I received email from a woman whom we’ll call Adriana:
I am told I am a very beautiful, intelligent, fun, woman, but that is all subjective. I am 61 years old but pass for late 40’s; good genes. I have been divorced for 10 years and engaged once during that time. I have dated so many men and feel that I have no purpose because I can’t find “him.” I don’t find most men attractive don’t have chemistry with them and I don’t want to settle. I have not been successful in love at all and have tried to look within myself to see my faults but the truth is I just want to love and be loved.
Anyway, I am so tired of dating and getting my hopes up each time I meet someone I really am attracted to. I was setting up a booth for a trade show and a man from the booth a few down came by and gave me a bottle of water (he is a manager for a water company) and I said thanks and did not really pay much attention to him — he was ok looking.
The next day he was all dressed up looked so nice and he came to my booth looked me dead in the eyes and said “so where are you taking me to lunch?” I was so charmed by his approach and of course we ended up having lunch and then went out that night, but he conned me into dinner than back to his apt. Where he put the move on me. I am a savvy woman, but I must have been stupid. We spent the weekend together and he began to change plans on me, would get all emotional and cry but I never saw any tears, anyway bottom line is he is a liar, he never asked me for money ever, but the rest of the stuff on your sociopath list he is guilty of.
Everything is about HIM AND ONLY HIM, I think his cold hot actions were to throw me off and keep me under his control. Anyway my question is how could I have such deep feelings for this man I have known for two weeks, and if he is only like eight out of your 10 markers does that mean he is not a sociopath? He has done so much damage to me that I prayed to die. I feel worthless, unworthy, lonely, and I still miss the jerk.
I tried to level with him and told him no more games, I wanted to be loved and he said he could not give me that now. That was the first honest thing he said to me I think.
Please help me figure out if he is or is not a sociopath.
Adriana’s first question was, “How can I have such deep feelings for this man I have known for two weeks?” The answer: Adriana was the target of calculated seduction.
She didn’t provide a lot of detail about her interaction. But a man who walks up and says, “Where are you taking me to lunch?” has obviously targeted her. So I assume he also employed the rest of the strategies in the sociopath’s playbook, such as love bombing and the sudden soul mates tactic. I explain them all in my book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath. The bottom line is that for two weeks, Adriana was probably subject to over-the-top attention, and she responded.
About her second question—If Adriana saw eight out of the 10 Red Flags of Love Fraud, then that’s warning enough. It doesn’t matter if the guy doesn’t completely qualify as a sociopath, he certainly qualifies as bad news, and that’s exactly what I told her.
Emotional void
But reading this email, I was more concerned about Adriana’s frame of mind. She came out and said, “I feel that I have no purpose because I can’t find ‘him.'”
This is precisely the type of emotional void that a sociopath will happily step into.
I am not criticizing Adriana. I know exactly how she feels, because I once felt the same way. I was smart, successful, attractive, looked younger than my years—and none of that made any difference to me because I was without a partner.
The emptiness in my heart was certainly palpable to me—and perhaps to the sociopath as well. James Montgomery quickly figured out that I was an easy target. He complimented me, poured on the attention, proclaimed I was the woman he’d been waiting for all his life, painted a shimmering picture of how wonderful our life together would be—and I swallowed it all, hook, line and sinker.
Vulnerabilities
Sociopaths specialize in preying on lonely people. So if you are walking around with a big hole in your heart instead of the fulfillment of love, imagine that you are also walking around with a big, red target tattooed on your forehead. KNOW THAT YOU ARE VULNERABLE.
Sociopaths have an uncanny ability to sense emptiness. For this reason, if you feel lonely, it is critically important that you know the Red Flags of Love Fraud. Because sociopaths all seem to use exactly the same strategies and tactics, I’m beginning to believe that involvements with these destructive individuals are totally preventable, if you know what to look for, and, if you spot the signs, you get out.
But you also need to know yourself. Sociopaths target vulnerabilities, and there are many more vulnerabilities besides loneliness. You can be overly trusting. You can be wounded from past betrayals. You can be suffering from grief.
Vulnerabilities are not necessarily flaws. We are all vulnerable in some way. It’s part of being human. In fact, we must allow ourselves to be vulnerable in order to have a fulfilling relationship. But we must recognize that vulnerabilities also leave us open to exploitation by sociopaths.
Red Flags of Love Fraud Workbook
To help you become aware of your vulnerabilities, and recognize when someone is trying to take advantage of you, I put together a companion for my book called the Red Flags of Love Fraud Workbook, which is available exclusively in the Lovefraud Store.
