Editor’s Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts by the name “stronginthecity.”
I am currently in a relationship with a sociopath. I’ve been with him since June 2013. I was with him before. That relationship ended in 2006, leaving me jobless and depressed because he left the relationship abruptly and literally disappeared.
I am a medical professional, so I am the typical target I guess.
He resurfaced last year proclaiming his love for me and how much he missed me — giving three or four reasons, explanations why he left. I kept tabs on him through the years from time to time and found out he was in prison in 2009 for drug charges.
He is a constant liar and manipulator and we had a “chance” meeting in a drugstore parking lot where I had never been before in February 2013.
Again he disappeared then reappeared around May 2013. I saw him drive past my house many times. He never tried to contact me until June of 2013 when he got my phone number from a mutual friend.
I had just started dating again and was on a first date with a man when he called me. The calls were blocked and I didn’t listen to the messages until the next day.
He said that he was at a street festival and “why don’t you answer your phone” and “you should meet me”. I didn’t even know it was him. I had an idea but wasn’t sure.
A few weeks later, exactly the time I was leaving for work, he called again from a blocked number and I answered. It was him telling me he was working in my state, when he was really 2,000 miles away with his wife and children, saying he wanted to meet me for dinner. I agreed to meet him and before I knew it I was in deep again.
He actually did get divorced from his wife, but now the wife has moved to my area and things are again in the crazy stage. I have caught him in numerous lies and am certain he has cheated multiple times but I never actually caught him.
I have been back and forth trying to establish no contact but somehow I always end up back with him as he makes me believe the lies and sucks me into the drama. He loves me. I am the only one yet other women, who he claims are friends call his phone.
I also believe he has made copies of my house keys and comes into my house when I am at work.
He has not held down any steady job since June 2013, thank goodness I am full time employed but he knows my work schedule and keeps tabs on me. He tells me I am crazy when I question the nonsense. He lies about his whereabouts and actually gives me “clues” just to make me jealous. I am at wits end right now as he is trying to wiggle his way back into my life.
The last time I saw him was Halloween weekend, after an argument again about his whereabouts.
I need help to maintain no contact as he is texting me with the, “I’m a good guy story, I miss you” again. Of course we have an incredible sexual relationship and he swears he does not want anyone else, and has not been with another woman since June 2013.
My gut is telling me he is lying and I know I am right.
Unfortunately, I had a setback and saw him last weekend and during this week. Thank goodness he had a trip planned during our no contact and I am glad he is gone as I found myself making life plans with this man again.
He has been on his best behavior since I agreed to see him Saturday night. He spent the night Saturday and Sunday. He went to work Monday and Tuesday night and came over again making me dinner, flowers, my favorite wine and worked on my house. The whole nine yards. He left Thursday morning because he wanted to see his kids that he has not seen in over a year.
I am glad he is there as I need this time to regroup and make sense, crazy sense of this entire situation. I will continue to post and read on your Lovefraud because it’s so helpful to me. I know that I need to stay away from this man ”¦ he was talking about getting married again. He said lets write up a prenup and get married because he loves me, blah blah blah.
I DON’T TRUST HIM.
I left him alone in my home again. I need to end this once and for all.
Jan7….
You got it. The last thing I need is to give him more ammunition.
Who cared what his minions think of him anyway… they all live… literally on the same street at the same bars anyway. Alcohol… drugs….. women. he told me I ended all of that for him b/c he finally found someone to be happy with.
On another note… I am nervous… my boss… exec dir. spoke with me today. he notices I am distracted. he knows what happened last week, but since then I have fallen behind in documentation! I am so embarrassed and I cannot lose my job over this abuser.
Good thinking. If you spend your energy on you and your recovery and your job, you have won. If you spend it on the psychopath, then evil wins. That is what they want – our attention focused on them. My ex didn’t care it if was my admiration or my hatred, as long as it was all about him and he was pushing my buttons.
kittylover,
So happy to hear you’re not going to post on FB! You are worth so much more!
The initial stages after discovering what your ex really is ,is hard. It’s not surprising it’s taking a toll on you at work. Just keep on keeping on and try to focus your energy on what’s good in your life. I know it’s harder said then done, especially now! Be kind to yourself, do the best you can do right now and all will work out in your favor, including things at your job, even if it doesn’t feel that way at first. I struggled too and it got better. Now I’m thriving at work and struggling more at home when I have time to think.
