Editor’s Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts by the name “stronginthecity.”
I am currently in a relationship with a sociopath. I’ve been with him since June 2013. I was with him before. That relationship ended in 2006, leaving me jobless and depressed because he left the relationship abruptly and literally disappeared.
I am a medical professional, so I am the typical target I guess.
He resurfaced last year proclaiming his love for me and how much he missed me — giving three or four reasons, explanations why he left. I kept tabs on him through the years from time to time and found out he was in prison in 2009 for drug charges.
He is a constant liar and manipulator and we had a “chance” meeting in a drugstore parking lot where I had never been before in February 2013.
Again he disappeared then reappeared around May 2013. I saw him drive past my house many times. He never tried to contact me until June of 2013 when he got my phone number from a mutual friend.
I had just started dating again and was on a first date with a man when he called me. The calls were blocked and I didn’t listen to the messages until the next day.
He said that he was at a street festival and “why don’t you answer your phone” and “you should meet me”. I didn’t even know it was him. I had an idea but wasn’t sure.
A few weeks later, exactly the time I was leaving for work, he called again from a blocked number and I answered. It was him telling me he was working in my state, when he was really 2,000 miles away with his wife and children, saying he wanted to meet me for dinner. I agreed to meet him and before I knew it I was in deep again.
He actually did get divorced from his wife, but now the wife has moved to my area and things are again in the crazy stage. I have caught him in numerous lies and am certain he has cheated multiple times but I never actually caught him.
I have been back and forth trying to establish no contact but somehow I always end up back with him as he makes me believe the lies and sucks me into the drama. He loves me. I am the only one yet other women, who he claims are friends call his phone.
I also believe he has made copies of my house keys and comes into my house when I am at work.
He has not held down any steady job since June 2013, thank goodness I am full time employed but he knows my work schedule and keeps tabs on me. He tells me I am crazy when I question the nonsense. He lies about his whereabouts and actually gives me “clues” just to make me jealous. I am at wits end right now as he is trying to wiggle his way back into my life.
The last time I saw him was Halloween weekend, after an argument again about his whereabouts.
I need help to maintain no contact as he is texting me with the, “I’m a good guy story, I miss you” again. Of course we have an incredible sexual relationship and he swears he does not want anyone else, and has not been with another woman since June 2013.
My gut is telling me he is lying and I know I am right.
Unfortunately, I had a setback and saw him last weekend and during this week. Thank goodness he had a trip planned during our no contact and I am glad he is gone as I found myself making life plans with this man again.
He has been on his best behavior since I agreed to see him Saturday night. He spent the night Saturday and Sunday. He went to work Monday and Tuesday night and came over again making me dinner, flowers, my favorite wine and worked on my house. The whole nine yards. He left Thursday morning because he wanted to see his kids that he has not seen in over a year.
I am glad he is there as I need this time to regroup and make sense, crazy sense of this entire situation. I will continue to post and read on your Lovefraud because it’s so helpful to me. I know that I need to stay away from this man ”¦ he was talking about getting married again. He said lets write up a prenup and get married because he loves me, blah blah blah.
I DON’T TRUST HIM.
I left him alone in my home again. I need to end this once and for all.
Caitlyn,
What section is it posted?
Having trouble finding it.
SITC
Caitlin,
I found it.
Going to read it now.
How are you doing?
SITC
Strong in the city: hi! I’m still having some bad days. I so badly want to see the light at the end of the tunnel and think positive about the future but its hard!!! Coming here and reading all that i can about these types of people helps but i guess only time can make some of these bad feelings diminish.
Caitlyn,
Yes, me too.
I have finally accepted the fact that it is over.
Writing down the feelings associated with that seems to help even if it’s only a few sentences at a time.
I don’t have much strength these days…dishes piled up, no Xmas tree or decorations…just don’t feel like doing it.
I tried.
Maybe next year.
Having the support here has been a life saver!
Take your power back!
Reach out to any domestic abuse program…you have to dig but most cites and states have free programs for abuse.
Yes, you have been abused.
