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I will never forget how he looked at me – I felt I was standing in front of the devil

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman whom we’ll call Gemma, who lives in England. Names have been changed.

In August 2015 I was contacted on one of the pen pal websites by a guy named Brad, from a village in Michigan. Brad is a 35 year old veteran who works part time as a mechanic. He is also a village council trustee, with ambitions to become a village president one day.

We started talking on a daily basis, He was very charming and entertaining and seemed very reliable, always responding to my messages almost instantly.

Brad told me that he was married for the second time and his wife was pregnant. He said that although his current wife was better than the first one, he wasn’t happy and has been thinking about divorce for some time. In fact he got married to her because “there was nothing better available.”

He said his first wife divorced him after only a couple of months after his first child was born. He claimed she was crazy and cheated on him with “6 different dudes”.

In fact, his other partners cheated as well and one apparently tried to poison him, using eyedrops that she was adding to his drinks.

Brad’s army career was cut short due to developing a nerve condition following a course of vaccinations.

Needless to say, I started feeling sorry for him almost instantly.

About 3-4 weeks after we started talking Brad told me he was deeply in love with me. And all he wanted was to take care of me until we get old together.

I found the recent development quite shocking and over the top and kept reminding him that he was married and I wasn’t interested in neither an online nor any other kind of affair.

I live in England and the plans he had for us seemed unreal, to say the least.

Anyway, in November, shortly after his child was born he applied for divorce and presented me with a picture of his complaint for divorce.

By that time I was in love with him. He seemed perfect, despite the fact that he didn’t have much money or education and other social differences between us. I found myself talking to him for hours every single day, messages, FaceTime, Skype.

In December Brad informed me that he couldn’t stay under one roof with his soon to be ex wife, and decided to move in with his parents. He bought me a promise ring with our names engraved on it and was going to give it to me in Canada, where we were going to meet in March. He kept sending me letters and cards, where he called me his wife, as well as little craft items he made himself.

We seemed to have a great connection, I told him all about myself. He was aware that I have been suffering from depression, my ex husband was abusive towards me, and knew all my other problems.

After a couple of weeks from his divorce application I started enquiring about the progress of the case and asked if he received any additional documents from the court. His answers were always very vague and evasive. He claimed to be calling the court every couple of weeks and finally presented me with a temporary custody order.

Every single time I expressed doubts about the authenticity of the divorce process he would swear that he was getting divorced, as he couldn’t live without me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. When told that my friends and family had doubts too, he would say that they were simply jealous of our happiness.

I also found myself constantly worried about his health. There was always something wrong with him, either it was his nerve condition, headache, blackouts, amnesia, joint pains, indigestion, you name it! He even claimed to be diagnosed with mild brain damage! I spent many sleepless nights thinking and being worried about his ill health.

One day I asked him to give me his dad’s number as I would like to be informed if something happens to him. He gave the number to me.

In March 2016 we finally met in Canada. We exchanged the promise rings and started our vacation.

I quickly realised that something wasn’t quite right with “my future husband.” He didn’t want to go out anywhere, would rather stay at a hotel or a cottage, had childish tantrums, refused to eat and found pleasure in me feeding him with a spoon. He was prone to anger outbursts, snatching a map from my hands at one point, shouting at me when I was on my phone, accusing me that I didn’t come to Canada for him but just on holiday.

After such irrational actions he used to apologise and promise not to do it again.

I also noticed that I was the one paying for almost everything shopping, restaurants and attractions (when I was successful to persuade him to actually do some sightseeing).

I also gave him all the remaining money I had for fuel before he drove back to the U.S., as he claimed he couldn’t afford it.

After I came back to England, he continued as if nothing had happened, apologised again for treating me badly, and promised to visit me in England in June.

In the meantime I found pictures of him and his soon to be ex wife on various internet sites, confronted him about it, demanded an explanation. He claimed that she was trying to hold onto them and he will tell her do delete them. After a few days some of the pictures disappeared.

I constantly insisted on being updated about the divorce proceedings. Every time he claimed that he had to contact the court as they failed to send him certain document. Eventually in May he presented his final divorce order, signed by the judge, the court clerk and stamped with an official court stamp. Then he said that we can finally start planning our wedding.