It’s a small book—only 40 pages—with checklists and questions to ask yourself, and spaces to record your answers. Its purpose is to enable you to think carefully about your internal reality, so you can strengthen your resistance to predators. And if you’ve already been snagged by a sociopath, answering the questions will help you figure out how it happened, and what you have to do to get out of the involvement.
The key to keeping sociopaths out of your life is to know that they exist, know the warning signs, and know yourself. The two Red Flags of Love Fraud books give you the tools you need to stay safe and healthy.
Lovefraud originally posted this story on May 28, 2012.
Escaping the sociopath and battling B.O.B.
Why don’t we woman realize that a man will not make us happy??? (And the other way around as well, gender wise).
Perhaps therapy is in order for us to deal with our issues regarding this way of thinking.
Only WE can make ourselves happy. If you rely on someone else to do that, the relationship will NEVER work, whether the man (or woman) is a spath or not.
We can be happy and fulfilled all on our own.
Woman have been brain washed since childhood that we have to find our “Prince Charming” to have a full filled life. Books like Cinderella are brain washing little girls. These books teach little girls that a Prince will love bombs us and that this is the only way to be happy!
YES!! These books teach us that love bombing with flowers, gifts, cards etc is the guy that really likes us or loves us and that he will swoop us up and we will ride off into the sunset and everything will be wonderful. And that we need this. Even Hallmark has got into the act with making us believe that Valentine day is needed to full fill our hearts.
We don’t need a guy to have a happy life. (And a guy does not need a woman to make him happy). You must learn to make yourself happy!!
Guess what, little boys are not reading Cinderella stories! They are not brain washed to do these things. What are boys reading brain washed with = warrior & hunting type books and later with sex magazines like playboy.
But some how because sociopaths do not know what “normal behavior is” so they pick up on “girl flicks” movies and learn how to love bomb.
We all have been brain washed to believe that we must get married because that is the “proper thing” to do and required by our society. But in reality 50 percent of first marriages fail (second marriage 65%/third marriages 75%).
Why marriage still the norm with these statistics??
Would you put your money in a bank that 50% of people would lose their money?
NO.
We all need to learn to fill our own hearts up with joy. Not depend on another individual to do this. Once you get to this point, you don’t need to find the “one”. I think it’s better to find solid good friends and find hobbies and other activities to fill your time and get a pet if you want home companionship.
With social media these days, I think it is becoming near impossible to find a good solid love relationship. One that would last your whole life. I have read that 75% of 12 year old teen boys have looked at on line porn. That porn is twice as addicting as cocaine. And that most adult males look at porn on a regular basis. This is all brain washing them to put sex over a relationship.
And teen girls are being brain washed to watch porn also. I was just flipping channels and there was a teen movie where the teen girl and guy were talking about watching porn on a regular bases. Crazy world we live in. There are too many ways for people to connect online to cheat. That I think if is really hard to find the “one”.
My advise is to start a new hobby, learn something new that you have always wanted to do and that way you are not “looking for the one” and then might just find someone for good companionship that will lead into a loving relationship. But in the mean time you lean to fill your own heart & soul.
Perfect response! I tell women this all the time! It has taken me years to recover, learn, and become safe and happy. You and I Jusr might have been married to the same person! lol! Spaths are so much alike and it’s funny your words are exactly what I would say to someone in that situation today.Perhaps women who hook up with these devils are somehow alike too!
It’s natural to “want to love and be loved,” which is a real need for all human beings. However, a romantic/marriage relationship is not the only situation wherein one can both give and receive love. Love among friends, family members, colleagues, anyone with whom we interact in meaningful ways, is real love. It can be a great blessing to find a good romantic/marriage relationship, but there are many people in the world who need love and hugs in other types of relationships. It’s worth considering cultivating these relationships for the benefit of others and oneself.
When I escaped the sociopath, I deeply regretted neglecting my friendships and family relationships. It was a loss to others as well as myself. I recognized anew the value to these relationships, especially against the backdrop of the horrors of the spath experience.
Mature women in western society are brainwashed to believe we need to scramble to find a man or we are spinsters and losers, so we lower our standards and put up with things that bring us down. Even the most enlightened mature women are vulnerable to this thinking because it is so pervasive in our culture. We are brainwashed to believe we are unattractive and undesirable, when in fact, nothing could be farther from the truth. Menopause is the greatest freedom from this preoccupation. Now we are in a new phase of our lives where we can do what we want. We are free to create, without the constant preoccupation with finding a man. It’s sobering because you can finally base your decision to spend time with a man on the enjoyability factor and what HE has to offer YOU, rather than the other way around. Lately, I’ve been making some women friends who are able to listen, respect me, spend quality time with me, and take an interest in my life more than any man I’ve ever been with. It’s wonderful. My new friends have raised the bar for any man who wants to be part of my life. He must have the same qualities.
