By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)
“As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7)
I was watching the movie Iron Lady today and a few lines of the character Margaret Thatcher jumped out at me and made me think of that verse above from the Bible. Here are the lines from Mrs. Thatcher, as she was speaking with her physician.
Watch your thoughts
for they become words,
Watch your words
for they become your actions,
Watch your actions
For they become your habits
Watch your habits
for they become your character
Watch your character
for it becomes your destinyWhat we think we become.
How many times do we prove those words, originally attributed to the ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, to be true? How many times do our “self-fulfilling prophecies” become reality because we thought something bad was going to happen. Or we thought we were going to fail, and we failed.
Attitude is so important in how our lives go. How we think is instrumental in what we can accomplish, or fail to accomplish.
The balky mule
I may have told this story before, and if I have, please forgive me, but it bears repeating. My grandfather was very poor during the Depression and he had to buy mules that others either couldn’t handle, because they were dangerous or in some way impaired, but they were cheap to purchase. My grandfather was sort of a “mule whisperer,” and could “psych-out” these mules and get them to work for him.
He bought one mare mule that would “balk,” which was refusing to pull. My grandfather knew why horses or mules would “balk;” it was from poor training. They were hooked up to loads that were too heavy to pull, and then when they tried their best, they couldn’t do it. The trainer would whip them even though they were doing their best, and they would fail to move the load. They were convinced that they could not pull any load, so would not even try. They would “balk” (not try), and then just stand there and take the whipping they knew was coming. It was “trained failure.” They knew in their hearts that they could not pull the load, so they gave up.
This particular mare mule only balked at the foot of a hill, so my grandfather figured that she had been whipped because she was hooked to a load she could pull on the level, but not up a hill. So as they traveled along the first day when they approached the bottom of a hill where he figured she would stop and balk, he said “Whoa!” and stopped her before she stopped herself. Then he got out, whistling and happy, petted her on the neck, adjusted the harness a bit and then got back into the wagon and said, “get up” and she did. She never balked again. He had shown her that she didn’t have to take a whipping and that she could pull the wagon up the hill because he would not over load her. It was his idea to stop, not hers.
If you think you can, or think you can’t
Our own attitudes about what we can pull in the way of a “load” are partly determined (if not fully determined) by our own attitudes.
As the Bible says, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” If we think we are weak and unimportant, then we become that. If we think we are strong and can over come obstacles, leap tall buildings with a single bound and be faster than a speeding bullet, then we can be.
We all find ourselves thinking “negative thoughts” once in a while, feeling down, and telling ourselves we are going to fail. When you find yourself thinking those thoughts, scream to yourself, “STOP!” Then reverse that thinking, and think “I CAN overcome this problem. I can succeed. I WILL succeed.” Then go out and do it!
God bless.
Joyce…..oh, Joyce…..these are words that I needed to read, today, quite literally. Tears are streaming, here, because I can clearly identify with that balking jenny.
I have spent a lifetime of balking from fears and conditioned responses. The worst was always going to happen, the other shoe was going to drop, and any efforts to maintain forward momentum were arrested by me – by me, alone – because of my fears and conditioned responses.
Although I may not be convinced of this, yet, I keep telling myself that that I am going to make it through and out of my current situation. At some point, I think that I’ll begin to actually “feel” that I will. Then, I truly will see that I do.
This is a wonderful, wonderful article that I can clearly identify with – I used to work on a large horse facility, and I worked with several issued animals. They didn’t need a beating – they needed speaking to and reassurances that the paper bag wasn’t going to end their lives. They wanted that reassurance that everything was going to be “okay.” And, they truly, visibly, and in all ways responded to that positive interaction. Perhaps, this is what is bringing me to tears, this morning. Knowing that encouragement can be powerful.
And, what’s WITH these spontaneous crying jags, anyway? UGH….
Brightest blessings, Joyce, and my most sincere gratitude for this article.
I really savor these very positive articles here. I agree 100% with this article. Thoughts are incredibly powerful. I started going to Zumba classes 6 months ago. I felt like I had two left feet. But I was determined, so I kept trudging away. Now it is so effortless I could do it in my sleep. So I took on an even bigger challenge recently. I started studying salsa dance with a male teacher I once danced with a year ago and always dreamed of dancing with again. I was very intimidated to be in his small class. A lot of the beginner guys are quick to criticize me and point out everything I’m doing wrong. It started wearing me down, and I started to feel like I wouldn’t be able to do it. I almost dropped out last week. But I decided that I would and I COULD become a great (not just good) salsa dancer so I stuck with it. Last night I passed my first test and got my white belt in salsa (they give belts like in martial arts). I have never been so proud of myself. Then a few of us went to the salsa club and tore up the dance floor. I danced with guys who have been dancing for years, and it felt great. A year ago, I never would have gone out to the clubs – I was way too intimidated. Salsa has opened up a whole new world to me, just like Zumba. I have salsa friends and dance partners and a whole new wardrobe to go with it.