In June he came to see me in England. I introduced him to my daughter (who we decided was going to be my bridesmaid) and my friends. However, quickly things went down the hill and his behaviour seemed even more erratic than in Canada. He would cause constant arguments, dress up in the middle of the night and pack his suitcase threatening he would sleep on the street.

One evening he smashed my remote control against the wall. He claimed he had hernia and didn’t want to go out anywhere again. If I convinced him to go out, I was the one paying for most of the things, bought clothes for him, an electric toothbrush, was buying his favourite food, just to make him happy. During arguments he was always shouting, “you didn’t do sh*t for me!”

After he went back home to the U.S., the same scenario followed. He expressed his never ending love and apologised for his inappropriate behaviour.

Every time I had doubts about his real intentions or authenticity of his court documents he would show more proof, like emails he was exchanging with his ex wife where they discussed her final departure from the house.

He promised to take me to his village to introduce me to his parents, show me all the places he told me about.

In September I flew to Chicago, quickly the new accusations started Apparently, I went there to see Chicago, not to see him. Took him to The Art Institute, from which he stormed out after about 45 minutes. When I tried to find out what the problem was, I was shouted at again and found out that “I thought I was better than him because I was walking around the museum looking at all the paintings!”

He told me that after 2 days he only had 120 dollars left, at that point we still had 12 days of vacation left. However, when I checked his wallet it turned out he had 600 in it!

All the time in Chicago and later in a lakeside resort where we rented a cottage, he slept with a loaded gun either under his pillow or on a bedside table. One night he just got out of bed grabbed his firearm and went downstairs; I could hear him walking around the house with it. In the morning he claimed he did not recall doing it! It should be mentioned that Brad is a firearms fanatic and according to his account he owns almost 40 different guns.

At that point I was almost 100% sure we would not go to his village in Michigan, and that either he was still in a relationship with his wife or someone else. I was, however insisting on being taken there. One day when we were driving from a cottage in another town when he suddenly developed cramps in his hands and couldn’t drive anymore, we had to go back to the rented house.

I was crying to the point of choking and not being able to breath, begging him to tell me what the truth was. He was looking at me emotionless and shouted that he wasn’t in a relationship with anyone but me, and that I was being paranoid.

One day he locked himself in the bathroom and then the bedroom, covering his ears and sobbing. Didn’t want to talk to me or get out of it.

I decided to call his father. Introduced myself and said what the problem was. The person on the other side sounded very young for a man in his late 60s; however he promised to come to the cottage and talk too his son.

After about an hour of waiting I decided to inform Brad that his dad was apparently on his way. He went absolutely mad, accusing me of betrayal, alienating him from his dad, said he couldn’t trust me! Jumped in his car and drove off, then started calling me ordering to pack up my things and saying that he was going to drive me back to Chicago.

Daddy never showed up, as expected . It turned out a few days later it obviously wasn’t his father. Till this day I have no idea who I talked to.

On my last day he finally promised to take me to his village after finding his “motivation.”

We drove through that village with the speed of light, without stopping. I told him that it was the last straw and it was all over! More verbal abuse followed and I was told to f*ck off! I was sure then that he was still married and didn’t want to be seen with me.

When he took me back to the airport in Chicago he apologised for treating me badly and for not being able to behave better. He reassured me about his deep love for me.

On the day of my arrival back in England I contacted the court in Michigan and was told that there is no record of such divorce case.

I called Brad and he claimed that the court lost the records! Only when I told him that I was going to hire a private investigator he admitted forging all the documentation and could not offer any explanation with regards of his actions. He said he was hoping that everything would just fall in place.

I decided to email his wife with all the evidence and was informed that not only they aren’t divorced, she is expecting another child with him.

The news was absolutely devastating. My depression deteriorated as more facts were emerging.

I found out about 3 arrest warrants that were issued when he wasn’t showing up in court with relation to child support for the child from his first marriage. I also discovered that he was deliberately putting my health in danger (for confidentiality reasons I can’t reveal any more information regarding this matter). He lied about seeing a psychologist. Made up stories about his sister who apparently works for one of the government agencies looking for a job for him as an air marshal. Claimed to be a treasurer for the village council, meanwhile he does not hold any special role except being a trustee.

