Last week Lovefraud posted a new True Lovefraud Story about a con artist named Dennis SanSeverino. The creep pretended to be loving and rich long enough to convince his victim to trust him. Then he took her home and inheritance.
This story is a classic case of a sociopath targeting the vulnerable.
When the victim, Trish Rynn, met SanSeverino, she had just endured a difficult breakup with her boyfriend. In the months that they got to know each other—Rynn initially refused his many dinner invitations—he must have been listening intently as she chatted about her life. Rynn’s ex-husband was physically abusive. After the marriage ended, Rynn spent 10 years in court fighting child custody and child support battles. The strain sent her into clinical depression, from which she was just beginning to recover.
Rynn was vulnerable, and SanSeverino was attracted like a shark to blood in the water.
SanSeverino started taking Rynn’s money—under the guise of helping her, of course. When Rynn found herself in serious debt due to him, she slipped back into depression. That’s when SanSeverino took her house and the rest of her inheritance.
Sad stories made worse
Lovefraud has heard these truly sad stories over and over again: Grief-stricken people who have lost a spouse or a child, and then lose their insurance settlement to a sociopath. Disabled people who are targeted because they get a minimal subsidy from the government. People struggling to care for someone else—like children or elderly parents—who learn that the assistance promised by a sociopath makes their burdens worse.
And then there are the lonely. Anyone who is lonely for any reason is walking target for a sociopath.
Vigilance when vulnerable
It’s sad, really. When we have problems and need help, we want to be able to trust that offers of assistance are real. When we’re looking for companionship, we want to be able to believe that the person pursuing us is sincere.
But the truth is that when we’re vulnerable, we need to be especially vigilant. Sociopaths are predators, and wounded prey make for an easy kill.
Hi mongo,
My son has complete apathy now towards his father..which is sad…because it is not what I wanted for my son, it is not what he wants, but necessary for his survival. Now, at 17, he is a kind, loving, young adult, As a young child I saw behavioral characteristics in him that matched his father….I had to instill proper values ie; we don’t make fun of someone for their weight, the way they are dressed, how they talk, where they come from, their race etc. Everybody has a story, every person is valuable.
If you are in a receiving mood for advice, may I add, always be on time, always be the one they can depend on, always be the one that they can talk openly with, be mindful to not criticize them for how they think or what they say, and make sure they know that anything opposite is not appropriate in an interpersonal relationship. I mean, I know it is so basic for us as good people, but as the normal parent – we have to be conscience at all times for that, it will be much easier for them to develop the reasoning and logic it will take for them to contend with their sociopathic parent. Contend with their own emotions, their own hurt, and leave an opening for them to come and talk to you. And at the same time, you are teaching them empathy.
I have asked my son “What if your father and I were two peas in a pod?” He says he would be goalless, no self esteem, dropped out of school and doing drugs. I just dropped him off at an inner city school where he is a “Big Brother”. I couldn’t be prouder!! He is so thankful that he trusts me completely.
Insightful posts and Mongo, your approach towards your children with the S is so heartwarming, especially good to hear from a man with such decent values. While we rant about our S’s we have to remember they are only 1 in 25 and there are 6 billion people on the planet.
I want to say that yes, if we are vulnerable they pounce, but the really clever ones get us to do the pouncing for them, by making themselves appear vulnerable, in need of our TLC.
Mine was so saintlike, in his devotion to his mentally handicapped daughter, the tragedy of his severely disabled son who was in an institution, that he stayed in a loveless marriage for 20 years, despite his ex’s many problems and repeated mental breakdowns.
Such a man.And so I rationalized breaking my cardinal rule of “no married men” after he had gently pursued me for several years. After all this poor selfless hardworking guy deserved some happiness too, no? And I was a single mom and lonely. He was at the pinnacle of his brilliant career. We married and had two healthy children. There were of course some red flags, he was being criminally charged for fraud, but none of it his fault you see. I stood by my man.
The fact that he dumped me emotionally the minute I was barefoot and pregnant took years to comprehend. He was pre-occupied with “business” stressed from work, I was blue, postpartum, too needy, whatever.
How could a person stay for 25 years? Well in my case, I always believed that deep down he was the most decent person, and deep down he loved me., and he had been faithful to me.
Why would a S stay with one person all that time, not go for new supply? Well it turns out I guess he did, only with men.
Sooo.. all those business trips and manly things he was engaged in ever so innocently.. while always appearing the doting faithful husbund, albiet, cold, emotionally unavailable, crisis making, constantly unravelling our lives and starting over, always on the brink of doom unless he, in his genius “came through” with the next deal, all that I put aside, not his fault you see, just lifes curve balls, and he was just working way too hard for the sake of the “family”, if only I could do more to help make him happy.