So true Stargazer!!
We are brain washed so much as a young child & adult. So many “myths” from religion to family, that keep us stuck in our mindset even though we see the truth.
Myth for me was “marriage is hard work” & “divorce is not an option”…they forgot to tell us that marriage to a sociopath is a nightmare way beyond “hard work”. This myth keep me in my marriage trying to fix the relationship when it was never going to work. And also they forgot to tell us that “YES!! Divorce is the only answer when married to a sociopath!!!”.
I think that is key = surround yourself with like mind individuals that will life you up vs dragging you down. So glad that you have found a great group of new friends. What a blessing!!
When I was a teen & young adult I thought I was too picky when looking for a boyfriend, when looking back as an adult. I realize now that I had strong boundaries set up without even knowing it. I dropped my bar when dating my ex h. I had zero interested in dating him, moving in with him or marrying him & everyday I wanted a divorce. He know (like all sociopaths) how to get his way with everything even though I saw the red flags the first second I met him (literally).
Wish I would have run from him.
.
Redwald, a sociopathic man masquerades as our Prince Charming. I think it’s very possible to have boundaries and high standards pre-sociopath, but sociopaths are con artists. They can con us into lowering our guard and lowering our standards. It happens without our even being aware it’s happening.
Stargazer, I realize that can happen, that the cunning con artist can pass undetected at times, or with some people. However, what I found striking in Jan’s account was that she did see the “red flags,” yet proceeded in spite of them. “Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead”? It sounds as if this guy didn’t even look like a “white knight,” even from the beginning. A “gray knight,” to say the least!
Apart from that, there are quite a few people who end up with one abusive partner after another. There’s something “different” about those people that at least (in Donna’s terms) is making them far more vulnerable to these predators than the average person is. I know it’s not always for the same reason, but it is a phenomenon that needs explaining. It’s obviously to anyone’s advantage to find out if there is some “hidden reason” why they’ve been ending up with personality disordered partners, and do whatever they can to prevent it from happening again.
I will let Jan speak for herself but I think the type of brainwashing she is referring to comes from society. All women are are subjected to that. There is also a certain amount of programming that comes from our individual DNA and upbringing.
Thank you Stargazer for your words. Much Appreciated!!
I have spoken with many people who have been involved with multiple sociopaths, even when they didn’t really want to be involved with them. Why? I think it’s due to the severe emotional damage they have already experienced, often originating in childhood.
It’s not stupidity or a character flaw. It is an indication of the depth of the wound, the amount of psychological and emotional pain the person is carrying. Sociopaths target this pain, promise to be the salvation, and the person is wounded again.
The answer is always self-healing. That’s why it’s best to truly recover before looking for a partner. Unfortunately, many people who have been victimized just want to feel better quickly, and hope that a new relationship will offer that.
Donna, I believe there is more to a sociopaths con game then just targeting of “wounded people”. I was not “wounded”.
When I finally escaped my ex, I was lucky enough to find a individual counselor. When I asked her if my ex was “brain washing” me she said “YES”.
So began my search on brain washing but more importantly “unraveling brain washing”. This search lead me to Steven Hassan’s book Freedom of Mind. As you know Donna through your own write up of this book (do a search on Lovefraud) Steven himself was manipulated into a cult and with the help of his family & former members of that cult he escaped.
He returned to college obtaining his Masters Degree in Counseling. He also did extensive research on how & why someone gets sucked into a cult. Through his work I have learned that all sociopaths & psychopath are cult leaders, who can quickly suck someone into their cult (whether it’s a one person cult like domestic abuse or a million cult following like say Church of Scientology). He states that it can happen quickly within 30 min to days.
He also states that ANYONE & EVERYONE can be sucked into a cult or domestic abusive relationship!!
That the biggest time for someone to get sucked into a cult or domestic abusive relationship is when they have SOME TYPE OF LIFE CHANGE.
ie a breakup (Which happened to Steven), empty nest, divorce, moving to a new town, new job, new school, going off to college etc.
For me = moved to a new state for a new job. Big Life change!!
He was a friend of a friend. That friend came to town to visit me & invited my ex h to my home. It was with in seconds that I thought he was a “tornado” the second meeting with him I thought he was “crazy”. I was lonely. However there was NO “emotional wound to heal”. I simply hung out with him & his large group of friends. My ex is the type of sociopath that could easily have a million followers. He is a masterful manipulator. He sucks people in within minutes of meeting them. He has met strangers and had them working on repairing a roof within 30 minutes of meeting them. Later these people said “One minute we were just talking & the next thing I know I’m on the roof working, I dont know how that happened!”. They had zero roofing experience. This is one of thousands of stories of just how quickly he can suck people into his con game.
