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I will never forget how he looked at me – I felt I was standing in front of the devil

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman whom we’ll call Gemma, who lives in England. Names have been changed.

In August 2015 I was contacted on one of the pen pal websites by a guy named Brad, from a village in Michigan. Brad is a 35 year old veteran who works part time as a mechanic. He is also a village council trustee, with ambitions to become a village president one day.

We started talking on a daily basis, He was very charming and entertaining and seemed very reliable, always responding to my messages almost instantly.

Brad told me that he was married for the second time and his wife was pregnant. He said that although his current wife was better than the first one, he wasn’t happy and has been thinking about divorce for some time. In fact he got married to her because “there was nothing better available.”

He said his first wife divorced him after only a couple of months after his first child was born. He claimed she was crazy and cheated on him with “6 different dudes”.

In fact, his other partners cheated as well and one apparently tried to poison him, using eyedrops that she was adding to his drinks.

Brad’s army career was cut short due to developing a nerve condition following a course of vaccinations.

Needless to say, I started feeling sorry for him almost instantly.

About 3-4 weeks after we started talking Brad told me he was deeply in love with me. And all he wanted was to take care of me until we get old together.

I found the recent development quite shocking and over the top and kept reminding him that he was married and I wasn’t interested in neither an online nor any other kind of affair.

I live in England and the plans he had for us seemed unreal, to say the least.

Anyway, in November, shortly after his child was born he applied for divorce and presented me with a picture of his complaint for divorce.

By that time I was in love with him. He seemed perfect, despite the fact that he didn’t have much money or education and other social differences between us. I found myself talking to him for hours every single day, messages, FaceTime, Skype.

In December Brad informed me that he couldn’t stay under one roof with his soon to be ex wife, and decided to move in with his parents. He bought me a promise ring with our names engraved on it and was going to give it to me in Canada, where we were going to meet in March. He kept sending me letters and cards, where he called me his wife, as well as little craft items he made himself.

We seemed to have a great connection, I told him all about myself. He was aware that I have been suffering from depression, my ex husband was abusive towards me, and knew all my other problems.

After a couple of weeks from his divorce application I started enquiring about the progress of the case and asked if he received any additional documents from the court. His answers were always very vague and evasive. He claimed to be calling the court every couple of weeks and finally presented me with a temporary custody order.

Every single time I expressed doubts about the authenticity of the divorce process he would swear that he was getting divorced, as he couldn’t live without me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. When told that my friends and family had doubts too, he would say that they were simply jealous of our happiness.

I also found myself constantly worried about his health. There was always something wrong with him, either it was his nerve condition, headache, blackouts, amnesia, joint pains, indigestion, you name it! He even claimed to be diagnosed with mild brain damage! I spent many sleepless nights thinking and being worried about his ill health.

One day I asked him to give me his dad’s number as I would like to be informed if something happens to him. He gave the number to me.

In March 2016 we finally met in Canada. We exchanged the promise rings and started our vacation.

I quickly realised that something wasn’t quite right with “my future husband.” He didn’t want to go out anywhere, would rather stay at a hotel or a cottage, had childish tantrums, refused to eat and found pleasure in me feeding him with a spoon. He was prone to anger outbursts, snatching a map from my hands at one point, shouting at me when I was on my phone, accusing me that I didn’t come to Canada for him but just on holiday.

After such irrational actions he used to apologise and promise not to do it again.

I also noticed that I was the one paying for almost everything shopping, restaurants and attractions (when I was successful to persuade him to actually do some sightseeing).

I also gave him all the remaining money I had for fuel before he drove back to the U.S., as he claimed he couldn’t afford it.

After I came back to England, he continued as if nothing had happened, apologised again for treating me badly, and promised to visit me in England in June.

In the meantime I found pictures of him and his soon to be ex wife on various internet sites, confronted him about it, demanded an explanation. He claimed that she was trying to hold onto them and he will tell her do delete them. After a few days some of the pictures disappeared.

I constantly insisted on being updated about the divorce proceedings. Every time he claimed that he had to contact the court as they failed to send him certain document. Eventually in May he presented his final divorce order, signed by the judge, the court clerk and stamped with an official court stamp. Then he said that we can finally start planning our wedding.

In June he came to see me in England. I introduced him to my daughter (who we decided was going to be my bridesmaid) and my friends. However, quickly things went down the hill and his behaviour seemed even more erratic than in Canada. He would cause constant arguments, dress up in the middle of the night and pack his suitcase threatening he would sleep on the street.

One evening he smashed my remote control against the wall. He claimed he had hernia and didn’t want to go out anywhere again. If I convinced him to go out, I was the one paying for most of the things, bought clothes for him, an electric toothbrush, was buying his favourite food, just to make him happy. During arguments he was always shouting, “you didn’t do sh*t for me!”

After he went back home to the U.S., the same scenario followed. He expressed his never ending love and apologised for his inappropriate behaviour.

Every time I had doubts about his real intentions or authenticity of his court documents he would show more proof, like emails he was exchanging with his ex wife where they discussed her final departure from the house.

He promised to take me to his village to introduce me to his parents, show me all the places he told me about.

In September I flew to Chicago, quickly the new accusations started Apparently, I went there to see Chicago, not to see him. Took him to The Art Institute, from which he stormed out after about 45 minutes. When I tried to find out what the problem was, I was shouted at again and found out that “I thought I was better than him because I was walking around the museum looking at all the paintings!”

He told me that after 2 days he only had 120 dollars left, at that point we still had 12 days of vacation left. However, when I checked his wallet it turned out he had 600 in it!

All the time in Chicago and later in a lakeside resort where we rented a cottage, he slept with a loaded gun either under his pillow or on a bedside table. One night he just got out of bed grabbed his firearm and went downstairs; I could hear him walking around the house with it. In the morning he claimed he did not recall doing it! It should be mentioned that Brad is a firearms fanatic and according to his account he owns almost 40 different guns.

At that point I was almost 100% sure we would not go to his village in Michigan, and that either he was still in a relationship with his wife or someone else. I was, however insisting on being taken there. One day when we were driving from a cottage in another town when he suddenly developed cramps in his hands and couldn’t drive anymore, we had to go back to the rented house.

I was crying to the point of choking and not being able to breath, begging him to tell me what the truth was. He was looking at me emotionless and shouted that he wasn’t in a relationship with anyone but me, and that I was being paranoid.

One day he locked himself in the bathroom and then the bedroom, covering his ears and sobbing. Didn’t want to talk to me or get out of it.

I decided to call his father. Introduced myself and said what the problem was. The person on the other side sounded very young for a man in his late 60s; however he promised to come to the cottage and talk too his son.

After about an hour of waiting I decided to inform Brad that his dad was apparently on his way. He went absolutely mad, accusing me of betrayal, alienating him from his dad, said he couldn’t trust me! Jumped in his car and drove off, then started calling me ordering to pack up my things and saying that he was going to drive me back to Chicago.

Daddy never showed up, as expected . It turned out a few days later it obviously wasn’t his father. Till this day I have no idea who I talked to.

On my last day he finally promised to take me to his village after finding his “motivation.”

We drove through that village with the speed of light, without stopping. I told him that it was the last straw and it was all over! More verbal abuse followed and I was told to f*ck off! I was sure then that he was still married and didn’t want to be seen with me.

When he took me back to the airport in Chicago he apologised for treating me badly and for not being able to behave better. He reassured me about his deep love for me.

On the day of my arrival back in England I contacted the court in Michigan and was told that there is no record of such divorce case.

I called Brad and he claimed that the court lost the records! Only when I told him that I was going to hire a private investigator he admitted forging all the documentation and could not offer any explanation with regards of his actions. He said he was hoping that everything would just fall in place.

I decided to email his wife with all the evidence and was informed that not only they aren’t divorced, she is expecting another child with him.

The news was absolutely devastating. My depression deteriorated as more facts were emerging.

I found out about 3 arrest warrants that were issued when he wasn’t showing up in court with relation to child support for the child from his first marriage. I also discovered that he was deliberately putting my health in danger (for confidentiality reasons I can’t reveal any more information regarding this matter). He lied about seeing a psychologist. Made up stories about his sister who apparently works for one of the government agencies looking for a job for him as an air marshal. Claimed to be a treasurer for the village council, meanwhile he does not hold any special role except being a trustee.

Two weeks after coming back from the U.S., I had a hemorrhage on my way back from work; turned out it was a miscarriage. When I contacted Brad about it, he just said he was sorry.

As far as I know the prosecutor did not press charges with relation to him forging 4 different documents. His wife is divorcing him and I suspect he is now sponging off of his parents who most likely are paying for his legal representation.

I truly believe Brad is a very dangerous man who destroyed many lives and he will not stop. The fact that he is allowed to own and carry firearms is also beyond me.

He is a true master of deception, he can lie his way out of any situation, often playing the disability card and making his victims feel sorry for him.

I suspect that his wife is not aware of who she really is dealing with and how viscous and dangerous he can be.

I will never forget how he looked at me during one of the arguments with his cold piercing eyes, full of anger and hatred. I have never seen or experienced anything like that before. I felt I was standing in front of the devil.



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69 Comments on "I will never forget how he looked at me – I felt I was standing in front of the devil"

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Wow. These spaths are like a sick movie.

The things they do, the lies they tell…it seems like fiction. I mean, how can anyone actually be like they are?

Unfortunately, it is all too real and all too true.

That ‘look’ that you saw, in his eyes, was who he really is.

I am so sorry that this happened to you.

