A few days ago, Bill Zeller, a 27-year-old graduate student at Princeton University, died. The cause: suicide. The reason: He was tormented due to being repeatedly raped as a child.
Zeller left a 4,000-word suicide note that eloquently explained the effect that the devastation had on his life. There is a link to it in this article:
Princeton student kills self over rape as child, on CBSNews.com.
Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.
Sky,
He had already robbed me blind when mom died and I knew better than to let him near what I had left coming to me to get me started again in life. I had a “do over” at the loss of my mom, who I loved very much and hate that I lost her.
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pumpkin time g’nite
Nite Hens!! did your carraige turn into a pumpkin??
Sweet Dreams!
Time for me to go also!!!
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Oxy, but that is my point. Maybe he hopes she will die. The mother’s presence would prevent the death.
If she lives, he would be a husband instead of a grieving widower.
The grieving widower role is one that all spaths covet. It’s such a juicy role – so much drama and the opportunity to turn on the waterworks. There would be a funeral and condolences all around. A veritable cornocopia of emotions being poured out in front of him. The role of a lifetime. Who could pass that up?
Sky, Nah, she supports him financially, and her health is VERY poor, and he is actually better off with her alive (no life insurance) so he’s not trying to kill her I don’t think. I think it is just the usual “isolation” of the victim from any support.
The whole family is dysfunctional, but the wife is trauma bonded (is my guess)…but the thing is that, if someone is determined to be with a psychopath, there isn’t any way you can get them out of the situation. Sort of like my son C being married to the P-wife of his, I knew she was being abusive to him, I knew their finances were in a mess, but he wasn’t about to leave her—but the problem was NOT JUST HER, he was determined to stay with her, and the financial problems were NOT just her, they were him as well….he is still not managing his finances well but no longer has her to blame either. I realize now that because she was/is what she was/is, that I gave him a “skate” on his share of it all, which I shouldn’t have done.
Any time there is abusive behavior on the part of a “victim” of a psychopath toward another target, I think there is some serious problems on the part of the “victim” as well….for example the wives of the men who kidnapped Jaycee Dugard and Elizabeth Smart. There is no doubt that these women were trauma bonded to these men, or that they also participated in or were at least aware of the abuse toward the girls. So where does “trauma bonding” and “responsibility for your behavior” start or end? I’m not really sure. There are so many things that I don’t know the answer to, but am only now even starting to ask the QUESTIONS about.
Oxy,
those are the questions that I have too. What would make it seem ok to your son-C, to allow P-son and egg-donor to attack you?
I experienced the same thing with Spath sister and the many neighbors as well as the exP’s friends. I think we need a new personality disorder label for people who won’t instigate evil, but will just stand by and enjoy it. Perhaps we could call it “STUPID PERSONALITY DISORDER”, because they are too stupid to see that they are NEXT.
Hi Lf Fam~
I think I have come to the end. I really do. I will see my shrink and a sweet, female therapist tomorrow– but even they cannot help what I call a
soul wound.
I tried dating three weeks ago– and found out that this “sweet, funny” guy is a woman hater. Possibly an alcoholic in denial as he has 4 DUI’s but says he is NOT an alcoholic.
NOT BY CHOICE- I have lost 4 pounds in two days– from anxiety. It hits me with diarrhea and no appetite. When i wake up– and as soon as the realization, “YOu have been charmed and abandoned again” hits me– I run to the bathroom sick as a dog.
I am 41. No hus. No home– lost that in my marriage. No child.
Work my butt off with seniors and terminally ill people and I am out of steam.
Why, why why my friends– and how, how, how???????????????? I was tough this time. Did not tell him very personal stuff. Didnot get clingy or call him. Did not tell him I liked him– even when he asked me to tell him so.
My therapist says– this is like PTSD– and I am reliving my initial abandonments that I experienced– that I can’t even remember. Being torn from my birth mom’s arms– by my birthdad ( a wealthy anesthieiologist) and given to Catholic frinkin Charities.