I included a link to a video regarding that.
https://youtu.be/O5pTq6X2gas
Talking about it, telling my story has been helpful and believe me I have told it to anyone that will listen!
Don’t be upset if your friends are not supportive, because if they have not been through it they just can not understand.
Do things just for you:
Have a cup of tea of make homemade hot chocolate.
Cry if you feel like crying.
Make a nice meal for yourself, eat healthy.
See your primary doctor, maybe short term meds can help
Get yourself tested if you have not done so already.
Know that this is not your fault.
be grateful you did not have children with this person and that you are a smart woman to have found out pretty quickly.
I bought a coloring book with beautiful designs and colored pencils.. I have almost completed one page!
It’s a lot of little things and it does take time.
Most important…don’t ever let him in your life again.
No contact in it’s truest form is THE only way to start healing.
It will take time.
Love you…have faith that in time you will feel better.
Please keep posting here and anywhere else you feel comfortable.
Hugs to you
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
PS Have you reached out to the domestic violence hotline?
They have excellent counselors you can call and just talk or do an online chat.
thehotline.org
Strong in the city: thanks for reading my letter and for your response! I’m currently seeing a great therapist. Who knows about these disordered types so she also helps Alot. Soon after I confronted the spath 3 months ago he dissapeared and shortly after i found myself in terrible emotional distress. I couldn’t get in to see my therapist until days later. At the time I didn’t know about lovefraud so the only thing i could do was call the suicide hotline. I had no idea what had just happened, why it happened, and what kind of person i had just dealt with. I did this several times until i could get in to see my therapist. My therapist was the one who said his behavior screamed sociopath. She has opened my eyes to a lot of information. Even before going to see her the call takers on the suicide hotline said this guy sounds like a con artist, severe character flaw, hardcore liar deceiver, etc. i know i’m better off with him gone but i just want to feel better! You mentioned coloring and funny you mention that because i bought an adult coloring book with colored pencils also. This helps soooo much. When i’m coloring i feel at peace and almost forget what has happened … This is a great stress reliever!!!! Not many people seem to mention this or maybe they don’t know.
Caitlyn,
My dear friend..I have called that hotline myself..several times years ago.
It’s very brave of you to admit that.
It’s a hard thing to do.
I still have my moments.
I have talked about the spath being the messenger..the one who brought our true feelings to the surface.
I’m wondering if this has been the first for you.
Probably not. I don’t know.
For me defiantly not.
He was the best at his lies, manipulation and abuse.
My life is a mess right now.
I project a good “I am ok story” to everyone but I am not ok.
Prior to writing this post my emotions are so out of control I almost called him.
I did not.
I know if I did it would be the end of me.
You are really blessed to find a therapist who is helping and understands you.
I still have not found anyone who gets it.
Some days are better than others.
I am sorry.
It makes me feel so much better when I can help someone else but this time last year he gave me a beautiful engagement ring and just confused things even further.
I think I need to put on my jammies and cuddle with the kitties.
Tomorrow is another day.
Hugs to you.
Keep up the good work.
I hope I can be a better inspiration tomorrow.
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
Caitlyn and Strong,
I read a comment on this site recently, can’t recall who wrote it. But the gist of it was right after her split she knew she’d be okay. She didn’t Feel it because of the pain but she knew she’d be okay because that’s who she was, she always came out on top.
It connects when I think of you Caitlyn. You’ve sought out help and you sought it right away. I was similar. My past taught me well. Speaking of hotlines, it was only mere months ago I called to the domestic hotline last!
Caitlyn, I read your story. My heart goes out to you. I am so grateful you found out as soon as you did. Many others aren’t as lucky. I was fortunate to find out sooner than later, but only because I’d gone through it before. Still, in my case a year was a long enough time to cause serious emotional damage on top of the all past stuff.
Who am I kidding, for anyone a month with these people causes serious damage even if the person isn’t well aware….
I took an art therapy class and like it but haven’t practiced ot at home. I really liked making charcoal drawings. I can see how coloring would benefit people.
