How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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  1. Truthspeak

    Ana…..wow…….

    The first exspath was blatantly cruel, and one dog that we had, in particular, used to jump up onto HIS side of the bed and lay a muffin on HIS pillow!!! What a tell, eh?

    Yeah….they sense a threat and a predator FAR quicker than I do!

  2. Back_from_the_edge

    My x ppath loved cats so much that he strangled them with his bare hands when he got pissed off.
    He would always target his ‘minions’ pets and blame it on me. “If I hadn’t of pissed him off it wouldn’t have happened!” I have no pets so he can’t strangle them. When I noticed he was going to strangle me is when I ‘exited, stage left’…such obsession!!!! ncht, ncht, ncht….

    I hear you, skylar…the world is becoming a less and less safe place to be in. It’s sad. You be SAFE!
    (for empahsis)…
    get yourself some pepper spray…..
    That always will do the trick.
    Empower yourself in some way.

  4. Truthspeak

    Skylar, predators USE (emphasis, NOT yelling) innocence to ensnare the innocent.

    An instant of clarity, here – sudden, and giving me chills. The second exspath once said, “Once someone loses their innocence (in re. to pedophiles), they can never get it back.”

    Seriously…I’ve got chills

  5. Back_from_the_edge

    Truthspeak: yes, predators do use innocence and all that is good and holy to ensnare their prey.

    I always gave anyone who came to visit me, when I had my shepherd, of me putting him outside while they were visiting because he was very protective of me and not to be trusted to NOT bite if someone ‘strange’ tried to do anything to me, touch me, or raise their voice to me. He was always on guard for my welfare and safety and he had the weight and power to back it up. He was 135 lbs and one of the most polite beings I have ever known. I explicitly trusted him with my very life. Anyways, they always declined, having me put him outside. My dog would make a split, instant decision as to whether or not he liked this person. If he liked this person, he would sit by them and be pleasant. If he had ‘reservations’ about this person, he would come and sit by me and smile, gritting his teeth at the person and would never take his eyes off them until they left.

    It took me a while to figure out what he was doing but from that point on, I always trusted my dog. He was amazing. I got him when he was a six week old puppy and had him 13 years and that dog was the only TRUE (emphasis, not yelling) friend I ever really had. I went no where without my dog and his muzzle on. hehehe

  6. Truthspeak

    Dupey, I have debated upon whether or not to get another dog, and your recollections have kind of given me a good reason to consider it, once I begin putting my life back together.

    Pets, in general, provide the most perfect examples of unconditional love that I’ve ever witnessed. They do not care if we are fat, too thin, ugly, beautiful, smart, stupid, blind, or diseased. They are capable of what I once aspired to: unconditional. But, they apply that love and loyalty to their instincts, which we (as humans) have all but obliterated.

    Yeah…..I’ve always loved Alsatians, and you had him for 13 years?! Amazing….what a sad time it must have been when he passed….

    Hugs

  7. Back_from_the_edge

    Oh yes, pets are wonderful.
    Very loyal without question.

    I miss him terribly. 🙁
    I always felt safe with “Bud” around….

    He was very beautiful and loved children…
    Always neat and clean, never messed in the house, not one time, the whole time I had him.

    If he was around, NOBODY could even raise their voice to me or to a child. Didn’t like guns nor beer cans. If anyone was drinking, he was always on guard. Sometimes I thought he was smarter than people.

    We always talked and spent all of our time together.
    I could talk to him and I really think he understood every word I said. He would sleep during the day, while I was at work and then be up on patrol all night, while I slept. He didn’t like anyone being close to me because he thought I belonged to him and I guess I sort of did.

    I would love to have another dog but I can’t where I am at. I have hopes on relocating soon, perhaps somewhere that is out in the country. It’s not fair having a big dog in the city. I already know what kind of dog I want and I already have a name picked: “YIKES” and I want one of those large headed rottwielers and a huge, spike collar. hehehe

    Yes, 13 years was a long time. I always miss him.
    Never even had to lock my doors with him around me.
    Everyone that knew me, KNEW that you NEVER just walked in MY DOOR. hehehe

    Had a certain kind of respect to it, you know?
    Kind of kept the ‘slime’ down.
    He loved me and I loved him.

    All good dogs go to Heaven…

    Happy Sunday…

  8. still reeling

    I hope everyone is doing ok. Just haven’t had it in me to post out here or even read comments. I apologize for that as I like to give and just haven’t felt giving lately. It really brings me down not to be contributory but I seem to have lost my warmth and the desire to reach out…I miss it so much.

    Very scared about aging in general, death (afraid I’ll go to hell and an eternal panic attack) so there is no release/peace even from thoughts of suicide, can’t find work and trying so hard, attending classes, workshops, counseling, applying everywhere. If HP had only known how tied in I was with work, how much a part of my life, inner peace and strength they killed in me, I just know they might have allowed me to keep busting butt for them.

