Last week Lovefraud posted a new True Lovefraud Story about a con artist named Dennis SanSeverino. The creep pretended to be loving and rich long enough to convince his victim to trust him. Then he took her home and inheritance.
This story is a classic case of a sociopath targeting the vulnerable.
When the victim, Trish Rynn, met SanSeverino, she had just endured a difficult breakup with her boyfriend. In the months that they got to know each other—Rynn initially refused his many dinner invitations—he must have been listening intently as she chatted about her life. Rynn’s ex-husband was physically abusive. After the marriage ended, Rynn spent 10 years in court fighting child custody and child support battles. The strain sent her into clinical depression, from which she was just beginning to recover.
Rynn was vulnerable, and SanSeverino was attracted like a shark to blood in the water.
SanSeverino started taking Rynn’s money—under the guise of helping her, of course. When Rynn found herself in serious debt due to him, she slipped back into depression. That’s when SanSeverino took her house and the rest of her inheritance.
Sad stories made worse
Lovefraud has heard these truly sad stories over and over again: Grief-stricken people who have lost a spouse or a child, and then lose their insurance settlement to a sociopath. Disabled people who are targeted because they get a minimal subsidy from the government. People struggling to care for someone else—like children or elderly parents—who learn that the assistance promised by a sociopath makes their burdens worse.
And then there are the lonely. Anyone who is lonely for any reason is walking target for a sociopath.
Vigilance when vulnerable
It’s sad, really. When we have problems and need help, we want to be able to trust that offers of assistance are real. When we’re looking for companionship, we want to be able to believe that the person pursuing us is sincere.
But the truth is that when we’re vulnerable, we need to be especially vigilant. Sociopaths are predators, and wounded prey make for an easy kill.
Oxy, I know your right, he did not come by to look at the plane,
what’s he going to do with it? Strap it on top of his RV? lol
He probably came by to see if you are still interested,
most men/women like their ego stroked, spath or not!
Yea, it was ODD at the very least….he told me he had bought a piece of property on a small “air park” (a small airport with house lots for sale around it) up in Missouri (he is currently parked in MO he said in the Branson area) Yea, I think from just the way he said things that he had met this woman over the internet and he said he had “gone down to Florida to meet her” and then spent the winter down there so my GUESS is that he met her over the internet and then “got married in a fever” and he has “married in haste and is repenting at leisure” —not sure just how dysfunctional he is or she is, or if it is a “gasoline and fire” romance of two disordered folks getting together…whatever it is…I already know he is impulsive, irresponsible and not quite honest, so I DON’T NEED HIM IN MY LIFE. LOL
Not everyone who is somewhat irresponsible, impulsive or “slightly dishonest” is a psychopath, but I don’t want someone like that in my life for sure. Whatever his reason for stopping by, it may have just been an impulsive decision and no premeditated ill-intent, but whatever it was….my “WTF?” meter went off! LOL
i was vulnerable on many levels when i found the spath 2 years ago.
first – i had been struggling for about 3 years due to injuries, which forced me to give up my business, change almost all of the things i did in my life and how i could use my body. I had met an n and had a relationship with her (that totally confused me) that truly ended 2 months before i met the spath online. It ended in my kitchen with her in a fit of rage, pulling her fist in front of my face.
I had also lost a job that month the ex pulled the punch – an employer fired me when i ended up in the hospital due to mold levels in her business location. that’s a long and un interesting story. but suffice to say my immune system was struggling, i was tired and detoxing, and cognitively affected by the mold.
about 10 weeks after i met the spath i started a new job, where i endured yet another environmental injury. I also moved from my smoke filled apt. – into one that tourend out to have smoke issues AND formaldehyde and benzine off gassing issues due to the brand new renos –
i was vulnerable in EVERY way: sick, sad, cognitively affected, becoming more and more in need of help and was financially so close to the edge. Everything got worse as the weeks and months went on. the spath pretended to be ill – each aliment adding to the next, addding to her suppoesed untimely demise a few months later- the abuse of this was horrible – i suffered through 3 fake sugeries, and one day spent hours on the phone with her, trying to prevent her from killing hereself. Then, the fake death…..the abuse by the fake family members……………then the resurection.