I’m so happy you have a good therapist and have maintained NC. What steps have you taken? I only ask because I know he seems gone but it’s not uncommon even 6 months to a year later that they try to contact, if that. It’s my understanding some don’t try to contact again at all. I think it’s worth considering a plan just in case. Sounds like you’re moving in the right direction and it’d be awesome for you to stay on course.
You’re in the hard part of healing. It will get better. Give yourself a hug and a big pat on the back. Your doing so much for yourself.
Xoxoxo
Caitlyn,
Wanted to say hi and see how you are doing.
I hope things are nice and quiet there!
Keep coloring!
SITC
A 5 minute meditation all for you!
Enjoy!
https://youtu.be/AGtETn4Xd6w
SITC
Strong
The letter helped me a lot to get a closure that I never got . He never apologized , he never felt sorry or empathy and he never told the truth. The only thing he said was “I had to leave because of you”. I needed my own ending on my terms , on my conditions. Not his. Because even the “grand finale ” of his long planned departure /discard was a secret planning. While I was not aware of his secrets , he had time to prepare. For me it was emotional devastating because I had no idea. I once found out through computer spyware that he was searching for apartments. I should have known but I was in denial. You have to accept the truth to be able to move on. While I was still hoping for him to return back to his family for a few months , I was going backwards. Only when I finally accepted the end, the death of my marriage , my filing for divorce, no contact at all, then my healing began. Slowly I focused not on my lost marriage, but on my welfare , on my future. And with that he was moving into the world of “not living , not existing “. I had bad days , but I never wasted any tears for him. I cried for so many years while being married and I am still amazed what awonderful life I have now. Divorce is the worst thing in the world, everyone gets hurt, but it was my only choice in order to survive. As for him , he still begs my son for contact. He should have thought about consequences of being an inappropriate spouse/father before acting up on his selfish desires. It’s too late. My son and I are happy and free, at peace and fortunate. My ex has his whores. So we definitely are the winners.
kaya48,
Closure.
It was one thing I knew I would never get from him and I foolishly thought I could file for the order of protection, go no contact and work on me.
I am now finding I need closure for me.
I was unknowingly “the other woman”.
He even thought it was a great idea to introduce me to his 20 year old son that knew his dad was cheating with.
I feel terrible for his actions and lies.
Lies that his marriage was over and she had filed for divorce.
Triangulation.
Even when he returned 7 years later proclaiming his love blah blah he was STILL married and I told him that I would not even consider talking to him until he was divorced because he told he that they had lived apart for many years.
After he did divorce her, she moved here to our city and left the home where she raised her 2 boys alone while he was out doing Lord knows.
I feel guilty and he has moved back in to the home that she left with the grown boys to take care of dad.
Now they are grown and I believe the boys harbor lots of ill emotion towards him.
So the letter will be for me to release the guilt…even though I am sure I was not the only one.
I need to release the guilt for his actions.
I do take responsibility for getting involved with a man who was not mine.
I will never get involved with a man who is not truly available and has been divorced for at least a year.
I never truly knew that he was still telling her they were still a family.
I feel shame and guilt.
Your son, who your ex now wants to have a relationship with well he must now suffer the consequences of his behavior.
May he live in his own shame and guilt as he ages and his looks fade and age and disease set into his body.
Sucks to be him.
You are truly a remarkable woman.
SITC
keepingon,
Sigh…
I just came across your post.
How are you doing?
Yes, a month will do it.
Any length of time is so damaging and getting past this comes in waves.
I know you understand because we were both stalked and even though all is quiet here now I feel something strange about to happen.
I am thinking he may be in town again.
The quietness can be deceiving.
Still have to be on guard.
The last time I saw him was in court and that man was one angry spath.
I think what I saw there was most likely the most real I have ever seen.
I am going over my safety plan!
SITC
Hi Strong,
All is well with me. I’m enjoying this holiday season!
I hear you on the quietness. That can bother me as well. I typically get the feeling during those times he’ll pull something, and sure enough he does! My gut doesn’t steer me wrong anymore. I had a big gut feeling around Thanksgiving that proved to be right. I have faith he’ll leave me alone one of these days!
