalities the doc will be following up and we’ll go from there. Feeling better though.
The craziest thing happened while I was sitting in my gown waiting for radiology. A man tech/nurse kept passing by and I knew I knew him but couldn’t figure out how. I was just praying he wasn’t in the room with me.
As I was leaving we passed each other in the hall and he put his head down. It hit me! He’s one of my ex’s good friends. I only met him a few times. Went to his halloween party a year ago! Not a small city. What are the chances?! Guess the ex will know now that I was there…
I feel like God is trying to tell me something. Maybe stop being stressed over a stalking ahole so my health improves?
KeepingOn,
Hi, I wanted to send a quick congrats!!!!
Best news all week!!!
Did you do mammo and ultrasound? I bet you did. This is awesome, i’ve been thinking about you waiting to know!!
And yes, try not to stress about aholes until your health improves so it can improve!!!!!
Remember,
Thank you!!!
I got both the mammo and ultrasound done. Feels great but still, I know somethings not right with my breast. Hopefully I’ll find out the cause sooner than later.
How’re you doing? I how all is well.
I’m blessed with healthy (concerns aside), and an ex moving out of the country…I’m overall happy, yet I still worrym…what is that about?
And I still don’t feel like dating. I’m good with that but it feels like so long, you know? Maybe someday I’ll move past this?
KeepingOn,
So glad to hear you are doing well and the tests have come clear!
That must be an incredible relief!
About the tech/nurse that is your ex’s friend.
Strange but try not to think too much about it.
Just a coincidence for sure.
You have a wonderful day continue to take care!\
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
Remember and Strong,
I am so grateful for your support! I’m feeling so relieved and have been having a weekend of self care. It feels great!
I did get a mammo and ultrasound. I still need to follow up because of the weirdness of it all.
As for his friend, I know it’s a coincidence but I thought “Really, God? This is so not funny. My main thing is my ex doesn’t deserve to know anything about my life, including me getting an ultrasound! And no doubt, his friend will tell him. Oh well. It is what it is. I’m not too bothered by it, just makes me shake my head.
Remember, how’ve you been? I trust everything is still going well on the job front? 🙂