In the book Women who love psychopaths by Sandra Brown it clearly states that sociopaths use TRANCE & HYPNOSIS to con people. I witnessed my ex doing trance in divorce mediation!! Literally!!!!! I saw this!!!. It was absolutely eye opening in how he conned me into this game. It also made me realize that when I was a few weeks before from leaving him and he was trying to control me I refused to look in his eyes. Instead turning away. This infuriated him!! That was a powerful moment, a moment that looking back once educate that these evil people use trance & hypnosis. My ex h a sociopath used these techniques no doubt from the day he walked into my condo. He is masterful at getting people trained to run around doing things for him. He is a highly functioning sociopath.
He is masterful at using pity play manipulation, gas lighting abuse, reward & punishment, brain washing, mind control, install fear & phobias and every other tricker in the book.
NOT everyone Donna has a “wound”, some like myself simply let their guard down because I was in a new environment with a new job just like Steven States in his book Freedom of mind.
I just want to point out that tv is the biggest brain washing & mind control manipulation there is aside from radio & newspapers/magazines. ALL the adverting has manipulation technique to get people to buy their product and to make it habit forming. Then there is political brain washing to get people to vote for a candidate, there is government brain washing not all good ie Communist country = not everyone in a communist country is “wounded”, not everyone that votes is wounded”. Do you think all of the people in Germany & Europe who voted for Hitler to take office were “wounded”. NO they literally brain washed by Hitler. Read up on how Hitler brain washed most of Europe!! It’s scary how quickly they can brain wash people. Music songs can do the same thing. The illuminati cult has infiltrated Hollywood & the all music industry. Just start reading the lyrics of the top singers from Taylor Swift to Kanye etc. The Illuminati cult is connected to most if not all politicians, even the pope. All of these figures use the Illuminati Cult symbols in their music videos & speeches. BEWARE!!
I hope Donna, you will think outside the box of victims only being “wounded” when you talk about being sucked into a sociopath dysfunctional world.
As for Redwald I hope you will watch his post every clearly.
“By Steven Hassan, M.Ed., LMHC, NCC on August 5th, 2016
Critical Thinking, History of Manipulation, Manipulative Groups|2 Comments
Originally published in his 1988 international best-seller, Combating Cult Mind Control, the BITE model has alerted hundreds of thousands of people to the systematic use of undue influence in totalist cult groups. The BITE model has also been adopted by many scholars – ed.
On May 11th 1976, as a result of five days of deprogramming, I allowed the first truly critical thought about Sun Myung Moon to enter my consciousness; after some 27 months of fanatical devotion to his Unification Movement, I realized that he was a liar and not to be trusted.
While I was a junior at Queens College, recruiters had approached me, pretending to be fellow students, and flirted with me, making me think they were interested in possibly dating me. I had no idea that I was about to be exposed to the Moon cult: an incremental, systematic social influence system. However, I did experience a radical personality change and came to believe the “Messiah” was on Earth, Armageddon was imminent, World War Three was months away and I was being summoned by God to help save the planet and create a Kingdom of Heaven on Earth.
Aside from being away from the cult, sleeping well, spending time with “evil” ex-members (who were actually nice people), about the most helpful thing was seeing Robert Jay Lifton’s book, Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism: A Study of Brainwashing in China (Norton, 1961), and going through his famous Chapter 22 and his Eight criteria of how to evaluate whether a group was using brainwashing or “thought reform”- his preferred term. The model fit my experience of the entire system of the Moon cult, including the 3, 7, 21, 40, 120 day training workshops and the dynamics of membership.
I had the great good fortune to meet Dr. Lifton, who inspired me and encouraged me to study psychology, telling me that he had only studied the phenomenon second hand, while I had lived it: it was done to me and I did it to others, and that what I had described to him was a virulent mutation of what he had studied, far more sophisticated and dangerous. I went back to college and graduate school, read a slew of books and papers on social psychology, hypnosis, persuasion, and attitude-change. I met with many respected experts, and studied the works of many more: Philip Zimbardo, Edgar Schein, Joost Meerloo, William Sargent, Louis Jolyon West, and Margaret Singer (whose 6 condition model was later published in Cults in Our Midst), and dozens of other insightful people in this fledgling field.
The work of Leon Festinger and his Cognitive Dissonance Model (detailed in his book When Prophecy Fails) made so much sense to me and dovetailed with a model I had been taught as a Moonie recruiter. Festinger talked about Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviors, and how there is a natural tendency for these to shift in reaction to changes in any one of them to reduce the internal conflict, or dissonance. In the Moon cult, I was taught to identify people as Thinkers, Feelers, Doers, or Believers, and alter the way I approached someone to fit their particular orientation. Thinking, Feeling and Behaving seemed to me to be key. But I realized that there was one more major aspect: information. This is the actual fuel that people use to respond, to digest, and to maintain their “reality”- including the “cult pseudo-identity” which is created as a result of the processes of undue influence.