Two weeks after coming back from the U.S., I had a hemorrhage on my way back from work; turned out it was a miscarriage. When I contacted Brad about it, he just said he was sorry.

As far as I know the prosecutor did not press charges with relation to him forging 4 different documents. His wife is divorcing him and I suspect he is now sponging off of his parents who most likely are paying for his legal representation.

I truly believe Brad is a very dangerous man who destroyed many lives and he will not stop. The fact that he is allowed to own and carry firearms is also beyond me.

He is a true master of deception, he can lie his way out of any situation, often playing the disability card and making his victims feel sorry for him.

I suspect that his wife is not aware of who she really is dealing with and how viscous and dangerous he can be.

I will never forget how he looked at me during one of the arguments with his cold piercing eyes, full of anger and hatred. I have never seen or experienced anything like that before. I felt I was standing in front of the devil.



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69 Comments on "I will never forget how he looked at me – I felt I was standing in front of the devil"

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In this case the wife apparently had no clue about his actions. I strongly believe it wasn’t his first time either. I am however certain that previous affairs were on much smaller scale and did not involve traveling to Europe or forging documents. Although the fake divorce papers were done very professionally therefore I think he had some experience before. The wife’s attorney who I actually communicated with was even impressed by his ‘skills’ . I even have doubts regarding the authenticity of his passport but have no way of verifying it.

I recently read ”The Mask of Sanity” and was shocked how similar these cases are. Each chapter was like reading about him. From childish tantrums, impulsiveness , empty promises, total lack of responsibility for his actions, constant pity play to forgery and potential bigamy.

I just wonder if this is how he was around his wife as well or was he able to mask who he really is and behave fairly normally?

Thamk you y’all for being there for me. I have tried to talk to people even my best friend of 33yrs doesn’t understand the suffering and devastation that I went through with this person. I won’t call him a man because he doesn’t deserve that title, a real man would do such things. I guess the part that I miss and want so much is not him but the person that he portrayed. The idea of what i have been missing in my life, but didnt know how much until I met him. I know I would have never ever had actually married this person. I know this because when he bought me that ring all I did was sit there and pray over and over for it NOT to be an engagement ring. So jf you are wanting to really be with someone that is not how you would have felt. I was thinking. How do I say no. I guess my point is he hurt me to my my core and in the beginning before he started to do thise awful things I would have married him in a sec but once the mask fell away and the true person appeared I knew he had the face of evil. I remember telling my best friend that he was sent by the devil and he was nothing but a demon in sheep’s clothing. That is why i am so angry with myself for not being able to break free from him and him being able to lure me back over and over. I don’t have to worry about no contact because now that he is done and he admitted that he never loved me he knows he has no chance coming back so I don’t think I will ever here from him. He’s not on Facebook so no contact there and we live 1 1/2 from he other so we won’t ever run into each that way. I’m looking to move back to my home state of Florida in the summer so that will put 2000 miles between us…..I don’t want him. I want to be with someone that truly loves me. That has a family that i can be with. I miss that so much since my entire family is gone. That’s what makes this Christmas so very hard. I truly have no family left to go home to……They say if uou make a vision board of what you want and focus and work toward that you can achieve that goal. When I first met him and on the second date and it was so magical and he was already talking about me moving in and me seeing the possibilities I made a vision borad about getting married. Thak God it wasn’t him but I still have it because it is what i want just not with him. God gives you freewill but he also protects you from making the wrong decisions….

I guess I am rambling today. My mind is in a million different places. This site has saved me. I don’t even remember how I found it. I don’t know what I was searching ti get here. I know it was not sociopath because I never would have put that term with him. I suspect that it was that same guardian angel that gave me the pamphlet and her name is Hope. She is such a beautiful angel. I gave her that name because i knew she would inspire people. When she died she had over 200 students from her school come to pay their respects to her. She was a great artist and was getting ready to go to art school. Now I know she is just painting pictures in beaven…again I am just rambling…

Thank you Ladies for listening. You srrength a courage that you told from your stories is amazing. I don’t know how you lived with these people for 20 years and are able to stand up and walk away. I have so much respect for your courage and strength. You are amazing. There is just no other word to describe what you did. It is like David slaying Goliath.