You will continue to struggle, yet if you believe in yourself, good will come in all areas of your life!
thank you…
Kittylover, I am glad that will not post anything about him. Very smart of you!!
It’s very easy to want revenge or to warn others but it’s best in your case to let go and focus on your healing.
The restraining order works two ways 1) it allows you to go no contact preventing you from contacting your ex so that you can start the healing process 2) it prevents him from contact you so you can start your healing process…it’s a win win for you.
Go to work and just do your job dont bring your personal life into work…no employer wants to deal with work problems/issues and on top of that someones personal issues. So as hard as it is to focus only on work it’s best to because you dont want to let the evil sociopath get you fired from your job.
thanks Strong.
I had called tmobile and they blocked his numbers and texts for me.
busy day.
i need you all right now and I thank you.
restraining order date hearing may 11th. of course he wil try and make me ok crazy. unreal.
xoxoxox
Kitty!!!
Way to go girl!
I am so happy to hear that you are being proactive and getting along. Kudos on calling your cell carrier and the r.o.!
YOU WILL BE OK!!!
Just stay away from him and the mutual friends.
I had to lose a lot of mutual friends in the process but that’s how it goes.
Trust me the people he hangs out with and drinks with are his puppets…
You mentioned that some of the firefighters dont want to work with him…wonder why.
Being a FF requires trust on the team or it could mean your life. THOSE people see him for what he is, a loser.
The other people “his drinking buddies” are the people he can manipulate and control.
Let them be and nature will just take over.Get it?
If he comes to your job or house call 911! Call every time!
He will get the picture because domestic violence(I’m glad you recognized that’s what this is)is taken seriously and the police don’t care if he is a FF or Joe Blow.
Just keep your phone charged and by your side.
If a friend can stay with you of you can stay somewhere for a couple days..great but if not call 911 if he bothers you..you got this!
You are strong.
Remember when you first posted, when you said you felt you were going to die, guess what?
You did not and you will get through this.
Your friend,
Stronginthecity
Stronnthecity
You’ve got some time between now and the 11th to get an attorney, to arrange for a friend’s support in court, and to organize any information you will present. Writing down all you can remember, and keeping a record of his harassment and unwanted contacts going forward will help your situation, including unknown hangup calls, etc, that could be from him.
AnnettePK,
I am checking out the rape by fraud website and wanted to thank you for bringing this up because that’s exactly how I feel.
Raped by fraud…
I am still angry but I took a couple of days off work and I intend on doing some things for me, and my daughter.
I ate a nice healthy breakfast and now I am going to sit on my beautiful deck and get son lovely vitamin D from the sun and chill.
Thank you and the others for helping us get through this experience and to move on and most of all educate ourselves to NEVER fall victim to these horrible evil people again.
Life is beautiful and I intend to get better and live it!
Have a wonderful day.
Thanks again.
Your LF buddy,
Stronginthecity
that is how I feel too. and I was raped.
he used sex and love to manipulate and his control his victim.
Me.
can you give me that site address please?
thank you…
Kitty
Kitty,
Here you go..
rapefraud.com
Remember that he never plans to have that dream life he promised.
He simply wants to keep doing what he is doing. Period.
End of story.
Sorry, I know how much that hurts. It’s true and you will get there.
Stronginthecity
It is actually rapebyfraud.com. The other site provides information on false accusations of rape.
Thanks AnnettePK.. rapebyfraud.com is the one I was looking at.
Anyone still awake?
this rollercoaster of emotions that you all warned me about is sickening?
can you believe just days ago…. this was his “home”…. and we’d be on the couch cuddling right now and loving each other and going to Starbucks tomorrow and talking about our futures and honeymoon… and getting a dog and where we will live and how I love his kids and cant wait to have a little room for them…
OMG.
I really cannot believe this.
The denial of last week has obviously worn off.. which is why I am now WANTING NO CONTACT….
but the pain of losing who I thought he was… my little teddy bear as I called him and…
THE ANGER AT MYSELF. SO DUMB. STUPID. I FELT THINGS IN MY GUT. I heard words in my head. I knew it was not right for him to ask to take photos of myself at work or where ever I was to PROVE I was there?