I first laid out this model of “mind control” in the original edition of Combating Cult Mind Control in 1988. Years later, I changed the sequence to the “BITE model” at the suggestion of my friend Buddy Martin – who told me to consider rearranging the order of the four components into an acronym so they would be more easily remembered.
The four components: Behavior Control, Information Control, Thought Control, and Emotional Control, and all of their specific sub-variables, name specific techniques and methods of influence, which can be used to analyze the healthiness or destructiveness of any relationship or group. Domestic violence victims, cult members – including terrorist cult members – and even victims of human trafficking are all controlled through these four overlapping criteria. The model has proven effective in determining whether or not a person has fallen prey to undue influence. People report BITE is simpler and easier to understand and use than previous models of Undue Influence.
I. Behavior Control
1. Regulate individual’s physical reality
2. Dictate where, how, and with whom the member lives and associates or isolates
3. When, how and with whom the member has sex
4. Control types of clothing and hairstyles
5. Regulate diet – food and drink, hunger and/or fasting
6. Manipulation and deprivation of sleep
7. Financial exploitation, manipulation or dependence
8. Restrict leisure, entertainment, vacation time
9. Major time spent with group indoctrination and rituals and/or self indoctrination including the Internet
10. Permission required for major decisions
11. Thoughts, feelings, and activities (of self and others) reported to superiors
12. Rewards and punishments used to modify
behaviors, both positive and negative
13. Discourage individualism, encourage group-think
14. Impose rigid rules and regulations
15. Punish disobedience by beating, torture, burning,cutting, rape, or tattooing/branding
16. Threaten harm to family and friends
17. Force individual to rape or be raped
18. Instill dependency and obedience
II. Information Control
Deception:
a. Deliberately withhold information
b. Distort information to make it more acceptable
c. Systematically lie to the cult member
Minimize or discourage access to non-cult sources of information, including:
a. Internet, TV, radio, books, articles, newspapers, magazines, other media
b. Critical information
c. Former members
d. Keep members busy so they don’t have time to think and investigate
e. Control through cell phone with texting, calls, internet tracking
Compartmentalize information into Outsider vs. Insider doctrines
a. Ensure that information is not freely accessible
b. Control information at different levels and missions within group
c. Allow only leadership to decide who needs to know what and when
Encourage spying on other members
a. Impose a buddy system to monitor and control member
b. Report deviant thoughts, feelings and actions to leadership
c. Ensure that individual behavior is monitored by group
Extensive use of cult-generated information and propaganda, including:
a. Newsletters, magazines, journals, audiotapes, videotapes, YouTube, movies and other media
b. Misquoting statements or using them out of context from non-cult sources
6. Unethical use of confession
a. Information about sins used to disrupt and/or dissolve identity boundaries
b. Withholding forgiveness or absolution
c. Manipulation of memory, possible false memories.
III. Thought Control
1.Require members to internalize the group’s doctrine as truth
a. Adopting the group’s ‘map of reality’ as reality
b. Instill black and white thinking
c. Decide between good vs. evil
d. Organize people into us vs. them (insiders vs. outsiders)
2.Change person’s name and identity
3.Use of loaded language and clichés which constrict knowledge, stop critical thoughts and reduce complexities into platitudinous buzz words
4.Encourage only ‘good and proper’ thoughts
5.Hypnotic techniques are used to alter mental states, undermine critical thinking and even to age regress the member
6.Memories are manipulated and false memories are created
7.Teaching thought-stopping techniques which shut down reality testing by stopping negative thoughts and allowing only positive thoughts, including:
a.Denial, rationalization, justification, wishful thinking
b.Chanting
c.Meditating
d.Praying
e.Speaking in tongues
f.Singing or humming
8.Rejection of rational analysis, critical thinking, constructive criticism
9.Forbid critical questions about leader, doctrine, or policy allowed
10.Labeling alternative belief systems as illegitimate, evil, or not useful
IV. Emotional Control
1.Manipulate and narrow the range of feelings – some emotions and/or needs are deemed as evil, wrong or selfish
2.Teach emotion-stopping techniques to block feelings of homesickness, anger, doubt
3.Make the person feel that problems are always their own fault, never the leader’s or the group’s fault
4.Promote feelings of guilt or unworthiness, such as
a.Identity guilt
b.You are not living up to your potential
c.Your family is deficient
d.Your past is suspect
e.Your affiliations are unwise
f.Your thoughts, feelings, actions are irrelevant or selfish
g.Social guilt
h.Historical guilt
5.Instill fear, such as fear of:
a.Thinking independently
b.The outside world
c.Enemies
d.Losing one’s salvation
e.Leaving or being shunned by the group
f.Other’s disapproval
6.Extremes of emotional highs and lows – love bombing and praise one moment and then declaring you are horrible sinner
7.Ritualistic and sometimes public confession of sins
8.Phobia indoctrination: inculcating irrational fears about leaving the group or questioning the leader’s authority
a.No happiness or fulfillment possible outside of the group
b.Terrible consequences if you leave: hell, demon possession, incurable diseases, accidents, suicide, insanity, 10,000 reincarnations, etc.
