By Ox Drover
As an advanced practice nurse, one of the things I did here in the rural area where parasites are common was warn people about the many diseases, several of them potentially fatal, caused by a common parasite, the tick.
Here on LoveFraud we often refer to psychopaths as “parasites” because, like a common blood-sucking tick, they feed off of a host, without giving any benefit to the host, or giving any more thought to the damage they do to the host than a common tick does as he burrows into your flesh.
In the warmer months of the year, the tick searches for anything that is warm and moves and can actually leap small distances to latch on to the host. They like to burrow into the skin in a “tight spot,” like under your waistband or some other hidden area. Frequently, too, they will actually group up in one spot on the host, and when you detach the biggest tick on top, you will find several other smaller ones hidden beneath who are also sucking blood from the same spot.
Parasites, just like the psychopath, take without giving. Sometimes the parasites actually do give you something, but it is usually in the form of some noxious, toxic and potentially fatal or debilitating disease. In the case of ticks, one of the more common diseases they pass on is Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, which is a disease caused not by their bite, but by an infectious agent in their feces which can actually pass through intact skin. A few days after the tick has either dropped off voluntarily, sated with the host’s blood, or been pulled off, frequently leaving behind both feces and mouth parts imbedded in the skin, the host will start to feel ill and run a fever. People with RMSF usually break out in a rash that resembles measles. Frequently the host doesn’t even realize what has happened, and may not actually remember being bitten by a tick. With prompt treatment, 93 percent of the victims will live, but without treatment, as many as 20 percent of the victims will die of either the disease itself or complications induced by the illness.
My bout with Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever
A couple of summers ago, I noticed that I wasn’t feeling well. It was during the worst of the fear and chaos of my experience with a multitude of psychopaths all at once, so I wasn’t thinking really clearly in any case. I attributed my “feeling bad” to the stress I was under for a couple of months until I became so weak I could not even climb a flight of stairs or stand up long enough to wash a small sink full of dishes by hand. I had noticed a tick bite, one that had been on me for at least 24, and probably 36 hours, before I noticed it and removed it.
When I became so ill that I literally was as “weak as a kitten” I finally decided to put a thermometer in my mouth and found I had a fever of 101 degrees, so I called my physician. He drew blood after I had reported to him the tick bite a couple of months before, and sure enough, I had Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, though I had not broken out in the usual rash. I was so ill however, that my physician scheduled a battery of other tests and an appointment is a blood specialist and an infectious disease specialist. It took me almost a year to regain my strength and to start to feel better, but fortunately I ended up not having any lasting effects from the disease.
Remove the parasite promptly
Like ticks, psychopaths usually take a little time to not only suck your blood, but to transmit disease. If ticks are removed promptly, even if they have bitten you, there is little likelihood that they will infect you with something fatal. If they have time to deeply burrow into your skin, the longer they are there, the greater the likelihood that they will leave something behind that will cause problems for you. It may only be a painful, red, itching lesion that seems to drive you crazy with wanting to scratch to the bone, or it may be a disease that will land you in the ICU or the morgue, or cripple you with arthritis later on, like Lymes.
Not all diseases passed on to humans or other mammals by ticks and other parasites are as easily identifiable as RMSF. Some diseases that are potentially fatal have no reliable blood test to indicate that they are present. The person feels bad, but there is no objective symptom that can be identified either by the victim or the medical practitioner until great damage has occurred. These occult (unidentified) diseases may go undetected for months or years, doing their damage to the victim that is irreversible.
The psychopath and the tick
There is so much similarity between the psychopath and the tick, as well as other parasites. They burrow into our flesh and almost, in some cases, become part of us, while they suck our blood, and infect us with their toxic waste. They may not even appear to be so evil. “It’s just a bug bite, get over it,” our friends and family may say. Though we may become very ill from our even short association with these creatures, the illness may not be apparent to the naked eye like, say, a broken leg would be. We may struggle with the itch, the fever, the weakness, and the general debility left behind and not even realize that we have been infected with pathogens that can ruin or end our lives.