Thank you for your comment .
Unfortunately this happened to me . Still can’t get over it . I honestly cannot believe a person can be so cruel and come up with such an evil plan . It would be easier for me if he actually was mentally ill but I know it was all premeditated. When I discovered the truth , he said to me “You were brilliant at it !” And “I was worried you were going to kill yourself”.
He made me tell everyone , including my ex husband that we would be getting married next year.
Every time I had doubts about the things he told me, he would suddenly get struck by some illness and cry.
Threatened to smash my phone when a female friend of mine was messaging me . Alieneted me from my family and friends, made me delete a friend from Facebook because he was jealous of him. He was even deliberately exposing me to an infecious disease!
I still don’t understand how it is possible that his wife never suspected anything. The whole game was going on for over a year. She only knows a fraction of the whole story and I believe doesn’t want to know more .

Cloud79, glad you now know the truth about him & are free of his evil destruction.

The original term for “psychopath & sociopath” was Morally insane.

I personally think that is the most point on description when describing them.

Everything they do IS Morally insane!!!

As a ex wife of a sociopath you must remember that the lies, manipulation, cunningness, gas lighting etc is far worse for the wife because she is living it everyday all day long. My gut was literally screaming that he was crazy the second I met him…I had zero interest in dating him, moving in with him or marrying him…yet he manipulated me in every aspect. Every day of my marriage I wanted out but he broke me down so much emotionally &mentally I literally needed someone (and wanted) to come in a swoop me up & take me out of our home & marriage. That never happened but what did happen was the stress caused health issues for me that caused exhaustion mentally & emotionally so I did not have the strength to leave.

Finally I just had it and broke free but it took me years to get my health back ignored (adrenal fatigue). I look back & saw EVERYTHING he did but like I stated you can not escape so easily on top of that you are tied financially to them and the financial mess they creat is a nightmare to escape. I left literally with nothing. And that is what I ended up in divorce court with despite me being the one who saved money.

Glad you are free too!!

I begged him many times to tell me what the truth was . I cried and told him that it was killing me , that my depression was getting worse, I couldn’t sleep, I had stomach problems due to stress . Once in Michigan I even had an asthma attack because of being unable to stop crying . He was just looking at me, wiping my tears and just kept denying any wrongdoing. Now I just work and sleep . Don’t want to go out anywhere, don’t want to do literally anything. I was going to travel to spend Christmas with him and now I just wish I could sleep through it.
What is also very interesting is the fact that he apparently is very devoted to God. Prays before each and every meal, likes spending time in churches.

Hi cloud79, I’m so sorry that you got tangled up with this evil sociopath. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE dont go meet him for Christmas!!

You know he is evil & you also know that he will continue to emotionally & mentally break you down. This is what your christmas will be like with him.

I wanted to let you know also with your previous post is my ex h (during our marriage) would tell me how much he loved me & was happy to be married to me…mean while he had endless mistresses! YEP!! He even begged me to stay with him sobbing and all when I found out he was cheating on me with a co worker (2 year affair). I had suspected he was cheating but he kept spinning my head around & keeping me business with home projected.

When I finally had proof he was cheating with this married co worker I was done! But of course he used pity play manipulation “your the only one that ever loved me” (I never loved him I was just brain washed to believe this) and then when I stayed he would say to me “thank you for staying married to me” but he continued his endless affairs. I’m sure he was telling his mistresses that he wanted a divorce to keep them hooked in their relationship. ALL lies & manipulation for every women in his life!!

You body is telling you, you need rest after all this sociopathic craziness that this guy has done to you. REST.

Also look into adrenal fatigue symptoms. The adrenal glands regulate our body’s blood pressure, blood sugar, cortisol & adrenaline levels, and over 50 hormones. THEY ARE A BIG DEAL. And continue stress such as a toxic relationship will cause the adrenal glands to become fatigue.

Some symptoms of adrenal fatigue….exhausted, sleep issues, racing mind, depression, anxiety, mood swings, etc etc etc it’s a long list so look it up.

What do you do to heal your adrenal glands?

Get plenty of sleep, rest & relaxation, eat a good clean diet such as Dr Furhman Eat to live book, take adrenal vitamins, possible hormonal balancing (pill or cream) most likely progesterone hormone.

some sites to get familiar with adrenal fatigue Drlam. com & adrenal fatigue. org

My doctor gave me several of Dr Wilson’s adrenal vitamins along with progesterone pills and within 4 days my anxiety was half and within a month I could sleep better & felt more like my old self again. Check into an endocrinologist doctor to test your vitamin/mineral deficiency levels, cortisol levels & hormonal levels.

Like they say stress is a killer. It is very hard on the body & mind. So take good care of your health right now.

As for this guy going to chruch. A lot of sociopaths will go to church for several reasons a front to hide in & also a place for them to manipulate many many kind people! I have read many post from others that have stated the same as you…while many were cheating on their wife with many women in the church!! Sociopath love these types of places to manipulate the masses!

My ex h told me when I begged him for the truth said “You cant handle the truth” (a movie line). So they are always playing head games! I eventually Like you found out the truth…that my gut alarm was screaming the truth the VERY second I met him = he was crazy & dangerous!!

Do everything you can hon to get this guy out of your life for good starting with following the No Contact rule (do a search here on love fraud & also google this term).

Get help from your local abuse center with a EXIT PLAN & a safety plan. See the National Domestic Violence Hotline website for info & you can call them anytime to talk with a free counselors and get help with these to plans.

Remember the most dangerous time for a woman in a domestic abusive relationship is when she is either leaving or has left. So dont do this alone get help. In the USA the number is 800-799-SAFE.

Take care.

Gemma, your story brings back memories. The one I fell for was also claiming to be separated and going through a divorce. He also had all kinds of stories why the divorce was delayed. Of course, it turned out the divorce was never happening. In the midst of all the drama with him – which was more drama than I’d seen in many years – my gut started telling me something wasn’t right. So I went away for 3-4 days camping by myself to sort things out. I realized while I was gone that he must have been lying. It was the only explanation of the constant delays on the divorce. I returned to 25 calls from him on my voicemail telling me how much he loves me and that HIS DIVORCE FINALLY WENT THROUGH. He said we could finally be together. I believed him. We consummated this news with an intimate night, and he was supposed to bring his young daughter over to meet me the next day. He never showed up and never called. It was the end for me. I still didn’t understand what a sociopath was yet. I learned quickly after that.

I have learned two very important lessons from that (non)relationship. 1) Always trust my gut instinct over what someone says. 2) NEVER date a married man, no matter what the circumstances.

Isn’t it amazing about your gut instinct?? You can try like hell to ignore it but it’s ALWAYS exactly right. Pay attention to your inner voice. I want to tell my younger self this!!

Cloud79….Listen to Jan 7 and please stay away from the bad man. Nothing good will come of any further contact. Your brain and body will just get more and more confused and out of balance with any more contact.

We can NEVER find closure or solace with these types. They have zero capacity to give, to care, to help. Everything you see is a lie. A total 100% lie. No matter WHAT they say, or what APPEARANCE they perpetuate.

It is acting, pure and simple.

Please protect yourself.

Girls ,
I’m not going to see him. That was the plan before I discovered the truth. I’m going to see my family for Christmas. They however don’t understand what I’m going through. They just tell me to move on and forget about it . How can I forget about something like that? About all the lies and deception. About all the nights he was saying goodnight to me and telling me how much I meant to him and how much he loved me and then going back to his wife…

Hi cloud79, once we leave a sociopath the aftermath of unraveling all the brain washing & discovering the truth is extremely hard, so is not having the emotional support from family & friends. I think the majority here at LF have been in the same place as you with regards to not having the support & understanding from our families.

The only thing I can suggest is to have your family look at Lovefraud to fully understand the mental & emotional abuse that you endured & that it takes time to come to terms with it but most importantly to settle the mind & body from the trauma.

These evil sociopath know how to play everyone. Someday you will come to the realization that the best thing that every happened was him returning to his wife so that you had your freedom…and his wife will soon come to the realization that her husband will never change…I imagine this will happen after the holidays when his mask slips again and she once again kicks him out. This is where you have to have your strength to not let him suck you back into his distractive web of lies & manipulation. He will then be looking to love bomb you or someone else into his life. BEWARE.

Glad you posted here to vent. It really is part of the healing process to let out the emotions.

Hugs to you.

Take care.

Oh Good Cloud79! So happy to hear you will not see or speak with him.

It is only time that makes the devastation, about their horrible lies and betrayal, fade into the background of our lives.

I felt sick the first two years every time I thought back to what had been done. All the manipulations I ‘fell’ for. All the lies I believed. All the things I DID to try and ‘make it right’. We all experience this kind of despair, and most of us feel so ashamed for being taken in by such deception.

It does get better. But it takes alot more time that any outsider can understand. What this amounted to for me was trying day after day to find the compassion for myself, the commitment to my own self-care, self-love, self-understanding. Kind of like treating yourself like a wounded puppy. Be kind to yourself, don’t push too hard.

I was lucky enough to have one friend who really understood, because she had also been a target of a narcissist. But most of the others, including my family, didn’t get it. So, I just didn’t talk with them about it…and I went to therapy. I even dumped some friends, who I realized were just too wrapped up in themselves to even care about what I was going through.

Plus, Love Fraud was a TOTAL life saver.

Slim

mzpriz15, I’m just checking to see how you are doing today.

Hi Jan7.
Thank you so much for caring enough to see how I am doing. It’s been a rough week. I had to go to my office this week where I am normally a work from home employee. It was hard because I had to smile and hold it together until I got into the car. People would ask me about my plans for Christmas so that would be really hard to day that I didn’t have any. I cried all the way home every day. I know that I am getting better because I can sleep without dreaming about him …..I am very religious and I rely on my faith in God to get me through this. Everyday I pray to God to take my suffering away because my pain is so great. Today I was getting gas and a lady approached and handed me a pamphlet and said that it was to add to my reading of the Bible. When I looked down to see what it said and then and I looked up she was already gone. The title of the pamphlet was “Will Suffering Ever End?”….I know God is sending me signs that I am not alone and he is taking care of me. It is just going to take time. This to shall pass.

