The predictions were dire. Hurricane Sandy had been stewing in the Caribbean for days. It was projected to travel up the East Coast of the United States and then make a left turn—heading directly into my home at the Jersey Shore.
A year ago, my husband, Terry, and I had heard similar warnings about Hurricane Irene. Officials were predicting a direct hit and ordered everyone to evacuate the islands along the Jersey Shore. We moved as much as we could from our ground floor, which actually goes down two steps from the sidewalk. It included the queen-sized mattress from the futon in our recreation room, the television, my husband’s drum set, tools and boxes and boxes of Lovefraud materials. Then we evacuated.
Irene came and went. Other parts of the country got smashed, but not us.
Hurricane Sandy
So when those same officials predicted that Sandy was both a hurricane and a nor’easter, the storm of a generation, promising devastation like New Jersey hadn’t seen in many years, well, Terry simply did not believe them. He didn’t think anything could be that bad.
I did. As a kid, I’d played on the beach in Sea Isle City, New Jersey, among cinder block foundations in the sand—all that remained of homes that had been swept away in a hurricane. The first street in Longport, New Jersey, was named 11th street—because 1st through 10th Streets had been consumed by the ocean. People said New Jersey was hit by killer storms every 100 years—and we were overdue.
But then I started to doubt myself. After all, I’d lived in the area for nearly 35 years, and nothing truly bad had happened. There were many scares, and most of them amounted to nothing. Still, as a journalist, I knew that there were honorable reporters who told the truth. And they were saying that even though Hurricane Irene was a dud in our area, Hurricane Sandy would be a terror.
The debate
I wanted to heed the warnings and prepare to evacuate. Terry decided he was not going to leave.
We argued. Terry said I could leave if I wanted to, but he was staying. He said nothing happened the last time, the media just wanted to scare people, local officials were just covering their butts, and the weathermen always get it wrong.
I was torn. In the end I didn’t want to leave my husband alone, so I didn’t actually agree to stay. I just stopped arguing to leave.
I started carrying our possessions from the ground floor upstairs again. Terry went shopping to buy food to ride out the storm in our home. He reluctantly helped me carry the futon mattress upstairs again. He did not move his drums. He put them on top of the empty futon frame.
The storm
The night of Sunday, October 28 wasn’t bad. We heard some wind, but it wasn’t howling. We heard rain, but it wasn’t pelting. We slept well.
But the storm was predicted to hit Monday, along with two high tides, which would be higher than normal because of the full moon. The first high tide was slated for 8 a.m. Long before 8 a.m., water started coming into our basement.
It was actually ground water, percolating up through cracks in the basement floor. We ran a Shop Vac and mopped, and were able to stay ahead of it for maybe an hour, as the bay crept up the street. Slowly, however, the water surrounded our house. Before long, there was two feet of water in the basement. We sloshed through the water, carrying up more items that hadn’t been moved, like Terry’s drums. Other items were consigned to wreckage.
The escape
I freaked out. The hurricane still hadn’t hit land yet, and the next high tide, in 12 hours, would be worse. Terry finally admitted that he was wrong; he had underestimated the danger. So when the water receded at low tide and the streets cleared, we made a run for it. We took our last chance to get out of town.
As we drove away through the rain, I asked Terry why he didn’t believe the warnings. “I’ve never experienced anything like this,” he said. “I just didn’t think it could be that bad.”
And that’s why I’m telling this story. It is an indication of how our beliefs, or lack of belief, can lead us to disregard warnings and evidence. This is how we get in trouble with sociopaths—by never having experienced anything like them, and not believing it is possible for people to actually be that bad. So we fail to act, until it’s almost too late.
Epilogue
Although our basement flooded, we made out a lot better than many other areas of New Jersey. Seaside Heights, the location for the infamous Jersey Shore reality TV show, was smashed to smithereens. The streets of many beach communities are filled with tons of wet sand, deposited by the raging ocean. And in New York, a fire wiped out a hundred homes, while firefighters, blocked by floodwaters, couldn’t reach them.
We’re back home. We have electricity, gas, telephone service and Internet, but our heater is ruined. We’ve been hauling trash out since Friday.The entire basement has to be gutted and repaired. But in the end, I am grateful that for us, Hurricane Sandy wasn’t much worse. I feel very badly for the thousands of people who suffered far worse. Below is a video from Sea Bright, New Jersey, which is near where my brothers live (and near where Bruce Springsteen lives).
[youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/4BiWZ7w_vhM]
Hi Donna
So happy to hear you are safe and had minimal damage. There must be an angel on your shoulder that saves you in the nick of time Your story is the perfect analogy to experiencing a psychopath……a part of me is still in denial but that percentage decreases as time goes on.
Oh, Donna…..the photo images and video images are just heartbreaking. I lived on a barrier island for a year, and it was windswept, romantic, and completely vulnerable. As much as I love being near water, I never want to live in sight of water, again.
For the millions of people who have been devastated by the hurricane, my most positive thoughts and prayers of recovery are out there in the Universe. I’m so grateful that you and Terry were spared as much as you were – it could have been so much worse.