So, he went from his mother to his first wife and then to me, all the while living a lie. I was a good trade because I was way less trouble, and put on a much better show of having the perfect family with the perfect family man.
The closest he has come to a confession is when he took the mask off briefly during the very end, and scornfully, said, “So you mean to say you don;t have any skeletons in your closet? That makes you one of the few. Most people do.”
Of course my friends are mystified how I could reject this great loving husband, who even now insists he loves only me, wistfully telling them how maybe some marriage counselling would do the trick. How could I ditch such a wonderful guy? Must be cause the money ran out. Even now I keep his secret, and let him posture as the victim. But my children know, they see. It hurts so much that thier image of their dad has been shattered, but that is something they are dealing with, at least they can have the whole picture when they work through it all.
Is it true that he wants me back? The florist called today to say they had a Valentines bouquet to deliver. Sure he does. You see he is 65 years old, and for the first time in his life has lost his “cover” his useful prop, his rent-a-wife. For the first time in his life he has only himself for company and that is driving him crazy.
I know he is not done trying to destroy me. He is muscling in on all my friendships and making sure he gets plenty of sympathy. But I know the truth. I have nothing to be ashamed of except the extent to which I abandoned myself, and my truth is all I need. The real friends will make themselves known in time.
I am keeping a journal, a record, of the lies, the fake crisis, the attention getting look -at -me reckless thrill seeking B.S., just in case I ever get another weak moment.
One of the most useful things I have read lately about the path to recovery is to remember that the person you loved is not there. He is a “hollowgram” a construct, a cartoon. Don’t miss that which is not there. There is nobody home. Move on. There are plenty of worthy people out there.
Peace to all
Is
Hey eyeswideshut
I believe you said it best. The person you once loved is not home. When I exchange my kids with my S and look into her eyes its frightening. I dont know who this person is, and her eyes tell me there is nothing inside, like I never knew who she was. It is also clear that I am not able to comprehend what she is capable of and looking at recent history she will be relentless forever. The 1st feeling I get is like I am handing my children to a complete stranger, my chest tightens as I let go of the hands of both children as they get in the car of the S and drive away. The 2nd feeling I get is that the relentless cruelty will continue forever as she appears to show no sign if fear, sorrow, empathy, never being tired, never being worn down or bored or ever letting up on tormenting me and my children forever.
What a blessing to find this site. For months I have struggled trying NOT to tell my friends because I didnt want them to ‘think badly of him….. because he is so kind and generous’… but the problem was..how could I tell them of the prostitutes he bought back to OUR bed at OUR home when I was away ? Or the women he would hand his ‘business card’ to and meet up with them. The web-sites the sick and depraved ‘other-life’ that he got CLUMSY about… because he didnt realise that normal people have sensitivity and KNOW when the one they love is lying and cheating on them.
Its been the most terrible 4 years.. making excuses for him… dying inside with the most dreadful , real physical pain, and yes.. losing everything.. my job, money, self-esteem and pride. I am a broken woman… astonished at how he has destroyed me. And why is it that I cannot hate him? Strange…. I know now that the man I love does not exactly exist…. but I cannot bring myself to hate him. I just cant wait to be far enough away to no longer hurt.
I wish I could warn his several new ‘doters’… but you know, the only way I can cope with that is thinking..technically they stole him from me.. but hey..your turn will come young lady…. and then you will understand why he made ME sound so bad. It was not me..it was him . And I at least will heal and get better… he never will. I hope to grow old in peace and with someone ‘real and warm and trustworthy’… he may not… and who cares? I do! How weird is that… but when I discovered that he could and would never tell the truth and could and would never fail to find and have sex with someone/anyone….I just think he will never experience the love and true happiness that maybe one day I WILL.
I was a happy. stable, confident and capable woman when we got together.. the change in me is frightening, but my friends and this blog are helping me re-build……. and believe it or not.. his X-wife (second).. has been amazing. She could not let go.. for the reason s she didnt fully understand.. until one day we talked , by fluke, on the phone. She was so lovely, and knew him for what he was and told me the TRUTH about WHY she left HIM.. not the way he told me…. Now its my turn, she gives me strength because she truly understands because he did it all to her.
Day by day I feel a step forward and in those blinding unexpected flashes of pain and distress… I make myself think of the TERRIBLE things…not the bits I ‘love’ or miss…
One day I will be healed, and hopefully stronger as a result.
My son has been wonderful.. but children see everything in black and white!! If only it could be as simple as he makes it sound to get over it!