Pay attention to how you’re feeling about it. Glad to know you’re keeping that safety plan handy!
Strong,
I hope you are well, thanks for providing the meditate video for us to view.
I have a question regarding advice from melanie. Do you think we are hindering our healing progress by coming to forums like this for support and to provide support?
I find the information to be extremely helpful and on the other hand while reading some of the stories it triggers some of those old emotions. Also, it’s helping me to maintain no contact. This is usually the time he would try to reach out to me. I saw him in my neighborhood the other day. I just shrugged it off because that’s what he does when he want to return. Can you provide suggestions or anyone on emergency plan.
still waiting,
I started about the same time Strong did reading Melanie’s email group and meditations. You can sign up to be on her emailing list if you haven’t already. I find some of her advice is helful, although like you I contemplated her thoughts on hindering our healing process through sites like LF.
In her emails she does say to educate yourself first and then to let go. Ultimately I decided to think for myself and use what works for me. I use meditation, healing practices and still come on here. I go through times I feel the need to post on here and times I feel I need to take a step back. I’m happy to say I post now mainly for paying it forward and then there are times when I still need some support.
What I think Melanie speaks about is for people not to get trapped or feed into the negativity of it all. I hope you chose what feels right for you. Our paths are similar yet we all tick and heal in different ways. I’d go with whatever feels right to you.
As for you seeing him in your neighborhood, trust your gut. Sounds like you are. Having a safety plan is a must. Making a simple at first is best, just to prepare yourself. Seeking support of a domestic violence therapist or reaching out to your local women’s safe house/shelter (safety house’s often offer free counseling) can be very helpful as they have a lot of knowledge when it comes to developing a strong plan.
In planning it’s things like what do you do if he comes to your house. Do you feel comfortable keeping the door closed but telling him through the door to go away and that you’ll call the police? Or do you not answer in any way and call the police immediately? How do you react if yiu see hom in person? Do you ignore him and put on sunglasses? Leave? Alert someone? It all depends on the threat and how you feel. Think of all the possibilities and nail down one for each scenario.
If you feel comfortable, carry a taser, mace, etc. Just keep in mind those things can be used against you.
Personally, I have several different plans, based on experience and strong possibilities. I have a plan for while I’m at home, one for when I’m in public and even one for when I’m alone on walks, runs, etc. When I’m out on foot especially, I always alert at least one person about where I’m going.
Presently, there are times I’ve felt the need to call the police and times that I’ve felt he’s just trying to scare me and I don’t bother calling anyone. I’m to the point now that I’m not hyper vigilant and can trust how I feel/my gut according to the situation.
That said, at the beginning my anxiety was so high that I couldn’t trust my gut, so I followed my plan accordingly.
Keep going on the NC. There’s a chance he’ll leave you alone for now or that he’ll pursue. Better time be prepared and safe than sorry!
Xoxoxo
Keeping On,
Thanks for the great advice. I have found the info Melanie
provides to be helpful and I really appreciate your feedback regarding visiting sites like LF. I will contact the local domestic violence counseling center for advice as well.
I usually walk/run 5 to 7 miles per day 2 to 4 times per week. I keep my cellphone on and change up the times I leave in the morning also call my sister before I leave the house.
If he was to knock on my door I would just ignore. If I ran into him in public I would walk away making sure no eye contact. His initial approach would be as nothing has ever happened. He would try to charm me and apologize blah, blah, fake feelings I used to fall for and allow him back in my life. I know the minute he realizes that I would never take him back again that will make him angry. A threat of calling the police should do it if not I want to be prepared I will start carrying mase. When we were together he would stalk me. He showed me like 5 areas away from my house he could see me and made sure to tell me I couldn’t see him. ; ( 2 areas were behind trees lines along the street, one was from the park bench up the street and one from the dog park. He said he would check to make sure I didn’t have any company over. He would also drive by in different cars with dark tinted windows. I don’t know if he would try to harm me or not. Again thank you for responding have a Blessed Christmas
Still waiting,
Sorry for my late response. It sounds like you are taking the right steps and have good plans. Your ex may or may not try to harm you. Trust your gut. My overall anxiety is low enough now that I can trust my gut, so if I feel in harms way I can act on it. There are times I recognize he’s just trying to scare me so I chose to do nothing. No need to feed his ego. At the beginning I feared for my life. Enough time has gone by that I feel less of a threat.