Your article talks about beliefs and how adhering to a system of beliefs can result in catastrophe. This is, in essence, how spaths are so able to perpetrate their sins and crimes against others – flawed beliefs. There are “bad people” out there that are frought with malice, just as there are “bad storms” churning out there that will, indeed, lay waste to properties and lives.
Thank you, so very much, for this article and the imagery that brings it all home to each of us. I am so relieved that what was lost can be replaced and repaired.
Brightest and most comforting blessings to you, Terry, and every human being who is despairing what the storm caused.
Donna,
I am glad that you got out. I went to New Orleans after Katrina and most people could not get out. The stores were horrible, bodies floating down the street, grandparents who could not afford gas to leave.
I hope that the lessons of these disasters assist you all.
I agree that I was not aware of my spath because I had never been exposed to someone so evil. The lesson has changed me forever. I also understand the power of these storms. When I rebuilt my house, I have a large balcony off the upstairs in case I ever need to get on the roof to be rescued. I don’t want to have to punch a hole through my roof.
Thanks for all you do and I wish you strength.
We did get clobbered by Hurricane Irene. We were without power for a week. The year before, the state had 17″ of rain in one storm. The flooding was catastrophic.
So, when the predictions for Hurricane Sandy came, the schools were all closed, and the state was asking non-essential government workers to stay home and off the roads, I shot my boss an email asking if we still had work. She said yes, but to use my judgment about coming in.
I decided to stay home. Although the weather wasn’t that bad for the commute going in, I was very concerned if I would be able to make it home. I remembered how bad the roads were after Hurricane Irene.
It angers me that companies do not pay heed to what everybody else is saying. What are they thinking? How does business go on as usual when the rest of the state is told to shut down?
It turned out that our client sent everybody home at 11:30 AM. My company wasn’t informed that the client had left and had decided on its own to send everybody home at 2 PM, but when it got word that everybody else had already left, our employees were let out at 1 PM.
To my company’s credit, a couple of days after Sandy, they sent out emails saying that I had been identified as an employee living in the area impacted by Hurricane Sandy. If I was OK, click 1; if I needed help, click 2.
The devastation in New York and New Jersey is horrendous. I used to live in northern NJ close to NYC so I still have friends in the area. Parts of my state are still without power and it will take a long time before certain areas recover.
Donna, thank you for sharing your story with us. I don’t think the country fully realizes yet what has happened and the impact the storm has had on everyday life. I was very happy to hear that you and your husband are safe.
I hope others pay attention to the storm warnings. Weather forecasters no longer make guesses. They have the science and equipment to make accurate predictions.
Donna, Glad to know that you are safe…sorry about your basement, and I think you are exactly right about why we do not heed the warnings…because as Terry said
“I’ve never experienced anything like this,” he said. “I just didn’t think it could be that bad.”
Back in the days when I ironed everything I wore and the bedsheets as well my kids were toddlers and fascinated by the iron. I had seen children who had pulled their mother;s irons off on their faces and I was terrified my kids would do so, so Ii put the heat level at the lowest setting and touched it myself to see it would not blister I let my kids touch it and said “HOT!!!!” it didn’t INJURE them but it smarted and when I would point to something after that and say “Hot!” they would leave it alone..
Sometimes we have to *experience* something before we will truly believe it is REAL, even if we have seen pictures of storms (or other things) hitting others, we don’t want to believe it can happen to **US.**
Glad that you and Terry are safe and that your home is not a total loss.
Donna,
thank God you are safe. It was wise of you to wait for low tide to get out.
Your experience makes a great analogy to the spath encounter. We can’t believe it would happen to us. Then it does. Then we learn. We learn it emotionally as well as intellectually. That is what experience is for, to put the knowledge in our guts, so that it becomes second nature to protect ourselves.
Spaths lack the emotional component to learning, that’s why they don’t learn very well and are so often repeat offenders in prison. It’s not that they don’t know that the iron is hot, they do. Their problem is that it doesn’t hurt very much, so they will inevitably get burned.
GREAT article Donna. You shared a great example of denial and a lesson in human nature.
I live near enough to New Orleans that I’ve seen the consequences to those who thought “it won’t be that bad”. But I was raised “better safe than sorry”, so I know I would not stay to HOPE that things aren’t “that bad”. HOPE is a TERRIBLE game plan. HOPE is what we have when there is NOTHING left.
Donna, your example of denial is especially strong b/c you have experience and still your spouse made a decision to plan based on his experience instead of yours. I am so glad you were safe and that you don’t have a total loss.
It does demonstrate the difficulty in getting heard about the damage from sociopaths. No matter how much experience we have, even our closest loved ones use their experience to dismiss ours. If we can’t convince them, how can we convince strangers?
I’m glad to read that you are safe and well.
Best wishes
Thanks everyone. I appreciate your good wishes.
Donna – so glad you are alright – I was wondering and worrying. So, so true that we cannot believe it can happen to us – it all seems so surreal and we just cannot wrap our minds around such craziness – weather storms or people storms. Thank you for letting us know your situation – and very best wishes for the recovery for you and all affected.