Then my adoptive mom got ill when I was a toddler and was either in a hospital or sleeping for most of my life– no exaggeration. She then would tell me things like- “I wish you would stop exceling in school and music/voice– piano– and stop being so pretty– b/c it makes it obvious that you are adopted.”
She admittedly never bonded with me. She would instigate my dad to beat me! My own mom!!! I would be screaming in the next room and she would pretend she could not hear me.
so birth folks found me at my age of 20 and I went eagerly running into their arms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Idiot. A love hungy– identity lost idiot.
Biodad turned out to be a narcissist. In purest form. He even tried to romance me. I have been told he fell in love with himself in me– I was a gorgeous girl who could sing and act– and LOOKED JUST LIKE HIM!! A clone.
He offered me the world. The world! Trips to meet and be with my relatives in Buenos Aires (I never knew what nationality I was), money (I was 20 and stupid and grew up rather poor.), a horse! Me– the animal lover.
TWo yrs later– he asked me to take on his name. I refused and he was gone forever.
Did not leave me a dime upon his death four yrs ago– but called me before he died- saying he loved me more than his “other two dghtrs” b/c I was JUST LIKE him. That he was leaving me something in his will.
There was no will. narcissists to not face their own mortality b/c if they are dead– the world does notmatter anymore.
He left them– both girls who are lawyers– whom he put thru Georgetown– 3 million dollars.
I was not mentioned on a piece of paper. My lawyer proved my DNA as his in court– but I was still denied a penny b/c of the great laws in Illinois.
Tonite– if I were to die– I would be relieved.
This last dating scam has really hit me hard. Why did this guy bother to tell me such wonderful things? Just shut up and don’t call me again. Don’t tell me you are falling in love and could imagine a life and child with me– and then never call.
I feel as if this anxiety– this gaping wound will never stop hurting. It will always be here. No yoga, prayer, xanax– even my animals can take it away. Singing did- but I have lost my voice due to severe acid reflux.
I had a most beautiful exhus. Sweetheart/social worker/God loving.
Oops– bi sexual folks. He was fine with never acting on his desires with another man- b/c he loved me so much– but something in me was since then repulsed. I tired and tired and forced myself to have sex with him– but I just was never attracted to him again. Natural selection.
I guess he was the best I will ever get.
Isn’t it amazing my friends (I hope) how a trauma makes you more suseptible to more traumas? And so on and so on….
I can’t take it anymore. I feel this familiar panic and pain in my stomach will never, ever go away. I am 41. LIfe is almost over for me. I wanted to have a baby this year.
Why are there so many crazy people– evil people everywhere?
How are all of you? Maybe I could come out of my pain and be there for you as you have been for me.
Meg, I’ve been where you are, many times, and just beginning to come out of a very bad depression. Please stay here and post for awhile. The guy who took off is just *one* guy, just a guy, nothing special about him. He probably does this quite a bit with many women. I’ve known guys who do this sort of thing ON PURPOSE. It’s sick and beyond hurtful, but some guys (and women) do this…a way to prove they’re desirable I guess.
My dad is severely disordered and told me I was just like him also, because out of 3 girls, I’m the only one with his color hair and eyes. It used to creep me out when he said it. The last thing I wanted was to be like him in any way.
Meg, try and think of what you do have, not what you don’t have. Start small if you must….I have ___. If we think of what we’ve lost we become even more lost. And who knows what the future holds, good things, not bad, not more of the same. I couldn’t have written this last week. Things change, life goes on and your perceptions will change. The only thing constant IS change.
Hang in there! We’re here and we know how tough this is.
Akita,
The toxins can be blessings. You are younger than I am, 45, but I feel blessed that at 43 I FINALLY figured out what EVIL is. The most important thing I learned is what the hooks are that they use to get us. That is what you need to do. LOOK FOR YOUR HOOKS. They are in YOU. They came from the family that raised and rejected you. And they may also be genetic. We all have narcissism, it is natural, some have more than others due to not having left it behind in childhood. Look for ways to grow from the hell you’ve been through. I know you don’t want to, it will be painful but you will do it and you will love the outcome.