    I just wanted to say that I’ve realized it isn’t path himself or even the fantasy I wove around him that is adding to my misery. It’s the fact that, 1. I feel so guily about the emotional affair I was having irt my husband, sitting here trading emails with path while we were having dinner and actually kind of laffing about that w/path one time. That was just mean.

    I can’t blame path for it, and even though my husband can’t show any emotion and no touch or ever any compliments, he doesn’t deserve that. He doesn’t listen when I talk and def is passive-aggressive, also I’m pretty sure he thinks that to be openly affectionate or caring in front of others makes him seem less manly (pathetic). At the same time he is very generous and does show he care very much at times. Almost as confounding as path, but then I chose well, didn’t I?

    2. The huge problem I’m having and maybe others are too, is that I feel even less confident, secure and good about myself since path because I know he was bull-shitting me and it has taken me this long to even begin to truly believe that his seemingly innocent and positive comments, compliments and karmaic suggestions were all just in response to what he knew I needed to hear so badly. I was so smitten (and didn’t even realize it) I can barely believe what I said and how I responded to him, as if it was not me at all. I was euphoric. I knew it wasn’t going to end well but for the first time in my life, I had decided I was just going to accept what I was given, give back and maybe have a little of what I so badly needed: good conversation, smiles and looks of love and appreciation, a good and loving friend, someone with whom to laugh and feel young.

    I realize now that he meant none of the things he said or intimated and that his bad and uncaring, thoughtless behavior (that I decided to overlook because well, he was so busy, his marriage was in trouble and so was his job), was nothing but a lie. So where does this leave me? In very bad shape, guilty, ashamed for bs’ing myself and letting him see I cared and obviously no one wants an old woman to work for them so I’m really kind of on the useless list.

    I feel rotten re: my daughter because I think I even try to suck love and appreciation out of her and she is kind of like her dad in that way. I suppose I was the same tho at her age. It’s all about her and I can understand that with a BF she adores and trying to find work. When I see something on TV where a daughter says her mom is def her best buddy or that even as a successful adult, she still needs her mom, etc., I feel just like the worst person in the world. I really don’t feel like a good mom. Maybe when she was little and during those years when baths were fun and we read together afterwards. But I was always afraid I’d have a panic attack or extended anxiety so I never really enjoyed being a mom.

    I’m sorry to just jump in here like this…it’s such a bad time for me…I just don’t really know what to do.

    Thanks for letting me vent tho. I really appreciate it.
    And truly, I hope you all are doing OK.

  9. still reeling

    I know I’m just really depressed right now and seeing things in such a negative light. I’m very very afraid of being ill and suffering or seeing someone I care about in that state. This is my trigger and I hate it. I try so hard to be strong and emulate others like nurses, docs and just friends who don’t freak over illness and other things. And all it does, in the end, is make me feel weak and less confident because of the comparison!

    This is the horror of anxiety disorder. It limits you, makes you feel less than, always scanning and vigilant for that next trigger, and a phony, pretending to feel together and strong when you are so sick inside you just want to die.

    No books or therapists have helped me much since it started at age 21, when I had NO idea what was happening to me and neither did anyone else. Much different today but too late for me as the razor sharp hooks are too strongly embedded in my mental, physical and emotional flesh.

    I want my warm feeling and triggers back, but I have lost them. I can’t conjure up those past warm spots or fuzzies.. thanks so much hp and godzilla. You’ve really helped push me into a mess.

  10. Back_from_the_edge

    (((still reeling)))
    Take a big huge deep breath and slowly release it.
    Over and over until you start to calm down. Do a little EFT TAPPING : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4EDgTc0AyQ

    I can relate to everything you said and I know you feel like you are standing on the edge of a cliff, about to fall off, but you aren’t. Because even if you do, you are going to grow butterly wings and land right back in the safety zone anyways.

    You need to release your guilt and you will be alright.
    SPATH isn’t worth worrying about – it was YOU that was manipulated into this; am I right? So don’t beat yourself up. Just accept the fact that you were hornswoggled.

    My ppath laid all the blame for every rotten thing he has ever done and/or had happened to him, on me and that just was never so. IT WAS HIM (emphasis added) all along. You need to look at things from a different perspective and remember who you are and your value and worth. You need to flick that off your shoulder and realize that you are still alive; you still have your family and you can do this.

    I am doing okay for a sick person.
    I finally seem to have MOST of the stalking out of my life but it does come through now and then, still. Amazing, the amount of obsession and how long that ppath obsession lives…absolutely amazing.

    Hang in there still reeling..we are all going to be alright. It just takes time to sort through it all and try to make as much sense from it as we can. That is human and normal. Once I got to the end of that ‘sorting out’, I found that the only sorting out to do was inside myself because that ugliness is never going to change. “I” can only change myself and that is what I have been trying to do.

    I will pray for you and send you peaceful thoughts…

    Dupey

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