I feel your story like all of us do on this thread. While the circumstances are different – the story is always the same with a sociopath. Reading lovefraud has been so helpful to me to stay strong and establish no contact. I was with the sociopath for 20 years. I didn’t know at the time he was and only after leaving, which was very difficult, did everything that I had experienced in the relationship finally make sense.

I see your mention of being religious – every day and every time I started to have a difficult time and begin to think of all the crazy, awful terrible things he said or did – I repeated love and forgiveness, love and forgiveness, love and forgiveness until I could change my negative and painful thoughts. Oddly enough – the forgiveness part was for me. I was so angry at myself for being a fool and letting everything be okay and not listening to myself and choosing to put myself back in the situation again and again. My body had been telling me for years with the adrenal fatigue one post mentions among other issues.

You will continue to receive messages/guidance from God – I did. I know this may sound strange but one day he told me “trust me, let me drive” I did (not easy) and I was able to leave my home, all of my belongings with no money and no job. I had to put my faith in his power and love. God will get you through. I promise and so does he ; ) It will get better. Do make sure you establish no contact. That was the single most important thing I could have done to be able to move forward and protect myself. block him on every device you own. – block his number, block his email, remove him on facebook- any and every place you are connected. you will be tempted to see if he has tried to reach you but stay strong it is the best choice you can make for yourself. You are in my prayers.

mzpris15, ahh my heart breaks reading your post today 💔 🙁 . I know it is so hard emotionally right now just leaving this man & the time of year. But I can promise you this, with time you will get your strength back emotional & mentally. And you will get to the point the crying & sobbing do stop. Just keep letting your tears out…it is part of the healing process.

I too did the same…never have I cried so much in my life. When I thought I could not cry another tear after crying for hours, I would crying more…could have filled up lakes on the moon (lol).

I too have had to put on that same fake smile at work & some how conduct business trips with co workers when all I wanted to do was be home in my bed. I look back now & realize I do have incredible strength to endure the hell my ex put me thru & also dealing with the aftermath & divorce. You too are strong hon…I know it does not feel this way now…but you have incredible strength beyond measure!!

I’m glad that you got a strong message from God today at the gas station…YOU ARE ON HIS RADAR…with that message he sent you. What a blessing!! 🙏 I think also it’s your beautiful angel daughter helping out to make sure you are ok & to help you to get on the right path.

Keep posting daily so that we know you are ok. We are all a team here to support each other. So keep this in mind…and please know that you are not alone during this healing time.

Take care.

I went through a similar “love” triangle as the wife. I actually was happy to know he was embarking on an official affair (I suspect he had many one night stands and brief affairs)
thinking with him distracted I could finally extricate myself from our”marriage”. He and his affair partner had a wonderful time slandering me and her former spouse, and she almost immediately began pressuring strongly for him to quickly divorce me.

What he hadn’t divulged to her was that our son was special needs, adhd and some health
problems, and that he had only recently started spending time with him again (he used
teaching our son to verbally abuse and make fun of me as a main bonding point–sick!!)
My only reluctance was having this young woman and her daughter suddenly start spending time with our son. I knew he would be heartbroken and enraged that his father had duped him into thinking they were genuinely bonding. Instead the
reality was that my husband was grooming our son to destroy his bond with me as he was obsessed about not paying child support. Once he thought our son was sufficiently alienated, he larked off and started dating (glomming onto) as many young women as he could.

When he told me about the affair, he was shocked that I seemed relieved and didn’t cry or look sad. He also admitted that his new paramour was subjecting him to ever increasing
tantrums about spending time with our son and was enraged when I called him once during
one of their holidays when my son was in severe crisis (he had ripped our hotel room apart in a grief filled rage on over hearing his father was with another child and her mother during the very holiday his father had promised him for years he would take with him)

When I laughed wearily at his predicament at trading in me, his long suffering and kind wife who had helped him immeasurably with his career for a young emotionally abusive grifter, he immediately broke up with her I think in a fit of pique. I think part of the appeal of his affair was not only to find the hottest woman but also to create maximum pain for me. When he saw my emotions ranged from relief, indifference to mild amusement he was disappointed I think. He gallantly agreed to hold off dating for several months while we attended to our distressed and grief stricken son. (a short post script: the affair partner, though dating a number of other men ended up stalking both of us sending strange threatening photos and also sent embarrassing emails to his colleagues about affair)

Within a few weeks he was crying and begging me to take him back. Our son went from despair to being livid and had rejected him) He also realized that he hated living alone and that he was totally unused to taking care of the daily grind without the saluatory effects of someone to abuse and humiliate. I also had conveniently been forced into the role as concierge taking care of all childcare medical care education home repair etc. All his former bravado and confidence left him and he became a shell of his former self. After what I had endured the only temptation for me to take him back was to have the opportunity to throw his clothes and belongings out on the driveway again! (he had secretly taken out a loan to fund the purchase of another house-I sent him off to his intended “love nest”) It was such a sweet sweet moment. I felt 10 years younger almost overnight

He spent weeks trying to woo me back. It was tawdry and horrible. It was so clear that he didn’t even believe what he was saying himself. I finally put us both out of that misery and said we could try to be friends in order to coparent. I did this against my better judgement. I had originally wanted to go no contact and use family wizard, parenting coordinator and public drop offs. The consequences of not following my gut were horrific and better left for another post. Bottom line he changed his mind from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. It is impossible to make any progress under those circumstances

So that is what life looks like for one wife on the other side of the triangle. Im sure sometimes the wife might be awful, like my husbands affair partner. But I don’t think it changes in any way how the sociopath will play his hand. You can be a saint or you can be a truly terrible person, you’re one and the same for the sociopath. A human potential to extract goods and services who also serves to stave off boredom in the form of romance, gossip (gossip about or gossip to) or abuse. Your character and good qualities are irrelevant to them except as making you more useful and exploitable. Although old fashioned and grotesque in regards to views on homosexuality (written in 1930’s)
Checkley’s “The Mask of Sanity” really has a powerful number of insights of the utter emptiness and futility of these individuals. He also describes in numerous case studies how even the most experienced doctors would be duped again and again by the psychopaths disarmingly sincere yet empty promises to change. Helps to forgive yourself and move on.

Otherwise it’s like spending years stuck in a vast puddle of sewer sludge when you’re supposed to be on vacation in a tropical paradise. Life is short and they’ve already stolen enough! Self care and remembering your dreams is key

In this case the wife apparently had no clue about his actions. I strongly believe it wasn’t his first time either. I am however certain that previous affairs were on much smaller scale and did not involve traveling to Europe or forging documents. Although the fake divorce papers were done very professionally therefore I think he had some experience before. The wife’s attorney who I actually communicated with was even impressed by his ‘skills’ . I even have doubts regarding the authenticity of his passport but have no way of verifying it.

I recently read ”The Mask of Sanity” and was shocked how similar these cases are. Each chapter was like reading about him. From childish tantrums, impulsiveness , empty promises, total lack of responsibility for his actions, constant pity play to forgery and potential bigamy.

I just wonder if this is how he was around his wife as well or was he able to mask who he really is and behave fairly normally?

Thamk you y’all for being there for me. I have tried to talk to people even my best friend of 33yrs doesn’t understand the suffering and devastation that I went through with this person. I won’t call him a man because he doesn’t deserve that title, a real man would do such things. I guess the part that I miss and want so much is not him but the person that he portrayed. The idea of what i have been missing in my life, but didnt know how much until I met him. I know I would have never ever had actually married this person. I know this because when he bought me that ring all I did was sit there and pray over and over for it NOT to be an engagement ring. So jf you are wanting to really be with someone that is not how you would have felt. I was thinking. How do I say no. I guess my point is he hurt me to my my core and in the beginning before he started to do thise awful things I would have married him in a sec but once the mask fell away and the true person appeared I knew he had the face of evil. I remember telling my best friend that he was sent by the devil and he was nothing but a demon in sheep’s clothing. That is why i am so angry with myself for not being able to break free from him and him being able to lure me back over and over. I don’t have to worry about no contact because now that he is done and he admitted that he never loved me he knows he has no chance coming back so I don’t think I will ever here from him. He’s not on Facebook so no contact there and we live 1 1/2 from he other so we won’t ever run into each that way. I’m looking to move back to my home state of Florida in the summer so that will put 2000 miles between us…..I don’t want him. I want to be with someone that truly loves me. That has a family that i can be with. I miss that so much since my entire family is gone. That’s what makes this Christmas so very hard. I truly have no family left to go home to……They say if uou make a vision board of what you want and focus and work toward that you can achieve that goal. When I first met him and on the second date and it was so magical and he was already talking about me moving in and me seeing the possibilities I made a vision borad about getting married. Thak God it wasn’t him but I still have it because it is what i want just not with him. God gives you freewill but he also protects you from making the wrong decisions….

I guess I am rambling today. My mind is in a million different places. This site has saved me. I don’t even remember how I found it. I don’t know what I was searching ti get here. I know it was not sociopath because I never would have put that term with him. I suspect that it was that same guardian angel that gave me the pamphlet and her name is Hope. She is such a beautiful angel. I gave her that name because i knew she would inspire people. When she died she had over 200 students from her school come to pay their respects to her. She was a great artist and was getting ready to go to art school. Now I know she is just painting pictures in beaven…again I am just rambling…

Thank you Ladies for listening. You srrength a courage that you told from your stories is amazing. I don’t know how you lived with these people for 20 years and are able to stand up and walk away. I have so much respect for your courage and strength. You are amazing. There is just no other word to describe what you did. It is like David slaying Goliath.

I hope that y’all are having peace in your life, hope in your heart, and quiet after the storm. My uou have a very merry Christmas.

