Lovefraud recently received the following letter from a reader:
My ex has almost all the characteristics I have read on your site. He lies habitually, is financially irresponsible, and lets the burden fall on friends and family, and he started to burden me from the beginning financially on a small scale. I had hints in the beginning that he was a jerk when he disrespected my father (I wasn’t sure at the time if it was on purpose, or inadvertent), but at the same time it was confusing because he seemed so pleasant, helpful and charming. He also cooked for me every night and helped me with my kids, but as far as work goes, he was lazy and lied about working at times. He borrowed small amounts of money from me, which I stopped lending him right away; I was not stupid about him in that respect. At the end he lived with me for 4 months, and never contributed much financially, that’s one reason I ended it finally. And the lying got to be too much; I don’t know what I was thinking. I do not know of any infidelity, but I suppose it’s possible.
His family actually admitted to me that he lies all the time, that’s just him. He finally admitted it to me in a round about way that he does lie, but he said that his family finds it “endearing” of all things!!
He also got psycho when I broke it off, just like in your article — he even admitted himself to the hospital complaining of heart problems. He was there 2 days and was then sent home as being fine, and they sent him home with Xanex. While he was there he called me for pity, saying he was there because I broke up with him.
But what throws me off a little is that he appears to be, if anything, abnormally attached to his daughter. It seems overbearing at times. Later in our relationship I saw sometimes total disregard for her in other less obvious ways, which I found off. The other thing that throws me off is he was very physically affectionate with me, and very clingy, almost codependent that way. And he does have friends from childhood who live out of state (who I have met) but he’s lived in Florida for about 10 years and has no real friends here. He is very close with his family.
Could he still be a sociopath???
Psychopathy syndrome
Psychopathy, also called sociopathy, is a syndrome. A syndrome is defined as “a group of symptoms that together are characteristic of a specific disorder, disease or the like.”
The key symptoms of psychopathy, according to Dr. Robert Hare, are the following:
- Glib and superficial
- Egocentric and grandiose
- Lack of remorse or guilt
- Lack of empathy
- Deceitful and manipulative
- Shallow emotions
- Impulsive
- Poor behavior controls
- Need for excitement
- Lack of responsibility
- Early behavior problems
- Adult antisocial behavior
However, not all psychopaths have all the symptoms. Plus, psychopaths can have the symptoms to varying degrees. For example, some—perhaps the one described in the letter—may not have a pronounced need for excitement. They may be content to find some chump to support them and then sit on their butts. But if the person had all the other traits—well, he or she may very well have the personality disorder.
Holding on to hope
I’ve heard from several Lovefraud readers who seem to be holding on to the hope that a person is not a psychopath because he or she doesn’t exhibit one of the behaviors. One woman said that although her boyfriend exhibited all the other traits, he never tried to get money from her, so maybe he wasn’t really a psychopath. Another wrote that her boyfriend would kiss her with what seemed like such depth of emotion—how could he be lacking in empathy?
One of the markers of a budding psychopath is that as a child, he or she is cruel to animals. My ex-husband, James Montgomery, seemed to love animals. He owned several dogs and took mine for a walk every morning. He brought home four exotic pets—a hedgehog, two sugar gliders, and a chinchilla. Once the chinchilla got loose and caught his foot in a humidifier, which sent him into shock. My husband performed chinchilla CPR, and the animal recovered. Did any of this make him less of a psychopath? Absolutely not. He was quite happy to take a quarter million dollars from me, cheat on me throughout our short marriage, have a child with another woman and then commit bigamy to marry her.
Don’t quibble about one missing trait
So, here is how I replied to the letter above:
There are degrees to which someone can be a sociopath—some are worse than others. It is also possible to have several personality disorders or conditions at the same time. This is called “co-morbidity.” Your ex definitely sounds like he has sociopathic traits, but he could also have other problems.
The attention paid to his daughter could be for show. Sociopaths often act like they care—when it is all a charade. The fact that he also disregarded her is telling.
Sociopaths are highly sexual. It may be difficult to tell whether there was actual affection involved.
Whatever his problems are, it is good that you are away from him.
If someone has come into your life who has most of the symptoms of a psychopath, don’t quibble about the one or two that may not be very pronounced. When most of the traits are present, run, don’t walk, for the nearest exit.
His mother is there daily….and aunt/uncle and cousins occasionally.
Trail is due to last 3 weeks….2 weeks in already.
The Gf is now the EX. She is due to testify today.
Prosecution should wrap up their case today.
Hi family is silent, no facial expressions, not even when they take him in/out of courtroom….no ‘connection’….
THIS is odd to me.
When arrest first broke….gf took a lot of heat in the media. A lot of judging.
Gf shared her conccerns with a friend who reported it to secret witness….it pointed cops in a good direction.
The child had DNA sample taken, which matched the DNA from victims…..which led the defendents to his arrest.
In the video, he says to her….why did you lie. She said lie about what.
He was referring to letting them take DNA from the child.
He was attempting to place blame for his situation on HER!
(If YOU hadn’t of given our sons DNA, I wouldn’t be HERE right now).