I am still vulnerable – but I KNOW IT NOW. I also recognize that i am especially vulnerable during the time of year i met the spath; the same time of year i met the n ex. so this year, i stealed myself – and was very careful…hahha…and now the db neighbour has moved in about the same time of year! Fuck; i am going to rename february as ‘drama’, april as ‘trauma’, and october as ‘PTSD’! There IS a month by month corelation between the crap of the spath and the n ex.
so, a little down time today, and I am starting to put together my strategy for dealing with the db neighbour.
1. advice from landlord and tennant board/ act info.
2. advice from by law re person and dog noise
2. get appt and advice from legal aid lawyer
3. person to go with me to speak to db again, and deliver letter outlining problems and solutions – with cc to db landlord
(this will be difficult to find. I need a witness (will take my taperecorder also.) but also someone BIG enough to bring some ‘weight’ to the conversation.
4. notify landlord by phone and letter – this can become HIS problem if he fails to provide me with ‘reasonable enjoyment’ of my apt. sleep, hopefully falls into this category.
5. must figure out the time lines for all of these, as i have to follow whatever the process is.
i haven’t had much sleep the last two nights (stayed in a hotel) but it was more than the last month. I am so sleep deprived! Back to work tomorrow for about three weeks – and the search is on for more work.
I am tired. 🙂
my conference went well. 🙂 lots of good reports so far – although i was bossy/cranky with my staff of 14 (mostly volunteers) over the last couple of days. Not the ones who were performing well – but i didn’t have a lot of patience. I think i would have been like that to some extent, regardless of the sleep dep. I have such a big vision in my head – and sometimes communicating it is not possible or necessary in the moment – people just need to do their piece. ANd really, i don’t need to listen to their last minute ideas, nor are they to wiegh in on the owrkings of each others departments. It’s important for me to learn that when i am in charge of something that size it is quite alright to hold the reins tightly. I know that many of them had no idea that each of them asking non essential things meant that my focus would be pulled away from producing the event – but i am failry certain they do now. oe they just think i am a b****. 🙂 And if THAT is the case – then i have to learn to live with THAT. I want to learn to accept that i may not be sweet at these times, and also to reflect upon my managerial style during events, and learn from my experiences.
i am proud of what i accomplished. lots of accolades. flowers and beers, too. it’s those small things that mean so much to me.
i started this post talking about the spath, and ended it talking about me. spath:0 , one joy:1
Dear One/Joy
Well, frankly I think you are and have been for a while now SOUNDING SANE, which is a great big improvement from when you first came here….I hate to say anyone was as crazy as I was but you sure pushed it, sister! LOL
It sounds like you are FUNCTIONING as well, which at times is still a struggle for me, and I am GLAD that I do not have to make a living and function at a JOB, or raise kids because I’m not sure I could do it on a regular basis. You have my utmost admiration and so does everyone else here who is holding down a job, working with others, raising kids, etc.
Sleep deprivation is a biatch for sure—I can relate to that as had severe sleep apnea for years before I finally got it treated. There is a REASON sleep deprivation is used as a TORTURE FOR PRISONERS OF WAR….so you have no reason to apologize or to be ashamed of ENFORCING whatever laws are necessary for you to get some SLEEP in an apartment you pay the rent on.
Our emotional problems also DO come in cycles and it may be that lack of sunlight during the winter months causes SAD (seasonal affect disorder) I realized I had that years ago and treated it by getting outside during the day even on gloomy days and getting some NATURAL LIGHT. It does help to get that natural light. They make light treatments for it, but they are expensive and time consuming and hey, the outdoors is FREE so go for it. I notice even now that in early March when I start getting out more my mood brightens considerably. It also helps with sleep cycles as well. (even when there are noises)
I’m no big expert on sleep, but have done some reading on it due to my own sleep problems, but you can train yourself to sleep through terrible and loud noises as well. Also, as we age, our sleep cycles change and we sleep less hours as well as less deeply and have more awakenings during the night or NEARLY awakenings which we may perceive as “bad sleep” when it is actually “normal” for our age. Menopause also changes our sleep patterns, so you may have a multitude of different things effecting your sleep.
I am really glad that things went well for you at your event! Good luck on finding your next gig! I’m so glad to see that you are doing so much better over all! TOWANDA!!!!
