A woman goes to the philharmonic in New York City alone. She meets a guy who is also alone. He asks her for a date, she goes once, doesn’t want to go again. She doesn’t return his calls. He sends an e-mail demanding to know why. Woman is so astounded she posts it on the Internet.
Read An investment banker’s cover letter for a second date, on Reddit.com.
Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.
I bowed out rather early last night, so I missed a lot here I really want (need) to talk about.
Sky ~ about your last email – Here is what I think the moron was saying, and at least now, thanks to you, I can recognize the tell also. – I know where you live and I know what you are doing, quote the raven never more. Scary !!
Oxy & Sky ~ I was afraid to say it yesterday, because I have read so many people who seem to disagree – BUT, Yes I absolutely think that my daughter believes the lies she writes, when she is caught up in the moment of the lies. Yes, she does it to gain the “kudos” of the people she has conned. I wish I would have printed out the comments she received from her myspace friends on this post. They were like “right on P/daughter, us good parents have to stick together”
After one such blog, where she talked about how abused she was as a child, left in a pool of her own blood, neglected, etc., one person commented that she wished she could get the P’s parents alone in a dark alley, so she could beat the sh*t out of them. She went on to say what an amazing person P had turned out to be inspite of her upbringing…….
And like you mentioned Sky, when she goes in for therapy (either court ordered or to have a psychologist who will back her up in court) she admits to all her flaws, demonstrates change and walks away leaving the Dr. feeling like he has seen a “miracle”.
Oxy, I can’t even imagine what you endure emotionally. And, yes I think your son believes he is a SUCCESS in life. His only problem is that his mother and the law constanly stand in his way. If they were out of the picture, the world would see what a GREAT person he was and how SMART he is.
In the years before I had ever heard of psychopathy, except for the Manson, Bundy types, I kept taking my daughter to therapists, discussing her “oddities” with professionals and I was constantly saying, “No, you don’t understand, there is SOMETHING MORE, IT IS JUST NOT NORMAL.” It isn’t all covered with the bi-polar and a half dozen other “possible” diagnosis. She is like two different people and one of them is seriously NOT RIGHT.
You can read this post and have the same feelings I do, even if you forget the “good mother” parts and look at what she is saying – SICK – SICK – SICK. Then there is another MASK, a girl that I really, really like. She is sweet, funny and plays she has great empathy. I once asked her boyfriend, you must know by now that she is crazy, she has gotten you into so much trouble and caused you so much grief, why do you stay with her? He said, “I know, but she does so many nice things for me.”
Enough rambling – I will write another post to Panther.
Hi Sky,
It’s okay. I do that sort of thing all the time, so I completely understand and was trying to practice communication too with non-insane people (now that I realize my life was riddled with wackos!). I’m still getting my bearings and I’m usually very oblivious to boundaries without meaning to be. My sister used to always say she felt like a wallflower growing up. That was her word. I always used “freak” to describe that feeling, but I gravitated towards wallflower types, and I still do. The off-beat type are more my cup of tea.
AND on a totally different note, your ex is CRAZY with a capital C! That note freaks the crap out of me and I just want to jump through the computer and smack him. And doesn’t he know that the plural for “cat” is “cats” and not “cat’s”? Also, doesn’t he know that the phrase is “in any event” and not “on any event”!?!?! He doesn’t trust your parents? Like you guys are comrades now since he doesn’t like them either. Oh, gosh, you guys have so much in common. I feel a campfire of love starting up just at the thought. I guess whoever has been providing his supply is getting fed up with him lately so he’s checking to see if anyone from his past can entertain him while he is low on cows to milk.
I know you’ve worked through a lot and become quite the spathinator since you escaped that maniac, but you wouldn’t be crazy if you felt a bit knocked off balance by this. Are you indifferent? Or is he ruffling your feathers? If my spath came out of the wood works right now, I’d spin for a loop. I just want to make sure you’re okay. You know we are here for you and if you need anything, just let us know. Just cause you’re like the spath guru in here (along with some other veterans), doesn’t mean you’re immune to this crap. He is just unnerving and he couldn’t take a clue if it was spelled out in bold writing and tattooed across his left hand.
Panther ~
First AGAIN & AGAIN, thank you so much. Your adult view on what it is like to be Aspie is, as the commercial says, PRICELESS. Any insight in how I can better understand Grand is PRICELESS. I cyber chat with another woman, in her 60’s who is an Aspie. I hope to convince her to drop on in on LF, she was married to a “P” and her parents were very N. She sounds just like you and she is so funny. She is a retired teacher, she taught kids with aspergers. How lucky those kids were to have someone with her understanding to guide and understand them. She told me when she was a child, after she left the house, she would take off her underware and wear it on the outside of her clothes. She just felt that is where it belonged. I loved it.
I know Sky did not mean to upset you in any way. I wanted to share with you that when I am in social situations, in particular a large gathering, I WANT to go hide in a closet or climb a tree. I understand the difference, I think, whereas Sky and I WANT to, you HAVE to. My Dad had these feelings so strongly that he would pass out if he could not “escape”. He was very shy and tried to hide it until it was too late.
As you help me with your adult expressions of the feelings, maybe Grand’s childlike version could help you explain it to people – it feels like I am going to die if I don’t do it. The child in you may see it as “life or death”.
Again, I can’t thank you enough.
We posted over each other. I wanted to say, maybe I was meant to be there for Grand because I really “dig” all the people who step to that different drummer. I have that quote framed and hanging in my kitchen.