SPathy.
Yes…..from reading reports and interviews from his family….they stand behind him. His sister has stood up and been very vocal.
They say he is NOT a monster he’s being portrayed as.
His family history is very spath conducive. Abusive, mentally ill father….abandoned by mother here and there for different men…..ya know the gig.
I think…..unless I am an alibi to someone (verifiable by ME)….I would never support on character alone……these days…..once a doubt is in my mind…..I don’t ignore it!
But….I do see how I have to be very conscious of this too….it’s easy/easier to ignore…..
There has been way too much happen in my life that I would have NEVER dreamed it would have gone that way.
So no assumptions about someones innocence anymore here.
I would believe anything these days.
Well, Thanks Erin B, I am so glad it is the GF’s fault he was arrested because the Perp’s DNA was found on the victims and it matched his kid’s DNA and guess what—-it is her fault all together cause he killed these girls (1) if she’d been a better GF and given him what he needed he wouldn’t have had to get his sex somewhere else and (2) SHE ratted him out by letting the cops take the kid’s DNA so you see it is ALL THE GF’S FAULT! She has NO loyalty. Sheesh I thought you could see that! LOL
It is sort of P-ish I think for them to refuse to take a plea and to go to court and try to beat DNA and DEAD ON EVIDENCE. My P son refrused to take a plea in the first (robbery) trial, and I am not sure he was even offered a plea in the murder trial, but he went to trial both times. I was not allowed in the first one (he had his lawyer put me as a witness which excluded me from the courtroom so I couldn’t hear the evidence) and the murder trial he lied to me about when it was so I was not there to hear the evidence—he did NOT want me to hear it.
You know I wonder if there is something in a group of Ps that makes them refuse to give up hope of “beating” a charge in court ,even when the rest of the world could see they had NO chance. OJ did but he had the race card and zillion dollar lawyers and so on to help him, most Ps aren’t so fortunate.
Is it they think they can get off or is it the ATTENTION they get by being in court? Or both motives?
What a scumbag coward………..EW……………
And, YES………..let the jury see what he did! My dear god, but he brutally, viciously, and heinously killed those beautiful girls in cold blood. Taint the jury’s perceptions? WELL maybe that’s what’s NEEDED, here! (snarl, hiss, spit)
Oxy,
I’m not even sure they think about ‘beating’ something in court. I think they believe their own rewriting of history….so it didn’t happen and will take care of itself, of course I will ‘get off’.
I do think any attention is ‘good’ attention in their minds…….Not sure they can decipher.
It’s like the celebritys saying……as long as their talking about me.
Or any press is good press.
(hmmm where did THAT statement come from?).
As long as your in the news, you know your being thoguht of.
Prosecution didn’t wrap today….expecting Monday. Defense has about 45 witnesses to call on. I’m thinking another week or week and half to closing.
New evidence came out today…..reminded me of those odd statements spath used to make about things like 911 or devastatiing situations……totally inappropriate.
Defendant told his supervisor on the day they found her body, “the bitch probably deserved it”.
then asked for a voluntary lay off…..he had ‘drama’ in his life he was sick of and wanted to leave the state.
This was the second time he asked. It was granted and he left the state and sold his 2 year old truck in another state…..the vehicle identified in the rapes of the 2 girls.
When his boss entered the witness stand, james Biela smiled at him…..as if to say….’hey bro’. spath speak for….dude, don’t throw me under the buss!
BTW…..he is only charged with 1 count of murder….not all the girls. 2 were raped (outside of the murder victim). 1 rape V. was kidnapped also.
Monday should be interesting with the GF due to take the stand.
KOLO will have the live blog up….but no audio/video.
I think in a case like this….they ‘earn’ infamy by going to trial.
whether guilty or innocent (found).
I’m sure the judge had a ‘reason’ for his ruling……and today a detective ‘slipped’ the word pornography out…..and there was a big kafufal about it. They decided if they broached it with the jury it would bring more attention to the porn issue…..so they just let it go as an innocent slip.
Maybe it was….maybe it wasn’t.
The judge said…..he didn’t want the word to reflect ‘character’ of defendent in jury’s mind……this is how society judges people….by character….so why does it not matter in criminal trials……
This is how we ‘build’ up to the realization of ones we know are sociopaths…….past and current behaviors…..
In society….we don’t take things ONE behavior without connecting others we have seen.
Buttons….yeah….he is a scumbag. I can’t imagine how his GF feels duped…..the ‘why, why why’s’.
She also has a teenage daughter…….cant’ imagine how this has affected her whole family! DAMN HIM.
Oh hey……spath is back in FLorida now……
his travels havn’t slowed down ONE BIT since his arrest.
He goes in a circle…..between 5 states 3000 miles apart….and then some.
I felt better to know this……BREATTTHHHHH!
Here is a bit on the background of James Biela.