Thank you y’all for being there for me. I have tried to talk to people even my best friend of 33yrs doesn’t understand the suffering and devastation that I went through with this person. I won’t call him a man because he doesn’t deserve that title, a real man would do such things. I guess the part that I miss and want so much is not him but the person that he portrayed. The idea of what i have been missing in my life, but didnt know how much until I met him. I know I would have never ever had actually married this person. I know this because when he bought me that ring all I did was sit there and pray over and over for it NOT to be an engagement ring. So jf you are wanting to really be with someone that is not how you would have felt. I was thinking. How do I say no. I guess my point is he hurt me to my my core and in the beginning before he started to do thise awful things I would have married him in a sec but once the mask fell away and the true person appeared I knew he had the face of evil. I remember telling my best friend that he was sent by the devil and he was nothing but a demon in sheep’s clothing. That is why i am so angry with myself for not being able to break free from him and him being able to lure me back over and over. I don’t have to worry about no contact because now that he is done and he admitted that he never loved me he knows he has no chance coming back so I don’t think I will ever here from him. He’s not on Facebook so no contact there and we live 1 1/2 from he other so we won’t ever run into each that way. I’m looking to move back to my home state of Florida in the summer so that will put 2000 miles between us…..I don’t want him. I want to be with someone that truly loves me. That has a family that i can be with. I miss that so much since my entire family is gone. That’s what makes this Christmas so very hard. I truly have no family left to go home to……They say if uou make a vision board of what you want and focus and work toward that you can achieve that goal. When I first met him and on the second date and it was so magical and he was already talking about me moving in and me seeing the possibilities I made a vision borad about getting married. Thak God it wasn’t him but I still have it because it is what i want just not with him. God gives you freewill but he also protects you from making the wrong decisions….

I guess I am rambling today. My mind is in a million different places. This site has saved me. I don’t even remember how I found it. I don’t know what I was searching ti get here. I know it was not sociopath because I never would have put that term with him. I suspect that it was that same guardian angel that gave me the pamphlet and her name is Hope. She is such a beautiful angel. I gave her that name because i knew she would inspire people. When she died she had over 200 students from her school come to pay their respects to her. She was a great artist and was getting ready to go to art school. Now I know she is just painting pictures in beaven…again I am just rambling…

Thank you Ladies for listening. You srrength a courage that you told from your stories is amazing. I don’t know how you lived with these people for 20 years and are able to stand up and walk away. I have so much respect for your courage and strength. You are amazing. There is just no other word to describe what you did. It is like David slaying Goliath.

I hope that y’all are having peace in your life, hope in your heart, and quiet after the storm. My uou have a very merry Christmas.

HI mzpris15, I was the same. All of his friends were getting engaged & when my ex h talked about marriage I literally just ignored him. I had zero interested in marrying him (even dating or moving in with him). He then got his guy friends to talk about it & all I said to them is that is was for us to discuss privately not with friends. It was a very short conversation.

Then he had a party not long after & popped the question in front everyone. No ring..nothing was planned. He just got drunk & then asked in front of 70 people. I literally left the room & went to the bedroom and cried. Im not a crier by nature like that so it was a HUGE RED flag that I ignored. I never did tell him “yes” or “no” for that matter, I was in complete shock. He gave me his ex fiancé ring the next day (he lied about the reason why they broke up, learned the truth only after I left him). When I told him I would not wear that ring & said he would get a new one. But it was all lies.

I told him that I did not want to get married for 2 years that we should just be engaged but he said that he wanted to get married that summer (6 months) & did not want to but I felt stuck as he suckered me to move in with him not to long before that & I was scared to leave him because he told me if I ever left him he would kill me. It’s so crazy looking back that I did not want to be with him…he actually looking back is not even the type of guy I was attacked to. So crazy how they manipulate to get what they want & use pity play manipulation to con you deeper into their hellish life.

You were very very wise not to marry him. YOUR GUT ALARM WAS WORKING!! And you did not let him sucker you into marrying him. Thank goodness.

You thinking that he was the “devil” is another indication that your gut alarm is very accurate. I thought my ex was tornado the first time we meet thru a friend & the second that he was crazy. Boy was I right. But I was young & allowed him to drive me right into his hell. I have witnessed over all the years married that he is a master at getting what he wants & very quick about it. Looking back it’s absolutely shocking. I met two people in college that were similar to him and kicked them out of my life extremely quickly because I believed in my gut.

Everyone is angry with themselves for not listening to their alarm. But you must remember that these people are con artist…they know how to push the right buttons to get what they want & to spin everyones head. The are also masters at pathological lying, gas lighting abuse, brain washing etc. The reality is most people have never been exposed to these people long term.

It takes time to forgive yourself. I think it’s the last stage of healing (acceptance).

The lovebombing they do is also masterful. I wanted to leave my ex everyday that I was dating & married to him. EVERYDAY!! But he had my head so twisted up that I felt like I could not even remember how to breath on my own. This is what these people do they keep crossing your boundaries to get what they want. And after a while you just give in because you dont want an argument you just want peace from their craziness.

I’m sorry you dont have any family. Breaks my heart. How about your best friend? Can you go to her home for christmas?

RED flag for next time…is if someone wants to move in quickly with you or wants to borrow money RUN RUN RUN away from them that second!!

Your daughter touched some many lives. What a blessing to have so many students come to pay their respects. I think she is painting too 🙂

Please no need to say “I’m rambling”…we have all vented, typed to clear our heads & asked questions with everyone on this site. It’s part of the healing to get it out of your mind.

Merry Christmas to you too!! 🎄🎍🎄

(ps keep posting here if you want even on Christmas day) Take care.

@cloud79. In my case, after I decided to stay on as a sort of guard dog to protect our
son from his rages (the lawyer I consulted stated only broken bones would be enough
to gain custody and even then it was iffy) we lived separate lives. He’d harass and abuse
me and try to abuse our son, but he also go and binge watch TV and go on many unnecessary conferences (where I think he probably had many brief affairs)

I’ve had the misfortune to know a number of socioopaths through him as they do find each other. From what I’ve observed they have unusual marriages. They either live
essentially separate lives (such as my own), or the spouse is a total enabler or turns a blind
eye to their “adventures” The spouse will create a sham of a marriage for the sociopath to
have walk in cameo parts such as “loving husband at Christmas party”. They are short
lived appearances never more than a few hours and off they go again to whatever new
adventure they’re pursuing. As many spouses, especially men, can work long hours and
therefore have limited time with the family, the marriage can seem “normal” to outsiders and even to the spouse who always hears how lucky she is to have such a helpful and successful spouse (I heard that a lot–very common for women to hear about abusive
partners)

My former husband I think planned to “find someone” and had put a lot of effort in minimizing the both the costs and entanglements of divorce before he acted (buying
a house, spending vacations, spending every day speaking with her multiple times)
I remember watching him emailing her while we were at his parents house, he was so
smug and happy. So yes I think some of these guys are planning for years to swing from
the marriage to a new partner and for whatever reason it generally doesn’t work out and
it goes haywire for everyone including the sociopath.

The “lucky” affair partners who land the man or woman so the speak end up where the
former spouse was in time. The only exception to this seems to be when the sociopath has
lost his or her charms and settles down finally with their permanent nursemaid, financial
supporter, Mommy figure– whoops! I meant spouse.

The wives like me who get it, but are stuck for whatever reason, don’t do such a good
job at creating the sham marriage. We’re going through the motions looking for a way out and getting abused along the way. Either way the boiling rage is there for either
type of spouse. Look at Scott and Laci Peterson. If it’s any consolation you got away without the terrible entanglement of children and his wife is lucky as well to be getting out.
It doesn’t minimize the pain though, when they’re “there” for you it’s really really great. It truly is an addiction. When they put you through the mill and your life falls apart it’s insanely hard not to pine for those moments of closeness. Its like they are both the disease and the cure

That they do it deliberately is infinitely diabolical. it is a constant seduction betrayal abuse reseduction cycle. During my attempted “friendship” with my former husband, the cycle would run through in several days, sometimes hours. It was heartbreaking and totally confusing, even though by then I thought I knew what he was all about. His behavior very much resembled the stories from Checkley’s accounts. The mighty hook he found to reel me in was wanting to be a good father. After what I’d been through, he had me hook line and sinker. Ugh!!

Betta,

Oh so true. They only ‘stay in one place’ when they start to lose the ability to play the game. Otherwise, it is the same fate for any new ‘partner’.

Hi Betta… Yes they do have unusual marriages. They look at marriage as a “contract”. They do not look at marriage as a union but rather as a requirement to appear normal in the eyes of the public. Perception to them is everything. They emulate feelings. They do not have any real feelings of their own. They take on a persona but that quickly shatters. There lives are smoke and mirrors. They love to appear “mysterious” at best. Therein lies all of their secrets and all of their deeds. They hide behind the guise of having a wife and children while doing nothing for them and living their separate lives.

I call these wives “props”. They take them to events and they indulge them with an occasional expensive gift which buys them a coupe of free passes to do whatever they want with. They do in fact have many brief affairs because they are extremely fearful of being revealed. The entanglements with others cause them much distress and it involves a lot of work. They already have a hard time leading one fake life, much less two or three. I call their brief affairs, “hit and runs”… They target and love bomb specific types of women, women they think will not get back at them and/or have nothing to lose. They rarely keep them around for long. They drop them with no notice and return to their “constructed life”… They later realize that without that high, they have nothing.

They go in search of another victim. They need the fuel. I was married to my former husband for over 14 years and while I always found myself wanting to leave, I stayed for our son. I was never truly in love with the grand narcissist. I was very young and fell for the sham, hook line and sinker. He was all fake. Many affairs that I couldn’t prove (or didn’t care to prove) until his last entanglement 8 years ago wherein she had other plans for him. She became pregnant and there was nothing that could get him out of that mess. The woman was married. I contacted her husband. All of the marriages were over. She is a sociopath as well. Its a match made in hell.