Tomorrow at my Zumba club we are taping a Zumba routine for National Dance Day and will send it to the news station, so I might even be on TV! It’s all very exciting.
But I really had to practice a lot of positive self-talk and tell myself that yes, I CAN do it. I almost gave up so many times. It’s hard to believe that I am doing all the dance moves I have always envied in others. I don’t have to watch Dancing with the Stars and secretly pine away for that life. I can go out and live it!
From the first time I saw two advanced salsa dancers in Costa Rica in 2010, I decided, “I am going to learn to do that, or I will die trying.” That thought has stuck and has been my mantra, though it took a few years to really get into it – I gave up so many times. I wish this type of resolve for EVERYONE trying to overcome adversity and do something positive with their lives. Also, I am 51. I thought I’d be too old to start dancing. But I guess you’re never too old to do what you love!
Thanks, Oxy. I so appreciate this, today. These things have been on my mind, because I know my attitude and beliefs are so powerful in influencing the daily monotonies of life, as well as ultimate out-comes.
Even though I’m doing well, I find the daily grind of working for a living, HARD. I’m physically tired and it wears me down to cater, cater, cater, to customers. They can be so demanding, and then ungrateful.
I needed this pep talk about haveing a positive attitude….it was right on time. Thanks, Ox.
Thanks, guys, glad it has been a help to you, but as usual, I write to myself…much more than I do for anyone else’s benefit.
Ihave to keep reminding myself to keep a positive attitude. When I watched that movie about Margaret Thatcher, I thought how hard it must have been for her to know she was “losing it” mentaly, and yet she stayed strong even in the face of it all (if the movie was true to the story)
Last night we had the badly needed rain which we have not had any rain in months, we are among the first of the 75 counties in the US who have been declared “exceptionally” dry which is ABOVE “severely dry.” I prayed for the rain and it finally came, along with winds that tore the roof off of my studio and flung it acros the hangar and on top of the electric wires that ran from the pole to the hangar…but “sheet happens” is all I can think of and we’ll have to deal with it as we can, first being to get the electric company to shut off the power so we can remove the half of the roof over the wires then reattach it to the hangar…also have company coming this weekend for 3 days and then next wednesday my surgery.
Sheet happens, keep saying “it’s gonna be okay” and you know, it WILL be okay, it wasn’t my house, it wasn’t the barn, it wasn’t the hangar roof, and it’s insured so what the heck.
Sometimes life seems to us like it just keeps on knocking us down. We have a flat tire, then another one, then the engine in our car quits and we have to get a new car…or whatever thing is going on, or as Kim says “catering” to the public when they are so rude and ungrateful…but THAT’S LIFE. It is what life is about, but it is NOT ALL OF LIFE, and we have to kep these things in proportion to what they are.
OK, so your customers are al creeps today…no one promised you that life is always fair. And sure you are tired at the end of a day, that’s why they call it WORK not “fun.” LOL
But, YOU HAVE A JOB..there are others who don’t have a job who would be grateful to have your job. So be grateful for what you have.
You’re sick…but you have access to medical care in this country. I just finished reading a book about malaria and how many people die of it every year because they can’t afford $15 worth of medication. Even if you don’t have insurance in this country you can go to an ER and they have to take you in and treat you. NOt so in many parts of the world.
Be grateful.
I try to be grateful myself, and to keep my chin up and remember the little mare mule. She failed because she thought she would, and my grandfather showed her that she didn’t have to fail, that she could succeed and she believed him and she succeeded.
My grandfather always had confidence in me, and I think that his confidence has helped me through many a “down time” when I thought I couldn’t go on. I knew he thought I could, so I picked myself up and I did it. We all can when we believe we can. ((((hugs))) and as Truthy says, “brighetest blessings”
Oh, BTW Truthy, the crying and crying and cryiong some more is stress being released so don’t wory about it, just get more “snot rags” and keep on wiping your eyes and your nose. Keep the floods off the computer though! LOL (((hugs)))
Oxy….I truly love you with my heart. It’s all going to be okay.
Brightest rainy blessings!
Thanks, Oxy. So sorry to hear about the roof of your studio, and the stress related to entertaining and the upcoming surgery.
At least you got rain….and have freinds and/or family who care to visit…and have access to medical treatment, right?
Yes. At least I have a job, and am independant.
