In my previous two articles on this blog, I wrote that our awful entanglements with sociopaths often have a larger purpose—our personal spiritual growth.
This is an extremely difficult concept, especially when we believe in a benevolent God, universe, or higher power—whatever term you want to use—who only wants the best for us. Why, if God loves us, would he/she want us to experience the deceit, betrayal and destruction of a sociopath?
In my case, the terrible experience allowed me to unearth internal pain and disappointment that was blocking me from feeling love and peace. My sociopathic ex sensed the negative feelings within me, and promised to be the answer to my prayers and the fulfillment of my dreams. It was all, of course, a mirage, and he exploited me. But in the end, as much it grates on me to admit it, I benefited from the experience.
So, if interactions with sociopaths are beneficial, are we always meant to have them? Does God send us these predators for our own good?
Intuition
The answer, I believe, rests with our personal spiritual journeys. And how do we know what our journeys are supposed to be? Through our intuition.
Many, many of you have told me, or have posted on Lovefraud, that your intuition warned you, early in the involvement with the sociopath, that something was wrong. The story wasn’t adding up. You had an uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach, or the individual gave you the creeps. But, for one reason or another, you ignored your intuition and continued the involvement anyway—much to your regret.
This happened to me. Before I met my sociopathic ex-husband, who took a $250,000 from me, I was involved with another con artist. That time, I lost about $6,000. I clearly remember a very strong hit from my intuition—DON’T DO IT. But I ignored my intuition, gave him money, and lost it.
Individual journeys
Now, today I realized something important—my intuition never warned me that something was wrong with my ex-husband. On the contrary, when my logical mind perceived problems, discerned that he was lying to me, and I specifically prayed for guidance, asking what to do—my intuition told me to stay with him.
Why? Because getting involved with that particular sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan.
Tangling with a sociopath may not have been your plan. That’s why your intuition warned you about the problems. But you allowed yourself to be swayed by the sociopath’s charm and golden tongue, and you’re now reading Lovefraud, trying to recover.
If this happened to you, it probably means that your lesson is to listen to your intuition and heed its warnings. You may have missed the lesson before, but you never will again.
Sociopaths in the family
So what does all of this mean for people who have sociopathic family members? You were born into the family with them. You didn’t meet them, and have an opportunity to say yes or no to the relationship.
I’d say that in these cases, you probably were meant to have an opportunity for spiritual growth through the relationship. But at some point, the lesson may be over. At some point, your intuition may tell you that it’s time to let go and put the person out of your life.
Lessons don’t have to last forever. Growth can be achieved. When our intuitions tell us that we’ve accomplished what we set out to do, we can congratulate ourselves and move on.
“When our intuitions tell us that we’ve accomplished what we set out to do, we can congratulate ourselves and move on.”
HEAR – HEAR!
From my second date, I had this gut feeling about my x-spath. From that point onward, virtually every interaction with him included some bizarre action or comment on his part that left me thinking WTF…
My last email to him was not intended to be such. However, in some prophetic way I hinted at what I would soon discover, by alluding to the fact that we both had “issues” and that he should take care of his “because there are people who care about you.”
Two weeks later I would discover that he was hiding being HIV+, had multiple online profiles with slightly different details to cover his tracks, was into the most filthy and vile pornography, was attracted young guys and was most likely sexually compulsive, none of which you would think from meeting him in person.
I am not sure if I know what this post means. Our childhood tells us these bad feelings are ok cause they are familiar feelings.
It’s ok to ignore the warning signs cause we were told to ignore insensitive parents who just gave us a beating. And, then told to get that look off our face or we will really get what we got coming. Or even told to give the parent a hug after the beating.
I don’t see anything spiritual about this at all.
When I left my abusers. They would chase me down. Stalking and harassing me. I had dreams where I was being chased by the beast. The labored breathing of a large animal and the slapping of it’s padded paws hitting the pavement while it was chasing me. I had this dream over and over, night after night, and after every relationship.
There was nothing godly about it.
These guys are silver-tongued devils looking to devour virgins.
What I mean by virgins is the innocent and unsuspecting.
Jeannie812,
I’ve been thinking about how to respond to your comment.
I feel so sorry for what you endured in your childhood. I was not beaten, and I wasn’t stalked. Your dreams of being chased by the beast must be terrifying. I also think that the dreams reflect the real trauma that was/is within you.
I believe that pain like what you suffered gets stuck in our spirits, in our energy fields. It could be pain from our childhoods or pain from another time. Whether the pain comes from emotional, psychological or physical damage, it is real.
In order to heal, we must get rid of the pain.
How does this happen? This is where we see the spiritual journey, or the hand of God.
God doesn’t just take the pain away. We actually have to release the pain ourselves. God creates the circumstances that help us do it.
Unfortunately, the way in which this is accomplished seems to be backwards. Instead of just making everything better, God allows the circumstances to become worse, until we can’t stand it any more, realize that whatever we are doing isn’t working, and start looking for another way.
Just by the fact that you’re here at Lovefraud, posting your comment, saying that you don’t understand, means that you are in the process of doing it. You’ve had enough. You’re tired of carrying the pain of your childhood, and the subsequent pain of the relationships. You want it to end.
Your spiritual journey brought you to the support Lovefraud has to offer you. Read the articles, absorb the moral support offered by so many readers. Look for instances of hope and joy in your life, and nourish them. In time, you’ll be on the other side of the experience.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt deep inside that I was put here to guide my little sis. And how often I just ignore that feeling these days. Intuition, sure. Perhaps the best way to guide her is to not be there.
Sigh. I still want to take the short cut, not the scenic route through this “journey.” I don’t want the “process.” I want the next relationship I enter to be honestly wonderful.
Sistersister,
The bottom line in my experience with my ex-husband was that I had to stop trying to fix him, stop trying to hold him accountable, and just let him go.