c.Shunning of those who leave; fear of being rejected by friends, peers, and family
d.Never a legitimate reason to leave; those who leave are weak, undisciplined, unspiritual, worldly, brainwashed by family or counselor, or seduced by money, sex, or rock and roll
e.Threats of harm to ex-member and family
In the new, updated edition of Combating Cult Mind Control I have a graphic of the Influence Continuum that helps bring together the BITE model variables.
The BITE Model of Influence
Using his considerable legal expertise and an understanding of cult tactics, emeritus Santa Clara law school professor Alan W. Scheflin has formulated what he calls “The Social Influence Model (SIM).” This model, which is for use in courts, provides an effective way of measuring the different factors that contribute to undue influence by addressing six specific categories:
The Social Influence Model
INFLUENCER (Identity and Status)
INFLUENCER’S MOTIVES (Purpose)
INFLUENCER’S METHODS (Techniques)
CIRCUMSTANCES (Timing and Setting)
INFLUENCEE’S RECEPTIVITY/ VULNERABILITY (Individual Differences)
CONSEQUENCES (Results)
Any judge can use this straightforward model to determine if a person is being unduly influenced and whether or not they need intervention, or should be held fully accountable for criminal acts. It is the hope of many in the psychological community that this model will gain recognition and be relied upon to help victims and their families during everything from custody battles to criminal and civil legal trials. If a person can be proven to be unduly influenced, they may be able to receive the care they need to regain full control of their minds and become contributing members of society.
The BITE model is a practical tool for assessing situations where undue influence may be occurring. It can be applied by anyone to any group they may have questions about. It is a way to promote critical thinking and the application of real criteria to relationships, whether with individuals or groups. It is a way of becoming an informed consumer, better able to evaluate a new group or enterprise.
It is my hope that the study of social psychology continues to evolve and that models like these make a real difference in the way we approach undue influence. Applying what we know now and moving forward we can make a lasting changes to the future of the human race. Those of us studying undue influence are dedicated to learning more and reporting our findings to anyone who may be able to use them. Perhaps one day, its warning signs will become commonplace and help for its victims will be more easily accessible.”
(If I remember correctly, Steven also mentions that not all come from i.e. broken homes or have trauma in their past, like him!!. If I remember correct he specifically states he came from a very loving family. I tried finding my copy to post exactly what he states. But I do know that he empathies ANYONE can be a vicim if they have had a recent life change.)
From the site Psychopathyawareness. wordpress. com with regards to Sociopath Trance.
Psychopathic Seduction and Hypnotic Induction
It’s no surprise that several experts on the psychopathic bond, including Sandra Brown M.A., show that psychopaths rely upon hypnotic techniques to seduce and ultimately control their victims: repetition; a mesmerizing tone of voice; inducing a total focus on them and the relationship with them; focused eye contact; the power of suggestion. In fact, there are even books on the market advising men how to seduce women via hypnotic techniques. All of this didn’t strike a chord with me until this Thanksgiving, however, when my family and I attended a hypnotist show.
According to the Wikipedia, hypnosis is defined as “a trance state characterized by extreme suggestibility, relaxation and heightened imagination.” Contrary to popular belief, unlike sleep, the hypnotic trance is not an unconscious state. Those under hypnosis are usually led into an extremely relaxed and at the same time highly focused state of mind, whereby they become very suggestible and prone to follow instructions.
The use of hypnosis for therapeutic purposes is referred to as “hypnotherapy,” while its use as entertainment, as in the case of the show my family and I watched, is known as “stage hypnosis“. Both processes, as well as psychopathic seduction, work in a similar manner despite their radically different purposes.