I have had to really watch my money for the last 6 weeks, trying to catch up after buying my portable washer and dryer. I had to pay back 90 dollars at work when my drawer came up short, and my shoes blew out, so had to buy a new pair. Paid a 65 dollar reconnection fee to have my water turned back on….I had the money to pay the bill, but simply spaced it out….won’t do that again….and, I gave my daughter 93.00 to pay cable and internet, and she forgot to do so, then fell upon hard times herself and couldn’t pay it, sooooooo, I’ve been working and working to catch up, and haven’t been doing much of anything else.
Fortunaately, this month I will be able to pay them all on time, and can start saving again. That will be a big relief. Once again, though I am learning the lesson about depending upon someone else.
There were at least 4 incidents at work where my drawer came up short, usually from 5 to 20 dollars, but three different people have been fired and since then it has never been short by even a dime…go figure.
Anyone familiar with Jung’s ideas about synchronicity? Dar’s Mom, you might like this. It has a shamnic undertone of meaning, as well.
I went to work, and it was slow. There were only me and the cook in the restaraunt.
I kept hearing a buzzing noise, but it was subtle, so didn’t really pay much attention, until the cook commented that, “that dragonfly is really going nuts….”. I realized that a really huge dragonfly was trapped between the window and the shade. I moved the shade an inch away from the window and the dragonfly flew down to the sill, but was still trying frantically to “head but” the window.
I grabbed a menu off of the table and gently nudged it behind it’s legs till it got on, and then I very slowly and carefully began walking it to the door. Well, it paniced and fflew to land on another shade.
I decided to leave it alone for a while, and maybe try again later. Then it flew to the other side of the restaraunt and was flying against the window, til it decided that that wasn’t working.
I opened all the doors, two sets, thinking the odds were pretty slim that I could rescue the bug, but I was gonna try. At this point it was hanging onto the pullys that lift and lower the shade….I had no idea how intelligent dragonflies are, or how well they can see, but went through the two sets of doors and ouside, so I was standing right on the other-side of it’s window, then I came back inside again. I did that twice, then picked up the menu again, and nudged it under the bugs feet. This time the bug stayed on the menu right up to the time I got it an inch away from the outer door, and off it flew, over the roof of the restaraunt.
Cook and I both hooted and “Yayed”…the bug was free.
About three nights later, I was on line, researching narcissists and how they do damge to us, and I came upon a web-site whose logo is a dragonfly caught in a web. It gave me goose bumps, and I later googled what is the symbolic meaning of a dragonfly, and I learned that it is symbolic of self actualization, and maturity, clear vision, and creativity. I also learned that the dragonfly has excellant vision….so, I know that dragonfly was smart and saw what I was doing when I was showing him the way out.
I know some will think this is crazy, but I took it as an example of synchronicity and a clear message from the universe that I am on the right path, and perhaps one day, I too will fly off over the roof of the restaraunt. 🙂
Kim.
you know you just have to change your name to dragonfly!!
What an amazing story. Hope life gets better for you.
Strongawoman, oh, I’m okay….life is pretty good in spite of everything. Mostly, I’m just whining that it’s not perfect…yet. 🙂 This little bit of chaos is nothing compared to life with the crack-head, and/or the cheating, abusive, narcissistic husband. Thanks for you well-wishes.
Kim, we see what we need to see if we look around us, if it is a dragonfly or a balky mule…we can take the lesson that is there if we will but open our eyes and see it.
The power company came and unhooked the power line to the hangar, so my freezers are without power now but son D is going to get it fixed in the morning (or part of the fix) and then the power company guy said to tel them it was an EMERGENCY reconect and he would be back out to turn it back on.
Got a MESS to clean up of tin and broken boards ful of nails, but you know what, that huge roof flew of, up and over the hangar, almost missed my RV shelter (just nicked a corner of it) and landed in a big open place.didn’t hit a car or an animal or even a fence and it could have wrecked a bunch of stuff…so I am SO grateful for small favors.
The studio is a wreck, and there’s no hope of saving it, so will have to have it towed away (it is an older mobile home) so we will just have to figure out what we want to keep and what we want to toss and just go from there.
Kim I am SO proud of how far you have come, and how independent you are now. Look back even 4 years ago and remember where you were and how “down” you were and how you didn’t see a way out of the pit, but look at where you are now and that you have your own place and your own washer and dryer and a job to support it. You should be proud of where you are and how far you have come and you don’t have to depend on anyone else. You are rowing your own boat in the river of life! A big TOWANDA to you!
Thanks, Oxy. I am proud of me, but, sometimes I need a little encouragement.
I’m so glad that no more damage was done to your property…maybe it is the universes way of telling you it’s time to let go of the “stuff” in the studio.