In addition to ticks attaching to us as we walk through grass or brush, ticks may also latch on to our pets or other family members, and thus gain entrance into our homes and lives by hitching a ride on our friends and pets. The tick may not even attack the pet or family member, but instead jump off on to our skin for his blood meal, using the intermediary only for transportation to get to us.
Look out for parasites
As I told the patients in my clinic, you need to be on the look out for ticks. If you or any member of your family, or pets, go anywhere in the summer time where there is grass, you should do a complete daily check for ticks, and carefully remove any that you find. Immediately wash the area and mark the date on the calendar, so that you can be on the look out for any sign of disease from even a short association with these creatures. If the symptoms of any kind of disease show up, seek medical attention immediately.
I think that same advice is useful for people who don’t live on a desert island alone, but live in the real world in which they may encounter psychopaths. I suggest that we all do a daily check of our lives to see if anyone we are dealing with even looks or acts at all like a parasite. If we see a parasite, quickly remove that parasite from our life. Wash all traces of them off of us. Then keep our eyes open for any covert damage that they have done to our life so that we can seek proper treatment as soon as possible.
Read two articles of LoveFraud, and call me in the morning!
P.S. Tilly is short for Matilda and guess what ?
When the first settlers came to Australia they said to the Indigenous Aboriginal People, ” What is that hopping creature called?”
And the Indigenous People said, “kangaroo!”
Which means, “I don’t understand!”
Fair Dinkum Jim!
I am still newbee here and couldn’t find a topic about RED FLAGS, so will post it here.
Just to make all of u laugh, how stupid we could be to ignore them. After getting over for almost 99%, i am laughing when i remember this….
My N and me were in so deep love, “beyond this world” as he said. We were living in different places, and could afford a meeting once in 2-3-4 months, to spend a “heavenly” week together (on my expenses, of course, even for gasoline and food).
After 3 months i was about to travel, and he asked me to skip one meeting, and instead of it, to send him money to get new tyres for car 🙂 OK…i did it…and we met after 5 months.
He asked me first night what would i like to do, and i said i would love to go to the beach, to watch the moon, stars, waves…
He drove to the Marina, opened the doors of car and said: Honey, gowatch the sky and stars, i am tired and will take a nap in car while u are watching them :))))))))
I wish if i can go back in time and smash him with a great, big slap…but THAN, i felt sorry and guilt…he is tired and im asking him to drive me to the shore…
too bad we can’t post a picture here at LF. Ever look at a tick under a scope? They are ugly creatures!
Almost like my ex s/p did when she woke up in the morning!
Okay okay that wasn’t call for so I take it back….
Guess I just in one of my many moods today… 🙁
James says:
too bad we can’t post a picture here at LF. Ever look at a tick under a scope? They are ugly creatures!
LF is our scope,We can picture them all with 8 hairy legs and an ugly set of pincers if you like.
Not sure if this will work but let’s try, it’s a picture of a dog tick
http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn55/sag07free/dtnymph.jpg
OH joy it worked…
Computers can be fun…LOL
Thornbud…
What in the world is it about S/P/N’s AND TIRES, OR AUTO PARTS OR INSPECTION NEEDED AND CANT AFFORD!! LOL Your story is classic!!!!!!!! And oh how we see the Red Flags a wavin’ when we are out of it and look back!!!! I will never forget the time he TEXTED and said car broke down and was being towed. We texted back and forth until driver came..he gave me song and dance about not getting paid til following week…could he borrow like 500… He came over I layed it on the table counting 1, 2,3,4,and 5 and handed it to him saying I really need it back by next week I took it from savings..He said something totally unrelated maybe even wow Im starving…and I remember being in like slow motion with my hand still out and face looking at him WAITING FOR A MUCH APPRECIATED AND SIMPLE ” THANK YOU” – I carried on with conversation or offering something to eat all the while “FEELING OFF TO MY CORE” “FELT REALLY WEIRD HELPING SOMEONE FINANCIALLY LIKE THAT AND NOT EVEN BEING THANKED. And never ever ever any mention of ever returning the loans or trying to return them or wanting to. And I of course didnt bring it up because my self-respect and self-protection was off in la-la land… dont wanna upset the apple cart or something to that effect…always making sure he was ok and happy. Ugh I cringe for the person I was TO SOMEONE WHO WAS UNRECIPROCAL.