I can tell you first hand that local safe houses can be a life saver. I will forever be grateful for the support they’ve given me.
I too am an avid walker/runner. I learned the hard way that I didn’t do enough safety planning in this area. Earlier this year for about a month I was followed by a car I wasn’t familiar with. They made sure I was aware. A scare tactic for sure. I found myself very vulnerable on foot. I never got the plate or saw who was inside. I was too scared at first to get a good look. The local police and my therapist were helpful in safety planning. That was the first time the police were helpful to me.
In the end I forced myself to raise my phone and video tape/take pictures to try and get the plate. I didn’t fully succeed but I’m wondering if the action of raising my phone to try and get footage was enough to scare them off. My therapist advises I map my routes and inform people, especially on my longer runs. I was also told there is an app that will alert people if you don’t return. I’m not sure how it works or what’s it callled and have never tried it.
Strange about your ex telling you about the locations he could see you while at home. My ex did the same! I’m aware that he stalked me almost our entire relationship. What is it with these abusive stalker types?
I hope you enjoyed your Christmas. I was delighted to be spath free this Christmas and am looking forward to the new year!
Keeping on,
Again, thanks for sharing and your response. The DV center I called seem to be focused on people they feel are in immediate need. Kaiser has several support groups, I will ask my therapist to refer me to a group if there’s one. Yes, the stalking while in relationship is so confusing. I was out walking 2days ago maybe I am paranoid but I think he past by then. I drove to the park which is a block away. I needed to run I just did laps that day. I am starting to come out of my cocoon and have company over so that helps with having him see cars in front of my house. Wishing us all a better New Year
still waiting,
Hi there.
Regarding the reading, the videos and all the other work we must do in order to maintain no contact and work on you for me is a work in progress.
There is more and more info coming out everyday on the intrawebs…
First off I must say that Lovefraud was step 1.
Then I found Melanie and did her webinar and focused on that for awhile because I had such a hugh shift with that meaning I realized I needed to do some work on me.
I read and watched until I understood how and why this happened.
Yes, it’s going to trigger some stuff but every day that you are away from the spath these will diminish because it’s not about them and what they do anymore.
Believe me, I still have my moments…just yesterday I had a bad morning and was brought back to Earth by one of my supporters that I have contact with daily.
Having a support network online and off is very important as we know because our friends and family that have not been through this do no understand.
Not their fault.
Maintain your boundaries.
So, you saw him in your neighborhood?
Does that mean he is stalking you?
In an emergency such as him showing up at your house…if he does do not in any way open the door or even talk to him through the window.
You can turn the light on and then off to let him know yes I am home but I do not want to talk to you.
Hopefully he will just go away.
If he persists then I have called the police and filed a report.
You can also call the domestic violence hotline and let them walk you through it.
Don’t forget these people can and have been dangerous(Scott Petersen).
Write down what you are thinking and feeling so that you can work on those feelings later.
Anytime you feel in danger call 911.
If you are out and about and you see him turn and walk away and always have your cell phone on you and charged.
Anything you can do to change the old patterns creates new patterns.
You can do this.
The holidays themselves are triggering themselves.
I recently started working with a life coach.
So to answer your question…do what feels good and right for you.
If you find yourself overloaded with too much spath info spath overload simply take a break.
Remember we will not gaslight, threaten and humiliate you!
Please update me on what is happening as I myself took a break!
Hugs,
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
Stillwaiting,
Wanted to make sure you see this video..
https://youtu.be/Gz3p0oGd64Y
SITC
I am de-lurking for a bit to wish everyone a Peaceful Holiday Season.
Still Waiting, I think that as long as you find positivity in visiting LF, it is another helpful step in healing. Even the bad memories need to be processed, and the people on this site are some of the only ones who understand the things you have experienced. Their advice comes from some hard-won wisdom.