I hope that y’all are having peace in your life, hope in your heart, and quiet after the storm. My uou have a very merry Christmas.

Thank you y’all for being there for me. I have tried to talk to people even my best friend of 33yrs doesn’t understand the suffering and devastation that I went through with this person. I won’t call him a man because he doesn’t deserve that title, a real man would do such things. I guess the part that I miss and want so much is not him but the person that he portrayed. The idea of what i have been missing in my life, but didnt know how much until I met him. I know I would have never ever had actually married this person. I know this because when he bought me that ring all I did was sit there and pray over and over for it NOT to be an engagement ring. So jf you are wanting to really be with someone that is not how you would have felt. I was thinking. How do I say no. I guess my point is he hurt me to my my core and in the beginning before he started to do thise awful things I would have married him in a sec but once the mask fell away and the true person appeared I knew he had the face of evil. I remember telling my best friend that he was sent by the devil and he was nothing but a demon in sheep’s clothing. That is why i am so angry with myself for not being able to break free from him and him being able to lure me back over and over. I don’t have to worry about no contact because now that he is done and he admitted that he never loved me he knows he has no chance coming back so I don’t think I will ever here from him. He’s not on Facebook so no contact there and we live 1 1/2 from he other so we won’t ever run into each that way. I’m looking to move back to my home state of Florida in the summer so that will put 2000 miles between us…..I don’t want him. I want to be with someone that truly loves me. That has a family that i can be with. I miss that so much since my entire family is gone. That’s what makes this Christmas so very hard. I truly have no family left to go home to……They say if uou make a vision board of what you want and focus and work toward that you can achieve that goal. When I first met him and on the second date and it was so magical and he was already talking about me moving in and me seeing the possibilities I made a vision borad about getting married. Thak God it wasn’t him but I still have it because it is what i want just not with him. God gives you freewill but he also protects you from making the wrong decisions….

I guess I am rambling today. My mind is in a million different places. This site has saved me. I don’t even remember how I found it. I don’t know what I was searching ti get here. I know it was not sociopath because I never would have put that term with him. I suspect that it was that same guardian angel that gave me the pamphlet and her name is Hope. She is such a beautiful angel. I gave her that name because i knew she would inspire people. When she died she had over 200 students from her school come to pay their respects to her. She was a great artist and was getting ready to go to art school. Now I know she is just painting pictures in beaven…again I am just rambling…

Thank you Ladies for listening. You srrength a courage that you told from your stories is amazing. I don’t know how you lived with these people for 20 years and are able to stand up and walk away. I have so much respect for your courage and strength. You are amazing. There is just no other word to describe what you did. It is like David slaying Goliath.

I hope that y’all are having peace in your life, hope in your heart, and quiet after the storm. My uou have a very merry Christmas.

HI mzpris15, I was the same. All of his friends were getting engaged & when my ex h talked about marriage I literally just ignored him. I had zero interested in marrying him (even dating or moving in with him). He then got his guy friends to talk about it & all I said to them is that is was for us to discuss privately not with friends. It was a very short conversation.

Then he had a party not long after & popped the question in front everyone. No ring..nothing was planned. He just got drunk & then asked in front of 70 people. I literally left the room & went to the bedroom and cried. Im not a crier by nature like that so it was a HUGE RED flag that I ignored. I never did tell him “yes” or “no” for that matter, I was in complete shock. He gave me his ex fiancé ring the next day (he lied about the reason why they broke up, learned the truth only after I left him). When I told him I would not wear that ring & said he would get a new one. But it was all lies.

I told him that I did not want to get married for 2 years that we should just be engaged but he said that he wanted to get married that summer (6 months) & did not want to but I felt stuck as he suckered me to move in with him not to long before that & I was scared to leave him because he told me if I ever left him he would kill me. It’s so crazy looking back that I did not want to be with him…he actually looking back is not even the type of guy I was attacked to. So crazy how they manipulate to get what they want & use pity play manipulation to con you deeper into their hellish life.