Here is a picture of his Bio father Joe Biela. (YIKES).
http://ktnv.images.worldnow.com/images/9423882_BG3.jpg
This link is how his family speaks of him. picture is of mother and step father.
http://www.rgj.com/article/20100511/NEWS/5090361/A-son-goes-on-trial-Biela-s-mother-says-He-s-not-the-monster
His history of trouble. Military discharge/TPO’s etc….
http://www.denverda.org/DNA_Documents/Familial_DNA/News%20Report%20re%20Biela.pdf
That’s another characteristic of socios….they always have to be running somewhere….anywhere.
That’s all my sister-in-law does is run all over town all week long.
If she consolidated her trips, and actually planned things out ahead of time, she could get it all done in a day.
But, that would be too easy….and organized.
I think their chronic boredom gets the best of them, so they are in a constant state of run-around.
It makes them look busy to the unsuspecting on-lookers, like they are actually doing something (illusion).
Plus, I think they like being out “on display” among the public.
After all, they love to be seen.
It feeds the narcissism.
Is this James Biela trial in a state where we can “fire up Old Sparky” if he’s found guilty???
Because I say, “Let’s Fire up Old Sparkey.”
Rosa…. NV is a lethal inj. state.
http://www.deathpenaltyinfo.org/methods-execution
Alabama Effective 7/1/02, lethal injection will be administered unless the inmate requests electrocution.
Arizona Authorizes lethal injection for persons sentenced after 11/15/92; those sentenced before that date may select lethal injection or lethal gas.
Arkansas Authorizes lethal injection for persons whose offense occurred on or after 7/4/83; those who committed their offense before that date may select lethal injection or electrocution.
California Provides that lethal injection be administered unless the inmate requests lethal gas.
Colorado Lethal injection is the sole method.
Connecticut Lethal injection is the sole method.
Delaware Lethal Injection is the sole method. Hanging was an alternative for those whose offense occurred prior to 6/13/86, but as of July 2003 no inmates on death row were elligible to choose this alternative and Delaware dismantled its gallows.
Florida Allows prisoners to choose between lethal injection and electrocution
Georgia Lethal injection is the sole method. (On October 5, 2001, the Georgia Supreme Court held that the electric chair was cruel and unusual punishment and struck down the state’s use of the method)
Idaho Lethal injection is the sole method as of July 1, 2009.
Illinois Lethal injection is the state’s method. However, it authorizes electrocution if lethal injection is ever held to be unconstitutional.
Indiana Lethal injection is the sole method.
Kansas Lethal injection is the sole method.
Kentucky Authorizes lethal injection for those convicted after March 31, 1998; those who committed the offense before that date may select lethal injection or electrocution
Louisiana Lethal injection is the sole method.
Maryland Authorizes lethal injection for those who were sentenced for a capital offense on or after 3/25/94; those who were sentenced before that date could select lethal injection or lethal gas.
Mississippi Lethal injection is the sole method.
Missouri Authorizes lethal injection or lethal gas; the statute leaves unclear who decides what method to use, the inmate or the Director of the Missouri Department of Corrections.
Montana Lethal injection is the sole method.
Nebraska Electrocution was the sole method until the Nebraska Supreme Court ruled the method unconstitutional in February 2008. In May 2009, the Nebraska Legislature approved lethal injection.
Nevada Lethal injection is the sole method.
New Hampshire Authorizes hanging only if let
hal injection cannot be given.
New Mexico Lethal injection is the sole method. New Mexico abolished the death penalty in 2009. However, the act wasn’t retroactive, leaving two people on the state’s death row.
North Carolina Lethal injection is the sole method.
Ohio Lethal injection is the sole method. In November 2009, they adoped a one-drug protocol, using only sodium pentathol.
Oklahoma Authorizes electrocution if lethal injection is ever held to be unconstitutional and firing squad if both lethal injection and electrocution are held unconstitutional.
Oregon Lethal injection is the sole method.
Pennsylvania Lethal injection is the sole method.
South Carolina Allows prisoners to choose between lethal injection and electrocution
South Dakota Lethal injection is the sole method.
Tennessee Authorizes lethal injection for those whose capital offense occurred after December 31, 1998; those who committed the offense before that date may select electrocution by written waiver.
Texas Lethal injection is the sole meth
od.
Utah Authorizes firing squad if lethal injection is held
unconstitutional. Inmates who selected execution by firing squad prior to May 3, 2004, may still be entitled to execution by that method.
Virginia Allows prisoners to choose between lethal injection and electrocution
Washington Provides that lethal injection be administered unless the inmate requests hanging. In March 2010, the state announced an option for inmates to choose a 1-drug protocol.
Wyoming Authorizes lethal gas if lethal injection is ever held to be unconstitutional.
U.S. Military Lethal injection is the sole method
U.S. Government The method of execution of Federal prisoners for offenses under the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act of 1994 is that of the state in which the conviction took place, pursuant to 18 USC 3596. If the state has no death penalty, the judge must choose a state with the death penalty for carrying out the execution. For offenses under the 1988 Drug Kingpin Law, the method of executions is lethal injection, pursuant to 28 CFR, Part 26.
Oklahoma really covered all it’s bases…..
Don’t get arrested in Oklahoma…or Utah.