I haven’t been on much lately due to Things, but the advice I found here helped me to not only break free but to free my children from the snares set by their sociopathic parent.
I hope everyone here finds some measure of peace in the new year.
No more wool is right. I also come here once in a while to read stories, to share and maybe give some advice. Everyone here was so helpful and knowledgable when I was s complete mess after the discard. I feel like I learned so much and maybe I can give a little back to “new survivors “.
I don’t see my drama as a bad experience or trauma anymore. What he did to me will not define me as a person. I know that in the end I have the victory because he set me free. I fought him in the divorce, I stood up for myself , I stayed superstrong and determined and I will always have that quality now. He cannot mess with me anymore. Whatever he does will have absolutely no effect on me, he will not get a reaction out of me , something he desperately hopes for. He has no more control or power over me. He cannot make cry anymore , he cannot make me beg and plead with him anymore. He can now do this to his little minions. The minions who did not care that he was married, who did not care if he had a family. I used to hate the minions , I am actually grateful for them now. Without them I would be crying this Christmas because he sure would find something to criticize or hurt me. No more. This is my third Christmas without him and I thank God every day for my new life. Most of all I am so grateful nobody calls me “crazy , insane , old, fat, boring, nagging, too short hair. “. Because I am none of this and the style of my hair is my choice. I came so far and will never go back. No matter what he throws at me. My shield , my faith will protect me from my enemies. And he is the biggest one.
Wishing all here a blessed Christmas. Stay strong and have faith. God is in control. Always.
kaya48,
You my dear are such an inspiration to all of us here.
Thank you for checking in and continuing to share your wisdom and updates.
Happy 2016!
XOXO,
SITC
Dear Kaya48, NoMoreWool, StronginTheCity and ALL of us,
This is the time of year that was hardest for me, the loss is felt so completely. So I have come to de-lurk (great phrase NoMoreWool!), to share encouragement (I hope!) to those in the midst of hurt, and to once again feel that connection that I need with those who understand our pain.
I am reposting SITC’s link to a quick 5 minute meditation. When I did it, the word that come up for me was “Comfort”. I need comfort. I learned long ago that we rarely receive the touch or hugs we need, so I learned to give them to myself. I encourage others to do the same. There is something very empowering in being able to comfort ourselves, esp when we feel so very much out of sorts.
https://youtu.be/AGtETn4Xd6w
This touches on what I wish for all of us, what I found helped me the most and it was such a blessed gift from another LF member who helped me… so I repeat it and hope it continues to bless others…
My biggest epiphany, healing isn’t about him. It’s about ourselves. Get to know yourself. REALLLY know yourself.
When you discover what comforts you and that you give it to yourself, then you eliminate a toehold for a disordered person to bait and hook you. When you develop the methods to LOVE yourself, then you don’t settle for less from another. When you identify the ways that you are so valuable and irreplaceable, then you know what you have to give. When you learn to give from a well that never empties, then you have the all the parts to comfort, give, love, and cherish the very special person that you are.
It’s all there inside you, but so many of us never learned what it is. And once you have these very Special Set Of Skills, I can’t promise you won’t meet a sociopath or Narcissist ever again, but I can promise you will know to find yourself again very quickly, or even… walk away knowing the signs and feeling empowered against their evil.
And as Kaya48 writes, I too, above all, find that my faith and my Loving God is my shield against the dark oppressive monster that tried to pull me into an abyss.
All my best Holiday Wishes to you all, Happiest New Years are coming, free from “them”, and THANK YOU to all who helped me THROUGH the nightmare. Push THROUGH it, don’t stay there! JOY is found on the other side.
With LOVE,
nwhsom
How wonderful. Great post. I need this one. Almost 6 weeks for me now. Good days and bad. Still have that panic attack wake up at 3:30 am. Almost nightly. But I’ve found me some great lavender oil. I put some on my pillow every night and drop off right away. What sleep I do get before the panic is exquisite. I had not been sleeping much at all this past year the ex kept me walking the floor all night most nights. So a great gift is that I do get some quality sleep now.