You were very very wise not to marry him. YOUR GUT ALARM WAS WORKING!! And you did not let him sucker you into marrying him. Thank goodness.

You thinking that he was the “devil” is another indication that your gut alarm is very accurate. I thought my ex was tornado the first time we meet thru a friend & the second that he was crazy. Boy was I right. But I was young & allowed him to drive me right into his hell. I have witnessed over all the years married that he is a master at getting what he wants & very quick about it. Looking back it’s absolutely shocking. I met two people in college that were similar to him and kicked them out of my life extremely quickly because I believed in my gut.

Everyone is angry with themselves for not listening to their alarm. But you must remember that these people are con artist…they know how to push the right buttons to get what they want & to spin everyones head. The are also masters at pathological lying, gas lighting abuse, brain washing etc. The reality is most people have never been exposed to these people long term.

It takes time to forgive yourself. I think it’s the last stage of healing (acceptance).

The lovebombing they do is also masterful. I wanted to leave my ex everyday that I was dating & married to him. EVERYDAY!! But he had my head so twisted up that I felt like I could not even remember how to breath on my own. This is what these people do they keep crossing your boundaries to get what they want. And after a while you just give in because you dont want an argument you just want peace from their craziness.

I’m sorry you dont have any family. Breaks my heart. How about your best friend? Can you go to her home for christmas?

RED flag for next time…is if someone wants to move in quickly with you or wants to borrow money RUN RUN RUN away from them that second!!

Your daughter touched some many lives. What a blessing to have so many students come to pay their respects. I think she is painting too 🙂

Please no need to say “I’m rambling”…we have all vented, typed to clear our heads & asked questions with everyone on this site. It’s part of the healing to get it out of your mind.

Merry Christmas to you too!! 🎄🎍🎄

(ps keep posting here if you want even on Christmas day) Take care.

@cloud79. In my case, after I decided to stay on as a sort of guard dog to protect our
son from his rages (the lawyer I consulted stated only broken bones would be enough
to gain custody and even then it was iffy) we lived separate lives. He’d harass and abuse
me and try to abuse our son, but he also go and binge watch TV and go on many unnecessary conferences (where I think he probably had many brief affairs)

I’ve had the misfortune to know a number of socioopaths through him as they do find each other. From what I’ve observed they have unusual marriages. They either live
essentially separate lives (such as my own), or the spouse is a total enabler or turns a blind
eye to their “adventures” The spouse will create a sham of a marriage for the sociopath to
have walk in cameo parts such as “loving husband at Christmas party”. They are short
lived appearances never more than a few hours and off they go again to whatever new
adventure they’re pursuing. As many spouses, especially men, can work long hours and
therefore have limited time with the family, the marriage can seem “normal” to outsiders and even to the spouse who always hears how lucky she is to have such a helpful and successful spouse (I heard that a lot–very common for women to hear about abusive
partners)

My former husband I think planned to “find someone” and had put a lot of effort in minimizing the both the costs and entanglements of divorce before he acted (buying
a house, spending vacations, spending every day speaking with her multiple times)
I remember watching him emailing her while we were at his parents house, he was so
smug and happy. So yes I think some of these guys are planning for years to swing from
the marriage to a new partner and for whatever reason it generally doesn’t work out and
it goes haywire for everyone including the sociopath.

The “lucky” affair partners who land the man or woman so the speak end up where the
former spouse was in time. The only exception to this seems to be when the sociopath has
lost his or her charms and settles down finally with their permanent nursemaid, financial
supporter, Mommy figure– whoops! I meant spouse.

The wives like me who get it, but are stuck for whatever reason, don’t do such a good
job at creating the sham marriage. We’re going through the motions looking for a way out and getting abused along the way. Either way the boiling rage is there for either
type of spouse. Look at Scott and Laci Peterson. If it’s any consolation you got away without the terrible entanglement of children and his wife is lucky as well to be getting out.
It doesn’t minimize the pain though, when they’re “there” for you it’s really really great. It truly is an addiction. When they put you through the mill and your life falls apart it’s insanely hard not to pine for those moments of closeness. Its like they are both the disease and the cure

That they do it deliberately is infinitely diabolical. it is a constant seduction betrayal abuse reseduction cycle. During my attempted “friendship” with my former husband, the cycle would run through in several days, sometimes hours. It was heartbreaking and totally confusing, even though by then I thought I knew what he was all about. His behavior very much resembled the stories from Checkley’s accounts. The mighty hook he found to reel me in was wanting to be a good father. After what I’d been through, he had me hook line and sinker. Ugh!!