Red Flags are my new best friend. stop . change direction. Reciprocal Friendships/Relationships are what its about..
Oxy- I love your brilliant post. I just had my first experience with actual ticks about a month ago visiting a friend. She had a little chihuahua covered in ticks, I spent two hours bathing him and picking out the heads. It was one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever done, but I had to save that poor little dog. (Hopefully I’ll stick to saving defenseless animals now instead of attempting to “save” my ex from himself.)
Anyhow, I never had realized just how disgusting and horrible ticks were before, and your analogy is so true. I got on today bc I’m having a rough time for some reason. I was trying to talk to my mom about my S, but I don’t know why I bother…I feel like she sees it as my own fault for letting him use me, which is true, but I can’t make her or anyone understand how it is to actually be involved with this person. I wish they would be less judgmental and realize that they could have been just as vulnerable as I was if they ever had a relationship with one of these creatures.
ANyway it went downhill from the mom-chat. I started feeling like noone understands. I don’t personally know a single person who understands what I’m going through, which can make a person feel very alone. I already AM alone in this city, where the only person I know aside from a few ppl I’ve met at work is my S.
I am having the first urges to contact him today since I got serious about no contact three weeks ago. I want tell him to ask me to come back so I can say no. I want to tell him what a total piece of parasite-excrement that he is. I want to tell him that I never really believed any of his BS from the beginning…and that I just thought maybe I could help him somehow. I want to inflict so much emotional pain on him, but there’s no way to do that since he doesn’t experience such a thing. I want to mail him back the ring he gave me, or hide it in his drink so he could choke on it. And I want this to just be a bad dream I can’t believe that someone I spent so much time giving to and loving could be such a lie. How can he just discard me after I spent years lending him money and driving him around and listening to his stories about how everyone is against him in his family or how he never got the chance to succeed. He always resented me bc my parents provided me an education and were there when I needed them. Perhaps if he hadn’t repeatedly screwed over everyone who ever tried to help him his parents would be there for him.
The worst is that when I end up feeling all alone I kind of miss his cruel negative perception of the world…he always knew the right things to say if I was angry with someone. What you want to hear…like “yeah they are a jerk!” not the kind of good advice a good person would give but the kind that makes you feel better in the moment. I remember him telling me right when we started dating that “noone really cares about anything but themselves.” I was so shocked, I dismissed it thinking he must not truly believe that. But of course he did, and why not bc he certainly only cared about himself. I’d try to give examples of other ppl caring for others, and he would always turn it around somehow to make it look like they were only doing for their own benefit. Something like, they just do it to make themselves feel better…therefore it’s in their own interest. He’d always say how no one could succeed w/o the help of their parents, (so he didn’t have to take responsibility for the miserable failure he is) and make me feel guilty bc my parents give a rats ass. And he didn’t believe in any of the rags to riches stories, that he was in the position hes in bc of choices that he made. He had no personal accountability. Also no shame, no consceince, no credit. Writing all these things down I don’t know how I can even miss him.
How is it possible that I am this total crying trainwreck over someone who is such a loser at everything! How could I let someone make me feel so horrible for such a long period of time? I dumped him, five years ago, and moved out of the state. I knew then if I was in the same place as him I’d never get out of this rut, but somehow, he weaseled his way back into my life. And now here I am back in the same or worse spot than I was five years ago. I’m so afraid. I’ve never even dated anyone but him really. I started seeing him when I was barely 19 and he was 30. (Should have been my first clue). I have effectively wastsed my 20s, and have no idea where to start with a normal person. This is the only “real” romanitic relationship I’ve ever had. What if I never find anyone normal, or scare them all away with all this baggage! How could a normal person every understand why I would have wasted all of this time with someone so lame and emotionally abusive?
Everytime in the past that I thought I’d got the whole tick, head and all out of my flesh, it’s reappeared, fatter than ever. I thought for sure that this was the last straw…that I finally removed the whole damn thing, and now I must have contracted the Rocky Mountain Fever because for some reason, instead of rejoicing that I’ve finally rid myself of this parasite, I’m wondering why I wasn’t desirable enough for it to stick around and suck my blood a little longer. Why aren’t my blood/tears good enough for him?