Milo,
yep, that’s exactly what he is saying.
I think some seed planting is in order. I need to seed some disinformation….not sure exactly what yet.
I think that spaths consider themselves a success each time they get any reaction from any person. So whether it’s a prison guard smacking them or their mother crying, “it’s all good” in their eyes. It validates their importance because hey, they got someone to react to them.
Like an infant child that has no other value or goal to aspire to except the attention of grown ups, the spaths feel “successful” each time we respond to them. Imagine being so easily validated. Each day you would “succeed” multiple times. So of course you’d consider yourself a success!
Panther,
it does bother me, that’s why I post it. But it’s not really an emotional hit, it’s more of a nervous thing. He makes me nervous. None of us veterans are immune when we know how dangerous the P’s are. Sure we laugh at them, how could we not? they are such idiots. But we also take our safety seriously.
If you can think of any interesting way to seed some false information, I’m open to suggestions. I need to say something to my parents that they will pass along to my spath sister …etc…
Sky ~
Mine is trying to feel that “success” right now. She had me on the phone for over a half an hour last night. I am sure because Grand knew who it was on the phone, he decided to crawl around under the computer desk with the dog’s ball in his mouth, dog following, barking. I kept saying, I can’t talk now. No matter she needed to tell me a play by play of baking Christmas cookies and ofcourse how GOOD she is at it “I should be a professional baker” yadayadayada. The gray rock – that’s nice dear – oh, good idea dear, I gotta go, I gotta go – click
Called right back, was that your phone or mine, we got cut off. click – click – click my phone went mysteriously DEAD LOL
PS – her cookies are NOT good, trust me
Sky – You be careful. I don’t know what these emails are all about, but we all know they are not a good sign. Stay safe.
Sometimes, when you put the simple, stupid stuff down in writing, (like the Christmas cookie blab) it helps you pick your brain up off the floor.
Brain firmly in place, last year when I got the exact same Christmas cookie song, I later learned the night before she had been in jail for DV. hmmmmm The cookie song was to throw me off the trail. hmmmmmm
Sky, brain firmly in place, I think you should leave it alone, no seeds. Don’t play with the spath. Give him enough rope etc. etc. Keep ignoring.
ah… good thinking Milo.
yes, we have to always remember that when they move their lips they are lying.
Oh, I wasn’t thinking about replying to him, I was going to seed my parents with some false information about my whereabouts. Then he would “tell” me again that he knows where I am…. just thinking…
Skylar,
You could tell your parents you got married and are moving to New York City! So when the baby comes you’ll be all settled. Hows that for big fat lie?
Ahhh!!! P father just contacted me!!! I haven’t heard anything from him in years.
He claims to “love” me. Coming from him, what the f**k does that mean?
Sky, did they have a spath convention and decide collectively to try and get in touch with people who RAN LIKE HELL to get away from them and try to make us think they have honest intentions????
It’s my birthday, so he sent me a birthday wish on Facebook. I don’t know HOW he did that, because I have blocked all his FB accounts!!!!! When he learned I had blocked him a couple of years ago, he sent me a message telling me that I’m not very smart, because I didn’t consider that he has other FB accounts, so blocking him cannot stop him from contacting me. So I blocked ALL his accounts. I guess he made new ones!!!
Suddenly, I just remembered the P troll Michael who did the same crap in here.
I swear, and this will sound awful, but I really mean it: I will never sleep fully sound until the day he dies. It’s hard enough to get away from a spath that we meet in our life journeys, but to be BLOOD TIED to one of them….it’s like I can NEVER be completely away. He thinks he’s entitled to anything he wants just because he knocked up my mom and then abused, abandoned, and cheated on her. She left him and got rid of him. Being a P, he has enough reasons to feel entitled without adding the sperm donor element to it!!!! (Oxy, I took that from you!)
I am just gonna breathe, but I want to cry. He scares me so much. NEVER does he enter my life without hurting me. NEVER. Either he plays head games and calls me names for not doing what he wants, or he calls my mom and starts telling her what a bad daughter he has and then she calls me asking how I pissed him off this time!!!!
Advice? Anyone?
Shit, Sky, they really did have a convention. He had left me alone for almost ALL of my birthdays (even called on a day that was NOT my birthday to say Happy Birthday), yet WHY does he suddenly think he needs to contact me?!?!?!? He never bothered when I was a kid, teenager, etc. He randomly appears, then randomly vanishes, and expects me to be just sooooooo F**KING EXCITED when he finds the time to wander back into my life and shake my brain up again.
By the way, to all of you who have P or spath parents, I must sound like such a whiny baby right now. I don’t mean to belittle anyone else’s experiences. I know you’ve all dealt with this and some are still dealing with it. I just needed to come in here and vent to the only people who fully understand how this feels.
Milo,
Just a suggestion when she gets you “trapped” on the phone….Say “I gotta go” and hang up. If she calls back, answer the phone ONE time and say again, “sORRY, I can’t talk now, by” and HANG UP, LEAVE THE PHONE OFF THE HOOK then go about your business.
It sounds like to me that you being on the phone with her was upsetting to Grand (the dog and the ball bit) and he was doing what he was doing for attention and to distract you.
I would do what is BEST for him, rather than allow her to corner you on the phone…which is what she was obviously trying to do.
I know that you don’t want to ‘pith’ her off, but at the same time, giving in to her blather is upsetting to the kid so— P-dtr upset ??? versus Grand upset???? well let’s see which is the most important. LOL