The hypnotist leads the subject or audience to a state of increasingly focused attention and a corresponding reduction of inhibition and of peripheral awareness. This intense focus, in turn, increases the subject’s response to the hypnotist’s instructions or suggestions. During the stage hypnosis show I attended, some of the volunteers were quickly eliminated because they were too self-conscious, or at least not sufficiently susceptible to the hypnotist’s suggestions. Others, however, including grown men, began to follow the hypnotist’s various instructions, which entailed (among other things) laughing at jokes that weren’t funny;
phonetically imitating Japanese rap (even though they didn’t speak a word of Japanese), and (the most ridiculous) clucking like a chicken while eating from the floor imaginary grains. All this seemed very far-fetched.
There was a rational part of me that was very skeptical about whether or not these individuals were in a hypnotic trance or just putting on a show, since after all they had volunteered and were now on stage. Probably at least some of them were just being good sports. However, thinking back to my own experience with the psychopathic bond, I saw some similarities that rendered the notion of the hypnotic trance quite plausible.
Just as psychopaths are natural social predators–with an instinct for who will be susceptible to their advances, how and why–they are also natural hypnotists. Psychopaths inculcate in their victims a nearly total focus on them and on the relationship with them by isolating them from others, discouraging them from other activities, and monitoring and monopolizing their time. They use mesmerizing techniques, such as staring into their target’s eyes, speaking softly and repetitively, and using the power of suggestion to get them to do what they wish.
Everyone involved with a psychopath or any other personality disordered individual is ultimately abdicating control over their lives. Being predatory and power-driven, psychopaths gradually gain more and more control over their targets. Hypnotic techniques, such as the ones described in greater depth in the article below, can be used for constructive purposes or for destructive purposes. In the case of psychopathic seduction, the objective is clearly destructive: the psychopath aims to control, manipulate and harm the victim, often also leading her (or him) to harm others in turn.
Take a look at the article below, from the website hypnotic-induction . co m /, to see for yourselves which techniques were used by the disordered person you were (or are) involved with to gain control of you, your will and your life. Perhaps these very techniques can be used by you to regain control and even improve aspects of your life.
Claudia Moscovici, psychopathyawareness
Dangerous Liaisons: How to Identify and Escape from Psychopathic Seduction
/ Dangerous- Liasons-Recognize-Psychopathic- Seduction /dp/ 0761855696/ ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1318095970&sr=1-1
The Seducer: A Novel
amazon Seducer- Novel-Claudia-Moscovici/dp/ 0761858075/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie= UTF8&qid=1326297451&sr=1-1
Hypnotic Induction
http :// www. hypnotic-induction. com/
Hypnotic induction the process in getting into hypnosis session, hypnosis is actually an enhanced day dreaming, subject should be aware in the voice of the hypnotist, not with anything else. A hypnotic experience will vary from session to session. The process is being done by letting the subject to relax, usually taking a deep breath then let them closed their eyes. Increase the state of relaxation by getting them to visualize a relaxing place. This could be a garden, a forest clearing or any place that could bring the subject into peaceful and tranquil place. Make this relaxing place vivid by exploring it with all the senses. Create a way of deepening the hypnotic state, usually by counting one up to ten. This deepening is often accompanied by getting the subject to takes steps down a set of stairs that you may introduce in the visualization.
Hypnotic Induction
That mentioned procedure above are usually enough to induce a state of deep hypnotic state but if your subject has been hypnotized before you may instruct them to go even deeper- direct command to go twice as deep often works well. A few physical relaxations are the most suitable thing you need to be done before starting the process. This will put your client into a very responsive state during the actual hypnotic induction process. You can use this to hypnotize other people or record a session to hypnotize yourself. But sometimes there are subjects that are hard to gone in hypnotic induction process; script is such a nice thing to use in this case. This script is such a good crap to bring your client into deep relaxation or whatever situation he/she want to encounter during process. This process is used in working hypnotherapy.
Hypnotic induction does not require a special power to hypnotize person. In fact, it is such natural states that people go into hypnosis regularly. The most common natural states occur while gazing into a fire or when driving. If you were to listen to some positive suggestions in these naturally occurring trance states they would have an effect on you. There are many things that have been found to induce trance, these include confusion, shock, repetition, focused attention, and relaxation. But mostly studied in the focus of relaxation, as it is the easiest way to apply the hypnotic induction without offending your client, the focused attention is such a great element to stop your clients mind in wandering during induction process. As it said, the induction process is all about getting your client relax and as many people have completely forgotten how to do this, you need to help them out a little. This event is such a best way for those bothered person who wants to relax.