Excuse me? I DO NOT LIE.
I knew it was not right the first week of dating when he looked in my phone….
or the 2nd week when he went thru all my emails and private fb messages…..
or when he asked if I wore paintyliners b/c I was going to fuck someone at work!!!!!! Dear God.. for one… that is not me and number two…
I WORK IN NURSING HOMES.
Or how about…. and I know this is tmi…. but I need help here and I HAVE NEVER SHARED THIS WITH ANYONE….
I had been on antibiotics for a urinary tract infection.
I know this is gross… but well… ladies… I had some white discharge…
he freaked out and asked me if it was semen from ANOTHER MAN.
He lived with me. I was with him every sec. I am ot promiscuous. I do not cheat or lie to my partners.
I was defending my innocence every day with this man.
I went to my OBGYN that day and got tested for yeast…. and actually Brought him with me…. and had her check for semen…. TO PROVE MY INNOCENCE!!! Ladies!!!!!
I am really smart. Educated. I act and model… so I am attractive. Dancer. Singer. Writer. Piano player.
A pretty special and smart woman.
why oh why did I allow this man to intimidate me and cling to him when he would threaten (and four times carried through… but for only 4-5 days at a time…) abandonment?
that is why. He knows about my bad adoption story. He knows I have abandonment issues that are severe as anyone with my history would.
He knows I am brand new to the state of florida. no fam. no kids. not friends.
he was so loving and kind and attentive to me. wanted to be in contact with me every second. couldnt wait to see me…. ‘MISSED me terribly.”
the intimacy and sex was something off the charts.
I am soooooo angry at myself.
so angry.
I hope I have not offended anyone.
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME? and why and how is it going to happen to other vulnerable women… and now he will go for the ones with money…. cuz he is homeless.
thank God for my kitty. she is right next to me right now. Even she fell for him. Was always all over him… way more than myself and I have had her four years.
He said it was his phermones.
sorry I am rambling. Kind of in a panic with some withdrawal going on as well.
xoooxo
thank you all.
Good Morning Kitty,
I understand what you are going through. It’s a horror and it’s more than overwhelming. I spent a lot of sleepless nights and heart wracked days in that state. I am so sorry that you are going through this. That is why what spaths do is called evil, because it makes people feel like you are feeling. That is what evil is. Betrayal is the worst pain ever.
It sounds like you are reprocessing your memories of what happened, some of them going back to just a week ago; and you are understanding the truth behind your ex’s motivations of what he said and did. You believed him because you are honest, and your trust is a good thing in a relationship with a good man.
You’re doing a good thing by posting details that bother you. You’re recognizing that your ex spath had you controlled and he was bullying you. You’re coming out of the trance he had you in. He was wrong and a total evil nut job, a sick unit, in the way he was treating you. He probably trusted you. The purpose of his sick controlling behavior was to get total control over you. It’s a sick and twisted mind. What he was doing was not love.
Consider keeping a journal to write down your thoughts and your memories and your feelings. They are really intense when you’re recovering. I found that writing things down helped me sort through them and release them. I don’t have to keep everything in my head once it’s recorded on paper.
I was severely hypnotized and controlled by my ex spath. I’m a professional with an education and part of a Master’s degree completed. I own my own home and have good friends, family, interests, talents, etc. My ex psychopath was successful in targeting me and taking several years of my life, a good deal of my health, and a degree of my sanity and happiness. I was in the wrong place at the the wrong time, and so were you.
You don’t need to blame yourself for not noticing red flags at the time. It’s natural to overlook small things in a relationship because no one is perfect, and that is also a good trait to have in a relationship with a good man. You didn’t know what you didn’t know. Now that you know you are doing a good job acting on it and taking care of yourself.
Women are not taught that there are bad people, particularly bad men. It’s in vogue these days to accept everyone as they are, and to adhere to the idea that no one is really bad – that there are always reasons why someone does bad things like an abusive childhood. Right and wrong are barely recognized and taught. So when we encounter an evil person who consciously in full knowledge chooses to harm others to suit his purpose, we are not prepared for it. A couple of generations ago, women were taught there are good and bad people so they were prepared to look out for harmful people and protect themselves. In smaller communities where people reside for maybe their entire lives, it’s harder for the disordered to hide. People move to new areas and they don’t know others’ history and character, which takes time to assess. The internet is another factor that makes it easy for spaths to hide their true selves.
