I still can’t believe he convinced me to stay

Editor’s Note: This Spath Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call

Spath TalesI met him in 1997 and eloped in 1998.

Even though that little voice inside told me not to, I still married him. I found that I took my vows more seriously than he EVER did.

He’s cheated on me since day one. He’s lied, cheated, stolen money, forged checks, pawned all of MY belongings, used my credit cards, gave my clothes to girlfriends and only he knows what else.

Obviously, I didn’t know all this then but I had my suspicions, yet when I began distancing myself again, the story of him being a victim of child molestation emerged. This caused a major rift in his family, and now being his wife, of only weeks at this point, I felt I couldn’t abandon him.

Besides, I did love him, or at least that person he made himself out to be.

We moved time after time after time, from one job to another. Something I didn’t mind in the beginning. Being a cancer survivor, it gave me a chance to see the world. Besides, he was very good at his job (restaurant manager).

Yet I started to see another side. A side I didn’t like. Whenever I called him out on it, things got physical. He almost drowned me at my Grandmother’s house in the bathtub. All I could think of was she couldn’t find me this way.

I still can’t believe he convinced me to stay with him after that. He didn’t lay a hand on me after that, not until things began to deconstruct again three years later.

Not long after that two year financial fiasco, and after I thought my cancer had returned, I discovered the hard way that the trouble he had told me about in his early twenties wasn’t over.

There were actually warrants still out for his arrest. How he worked at some of the places he did, ie: Trump Towers; Watergate Hotel; and how they didn’t find out baffled me.

That was at the same time my identity was stolen. Ironically, by my father’s long lost nephew who was in his 50’s (Another sociopath). Con man was his middle name. Probably still is.

With my husband now in jail, I reported my cousin to the FBI as well as Social Security, since they were using my identity, not my credit, not yet anyway. As I look back now, I do not believe my “Husband” was a victim too as he claimed, but more an accomplice. It only makes sense.

I did stand by him and after he did his time in jail, we did start over.

However, nothing was ever the same. With the exception of one time at the very beginning of our marriage, anytime I started working, he would suddenly be unemployed or be unable to gain employment. Constantly calling me on my cell or at my work. He even called my boss one time. Telling her he broke into my place ( I had thrown him out and changed the locks) and was threatening suicide. I wish my boss called 911 instead of telling me and letting me go home.

It wasn’t long after that, he attacked me when I wouldn’t give him the keys to my car. Unable to walk and now on the verge of losing my job, I conceded and left with him to the next venture.

EVERYTHING was my fault, more so than before. Making me fully aware and pay the price with mental, physical and emotional abuse.

Part of me wanted to leave but I don’t really have anybody besides my fur kids (two cats, three dogs), which he would threaten constantly.

I tried to get help several times but to no avail. He has left me twice more holding the bag with everything in my name — since his credit is horrendous.

The last time I asked for a divorce was after he took a job in Nashville, TN in July 2012. I was remaining with relatives. Figuring the four hours and hundreds of miles was enough to keep me safe. Never mind the truck being unregistered and uninsured.

Yet to get even with me, he charged on my credit cards, unauthorized, and he didn’t even have the card.

I was unable to press charges because we are MARRIED.

Never mind he was no longer in the state so I was unable to get help through any domestic violence program.

Not even legal aid could help since I am staying with relatives and they count their income as mine. Unless of course I either lie, or give up my fur kids and go to a homeless shelter. They are all I have and if it were not for them, I fully believe I wouldn’t be here. They gave me the courage and strength I needed to finally stand up to him. I honestly feel that I owe my life to them. They’re my family and all I have.

I can honestly attest that he does in fact have ALL the traits listed on Lovefraud, at least in my opinion. I am not out for vengeance; I only want to move on and help others from having to go through what I did and still am today.


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49 Comments on "I still can’t believe he convinced me to stay"

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Ive never joined a social media group, or had therapy for my involvement in a toxic relationship with one of these guys, but Ive been helped by this site. I dont believe that human emotions should be diagnosed as disorders, but sociopaths HAVE NONE!! It took me ten years to realize that I had to give up my narcissist addiction before he drove me crazy, or cost my life. To stop letting HIM manipulate our “relationship” for his own needs. I honestly sympathize and relate with each one of you.

Having lost ten years that Ill never get back, and a bit of my sanity…all seems unfair, for what I THOUGHT was love. The dream I envisioned was in reality, just a circular pattern of blame, lies, and sickness. Im a nice person, and thats probably why he chose me in the first place. Its very sad what these people do to others, and themselves. To find that theres no cure, puts us in the mix, on defense mode…watching out, so we dont get snared again. Too bad there isnt a way to list their names, by city/state…that people could check that list, before dating them and ruining their lives!!?

It is my hope for us all, to hold on to the belief that love can still be found. If we let these monsters keep us from being the loving, forgiving people we were before them..then, theyve won. Refuse to be their victim!! Look to the supportive people who truly inspire you to move forward. This site has given me the outlet I needed. Thank you all for sharing in your pain and success. Good luck to us.

Debbie – welcome to Lovefraud. I am so glad that Lovefraud has helped you. Yes – a goal of Lovefraud is to help in the healing, so we can all find the fulfillment we want and deserve.

Donna, THANK YOU for helping us identify the characteristics of “these people”. I wish you could design a necklace…or small pin, with your heart/ bullseye motif. That way, when we look in the mirror, we can be reminded of all the emotions and thoughts here, on this site. I think people would gain strength in being REMINDED.

What youve done here, is AMAZING… Congratulations!


I would buy the t-shirt. LOL!


Aloha, We all deserve a badge of courage for what we’ve been through!!

I survived LoveFraud!

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