I believe he was poisoning me with antifreeze

Lovefraud received the following email from a Canadian woman whom we’ll call “Martha2025.” She believes that her disordered ex was poisoning her with antifreeze.

I was in the relationship for 10 years. I never knew anything about narcissists, after I was out of it, a Tik Tok video by a woman came up. This is where I became aware of what had happened. 

I believe he was poisoning me with antifreeze. 

Waited for three years

I met him at my work, and asked him out, never wanting a relationship just a date. He became my mate though in 2 weeks. I had held out for 3 years not moving fast, or living together, or saying I love you, and then I made the move into his place. 

For those 3 years before moving I was so sick, doctors said I had gout, because my proline levels where off the chart, so nothing else made sense. He always made me my tea, or drinks. 

We had gotten chihuahua puppies, which where what his ex loved, and had. Apparently he was frauded online buying my toy pom puppy. 

So I made the move into his house. I rented out my home, my ex-husband lived in our family home, so all was good. 

It was so horrible after I moved in with him ignoring me, sleeping in his garage, saying he didn’t like my cooking. I moved out after 2 weeks. 

Relationship continued

The relationship still continued though, I didn’t understand why, because I was always the one to leave when it was too bad and not go back. But it continued for 7 more years, just us living in our own homes. 

At times I’d notice my tea tasting weird, he’d say it must’ve been the sanitizer at the water filling station (bottled water we’d buy and you clean them out with a sanitizer provided). 

He was not physically fists abusive, as he stopped drinking after a Halloween party where my girlfriend saw him restraining me physically. I know then he didn’t want to be like that and get caught, cause he would eventually beat me. So he stuck with weed, and other things around me. 

He was a 300 lb man so after sex he’d sometimes lay on me (140lbs) full weight until I couldn’t breathe. 

We were always separating, which I became aware was him discarding me when he had other plans.

Read more: Understanding trauma, the brain on PTSD, and real options for recovery

I was always getting flat tires, and he would come to my rescue and fix them, the one time I took it to the garage to fix it myself, he was livid about it. 

Kept getting worse

Through the years I was getting worse, I ended up losing 70% of my left kidney, and 30% of my right kidney usage, another result of poisoning me with antifreeze. 

I had bad osteoarthritis and eventually couldn’t work. I had to go on social assistance and applied for long term disability. He didn’t help out financially; he did pay for my tires when flat, though.

It wasn’t until I moved into my 3rd house with my best friend that I got away from seeing him daily sleeping together nightly, that I started getting my head straight. My keys weren’t missing, tires were flat less frequently, I had more clarity. 

I was still seeing him, thinking we were still in a relationship. Then I found out he was living with another woman, and then I believed him that he was “just helping her out.” When I found out he was sleeping with her, that’s when it snapped for me and I shut him out. 

Two weeks later I found out I had a sexually transmitted disease. 

No contact

The Tik Tok videos popped up one day and I blocked him. He stalked me, until I told a mutual friend I was documenting it and would go to the police. 

It has been 3 years and no contact. He still lives down the road, but I never see him. I know he drives by; it’s a feeling. 

I’m taking care of my chihuahuas, I don’t have gout either. There is more but I can’t write it out all out as my hands are screwed. I just wanted to hopefully get out the awareness of poisoning with antifreeze to other women.

Learn more: How to report your abuser’s crimes so the police take you seriously