Betta,

Oh so true. They only ‘stay in one place’ when they start to lose the ability to play the game. Otherwise, it is the same fate for any new ‘partner’.

Hi Betta… Yes they do have unusual marriages. They look at marriage as a “contract”. They do not look at marriage as a union but rather as a requirement to appear normal in the eyes of the public. Perception to them is everything. They emulate feelings. They do not have any real feelings of their own. They take on a persona but that quickly shatters. There lives are smoke and mirrors. They love to appear “mysterious” at best. Therein lies all of their secrets and all of their deeds. They hide behind the guise of having a wife and children while doing nothing for them and living their separate lives.

I call these wives “props”. They take them to events and they indulge them with an occasional expensive gift which buys them a coupe of free passes to do whatever they want with. They do in fact have many brief affairs because they are extremely fearful of being revealed. The entanglements with others cause them much distress and it involves a lot of work. They already have a hard time leading one fake life, much less two or three. I call their brief affairs, “hit and runs”… They target and love bomb specific types of women, women they think will not get back at them and/or have nothing to lose. They rarely keep them around for long. They drop them with no notice and return to their “constructed life”… They later realize that without that high, they have nothing.

They go in search of another victim. They need the fuel. I was married to my former husband for over 14 years and while I always found myself wanting to leave, I stayed for our son. I was never truly in love with the grand narcissist. I was very young and fell for the sham, hook line and sinker. He was all fake. Many affairs that I couldn’t prove (or didn’t care to prove) until his last entanglement 8 years ago wherein she had other plans for him. She became pregnant and there was nothing that could get him out of that mess. The woman was married. I contacted her husband. All of the marriages were over. She is a sociopath as well. Its a match made in hell.

I remarried 6 years ago and he is so normal sometimes I wonder if its even real 🙂 There are many normal men out there.

They are diabolical people. They intentionally hurt and destroy people in an effort to feel powerful. They are eternal punishers (even when you don’t care). No contact is the only way to go. I did not love my former sociopath husband but my son did. I stayed for my son. I had no attachments (I am not co-dependent) but did think of what divorce could do to our son. When we got divorced, he divorced our son as well.

My current husband has taught him what a man is supposed to be like and behave like. It is a very toxic world, I see many other women live in it. I thought it was just normal to be alone a lot being married to a man in his profession. No it wasn’t normal at all.

I was thinking about sending the wife a book about sociopaths . Not sure if it’s a good idea. I don’t want her to misinterpret the gesture. However, I want her to know how dangerous he is and how he manipulated both of us.

Cloud79,

I warned the three mistress my husband had when I finally left him (I’m sure there were more that I didnt know about). I felt that it was the right thing to do (even now), as I not only feared for my own safety from my ex but once I found out he was a sociopath I feared for these women safety as well.

I sent a letter to one that was out of state, stating that I had filled for divorce and wanted nothing more to do with him. I put details of his abuse in the letter, his womanizing, pathological lying other info & told her that I did not care if she was with him or not. Told her also that I would never contact her again (which I have never done so). She dumped him immediately as she had zero clue he was married. I know this only because my ex called me yelling at me for sending her a letter.

One I called as she knew we were married & even saw us together frequently. I told her he was a sociopath & directed her to Lovefraud. And the third I sent her a email. She was to far brain washed by my ex and just belittled me in a return email. Which was fine. I gave her the truth & told her one day she would know that I was protecting her with the truth & she would soon find out that he was a pathological lying serial cheater sociopath. I planted the seed of truth in her mind for when she was ready to see the truth beyond his manipulative lying.

Not sure what ever happened to any of these women because I never looked back after letting each know. My only intent was to warn them of this evil man I had been married to & hoped & prayed that they would come to love fraud & learn the truth.