I remarried 6 years ago and he is so normal sometimes I wonder if its even real 🙂 There are many normal men out there.

They are diabolical people. They intentionally hurt and destroy people in an effort to feel powerful. They are eternal punishers (even when you don’t care). No contact is the only way to go. I did not love my former sociopath husband but my son did. I stayed for my son. I had no attachments (I am not co-dependent) but did think of what divorce could do to our son. When we got divorced, he divorced our son as well.

My current husband has taught him what a man is supposed to be like and behave like. It is a very toxic world, I see many other women live in it. I thought it was just normal to be alone a lot being married to a man in his profession. No it wasn’t normal at all.

I was thinking about sending the wife a book about sociopaths . Not sure if it’s a good idea. I don’t want her to misinterpret the gesture. However, I want her to know how dangerous he is and how he manipulated both of us.

Cloud79,

I warned the three mistress my husband had when I finally left him (I’m sure there were more that I didnt know about). I felt that it was the right thing to do (even now), as I not only feared for my own safety from my ex but once I found out he was a sociopath I feared for these women safety as well.

I sent a letter to one that was out of state, stating that I had filled for divorce and wanted nothing more to do with him. I put details of his abuse in the letter, his womanizing, pathological lying other info & told her that I did not care if she was with him or not. Told her also that I would never contact her again (which I have never done so). She dumped him immediately as she had zero clue he was married. I know this only because my ex called me yelling at me for sending her a letter.

One I called as she knew we were married & even saw us together frequently. I told her he was a sociopath & directed her to Lovefraud. And the third I sent her a email. She was to far brain washed by my ex and just belittled me in a return email. Which was fine. I gave her the truth & told her one day she would know that I was protecting her with the truth & she would soon find out that he was a pathological lying serial cheater sociopath. I planted the seed of truth in her mind for when she was ready to see the truth beyond his manipulative lying.

Not sure what ever happened to any of these women because I never looked back after letting each know. My only intent was to warn them of this evil man I had been married to & hoped & prayed that they would come to love fraud & learn the truth.

I personally think that warning the others is the right thing to do under certain conditions:

1) that you are in a safe location where the sociopath can not retaliate and hurt you. Your safety comes first.

2) you do it anonymously for your safety. If you live in a different town then mail the book from his town so that he can not trace who the book came from. Add a little note stating “Does your husband met these traits, if so contact your local abuse center for an exit & safety plan out of your marriage”. (or something to that effect)

I’m in another country so he can’t do anything. I have never been afraid of him , even on that night when he was walking around the house with a loaded gun . Although now I know he was trying to intimidate me by doing this.
I remember when we were talking one day on FaceTime before I went to see him in Michigan he said that when I get there he will kidnap me and keep me in some shed in the woods. I started laughing and then he said “You think I’m joking? I really mean it”. Now I think that maybe he actually was thinking about doing it. There are so many things I should have told her attorney when I talked to her in September but I didn’t because I felt sorry for him or I didn’t think they were significant at that time .He sent me a message today out of the blue. Just saying “I’m sorry”. I’m ignoring it.

Hi Cloud79, believe what he stated & protect yourself. Such a scary statement he said to you!!! My ex h use to say that he could kill someone, dump the body in the woods & no one would ever know. At the time it was startling to hear such a comment so far from my mindset…also at the time I thought that he had done this before…like a serial killer type…and I was scared for my safety. I look back and I think this was part of this tactic to make sure I never left him. Control my fear. He was shocked when I finally did leave him and stated in an email after he received divorce papers that he thought we were going to work things out. This after I found out that he had been with 3 woman & sent emails to 2 others (not sure their relationship with them).

These sociopath are so manipulative with their pity play and their belittling of the wife that it’s normal I think for friends & the other woman to “feel sorry for them” that is their ultimate game plan because once they have your empathy they can manipulate you even more. Power & Control over you.

It’s never too late to send a letter to her lawyer with the truth. Again as long as you are safe.

ps BLOCK him from your email account Cloud79..this is the only way to have peace & calmness in your life. He will always contact you & attempt to love bomb you back into a relationship with you. When I ignored my ex h emails at the time I left him he would bombard me with emails. Once I blocked him & changed my phone number he got the picture that I would never return to him. Do the Same with this guy!!

SLAM THE DOOR SHUT ON HIM FOREVER by blocking him!!

Cloud79,

It is a good idea to change your #. At first I didn’t change mine, because I was afraid to not ‘keep track’ of his mood. I felt like if I didn’t have a finger on the pulse, so to speak, that I was in more danger. This really turned out to be more a function of PTSD that a real threat.

When I did finally block all contact my healing did accelerate. Knowing I could not be contacted actually helped my nervous system to readjust out of a constant state of hyper-vigilance.

Thank you Jan7..I would to go see my best friend but she is 2000 from me and I have to work on Christmas. All I can do is pray everyday for God to send me the person that he wants me to be with. Everyday i cry but a little bit less than the day before. I think it is a cleansing of the soul. He was so toxic that I have to get rid of that toxicity some how. It is a relief to wash away the thoughts and memories of this person. I’ll keep doing it one day at the time

mzpris15, you’re Welcome!! It’s amazing how much the body can produce in tears…it really is. Never in my life did I think I could sob daily for hours. But one day it just stopped. The body & mind know how to heal itself if we just let it do it naturally & not over think the process.

Yes, “cleansing of the soul” (aka our mind)

good plan = one day at a time…some days just one hour at a time works too. 😊

take care!

Hi Cloud, ditto what everyone else is saying about blocking him. If I hadn’t been dealing with my toxic in laws trying to leverage our upcoming divorce into to
gaining summers with our son (and possible permanent relocation to their country) I never would have been tempted to listen to his empty promises about becoming a good father.
The whole thing was insanely traumatizing so akin to those stories from Checkley
I’ve also had the same experience as silmone with wanting to keep a pulse on whats
happening to gauge moods/possible future actions and it is very triggering for PTSD.

I would send info to his wife only if you’re sure he won’t find out. It might make her mad and wish to confront him and she might just slip and let him know it was you. He could become enraged by being unmasked Sending info to her lawyer like Jan suggested could be forwarded to her anonymously without anyone the wiser.

The title of this article, “I will never forget how he looked. I felt I was standing in front of the devil.” How true. After quite a few “relationships” with sociopaths, I felt very powerful and empowered one day when I met and quickly left a guy I call “The Spectre.” Here’s a poem that I wrote about him.

SPECTRE

Three days after Hallowe’en
There came a spectre I hadn’t seen.
Laughing and carefree it seemed ”“ but Lo!
It was a will-o-the-wisp in a boggy glow.
Carefully spinning its evil plans,
It tried to draw me in,
to its boggy, miasmic, strange and lonely world
through flattery, dangerous as quickmud,
enticing words, cleverly designed
snares.

But a spectre’s plasma is thin.
I could see quite through.
I watched:
between burning ribs,
eye sockets flaming red,
burning with lies as it tried
to lead me, as others it had led.

But not me! Me, it could not catch, for I am strong!
Clever, too. So much more clever
than a dumb old spectre!

And so it wasn’t long before that spectre turned back around,
the way it came,
and it was me it spurned! Scared, it was!
It wanted prey! But I am a worthy match
in any game.
The spectre was hungry for an easy meal,
an easy take.
The spectre’s love of death, not life,
consumed it with a blood lust for prey,
not any interest in sparring for a fair win or loss.

The spectre fled.
It disappeared quite suddenly beneath the murky, soggy bog
into its rightful empty place
to hide again.

As for me, I had been kind, even to a ghost;
had tried to see
between the lines
some glimmer of humanity I thought was there.
But the spectre turned away.
Forgotten and gone, faded only.

The spectre didn’t even say Goodbye.
No “Fare-thee-well.”
But! Who, What can tell
a spectre
that never was?

Synergy, it’s a good one!
Mine really appreciated my high IQ as it made the games so much more interesting and challenging! He told me that his wife was dumb so I guess she accepted all the lies without too many questions, must have been boring for that little evil p*ick!

cloud79, sociopaths are masterful manipulators. One of the first manipulative tactics they use is ’sociopath triangulation”. Do you realize you were sucked into his sociopathic triangulation with his wife?

With the woman they marry, sociopath use sociopathic triangulation between the wife & her family to isolate & control her fully. Or the wife & a close friend, co workers, or if they are having an affair with a friend of the wife they will separate the wife & friend with sociopath triangulation.

They also use sociopathic triangulation with anyone in his family that will call out his past manipulative behavior to the new target victim. My ex did this with his father & his step mother and me. He lied about both of them so that I did not trust them one bit! It was a manipulation so that I would not talk to them & learn the truth about my ex h right from the get go!!

And in your case your ex married boyfriend used sociopathic triangulation with you against his wife!!

Why did he do this?

for many reasons including:

1) to give you a reason why it was ok to cheat with him

blame the wife – he tells you things like “she does not love me”, “it’s a business relationship rather then a romantic relationship”, “she nags me about everything”, “she pushed me to marry her”,….

2) to separate you & his wife. If made you hate his wife you would never expose him & your affair with a married man to his wife!!

Please know cloud79 EVERYTHING he said about his wife to you were lies!!

3) He wanted to control you…& train you to do things his way!! What better way then say his wife nags him…this will plant the seed in your mind not to nag him…they are masterful puppet masters!!

Everything he told you about his wife was a manipulative con!! Including that she was “dumb”. He used “sociopath smear campaign against his wife…just like he is probably using a sociopath smear campaign against YOU right now without you even know it…especially if his wife knows about you. He is blaming you for the affair with you…he is using sociopathic smear campaign calling you “dumb”. THIS IS WHAT THEY DO!!!