I hope he never goes through anything like this.
Thank you for listening. Friends are magic… but it is only those who have experienced this that TRULY understand. On reading some blogs I thought I must surely have written them myself!! From the smallest of details.. cutting off cold for days, to making me feel like a Goddess when he is going out to meet someone else.. then comes back to his Goddess again.. who is SO beautiful and all and everything he ever wanted. I WISH!!!!
Anyway…. a new day.. another step towards the peace at the end of this emotional roller-coaster.
Brokenup, your writing touched me, it has such clarity, I could almost step into your world and your emotions.
I have been on this site for 6 months and I dont know what I would have done without the support of my ‘invisible friends’ here. I feel I can really express myself here in a way that people understand and are supportive of towards wisdom and healing. Also I can keep expressing myself, the people here dont tire of us regurgitating our pain, they support us here. We are all treading the path of walking into the light. Many of the testimonies here have common threads, but we all seek to support one another.
Broken up:
You are not alone. I have only started posting recently. I was in a relationship with a man I work with for four years. Even when I found about the other woman that he took on his family vacations and the lingerie in his hamper, I still felt something for him. I didn’t want to see him get hurt even though he has hurt me financially, emotionally and personally. I still feel drawn to him when I see him. I guess part of it was that if I at least had him in my life, I wouldn’t be alone. I still need to get it into my head that he was never really part of my life. He had no plans to include me in his future.
I also considered myself stable, but I never knew men like this existed. I am a very trusting and caring person and I never thought that another person would take advantage of me, lie to me and take money that I couldn’t afford to give.
Beverly:
I find this website very therapeutic. I feel like such a fool getting involved with this man and not suspecting for so long that there was something terribly wrong with him.
HUMMINGBIRD,
This is a good post, and I am glad you brought it back up. I missed it somehow.
My P BF found me when I was still grieving the death of my husband, feeling like I was “old, fat, ugly, no one will ever want me again, ya da ya da.”
I was a SITTING DUCK with both wings broken and he offered me emotional shelter and comfort—I THOUGHT— what he was actually wanting was another “respectable” wife to cheat on! He had NEVER been faithful to any woman. Doing his best to have multiple women on the string at the same time. And, actually accomplishing this with some affairs lasting 8 or more years, and each knowing that she was not the “only”–each wanting to be the “only” but because he was “married” and “couldn’t leave the little wifey” they were willing to go on with the affairs–DUH–I still don’t understand that one.
Of course after the “wifey” caught him with his pants literally around his ankles, and tossed him out–she had suspected for a long time–he needed a NEW “respectable” wife to keep the girl friends in line!
After his divorce, one of his “harem” who was actually a married woman he had been having an intermittent affair with several times a year wanted to leave her husband and marry him. He, when I confronted him about this, took the MORAL HIGH ROAD, he said “Oh, no I could NEVER BREAK UP A FAMILY” I laughed and asked him “You screw a man’s wife behind his back when you and she are BOTH married, and now she wants to leave him and go with you, and you CAN’T BREAK UP A FAMILY? What have you been doing for five years sleeping with another man’s wife, and cheating on YOUR wife?”
He actually seemed to think he was taking the “moral high road” on that one. LOL
OxDover,
Moral High Road… that is just classic.
Bad Man was always trying to make me out to be an immoral harlot but when it came to him.. he had sex with “integrity.” That was his favorite adjective for himself.
He was also the “Minister of Compassion” but I never saw this part of him.
Anyway.. I better get ready for work. :o)
Humingbird1418. I felt a fool for getting involved with my exN, especially as he in no way was like the sort of man that I wanted to meet and my initial reaction to him was that he looked very aggressive. I think many of us have felt angry and foolish. But, when I think of other factors, I can be a little kinder on myself. I hadnt really been out with a Narcissist before so I couldnt make sense of the red flags. I hadnt learnt at that time to honour the red flags without having to make sense of them. Women are flexible and will often accommodate all sorts of behaviours and I bent myself out of shape innumerable times to invest in the relationship on the back of the empty and fake promises he was making. I hadnt had a proper date for 16 years, so I was flattered by his attention.
I came to realise afterwards, that the reason I felt comfortable with my ex, was that my father was a Narcissist and that was a very strong reason for me over riding my initial observations – it solved a riddle for me – I came to understand why my father behaved the way he did.
Aloha,
“yea, Sex with integrity”–like Eliot Spritzer—he must have too, because he didn’t run out of the BILL, he paid her! LOL
Or maybe Ted Bundy, I doubt that he faked that he loved them before he killed them so that was probably “sex with integrity” too.