This is a pretty good article that I must have missed or just forgotten with time. I remember not being that vulnerable at the time I met the jerk. What I remember being was confused and afraid because I had planned on giving up my job, selling and/or giving away all my stuff and just going to go east to Nova Scotia to work on a farm as a volunteer. That was what I was supposed to do a few months before I signed up on PerfectMatch and the jerk contacted me. Why did I sign up? Why did I try to find someone? I guess I wanted to find love or at least some attention and affection. Not only did I totally sabotage my project, I lost two years of my life trying to salvage what was left of my pathetic life. I had to get some money back in the bank even though I was going to work as a volunteer (which I did last summer, actually).
Also, I had almost gotten into a pretty serious accident a few weeks before I signed up and had decided that it was about time I started living my life a little bit (that near-missed accident was REALLY a close call). I had been alone for 10 years (and I mean ALONE) and even though I knew I was ok that way and didn’t really expect anyone to contact me, I must have projected something that made him rise to the occasion. I can just see hear him now: “Hey, here’s a victim, let’s just play with her a little bit!!!!” And play he did.
I hate having all these feelings rising back up to the surface now. It’s been over three years and I’m only starting typing about it. I guess that’s why what I just wrote sounds so confusing! Sorry! lol!
My sister sent me something today that I find relates well to psychopaths and how they need victims to prey on. It’s a quote that makes a lot of sense to me now:
“If subjects do not obey, leaders have no power.”
No, Stargazer…
You have no worries about getting action when you are older.
One of the defining psychopaths is sexual promiscuity.
And my guy did not discriminate, as you can see.
For him, though, I sensed more of an addiction to sex.
Either way, you’re covered.
Gee, if you lived next door to me, you, too, could have been serviced by the stud (LOL)!
No wonder my neighbor became all giddy around him! Geez!
Dear Trimama & Star,
I always say if we LOWER OUR STANDARDS ENOUGH we can have a man of our very own by midnight tonight (it is 9:00 pm. now) all we have to do is to go down to the local wino shelter and pick us out a MAN! LOL But you know, I’m not about to lower my standards one fraction of an inch! I’m done with that and if someone can’t meet my standards, to heck with him!
Thanks Oxy. I am in much better shape, but the sleep dep is pushing me into nuts again. i know a lot about insomnia and adaptations. The hardest things to adapt to is inconsistent, loud and sudden noise…which is what i am dealing with with douchebag upstairs. A lot of anger is coming up right now, and i want to say about anger: it is a sign that our boundaries have been violated; AND it is a sign of a sense of powerlessness. (Big dogs don’t need to bark.) My anger increases proportionately to how powerless I feel to rectify a situation. I have been thinking about that this week. I used to hate that big dogs don’t need to bark line. made ME go grrrr…haha, case in point! Means I have to give up self pity.
we heal when we sleep. that’s what our bodies do…anyone who is sleep dep will be dehydrated and their immune system will take a hit. My reactivity to chemicals, etc. has spiked again. Fresh air, sleep and water – they are our basics. Then comes heat and shelter, especially for us northerners. 🙂 This situation is hard, but i think i am learning some things.
I broke down a couple of times in the last week. weeping from tiredness, and now that i have time – for any number of things that need crying over. I need help. I have been alone too long. I need therapy, and I need friends. My lf friend CAMom is MIA again. (Chica, if you are lurking – your email addy is not functioning properly.)
Today is my 51 st bday. And i am healing from the spath. She however, is still a lying sack of crap evil *C*. one joy: 1 spath: 0.
Dear One/Joy,
((((hugs)))) and Happy birthday!!!!
Yea, I know about the sleep thing, and it is difficult to deal with anything when you can’t sleep, which is why they use sleep deprivation as a torture in prisoner of war camps. Been there and done that and am still working on it actually. (Sleep apnea therapy needs tweeking again and I am a DEDICATED BI-PAP user even if it does make me look and sound like Darth Vadar!) LOL Sexy, huh? LOL
Well, good luck on your situation. Any new ideas? (((hugs))))
(((One Joy)))
Big Birthday (((((((HUG)))))))!!
I hope you take the day to indulge yourself in rest and relaxation. You’ve earned it. Use the day to rest on your laurels of which there are many. Sit and simmer on the good things you’ve done for yourself and the gifts the universe has given you. A day like this will re-charge your gratitude which is the root of what prevents of from being spaths in the face of hardships.
I know I’ve mentioned it before: community accupuncture. It is found in cities all over the US. google it for a provider near you. It offers accupuncture in a community setting for a low price ~ $15. It was what helps me most when my body starts to feel off balance.