Ugh I don’t expect answers to any of this but I feel like I’m losing my mind today. I want to be done feeling like this. I want to be done missing him, done waking up to thoughts about him, done dreaming about him, done remembering him at all.
How long is this bite going to cause me pain?
Oh my arent we glad we are not the confused and confined people they are! I remember asking him to come watch the sun set with me, its going to be a beautiful one and he would say ‘ok sugarbooger as soon as I finsih this game of lotso’ and he would never come out . And I would watch the sunset and ask myself whats wrong with me that I like sunsets?—yes under a mycroscope they are ugly evil scary blood sucking angels that look so good on the surface – yeah I remember that too….somebody find a skillit, Henry’s feeling sad and needs to get laid…………..
Dear Done,
I think it was James who wrote the following…forgive me…I went back to the thread to find the link and am not certain if it was James post, but I think so.
“these people just don’t see other’s need as important and therefore won’t do what most people expect from them.
NPD interferes with people’s functioning in their occupations and in their relationships:
http://dslweb.nwnexus.com/jmashmun/npd/dsm-iv.html…
It helps to start to understand any person can be with him and HE CANNOT BE TRULY CARING AND KIND AND REAL LONG TERM. HE IS FLAWED BEYOND REPAIR OR BEYOND CHOICE TO WANT TO CHANGEAND BELIEVES ONLY HIS VIEW. PLEASE KNOW ITS NOT THAT YOUR BLOOD AND TEARS ARENT GOOD ENOUGH, AND IT WASNT THAT YOU WERENT DESIRABLE ENOUGH….IT WAS THAT YOU WERE ALL OF THAT…UNTIL YOU DECIDED TO STICK UP FOR YOURSELF AND RESPECT YOURSELF…ONCE YOU BECOME ALL THAT YOU CAN BE…THEY CANT CONTINUE TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD DRY OR USE YOU…SO THEIR PATTERN CHANGES…THEY SCURRY AWAY, DIE OFF, HIDE, LOOK FOR ANOTHER HOST/VICTIM.
After we leave them and life gets tough and lonely, we realize they had us hooked onto to their toxic flow thru our system… our bodies start to go a few steps forward but long for the comfort of the same old same old…even if its negativity…its still attention and “Something going on in our lives whether exciting, challenging, frustrating, trying, or destructive…you are NORMAL and going through this process of understanding everything that happened.
You were with him because you were a caring loving giving empathetic being who was wanting the same thing in return…they give in the beginning only to not be able to function in a healthy relationship long term — that requires reciprocity and selflessness and healthy doses of eachother having self-respect, self-love and self-value…they cant do that and we begin to lose our own in an effort to keep them, keep the peace, keep going….
But NOW as you go through the pain and talk about it and share it and understand it, it will grow less and less and your will continue to grow leaps and bounds while he remains stagnant. Not sure if you are in your late twentys or early thirtys but both are an ideal time to find yourself again…there are others who out there who can relate to your story with their ex’s and you will grow and eventually not want to mention your relationship with him ..
Just remember this is not why werent you good enough…the thinking with these people in the aftermath is why are they so hollow? so self-centered? so clueless in life and with me and with others? Why do they lie and feel entitled?? Why do they use? Why are they so dysfunctional? At least now we know the red flags and signs and really know how we should be treated…
Time, more reading, more posting, more accepting that you are in the midway point of the process geting closer to all the things you want (to be done feeling this and done missing and done waking up to thoughts, etc….I PROMISE YOU IF YOU STICK TO YOUR SELF-EVERYTHING you will not let yourself down (the way he will if you opt to go back!) …keep going forward..it gets better…it took Oxy a year to get over Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever… its alot of self TLC, and reflecting and accepting he was a bad man for you in your life… you were taken advantage of and taken for granted…now you are protecting yourself and growing and learning from the experience. Im glad you are now in the recovery process…and so DONE with him…stay strong..life gets better!!!!