Yes, we were raped by fraud. J M Short is working to make it a criminal offense in all states. It will be a good day when it is universally understood that lying to get sex is wrong and leads to criminal conviction.
Sounds like you are creating a good day for yourself; and enjoying the good things in your life.
Thanks for the inspiration.
I am all for that AnnettePK,
This is a crime. I believe that when I was with my expath in 2006 I contracted a STD from him. I can’t believe I am even talking about this now…so devastating and embarrassing.
Having a good day today! No desire to contact him at all.
I am so grateful to Donna for being the brave one to put this out there. I really don’t think that if she did not share her story I would be aware of this crazy personality disorder existed.
Has anyone read or heard of cluster B personality disorders?
Are they the same as a sociopath?
I listened to something a while back about getting through the holidays and they author..can’t remember who it was kept referring to cluster b.
Your LF friend,
Stronginthecity
It may have been Sandra Brown of http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/
She has an MA and she refers to cluster B’s. I believe that sociopath is one of the cluster B’s, but the diagnosis includes others. It’s from a medical diagnostic guideline.
Susan Elliott of http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/ has a degree in the field also, and she refers to cluster B’s so it may have been her.
AnnettePK, Kitty, Donna and all of my other LF friends and supporters,
I want to say thank you for being there for all of us and together we can work with Joyce M Short and her website which I am in the process of reading make this the CRIME that it is.
Donna, I just finished reading your article about William Allen Jordan(not for the faint of heart) excellent info and great work contacting NJ law to try to enforce the sex offender registry.
Thank you AnnettePK for the above info and yes it was Sandra L Brown talking about cluster b…I find that this happening to me an experience that I want to truly learn and explore and even though I went through hell and back there are at least 2 things I am grateful for( you too Kitty).
1. I did not have any children with this man
2. I never married him.
I want to further my education and possibly turn this into a Masters degree as I am intrigued by this and would definitely further my career.
Have a wonderful evening and Kitty, please be safe.
He may try to come by or contact you with another phone number and promise you the sun, moon and the stars but don’t fall for it.
Don’t forget that he has been with who knows how many other woman and the chances of contracting an STD or HIV is extremely high.
I work in the medical field and believe me HIV is alive and just not talked about that much anymore because of the medications are keeping the infected alive. Sorry to be so in your face but you know I’m right and you need to hear this.I know how manipulating these sickos are,
HE IS A CON MAN. Karma is most definitely a bitch and what goes around comes around and he will have to pay one way or another.
Most likely he will lose his job as a FF and oh well, shit happens.
Stronginthecity
Strong,
You could change the world for a lot of people. There is a need for educated people who ‘get it’ about spaths in positions to help others and to stop the spaths from harming.
AnnettePK,
Excellent links!
Thank you.
I really liked the part that talks about being alone and being ok with you so that you don’t fall victim ever again.
I have to confess that he was not my first abusive relationship (big surprise .not)and NOW is the time to figure out why.
Stronginthecity
Lets all support Joyce M. Short in making this a crime in all states!
Also, I am still reading about this William Allen Jordan character.
Unbelievable!
Strong… thank you so much for that post….. you are amazing.
thought you all would find this interesting.
http://thehappysensitive.com/narcissistic-love-versus-unconditional-love/
Kingsolver,
I woke up to feel my kitties and saw your message.
I understand how you feel. I am sad and lonely too because just last week we were going to rent my house and move to Florida and plant a garden swim in the ocean and grow old together.
That was about the forth time he did that but 4 different places.
He was also jealous and rocked my world in the bedroom. ..
They do that to take the focus off their bad behavior. They will promise the world and it sounds so wonderful right?
While you are spun in circles they exploit your vulnerability because you are a beautiful person and he is a sick bastard.
My ex is down in Florida on vacation that he invited me on then played shady the entire week before he left…after we made plans to look at some property down there then never brought it up again.