This post is an inspiration to us all that are struggling here. I also did nothing by way of Christmas decorating or buying either. It’s hard to get out of bed some days but I’m still trying. I do what I can.
God bless us all here. Merry Christmas fellow travelers. We all have a Rocky road ahead but it easier traveled with such great people I have met here. Thank you everyone. I am lucky to have found you. Be safe. Be Happy. Be strong.
NotWhatHeSaidofMe,
Love, love your epiphany!!!!
That’s right…know and LOVE yourself.
We are defiantly on N alert.
Here’s to a spath free 2016!
XOXO,
Stronginthecity
I haven’t been on for a while due to having to face him in court which all of which was one big show of his. I never got my things back. The denial on his front. Any case there is a no contact order that has been put into place. I have still been reading the articles as they do help me more and more and I have kept up reading on the site.
To those who wonder about Melanie ( thank you for the reference), my takes on it are similar to what others have been saying. As long as you don’t get stuck and obsessed into the negativity. I know closure was a big deal for me. I never got it. I don’t think they will ever give it because they are incapable of relating feeling like other non toxic humans. Closure in essence used to be a thing I needed like air. Why he did this or that or what was done behind my back.
Now I am just thankful where I am today. My health. The fact I am not crying on the holidays ( his favorite thing in the world to wreck them for me in any possible way), and even though I am aware of his triangulation I have removed myself from any situation I am not treated respectfully. There was a lot of wall building and boundaries needed as we shared some mutual friendships and he did everything he could to stalk me keep an eye on me. I had to move. I had to start over and put one step infront of another. I focuses on me. My wellbeing. My health. It was hard to accept that it was over and he was not the man I loved and trusted with everything. But I wasted so many years loving someone. Putting my all into someone who was a con. A liar a cheater a user and an abuser etc. if anything life can be really short. We deserve men who love and appreciate us. We deserved to be smiling during the holidays. We deserve our children and our pets to be accepted and loved and cherished. He showed me that when he was lying. Otherwise it was the stonewalling monkey dance and so much more abuse. Today I read the comments and I missed you guys. I’m proud of everyone on here. No matter what stage you are at. I am very thankful for this place as you have helped me. You have all in your own way saved me. Helped me pick up my soul and give me the courage to take care of me and see with him I didn’t.
This holiday if you are with people or alone know you are not alone. From the bottom of my heart I wish you all a merry Christmas. You deserved to be loved remember that! Sending good thoughts to all of you on love fraud. Thank you.
bluelight,
Facing him in court…ewww girl I know what that is like but it is over now.
Realizing that the “relationship” is OVER is key.
Closure, probably will never get it.
Hope you (we) never will but it’s ok because it does not matter anymore.
We now know the truth and self love and self care is all we need to do now.
It is shocking behavior that we now have choices not to ever engage in ever again.
So glad to hear that you are doing well.
Happy 2016!
XOXO,
SITC
Blue light
So glad you are doing ok. Like your ex, mine got so much pleasure out of ruining holidays , especially Christmas and birthdays. He loved to manipulate me into thinking that I was acting “so crazy” that the holiday was ruined. I usually apologized. Now, thinking back it was his plan all along. This third Christmas without him, I don’t miss anything about him. I am having a wonderful, peaceful and happy Christmas season. In all those years being married to him I forgot about myself. I was so busy trying to make him happy , trying to please him and of course playing detective. It was almost that he had a smirk on his face when I four new evidence. In the end it was a game of his he could outsmart me. He would even leave little clues to make me upset or to make me suspicious. And then he could say “see how crazy you are “. Once I became an obstacle to him there was nothing I could do to be worthy in his eyes. It was a nightmare. I remember the physical sickness finding pictures of his coworker on our home computer. The heart racing , the shaking and my tears. The person who vowed to love and cherish me, the mother of his only child, put me through hell and back. This is definitely not love. I used to wait months , years for him while he was deployed with the army. And this is what I got in return.
“The greatest lie the devil has told the world is that he does not exist. “. I know it is a lie because I was married to him.