I personally think that warning the others is the right thing to do under certain conditions:

1) that you are in a safe location where the sociopath can not retaliate and hurt you. Your safety comes first.

2) you do it anonymously for your safety. If you live in a different town then mail the book from his town so that he can not trace who the book came from. Add a little note stating “Does your husband met these traits, if so contact your local abuse center for an exit & safety plan out of your marriage”. (or something to that effect)

I’m in another country so he can’t do anything. I have never been afraid of him , even on that night when he was walking around the house with a loaded gun . Although now I know he was trying to intimidate me by doing this.
I remember when we were talking one day on FaceTime before I went to see him in Michigan he said that when I get there he will kidnap me and keep me in some shed in the woods. I started laughing and then he said “You think I’m joking? I really mean it”. Now I think that maybe he actually was thinking about doing it. There are so many things I should have told her attorney when I talked to her in September but I didn’t because I felt sorry for him or I didn’t think they were significant at that time .He sent me a message today out of the blue. Just saying “I’m sorry”. I’m ignoring it.

Hi Cloud79, believe what he stated & protect yourself. Such a scary statement he said to you!!! My ex h use to say that he could kill someone, dump the body in the woods & no one would ever know. At the time it was startling to hear such a comment so far from my mindset…also at the time I thought that he had done this before…like a serial killer type…and I was scared for my safety. I look back and I think this was part of this tactic to make sure I never left him. Control my fear. He was shocked when I finally did leave him and stated in an email after he received divorce papers that he thought we were going to work things out. This after I found out that he had been with 3 woman & sent emails to 2 others (not sure their relationship with them).

These sociopath are so manipulative with their pity play and their belittling of the wife that it’s normal I think for friends & the other woman to “feel sorry for them” that is their ultimate game plan because once they have your empathy they can manipulate you even more. Power & Control over you.

It’s never too late to send a letter to her lawyer with the truth. Again as long as you are safe.

ps BLOCK him from your email account Cloud79..this is the only way to have peace & calmness in your life. He will always contact you & attempt to love bomb you back into a relationship with you. When I ignored my ex h emails at the time I left him he would bombard me with emails. Once I blocked him & changed my phone number he got the picture that I would never return to him. Do the Same with this guy!!

SLAM THE DOOR SHUT ON HIM FOREVER by blocking him!!

Cloud79,

It is a good idea to change your #. At first I didn’t change mine, because I was afraid to not ‘keep track’ of his mood. I felt like if I didn’t have a finger on the pulse, so to speak, that I was in more danger. This really turned out to be more a function of PTSD that a real threat.

When I did finally block all contact my healing did accelerate. Knowing I could not be contacted actually helped my nervous system to readjust out of a constant state of hyper-vigilance.

Thank you Jan7..I would to go see my best friend but she is 2000 from me and I have to work on Christmas. All I can do is pray everyday for God to send me the person that he wants me to be with. Everyday i cry but a little bit less than the day before. I think it is a cleansing of the soul. He was so toxic that I have to get rid of that toxicity some how. It is a relief to wash away the thoughts and memories of this person. I’ll keep doing it one day at the time

mzpris15, you’re Welcome!! It’s amazing how much the body can produce in tears…it really is. Never in my life did I think I could sob daily for hours. But one day it just stopped. The body & mind know how to heal itself if we just let it do it naturally & not over think the process.

Yes, “cleansing of the soul” (aka our mind)

good plan = one day at a time…some days just one hour at a time works too. 😊

take care!

Hi Cloud, ditto what everyone else is saying about blocking him. If I hadn’t been dealing with my toxic in laws trying to leverage our upcoming divorce into to
gaining summers with our son (and possible permanent relocation to their country) I never would have been tempted to listen to his empty promises about becoming a good father.
The whole thing was insanely traumatizing so akin to those stories from Checkley
I’ve also had the same experience as silmone with wanting to keep a pulse on whats
happening to gauge moods/possible future actions and it is very triggering for PTSD.

I would send info to his wife only if you’re sure he won’t find out. It might make her mad and wish to confront him and she might just slip and let him know it was you. He could become enraged by being unmasked Sending info to her lawyer like Jan suggested could be forwarded to her anonymously without anyone the wiser.

wpDiscuz

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