I can assure you one thing…his wife is NOT dumb…she is living in hell with a masterful sociopath and she is NOT educated on these crazy mind games that sociopaths play.

One top of everything he is telling his wife he LOVES her & begging her not to leave him!!

How do I know this because I was married to a sociopath. I am not dumb. I went to a top university was in a very technical field. I saw who he was the second I met him. But I was not prepared nor educated on sociopathic lovebombing, brain washing, trance, hypnosis, mind control, gas lighting abuse, reward & punishment mind games, his pathological lying, his manipulative, his sociopath smear campaign, his sociopath triangulation, his installing fear & phobias into my mind, his con game of sucking us into financial despair, for his tornado of hell….

on top of that I was not prepared for my body not being able to handle the stress of his mind games & daily minute by minute crazyiness!! A human body can only handle so much stress then the adrenal glands get fatigue and once that happens you end up sick. SO I was dealign with health issues & a full time job and all the hell in imposed on me!!

Be luck that you were the mistress because being the wife is 1000 times worse with a sociopath. Eventually you just give in to all of their demands because you are trying to pick up the pieces of your health so that you can get the strength to leave them.

I assure you I saw EVERYTHING he did from day one…I can assure you that I was not dumb…just like I can assure you that his wife is not “dumb”!!

One top of every crazy mind game he did he would tell me he would “kill me” if I ever left him. I believe he will kill one of his many victims & in my gut I wonder if he has killed someone & gotten away with it. He blended into society…he dressed sharp, had the college degree, was in a technical field, people respect him…it’s crazy how many people he has conned in his life including endless number of mistress. When I finally left him he had 5 women that I know of on the hook…YES…3 of them were sleeping with him…not sure about the others. SO were these mistress “dumb” too??

You might say YES…but I say no…he is a masterful sociopath and none of us were prepared for his mind control games!! Including this guys wife!!

Please educate yourself because he is still controlling your mind with his planted seeds of sociopath smear campaign, triangulation, pathological lying con game. When you educate yourself with all their mind games you will find compassion for the wife and most importantly you WILL realize everything he did was to CONTROL your mind!!

Break free from his mind control by educating yourself!! Other wise he is still winning his con game with you!

Please open your mind set. Because you continue to belittle his wife on this site. I have actually never really encountered such here at LF to this level. You have anger towards his wife & I say turn your anger on him!! He is the one that you should be focused on because you & his wife were in the same boat together. And once you see this you will open your mind up to the truth that you were both conned by a sociopath.

Once I was educated I did not have ANY ill will fillings towards the endless women my then husband was screwing around with despite some of them knowing he was married, Like in your case.

Do a search on here on Lovefraud & the net:

sociopath triangulation

sociopath smear campaign

sociopath trance

sociopath hypnosis

gas lighting abuse

Oh,gosh, Cloud79! I know what you mean about high IQ being more challenging to exploit/win an imagined contest with you. I had come to a similar conclusion about exploiters. I had a succession of 3 husbands, and each was in many ways worse than the previous one/s. I had had plenty of training how to avoid such men, how to take care of myself. I had been to abuse recovery groups; therapy; self help books. So I concluded the same thing you did, in a way: I was harder to squash than someone less informed. So the challenge to squash me was too much for them to pass up!

It’s always more satisfying to play against a stronger opponent! Sociopaths have above average intelligence therefore they are looking for someone who can match it and then the game becomes so much more interesting.

Hi again,cloud 79 — Thanks for your nice comment about my poem, “Spectre.”

Oh I know very well that he is a master manipulator. I am aware of his tactics and I knew almost from the beginning something wasn’t right , that’s why he started forging the documents.I have no hatred towards the wife . I believe he has been brainwashing her for years but I also know she is in denial. I want to send her a book about sociopaths because I believe she needs to educate herself and see it wasn’t just an ordinary affair. However, I also cannot understand how it is possible that she wasn’t aware of what was going on and this is according to her email. How come she is expecting another child knowing that he wasn’t taking care or paying for the first one? I am not saying she is dumb because these were his words . I just find her behaviour strange to say the least.

she’s not in “denial” she has cognitive disturbance issues because of his brain washing and mental crazy games.

What is cognitive disturbance…it’s holding two difference belief systems about someone…one “he is evil” and one “he is good”. there is no doubt she wants him out of her life but he knows how to suck her back into his evil world.

Part of the issue with cognitive disturbance is adrenal fatigue issues where the victims stress level is extremely high due to the abuse and because of this the victims blood sugar, coritsol & adrenaline level (fight, freeze or flight response mode) and over 50 hormones are not in the normal range mode and are causing thinking impairment issues.

She has been trained like an animal is trained to accept all his craziness by conditioning her brain from day one!!

Cloud79,

you state:

“He told me that his wife was dumb so I guess she accepted all the lies without too many questions,..”

I can guarantee that they fight over his lies daily!

And that she does not “accept his lies”, bet she calls out his lies everyday! But it gets to the point you try to find some type of peace & calmness in your marriage while you try to find the exit door out of the toxic relationship.

You state:

“I just find her behaviour strange to say the least.”

her behavior is simply = she is a long term victim of a sociopath.

Educate yourself because when I read your statements about the wife, I hear a lot of anger towards her. Once you let go of this anger towards the wife then you will be free of his mind game, (by the way is very common for a mistress to hold onto this type of anger towards the wife because you were conditioned by the sociopath from day one to hate his wife).

Keep reading & doing searches on the words I posted above in my first post.

Open your mind to the truth!! It will set you free!

Hello,
Just wanted to say that God definitely working in my life. Every day I see the God taking away my misery. I find that I am finding that I am crying less and less each day. I have started beasides my adopting a senior that I and working at the homeless shelter. It makes me feel so much better to focus my engery on something that is positive and really is an issue compared to sitting home and feeling sorry for myself. I know I am s good person and he is not. He is the one that has to live with ehat he has done not me. This doesn’t mean that I am healed an all my pain has gone away. I think of him daily and the fact that he told me that he never loved me and how that hurt me to my core. I just choose to stop focusing on that and do something different.
Hope everything has a happy Christmas!🌲

Hi mzpris15, glad you are doing better!! Please be careful at this “homeless” center because you are vulnerable right now and you dont want to let any bad people into your life. Remember sociopath are in all walks of life & they will use pity play manipulation to tap into someones empathy to get what they want. Even someone at a homeless shelter can be a sociopath. So please beware!

Merry Christmas!

I would like to emphasise again that I do not have any anger towards the wife! I understand that you are looking at it from the perspective of the wife. I have read 3 books about sociopaths within 2 months as well as numerous blogs and forum discussions. I was married to a man who abused me physically and mentally for years, he was even arrested for beating me up once . I however made sure that I did not buy property with him because I did not want to have any financial ties to him and only had one child! And this is just common sense ! If I were informed by someone that my husband is cheating on me and is planning to get married to someone else (and saw the evidence ) I would make sure I know everything about the case. I find her behaviour strange and I am not going to change my opinion . And I do not blame her for anything, I blame him!

cloud79, I’m truly sorry that you were married to a abusive man.

These questions below are just for sociopathic discussion:

Do you find your own behavior of being with this man strange?

Do you find your behavior strange that you had a child with him?

just to add both these question apply to your ex husband & this current sociopath that you were involved with.

Looking back on my own younger years, I would have to say Yes, I find my behavior “strange.” BUT: this is how I was brought up! My entire family (father, mother, brother and sister, and also myself, plus several relatives who lived elsewhere) behaved in dysfunctional ways. We abused each other, fought, screamed, cried a lot, threw things, broke things ”“ except the men never cried. I thought everyone lived like we did, that they just hid better than we did. It took decades before I found out that was not true, that some people live calm, loving, happy lives. So I suspect that many, many people who stayed with an abuser, even had a child with him or her, had no idea what she was up against, nor what the person she thought loved her, was really like. One can’t condemn people who keep coming back to the abuser. It’s too difficult a situation for simplistic comments, beliefs about them, or supposed solutions.

Jan 7, maybe you can help me feel a little better right now. It seems like you know exactly what these types are like. I am going through a very difficult situation right now and no one I know would understand. I’ve been looking up this topic for about a year now, but things have changed for the worst. Didn’t think that was possible. Turns out the one person I trusted with everything my entire life, the ONE person I trusted with everything, including my life, and who in the past year I have been telling about how I’m learning about sociopaths and narcissists and psychopaths and learning about our upbringing, turns out to be one too! It’s a very long story but I am feeling very alone and don’t know what to do. Are there emergency counselors or are there any support groups available to participate in about this matter? I am so glas I found these recent responses. I’ve been looking for sites tonight hoping to find something recent. Thank you!!

Last Name Doe, Im sorry you are going thru a hard time right now. Sending hugs to you tonght!

It’s very common to find your way to Lovefraud & start to read & analysis your life and realize that you have another sociopath in your life including friends or family members.

Experts believe that we ALL have a sociopath in our circle of friends & family without even knowing it.

Experts also believe that 1 in 25 people are sociopaths & psychopaths!! YES!! so scary how many there are on this planet!! They are every where blending in from all walks of life….rich, poor, white collar, Blue collar, school teachers to CEO’s.

SO the fact that you have pieced together that this “friend” is a sociopath is not surprising. But be thankful that you have figured this out.

Donna Anderson site creator here at Lovefraud has a coaching program…you can look up at the top under the red tab “Contact” for more info on this program. She charges a small fee but she will help you. I have not used this service but many people have posted here stating Donna help them out. She may not be available the next few days because of Christmas but you can still send her an email but it’s better I would think to call her number.