Get it. They confuse you so they can be sociopaths and look for the next victim.
I understand. I really do.
I was going to fly down there yesterday. .surprise.
But then I came on here and worked it out in my head.
Dumb idea.
You will be ok my little grasshopper. ..
I know you miss the perfect life he promised you but it never existed.
I’m still trying to figure out the engagement ring I got for Christmas. ..yes it’s real!
Hang in there.
Don’t try to figure it out..
You won’t he’s a fraud and liar.
You will be ok.
Your buddy,
Stronginthecity
Oh brother…the first line should be FEED my kitties, typo sorry, just woke up!
Actually LOL!
Stronginthecity
Well it gave me a laugh when I read it. I knew what you meant!
And the kingsolver…Kittylover.thats my stupid phone and my barely open eyes are wanting to respond asap!
On my laptop now having coffee.
It’s another beautiful day and have 2 more off work.Yippee!
I am desperatly trying to make things right with my daughter and the rest of my friends that I have blown off while I was too busy having sex with the sociopath and struggling just to make it through the day because I work…full time and dealing with his nonsense doubletalk was like having 2 full time jobs.
EXHAUSTING!!
Now I have peace and am loving every minute of it.
At first, when I was without him I didnt know what to do with myself because he kept me tired and busy so that I was too exhausted to see what he was doing.
OMG!
Stroninthecity
It’s a gorgeous day here, too. I apologized to my closest friends and my son, after I got out of the spath situation. My son still has resentment, and I don’t really blame him.
AnnettePK,
I understand the resentment by your son, I don’t know if my one and only child, my daughter will forgive me but not only is she dealing with not having her mom there..her dad, my ex husband..not the spath is dealing with terminal cancer.
This is another basketful of emotions because he was physically abusive when my daughter was a baby.She does not remember dear old dad throwing momma into the wall and trying to choke her out while I begged him not to do it in front of my crying 6 month old baby girl. Thats a whole other story. We have been divorced for over 10 years.
WTF, I was thinking about this last night.
Every relationship I have had starting with my first HS boyfriend has been abusive… I really need some serious help.
By the way when I went to MY dad, telling him that my husband was being physically and verbally abusive and that I needed help from him and my mom..I was turned down.
Yup, daddy told me..I can remember it like yesterday.
“This is what happens in marriage, go back home and work it out”.
Not OMG, that manput his hands on you? Come stay with us while you file for divorce.
Needless to say I don’t have much of a relationship with my parents. They are both alive and healty..in their late 70’s.
My daughter is stuck taking care of her sick father and just lost her grandma 2 weeks ago. He, my ex hauband is still controlling even though he is REALLY sick.
I feel bad for him and do what I can.
They live in the same city as me.
My daughter absouluty hates my spath. She is well eduated and saw through his bullshit from day one and remebers how horrible I was when he left me in 2006. She still cant believe that I gave him another(50) chance.
There is something wrong with me that I keep falling for the abusers…or are all men abusive on some level.
I am starting to wonder.
OK, I know its me, or a combo but I will find out.
I was in therapy after the 2006 abanodment and just started to scrach the surface and I lost my insurance and lost touch with her.
Oh that brings back another memory. OHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
In the 2006 deal, when he was going back and forth between me na wifey he actuall attended one of my therepy visits with me. It was after he left me and then came creeping back to me. That was a 2 hour long session with HIM crying and the therepist asking him why did he leave and why didnt he tell me. He made up some BS story about blah blah, I really dont remember but I do remember her pulling me aside after and telling me that he was play acting and lieing throughout the entire session and I was handing kleexex and holding his hand. BARF
OMG, I have to stop for now or I will dominate this website all day.
Sorry and thanks for listening.
Kitty, I hope you read this and be like:Holy crap, I don’t want to be like her.
Stronginthecity
Strong, That’s a lot of intense stuff you have dealt with and a lot of intense stuff going on for you now. The counselor who saw through the spath sounds like she could be helpful. Are you still seeing her?