How to use hypnotic induction
When we say hypnotic induction, there are several people who are expert in this field. One of them said that one of the common questions he had encountered was the question asking what the best induction is. Everyone hardly find a program or a script that are fast and powerful in urging a deep and effective trance. Various hypnosis instructors and hypnotherapist have their favorites methods and ways, each methods are best to used, what it matter is on the way they are going to apply it. As it said hypnotic induction is best based on person-by-person or situation-by-situation. Hypnosis involves two people; this event is something like conversation. But sometimes we want to accommodate more than two people in hypnotic induction activity. But the question is how do you become effective in inducing trance to more two people?
hypnotic induction techniquesWell, before going through a wide range of people, develop first your skill with different styles of induction, become skilled in noticing signs of trance because sometimes trance state is there but you haven’t notice it specially if you are new in this said activity, be attentive when you see or feel a sign of trance, and lastly, whenever you do something that works- focus on doing it more. If you do something new style then doesn’t working – move to another style that will work. The most common way hypnotic induction is asking your subject to relax the eyelids up to the point where they won’t open it anymore during session. But to assure that your subject is really in state of trance, try to asked your subject to open it, if their eyes will remain close3d even if they are trying to open it then they are on the way of deep relaxation. Every client has different subjects, sometimes there are subjects that is difficult to handle. Especially to those clients who are carrying a hard time in their lives. You may do a lot of ways to make them relax but still they won’t. But it is seldom too happened.
This hypnotic induction has been used to aid creativity, learning, mental and physical performance, concentration and memory. Using the brainwave technology, it was found that a certain combination of alpha and theta harmonics caused the most suggestible hypnotic state. You will need less session to achieve your goal, even the stubborn habits will be removed and you can program yourself as well. You can also used gadgets for self hypnotic inductions like mp3, CD’s, tape’s and more objects that can be used in urging trance. You can do recording of your voice and play it as background during session, in that simple way, you can create a hypnotic state.”
(There is more to a sociopath control over someone. They target everyone. They dont care if you have a trauma or not. They want to toy with everyone. They much prefer someone that is healthy minded without trauma so they can have more fun breaking them down emotionally.)
While no doubt a highly relevant topic, the comments thread seems to focus on older women and their susceptibility to sociopaths. I would like to interject that sociopaths can target women at all phases of life, and the feelings of loneliness that makes you and I targets can happen at any age. As for myself, since me ordeal (post-separation) began, I have become the primary (nearly sole) caregiver for two very very young children. While my heart fills for my children, I can still feel that nagging “void” of loneliness.
My little ones are wonderful people, but it can be difficult to only speak to toddlers for most of the day every day, and I often long for adult interaction. It can be overwhelming to think that everything that has to be done to keep the home and family going is my responsibility. It is hard to think that many of my interests, hobbies, and desires must be set aside until they are older. It pains me not to be able to share the little milestones of parenting every day with a partner. It would be easier and more enjoyable to manage all of this with a partner, and I have toyed with the idea of a relationship many times. While I heartily agree that we don’t “need” a partner to be fulfilled, when you are on the inside of parenthood looking out, it is certainly a tempting solution.
In the end, I have decided that the search for a partner takes up too much of my already valuable time, and I’m not willing to take the risk of how a stranger may interact with my very impressionable children. Not to mention, I’m far from healed from my experience with him. Thus, my void is still there to some degree. It will be a long time before I can learn to fill it on my own, but I am starting to try.
Nonetheless, that void still tugs at me. I think, though, it is not just any void, but a black hole that threatens to suck me into it if I were to allow it. I got sucked into it once before, until he “pulled me out” with his charms. But now there is so much more at stake. For my children, I’d rather be somewhat lonely than to allow myself life with a sociopath again. The gravitational pull of loneliness may be strong, but the threat of the darkness of the sociopath is much more frightening. After all, even black holes pull in light. The sociopath only reflects your own light back to you. Mimicking and mirroring your own heart and your own desires are his stock in trade, because he is in fact “void” personified. He has no real, relevant, or meaningful content of his own to contribute.
attached to Donna’s post & I dont know how to delete this post.
Redwald. Please do not in the future post a response to any of my post. Your behavior is a red flag that you are doing things my ex h a sociopath did to me.
I wish someone had sat me down, (at 18-19) and TOLD me, you ‘dont need a man/husband/boyfriend’ to be happy and fulfilled with your life. But, when you’ve NEVER dated, in HS, you are TOO shy to flirt with ANY guy, you dont have any pearly/engagement bling to show off to your friends..you DO feel like if you dont ‘get a guy’, you;ll be alone, OLD and unloved..my kind/sweet guy (blind date, fixed up by my dorm roommates) had enlisted in the Army..left me ALONE..(so I thought)..I was LONELY, felt like it would last forever..I wandered around tech school campus..and met the man who I should have run screaming from..or at least left and NEVER looked back..I had an emotional ‘hole’ and he took full advantage of my lonliness..I believed his lies that if I didnt stay with HIM..no one else would want me..they KNOW who and what they can use, manipulate and control..