Also you can contact your national Domestic Violence Hotline in your country for help with free counseling over the phone & they will also give you the local abuse center phone numbers where they also provide FREE counseling & free women group meetings. Both will help you. They do not get into specifics about “sociopath” abuse but they will help you out. They may have a list of counselors outside of the centers for more in-depth counseling.

In the USA the hotline number is 800-799-SAFE (they are open everyday of the year including Christmas)

So reach out to them tonight. IF you are not in the USA then just google the words “Domestic Violence Hotline with your countries name” for listings.

Do a search here on love fraud for “grey rock” and “no contact rule” and also on the net.

With this friend you should follow the “Sociopath no contact rule”. Best to get them out of your life because they will do nothing but try to destroy you & your life.

If you want more specifics info let me know what is going on & where you need guidance. I am just a victim of an ex husband myself so I will give you any info that I can.

I would highly recommend that you look up a the very top of this site & click on each tab & read and also look at the videos that Donna has posted up there as well. Donna has done an amazing job to educate us all and her site is a library full of info.

Take care.

Last Name Doe, here is Donna Andersons info located at the top under “contact” red tab:

“Personal consultations

If you are looking for help regarding your involvement with someone you suspect may be a sociopath, Donna Andersen offers personal consultations. The fee for telephone consultations is $40 for 30 minutes and $75 for 60 minutes. Email consultations are free. More information.

Contact

[email protected]

Donna Andersen
Lovefraud

3121-D Fire Road #304
Egg Harbor Township, NJ 08234
USA

609-945-1384″

I need help… Please!!! I think I am married to a sociopath. I asked him for a divorce in the spring, he still hasn’t left he tells me we I am tipping our family apart. He lies about where he goes at night, he focuses all his energy on social media… Ignoring myself and our child. He does not work, he cannot keep a job. He would blame all of his issues at work on other people at his job, he has not kept a job since I met him 10 yrs ago. I am the sole provider for our family and when I approach him about this he freaks out on me. Tonight I did and the consequences were bad. You see I have started to recognize his issues and fight back… He doesnt like it so I usually suffer… Either physically or mentally. He tells me I am narcissistic… Everyone I know tell me I have changed… I’m not my happy self anymore. When I met him he was great. I don’t even speak to my family anymore… I think they see him for who he is especially my mother. I do have a close relationship with his parents they know what he is about and they support me. He tells our daughter I’m a terrible mother, she is 8 and understands he is wrong… She told me he terrifies her. He claims he is an addict but when I offered help at a treatment center he refused and said he wasn’t an addict. I have supported this man through so much, he says I have never supported him emotionally. I honestly second guess myself so much… I’m going crazy… I have lost weight I feel sad all the time. I honestly feel like a robot. He tells me constantly what I do wrong, as soon as I confront him about his issues… He gets so mad and will not listen to me. He tells me I am nasty and cold… I do fight back much more now… I think because it makes me sad and angry how he treats me. He stays out all night sometimes and blames that on me. He refuses to see what I go through on a daily basis. There is so much more… I need to know I am not going crazy. Please help

Dear KeepinStrong
Not you are not crazy. But you are in a crazymaking situation. A dangerous situation. You are with a type of person who has the ability to murder.

Please read read read.
Then make a plan to escape.
There is NO OTHER PATH than to submit to death or to escape. I hope you choose freedom for you and your child… your child who sees her father as the monster he is.

It is NORMAL to not see all of the lack of his soul while you are IN the bubble of abuse. You’re being attacked and your body goes into defense. When you are free, you will realize far more and then you will be validating yourself.

Until then… please educate yourself, do NOT confront him, make a plan to escape, and then NEVER LOOK BACK.

All my best to you…

NotWhatHeSaidOfMe

Thank you very much, I no longer have my family because they do not like him so I no longer speak to them. I realized what I need to do he told me last night he will be leaving. At this point I go from ignoring him to fighting back with him because i am so angry at him for doing this to me and him not seeing what he has done to me. Thank you so much… Talking about this and reading this website makes me feel stronger and I will never ever look back like I have dont in the past. Thank you again

I need help… Please!!! I think I am married to a sociopath. I asked him for a divorce in the spring, he still hasn’t left he tells me we I am ripping our family apart. He lies about where he goes at night, he focuses all his energy on social media… Ignoring myself and our child. He does not work, he cannot keep a job. He would blame all of his issues at work on other people at his job, he has not kept a job since I met him 10 yrs ago. I am the sole provider for our family and when I approach him about this he freaks out on me. Tonight I did and the consequences were bad. You see I have started to recognize his issues and fight back… He doesnt like it so I usually suffer… Either physically or mentally. He tells me I am narcissistic… Everyone I know tell me I have changed… I’m not my happy self anymore. When I met him he was great. I don’t even speak to my family anymore… I think they see him for who he is especially my mother. I do have a close relationship with his parents they know what he is about and they support me. He tells our daughter I’m a terrible mother, she is 8 and understands he is wrong… She told me he terrifies her. He claims he is an addict but when I offered help at a treatment center he refused and said he wasn’t an addict. I have supported this man through so much, he says I have never supported him emotionally. I honestly second guess myself so much… I’m going crazy… I have lost weight I feel sad all the time. I honestly feel like a robot. He tells me constantly what I do wrong, as soon as I confront him about his issues… He gets so mad and will not listen to me. He tells me I am nasty and cold… I do fight back much more now… I think because it makes me sad and angry how he treats me. He stays out all night sometimes and blames that on me. He refuses to see what I go through on a daily basis. There is so much more… I need to know I am not going crazy. Please help

You have got to get away to protect yourself and your child. Get out NOW, this minute if you can, OR pack a suitcase and be ready to take yourself and your child at the earliest possible moment.. if he’s a danger if you try to leave, wait till he’s gone someplace, then get out. Can you stay with your parents? Is there a women’s shelter where you can go now, to protect yourself? If he is physically abusing you, call the police immediately — that’s only if the police in your area won’t automatically take his side, as he shows his charming pseudo-personality to them. Where we used to live, the police would have laughed at me and cozied up to him. But in the urban area where I moved when I left, he came to visit me (dumb me!) became ominous, and I did call the police. Yup, he was all charming again when they arrived 5 minutes after I called. They were not fooled, and in fact one of the officers was a women! They asked me, in front of him, if I ever wanted to see him again? I said No, and the police officers escorted him out. Ho — but I did seem him again!!! I was so foolish. Finally I got him to get out of my life. See, he had promised as part of the divorce to pay my health insurance for three years — it’s called COBRA — through his place of work. He paid 2 months, then quit his job. So it cost me $3,000 overall to insure myself. So finally, when he called again, and I said, “Don’t call again until you are ready to pay me the $3,000 you owe me. Bye.” He’d call and I would answer joyfully (faking it) “Oh GOOD! You are ready to pay me my $3,000!!” There were a total of 2-3 calls of this sort, and he quit calling, because I would not talk to him. That was all I said….

Here’s the title and info on the book that tells exactly what steps to take, what to do, and how to do it.It’s this book book I used to get out– don’t ever let him see the book! Perhaps read it (and keep it there! — don’t take it home with you!!) at your parents’ house, or a good friend if he has not driven them all away from you by now, or get from the library if you can and read it there. It’s called “Getting Free” by Ginny NiCarthy. Here’s the Overview from Barnes & Noble, and it’s available on Amazon.com and lots of other places. “Since its original publication in 1982, Getting Free has changed the lives of tens of thousands of women. Written in an accessible style, packed with practical information and answers, special exercises designed to help a woman recognize abuse, and several success stories, Getting Free remains an important resource today—and this updated edition makes it an all the more relevant resource.
In this expanded edition, Ginny NiCarthy features important new information from the latest studies and most recent research on the subject. New chapters include an analysis of whether batterers’ treatment really works, which programs help violent men change, and which do not; the results of research on the ways that many men who batter also abuse their children, and specific reactions of children to battering; the cultural and legal issues relevant to immigrant women; and a presentation of how religious beliefs and religious communities affect the real and perceived choices of women facing violence.”

NotWhatHeSaidofMe is so right on in what she has written. She said, “NEVER LOOK BACK!” I add from my own — and many others’ — experience: NEVER GO BACK!” He will tempt you, be very loving and charming, promise to “change” or “treat you better;” maybe even cry or get down on his knees, bring you flowers or other gifts. On the other hand, he might threaten your child or you, threaten to take the child away from you if you try to leave, oh, so many tricks up his sleeve. Don’t fall for any of it! Stay away. No Contact! If he calls, hang up without saing anything; if he comes, don’t open the door, and don’t talk to him; if he writes you a letter, shred it without reading; if he sends you and email/s delete without reading. If he starts stalking you, call the police. That’s a hard one — stalking. I never had to deal with that — maybe someone else here (Donna?) has advice about stalking. If I understand rightly, a restraining order is often not an effective or wise solution.

Keepinstrong, I’m glad you found your way to love fraud & found the courage to post your post tonight.

YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!! PLEASE KNOW THIS!!

IF you believe your husband is a sociopath then he IS the crazy one!!! YES!! He is the crazy one trying to push you intentionally over your emotional edge to have control over you (again) because you are seeing the truth & he does not want you to see that he is crazy & leave him.

THINGS YOU NEED TO DO ASAP FOR YOUR DAUGHTER & YOUR SAFETY:

1) DO NOT tell your husband what you are reading here at love fraud or other site!! For your safety you do not know how he is going to reach so you MUST

BIT YOUR TONGUE…and instead come here & vent out your feelings & emotions.

This is a safe space for you to vent!

2) Clear your computer history each time you post something here at love fraud or search any site about leaving him or about sociopath behavior

3) Set up a fake email account asap. Then come back to love fraud & start a new account here under that fake email & delete this Lovefraud account so that your husband does not look at your emails & see this info sent to you from LF. Again for your safety & your daughters safety.