I was married (and widowed) to a good man before I met the psychopath 10 years later, so I know there are good men in the world. I think that many elements in modern society and culture contribute to the development of psychopath traits on the physical level as well as the psychological level. (Like cancer is a more prevalent disease now than 50 years ago.) I think that some positive old fashioned values have been abandoned, along with the negative. Women are too often the breadwinners as well as keepers of the home, and men are becoming perpetual babies in general because positive natural male traits and positive natural female traits are not in vogue anymore. There is a lot more laziness, selfishness, and entitlement, which leads to unhappiness all around. Modern sexual ethics, like not sleeping with someone without a commitment, are often more harmful to women and an opportunity for men to exploit women. Although it didn’t help me, the psychopath and I waited until marriage to have sex, but turned out he was porn addicted and not heterosexual anyway….
It sounds like you are seeing things from a different perspective, like realizing how out of line your parents’ turning your request for help in leaving an abuser. It’s possible that your family of origin was somewhat disordered so you didn’t get to learn what healthy behaviors are. Maybe your Dad wasn’t evil, but just acting like he’d been taught. My parents were somewhat dysfunctional, but not evil. I think they were products of the times and the hardships they faced. They were good people in many ways. I know the mistakes I made in raising my son, some of which were very damaging to him, were out of my blindness and weakness and repercussions of life’s hardships I was dealing with.
It’s hard work, but it sounds like you have a lot of good insights, and the ability and motive to make changes in your life based on your revelations. It also sounds like you are doing a good job of not trying to take responsibility for everything and everyone in your family, which is a healthy attitude.
Oh boy,
I took a few days off work to relax and recoup.
I spent time with my daughter and just had some me time.
I have been eating healthy every day.
Then it happened.
Last night at 340am my cat work me from a sound sleep. He was jumping on me.
He does not ever do this.
I woke up and kitty was running back and forth in hunter mode between my bedroom and the window overlooking my back yard.
Then I heard someone between the houses right by my bedroom window.
I immediately called police and they came right away.
They drove around my house a few times shining a very bright light and looked in the yard.
Didn’t see anyone .
It was raining. I am terrified.
I found the back of a cellphone in the leaves this morning.
It was a new phone not one that was in the leaves over the winter.
I am pretty sure it was him .
Since I told him I met someone else and moved on I am so afraid.
I don’t want to think he is stalking again or one of his creepy friends is.
I really don’t know what he is capable of.
Stronginthecity
Update,
I am NOT missing him and could care less where he is.
I am well on my way!
Thanks to Donna and all of my LF buddies.
Stronginthecity
Kitty,
I am so sorry I somehow missed your post about him calling you and telling you he was sorry that he did that cheating because he was afraid you were going to kick him out,
Your relationship is worth saving blah blah.
Don’t you fall for it.
That’s exactly how I got sucked back in 10 times. The same words.
It’s a trick.
Don’t fall for it.
He’s using your vulnerability because you let him.
Don’t talk to him
You have worked hard.
Court date Monday.
Get rid of him.
He will ruin your life more.
Run Megan.
Don’t talk to him
No contact! !!!
Xoxox
Stronginthecity
Kittylover ,Megan,
I live in the same city your best friend does.
Reach out to Donna and maybe I can contact her?
I want you to call the domestic violence support line today.
Please.
This Spath will ruin your life.
Strong
My hearing is in Ft. Lauderdale, fl.
I do not have anyone to go with me. This Domestic Abuse place has been no help whatsoever.
called them last night AGAIN… the hotline…
girl just said.. go to the hearing… you do not need a lawyer.
no weekend hours? really?
I found his antipsychotic meds here… that he stopped taking three weeks ago…. should I bring them with me?
He has not spoken to his poor mom in years. lying about her. I tried to get him to talk to her. she had a heart attck last oct. and he did not care. she contacted me months ago and told me he was a sociopath and using me and will leave me.
he would not even cal her on christmas or anything.
she left me a message last night….
“You must have kicked Jerry out…. he called me last night and left a message about how sorry he is for keeping me away from his three kids and not talking to me in 20 years. I am not going to fall for it…. if you did get rid of him… I am proud of you. He must need money and a place to stay. ”
Strong… do you live anywhere nearby?
Oh…. I HAVE BEEN IN NO CONTACT SINCE LAST THursday… snce the moment I hit my knees… as he was stil getting in the car as I had kicked him out…
I hit my knees and typed you Lovefraud… that I had just kicked him out.
