Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story about a vacation love that became a con from a reader whom we’ll call Elsa20. Names are changed.
I met Aslan when I was staying at a hotel in Istanbul. He worked at the front desk. We established a friendship. I left to travel around Turkey and came back to Istanbul and it was the beginning of a long distance relationship.
He moved to another city in Turkey to work as a hotel manager. I visited him 3 times. He said he loved me; he wanted to marry me.
On one of my visits he asked me for $5,000 to pay his military exemption. After back and forth I wired him the money using Western Union. He promised he would pay me back in May 2019.
In December I was suspicious of his behaviour as he could not provide proof that he paid his military exemption to the Turkish government. He confessed he spent the money. I demanded to pay me back.
He only paid $500 in January 2020. I asked for more payments but he always said he had no money. I have been asking him to pay me and he said the latest he would pay was in August 2020.
In May 2020, I received pictures from a friend, where Aslan is sitting inside an airplane with a Russian girl and an engagement ring on her hand. I decided to ask for her help to get Aslan pay me back my USD$4,500. She broke up with him.
I also requested help from his brother on Facebook. He never responded.
Aslan was furious and wrote death threats against me on Whats app. He also said he would send naked pictures (I never sent him nude pictures or took any) of me and ruin my life and reputation. He also said he was not going to pay me back.
5 reasons why we fall for a con artist
I’m so sorry Elsa20 🙁
This reminded me of a trip I took with a group of 30+ people to Egypt. We spent part of that time on a cruise on the Nile. One of our bartenders on the ship was a handsome man in his 30s and my friend quickly developed a crush for him. They managed to go sightseeing together one evening for a couple of hours and hit it off well. They stayed in contact after we all returned to the States which I didn’t know until one day she messaged 3 of us to ask our opinion. They were Facebook friends and she got one of those ‘friend suggestions’ of a woman who was this man’s wife! He had told her he was single. She specifically asked him and I was sitting right next to her when it happened so I confirmed for her that he said he was single! In Egypt it’s legal, and acceptable, for a man to have 4 wives. When my friend confronted him about his wife he claimed they aren’t actually living together and he said he’s in love with my friend. Of course, we all told her to run far and fast from this guy! How could he be in love after just 4 days in proximity of each other and a couple of hours of one on one time?
She told him she was no longer interested and he kept at it, saying that he wanted to come to America and prove his love to her, he just needed some money. (Insert eye roll here!) My thoughts were he was either trying to scam money out of her or actually did want to come to the U.S. but not for a long term relationship with her. She cut ties with him.
While it’s hard to know if Aslan had true feelings for you or was scamming you all along, the end of the relationship is a scam. Him giving you dates of repayment that keep moving farther out is part of the scam. First off, file a report with the FBI about the scam AND the death threat! I hope you still have the message. You may not be his only victim. I suggest you look into options of a small claims court in Turkey and send him a demand letter for full payment by August, he’s had well over a year to repay you no need to give him more time, noting that if he fails to pay you will file a claim in the Turkish court. And then do it!! He’s not going to pay you, I’m sure he never had any intentions to do so. If you don’t have a court claim option, I would do everything possible to make his life miserable. I would find ways to publicize his acts of deception, ad in a local paper maybe, and let it be known he scams women, owes you $4500, and threatened to kill you. Contact the hotel he works at and ask if they garnish his wages since THEIR employee takes advantage of their customers. Do you have some way to prove you sent him money? I’ve never used Western Union but I hear it’s THE way scammers want money transferred.
Don’t let him intimidate you or “win” by getting off scot free with what he’s done. Again, I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with any of this but stay strong and don’t give up!
Dear Need2heal, Thank you for your support with all my heart. As much as I don’t want to let him win, I have had to make a few adjustments. The first one, is to make no contact. He is a malignant narcissist. Every time I contacted, it would destroy me. I had to let him go. About the money, I don’t want to invest or loose any more money on him. I have been investing on my wellbeing instead. I did contact two lawyers, but it was going to be a money drain. I have been reading articles and getting the word out. The world deserves to know. He felt entitled to steal money from me, savings that were hard earned and making sacrifices to save it. But the lessons I learned have helped my growth and development. He is in the dark and I do not foresee a happy life for him. I want to thank you again for sharing that story with me. We all have gained a bigger perspective of the people around us and how we all need to help each other into making wiser decisions for the greatest good. Sending you light and Love!! Take care!!