4) Contact your National Domestic Violence Hotline tonight if you can do it safely if not tomorrow. They have free counselors even on Christmas Day!!

In the USA the number is 800-799-SAFE

Ask them for your local abuse center & also to explain what an EXIT PLAN IS OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE AND ALSO A SAFETY PLAN.

The most dangerous time for a woman (& her family) is when she is planning to leave the abusive relationship or has just left. This is why it is VITALLY important to have a plan out of your relationship.

Google: National Domestic Violence hotline (USA) and read their site…but again only if you are safe to do so.

5) Contact your most trusted family & friends only & open up to them about what is going on in your marriage asap!! Ask them to document what you tell them this can be used in court. Ask them also to let you use their computer to do search on domestic abuse and here at love fraud.

6) Keep a journal (hidden) with any abuse whether verbal, physical, mental, emotional or financial. This too can be used in court.

7) Remember to Breath….your emotions are high right now & you are in hyper vigilant mode so you must remember to stay calm & focusing on your breathing will help to limit the stress.

8) Do a search when you are safe to do so up at the right top here at love fraud for the following & also on the net. (clear your computer history):

gas lighting abuse

no contact rule

One moms battle. com

sociopath smear campaign

9) CALL THE POLICE!! IF YOU GET TO A POINT YOU ARE IN DANGER CALL THEM…DO NOT WORRY IF HE GETS ARRESTED! YOUR JOB RIGHT NOW IS TO KEEP YOUR DAUGHTER & YOU SAFE!!

10) IF you have to go to a hotel or your families & friends for your safety. If he shows up there CALL THE POLICE.

YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!! Please know this. We have all been where you are and wondering the same…but right now he has you in his crazy making grips. FREE YOURSELF!!

HUGS TO YOU!! You are strong! You can get out of this abusive relationship with the help of the National Domestic Violence hotline & your local abuse center.

WE HEAR YOU!! KEEP REACHING OUT TO THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE (800)799-SAFE (USA) OR GOOGLE FOR YOUR COUNTRY’S NUMBER.

Take care. â¤ï¸

Jan7 has given great advice and resources. Thank you, Jan 7. I have only one thing to add, and you may have thought of this already. NEVER let your husband or friend know about your self-protection reading, email, groups, contacting Donna Anderson, or anything about it. There are some books I’d recommend, too — and the advice from the women who wrote them is never show these books to any man. That may be outdated advice, though, since we are now aware of female-to-male abusers, male to male, and female to female. There is a very good one called “Getting Free.” This is the one that helped me to escape from my sociopathic husband. It’s by Ginny NiCarthy. She has excellent tactics to get away safely. Another thing that I am pretty sure that Jan7 did not mention is that your domestic violence hotline could likely find you a safe (and secret) place to stay overnight if you are in danger. I stayed at one, one time. Other times I stayed with a friend, or in a motel.

There is also a group in some of the states in the United States called Abuse Recovery Ministry and Services (ARMS). This group welcomes ”“ and I mean REALLY WELCOMES! ”“ women of all faiths of none. They have women’s groups that have literature on abuse and what to do, etc etc. My experience there is that ARMS people know more about this issue than any other person or group that I have attended. (Naturally I am not comparing them to Donna Anderson, and the ARMS people don’t address sociopaths specifically anyway.) Like Donna and her assistance, the leaders of the abused women’s group I went to were trained volunteers who had been abused, themselves, and have been in recovery for quite a while. I highly recommend ARMS IF they are available in your area. They are a Christian group. I am not a Christian and felt right at home! There was also a Muslim woman who came to meetings. They also have groups for abusive men, and also for abusive women.

I meant to add that, in order for you to keep your activities, videos, reading, emails, etc. from being seen by your husband, you may have a pbulic library where you can make a private email account and communicate there. Ditto for the internet, Donna Anderson’s info, books….I imagine that this would work best if if you live in a sizeable city. If you live in a small town, where people might look over your shoulder and gossip, the public library might not work. Does anyone here have any suggestion for small town people?

A woman I knew slightly at a senior center, who lived in a small town, told me this story: Her late husband, of many years, was physically abusive. He turned her over his knee, pulled her undies off her bottom, and spanked her very hard. She has permanent leg and spinal injuries from this. I asked her why she stayed with him. It had something to do with his family and extended family: They were highly prominent people in the town — you know how some small towns are virtually “owned” by one family? That was the situation. I don’t know how that kept her in the marriage, but it did.

Resources for abused women are badly needed in small town in the United States, and probably in other countries, too.

Jan7 , I really appreciate your will to help and admire your knowledge on the subject. However, I think you are taking my comments too personally and slightly out of context. I am discussing here this particular case and this case only . I wasn’t referring to any ‘other wife’ or no one else on the forum. The situation with my ex husband was quite a bit different. He was abusive towards me but wasn’t cheating on me and isn’t a pathological liar. He also was a decent father , was taking care of our daughter and was contributing to her maintenance. I had her when I was 22 and because of his behaviour towards me I knew I would not have another child with him , I also did not have any financial connections to him. Cos that would be like committing a suicide. Believe me, if he tried to pull a stunt like ‘Brad’ did and disappear from home for 2 eeeks , his suitcases would be out of the door with an immediate effect. A divorce petition would also be awaiting his arrival! I wouldn’t need this to happen 3 times and someone to practically shove the evidence in my face ! And if that did happen for some strange reason I would certainly pursue all the truth!

Keepinstrong,

It will likely take time for him to move his stuff out and find another place to live. Meanwhile, you need to protect your child immediately. It will likely not be easy or soon to get him out of the house permanently.

Best wishes, and remember that if you have any more problems with this guy, check in with us, and read Jan7’s post on what to do RIGHT NOW.

I discovered something really scary and shocking yesterday. I read an article about how the psychopaths smile, that usually it is this sinister smirk glued to their face. There were even a few examples of murderers and serial killers to illustrate what the article was talking about.
Afterwards, I decided to have a look at several hundred pictures I have of him either on his own or with myself. I was absolutely shocked and had shivers running down my spine! He had this demonic smirk on almost every single photo!
I experienced those scary, full of hatered stares on several occasions when I was with him but never really paid attention to the way he smiled and now I realised that this type of ‘smile’ is one of the signs of psychopathy according to researchers.
I sent a few pics to my friend and she told me that what struck her was how happy, radiant and relaxed I looked on them contrary to him, who just looked eery and dead as she described.
I wonder if anyone else have noticed this smirk on their psychopaths…

Hi Cloud, My former husband had that telltale smirk as well,
to make matters worse, it was there from the beginning. He
even had a nickname about it. At the time he seemed to be
so friendly and his eyes were so often shining and loving, I
didn’t think anything of it.

Later, it became something sinister as he was smirking while
looking (staring really) in a fixed predatory way, while he
watched me reacting to his latest abuse, deception, etc.
In fact, almost his entire immediate family had the same evil
grin, and I ended up suffering years of ugly emotional abuse
and thinly veiled threats often accompanied by that sick smile.

The only place I’ve found a close comparison to what I witnessed are the images of Ted Bundy smirking. The bore- right- through -you eyes and the sinister satisfied smirk of someone who throughly enjoys creating and witnessing pain. Chilling!
It makes you wonder how capable the psychopaths in your life
are of committing murder!

I actually wonder quite often if he is capable of committing murder or any other violent crime . He had many anger outbursts like punching the wall, smashing my remote control or threatening to smash my mobile phone. For some reason I wasn’t afraid of him then . However, now I think that if I happened to discover his double life while I was in Michigan and confronted him directly face to face he could have hurt me physically, at the very least.

I found out recently that he was jailed for 3 months at the end of February. Despite lying to me that the charges were dropped by the prosecutors. The story about a council official forging court documents is in the local Michigan news. He sent me a message in March asking for forgiveness which I ignored and 2 days ago he called me on FaceTime and pretended it was a misdial . I texted him asking since when the inmates are allowed to have cellphones and told him he looked good on his mugshot 😀 !

His mother found him another victim!
His divorce isn’t finalised yet, his youngest kid, who is 3 months old now was born while he was in jail on forgery charges and his mother hooked him up with her friend who is several years older than him , obese and with 4 teenage daughters. Seems to me like she is a perfect victim who quite likely suffers from self esteem issues. She proudly splashes pictures of both of them as well as him with her daughters on Facebook. He shamelessly poses with his new family with the same old sociopathic smirk and empty eyes .
His second soon to be ex wife was tricked into that mess by his family as well, in fact she is a distant relative.
Same MO , the pattern is repeated . What I do not understand is how that woman can be so naive and lets him near her adolescent daughters as this case was a public knowledge and widely reported in the local Michigan and national media, details and his mugshot for everyone to view available online ! And he only was released from jail about 6 weeks ago!
It’s just painful to watch how he is destroying another life with active participation of his disordered mother!

Hi cloud79. I don’t know your story, so I don’t know if you are keeping tabs on him to protect yourself from harm? Or maybe it is not bothering you to see him do these things?

I think it helps me understand what a monster he is .
He contacted me twice not so long ago . The first time I wasn’t aware he was in jail , so I ignored the message. The second time he called me and then pretended he misdialled my number. Then I replied “Since when are inmates allowed cellphones?” And “BTW, looking good on your mugshot ”
I wanted him to know that I know he is contacting me from jail.
I see it as my personal victory that thanks to the evidence I had provided he was sentenced and the case went public. So now people know that he is a criminal . Clearly for some it’s still not enough and are willing to get into a relationship with this idiot.

Just be careful Cloud. Make sure you aren’t triggering yourself, and getting clouded judgement. I totally understand, otherwise. I was also validated by knowing that the cycle was just continuing, and it wasn’t me that ’caused’ the problems. I never had direct contact, but did find out a few things here and there that made me stronger.

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