I have never contacted him since.
I blocked his numbers and texts that night. BECAUSE OF YOU.
I filed a restraining order the next day….
i have no interest in contact. He is not real. If I called Christopher Reeve (If he were still alive..) and asked to speak to Superman…. it would not be possible.
It was simply a character he portrayed.
It was not really him.
My psychologist will not even come with me. Or my psychiatrist. I guess since they all told me in Oct. to run…. and I fell back in three more times… and then my psychologist told me she couldnt see me if I were seeing him and gave me name of domestic abuse place.
I just wish she would be there and tel judge what she.. as a pro saw.
she will not do it b/c I stopped seeing her. I had brought my spath with me to see her! He told me she was a menopausal, stupid Jewish bitch who did not know a thing about love.
To start believing him about his love for me. not other people.
wish i could get a lawyer this weekend. i emailed and called places last night. no luck.
mu N/spath will try and switch things on me… but you know what? who the hell cares.
I tell the judge why I fear for my life…. and that is it.
It does not matter about my past… (the lies he will twist.)
he is dangerous… and i deserve and want protection. bada bing!
reach out to me please Strong and thank you for being there.
Kitty,
I am here for you.
OK, you tried the resources. They didn’t help and I am sorry.
Ok buck up. You are going to have to, like you said, do this on your own.
You can do it. Go before the judge, tell him/her your story and how he took advantage of your kindness and money and now you want him away.
Tell the judge that you feel threatened and scared of him and I wouldn’t bring up the stuff about his meds or mom, I dont think you will have to.
Make it all about how unsafe YOU feel and don’t worry about the people who fired him not supporting you, that’s pretty typical they don’t want to get involved.
Just go, plead your case. You took him in, he promised to pay you and he has not. He promised a life with you and cheated on you and put your health at risk with STD’s and your job.
Thats so telling that his mom reached out to you. He is burning bridges .
Thats what they do.
I am so proud of you, no contact.
You got this.
You stay strong.
I am here for you.
It will be ok.
Strong
Thaaaaaaaaaaaank you Strong. Thank u from the bottom of my hesrt.
You are welcome.
I feel your pain and since I lost it at work the other day I might not have a job on Monday but thats ok.
I will find another one just like I did before and was able to keep my own home since 2002 all on my own.
You can do it too!
Try to nourish your body ..I know you said you don’t have an appetite.
Get some Boost or Ensure to get some calories in you just sip it so that you don’t get sick again.
You friend,
Stronginthecity
Kitty,
Do you have to work today?
If not just take care of yourself and get some rest.
Keep reading and venting here as I am doing the same.
I have my kitties here and of coarse he fooled them too.
They loved him…but they love me more.
Eventually he will burn all of his bridges and probably lose his job too but oh well.
I saw something you posted about him being able to woo rich older ladies.
Mine said that too.
Who knows if its true or not.
It really doesn’t matter because he is gone from your life and he may find some other unsuspecting person to take him in.
Thats what they do, thats why rthey are so GOOD at it.
It’s all they think about. Remember they have no empathy for anyone. They are stuck in their own heads.
If I called or texted mine right now he would be here in a minute.
Then he would boo hoo, poor me routine and then go right along behind my back and do it over and over again until we saw no more.
Then they either go back to old ex’s or the new one’s they have been grooming.
It’s all a trick and so hurtful to the normal people here, us.
There is a risk quiz here on this site,
To see if you are a target. I have taken it many times and always come up a target.
Thats ok now because I know that now, and I have learned so much from Donna and this website.
Hearing the posts from the others, like we ALL are talking about the same person.
Read, read, post, vent.
Learn. Be good to yourself.
You actually found out pretty quickly and are doing better than you think.
Megan…please don’t beat yourself up.
You did nothing wrong.
He is a sociopath. His brain is wired wrong and you cant fix him. Nobody can.
This disorder is typically genetic and I found out mines mother, after meeting her 1 time is the one he got it from.
Your friend,
Stronginthecity
AnnettePL, Lan7, TTSP,
Good morning,
Can you please reach out to kittylover?
Try to convince her again to call or chat online regarding the domestic violence hotline?
Thanks,
Your LF budddy,
Stronginthecity