A woman goes to the philharmonic in New York City alone. She meets a guy who is also alone. He asks her for a date, she goes once, doesn’t want to go again. She doesn’t return his calls. He sends an e-mail demanding to know why. Woman is so astounded she posts it on the Internet.
Read An investment banker’s cover letter for a second date, on Reddit.com.
Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.
Sky ~ hope you are still hanging around because I’ve got one for you. This is how much your insights have helped the MiLo family.
Last evening I went to run some errands, hubby got a call from P/daughter. She was calling 2 hours before Grand’s first band recital (5th grade band) to say she would not be able to make it. I should add, no surprise there, she has NEVER gone to one function of his, not one and he is 11. This is also after she won visitation a year ago and SWORE to him she would NEVER disappoint him again. Again, no surprise.
Anyways, hubby met me in the garage, before I even had time to turn the car off going – I played the gray rock, I played the gray rock!!!! Another faithful follower born….
ROTFLMAO!!
Milo, thanks for that vignette! it made my morning!
We need a link just for our spath jargon. The words we have come up with are so empowering in our daily lives. Each word makes it easier to stay sane in the crazy world.
Sky ~ if you knew hubby it would make it doubly funny!!! He almost always lets me take the calls from the P because he just can’t seem to keep his mouth shut, especially when it comes to hurting his “little buddy” (Grand). He was just so darn proud of himself.
You might also want to know he has shared the “gray rock” with everyone at the Sheriff’s department.
Milo, gray rock is DOUBLY good when you are required by law to communicate with them about the child. You don’t have the option of NC with her, and by being “boring” and NOT giving her a dose of DRAMA she is not FED, and we know that feeding TROLLS only makes them more powerful and stronger. Of course NC would be even better, but in cases where it is NOT AN OPTION, being boring is the next best things. NO DRAMA RAMA! How they do like to create drama!
Oxy ~ Do you remember those old Calgon commercials, Calgon take me away…. Maybe we should try and invent something to take the drama away. I’ll head up advertising!!
After hubby gray rocked her, she asked to speak with Grand, to explain to him why she could not come. Grand did not cut her ANY break, told her thanks a lot for nothing. (I could be wrong, but I think Grand really likes to give her a hard time and could have cared less if she showed up) After talking to Grand, she got hubby back and told him they WOULD come, because she didn’t want to hurt Grand. hahahahahahaha
Well you know the rest, they never showed up. Realizing her “Good Mommy Mask” had completely fallen off, she called when we got home, crying booohooobooohooo – car trouble, wouldn’t just know, poor babies. She asked if Grand was devastated – I said no, he hadn’t even mentioned it (which he hadn’t), he was more upset because one of the trumpet players blasted him directly in the ear with his trumpet.
The band was outstanding for only 3 months playing the instruments. Hubby and I are the lucky ones, we clap, we get to be proud, we get the lump in our throats. The hell with her.
Calgon – Drama Be Gone
Milo,
that is so disgusting! When she couldn’t get any drama from you and hubby, she decided to feed on her child!!
She set him up with her promises, KNOWING she wasn’t going to come. Then she attempted to topple him from the pedestal, that she thought she was placing him on.
OMG! What an insidious way to feed on emotion. She still wants to torture you, but she figures that if she can’t directly torture you, she can do it by damaging her child, who will then provide the drama in your house by acting out his disappointment. That’s why she asked if Grand was devasted.
I’m floored. I know I shouldn’t be, but somehow I am.
Grand seems to be taking it well, I hope you are right that he is just manipulating her emotions right back. Backspathing at such an early age, though, concerns me. No child should have to be in that position.
How do you explain things to him? How do you put things in perspective for him? What words are there that can make sense of it for a child?
Sky ~ You better believe it is disgusting! That is what she has done to him all his life, and you are right she is doing it to torture us (actually more me than hubby).
The reason hubby let her talk to Grand was to let HER be the one to tell him she was not coming, rather than us. In that way he could take his “nasties” out on her. In the past, in particular when the court/gal crap was going on, he would become upset and take it out on us, physically, pushing shoving hitting.
I agree, backspathing concerns me also and NO child should have to be put in that position. We insisted upon NO contact for five years, then she took us back to court and the court ordered visitation, against the recommendation of a psychologist, therapist and behavior expert. They all agreed that IF he MUST have contact with her, he had to feel in control. So, if he doesn’t want to talk, he is not made to talk. If he doesn’t want to see her, he can tell her and she must obey his wishes.
How we explained this to him was to tell him that we had been very angry at her also, just like he was, for the way she had “disappointed” him. That we wanted to give her another chance (lie lie lie), BUT that we all had to accept her for who she was and that she did not understand keeping promises and probably never would. We also never tell him what day she is coming or what time she is coming. Because this was an event on a certain day and time there was nothing we could do. We have been telling him for weeks not to expect her to be there, but assured him that we could not wait to see him perform and we would be in the front row, as usual.
I hope I am right that he is just manipulating her right back, truly I am just not sure. I mean, your mom doesn’t give a shit and you know it, how must that feel to an 11 year old. The way it has been explained to me is that while she never really bonded with him, my hubby and I did from the time he was 2 months old, and that probably saved his “emotional life”. Except for the times she would take him from us to punish us, he has basically lived with us for almost all his life.
I honestly don’t think he would agree to see her at all but he LOVES her boyfriend who has been around since Grand was just over a year old. This guy is GOOD to him, always has been and we thank God for that. The times she would have Grand, he would call me and tell me to come and get him, that she was out of control or drunk out of her mind and he didn’t want Grand hurt. I know he sells drugs, has done time in prison, but he saved Grand more than once.
As far as Grand taking it well, the other night she called, he answered the phone and said “I’m not allowed to talk to strangers, here is my grandma.” then said to me “It’s another one of those people with something to sell” Try to keep a straight face with something like that. Then there was the time he said she must have been absent the day the taught how to be a good mother.
I don’t know what goes on in his little mind, I guess time will tell. I do know that letting him have control over this situation, and being a smart mouth about it is causing trouble in other areas. When the teacher asked him if he wanted to talk to the social worker about a problem he is having with another kid picking on him he replied, “I’d rather talk to a flying pig.” That was the note I got today. Then I have to make sure I am VERY vocal about that NOT being acceptable and there surely will be a punishment this weekend for that one.
It’s hard…. – bet you are sorry you asked LOL
MiLo, How on earth can you punish that kid for the “flying Pig” comment! LOL ROTFMAO????? OMG that is sooooo funny! What a great smart mouth the boy has! Great one line come backs! I loved the “I’m not allowed to talk to strangers….someone trying to sell something” GREAT JAB at her!
The kid is SMART and he IS GETTING IT….he sounds really great and emotionally educated for an 11 year old….that is wonderful!!! I think your therapy sessions and all your work is paying off, MiLo, paying off very well!
I think the letting HER tell him she is going to let him down again is a great way to handle it.
A friend of mine who is finally divorced from her P X husband of 25 years when he brings home the 3 youngest kids, he some how always has one of the little girls crying and not wanting out of the car, and my friend used to go out and drag her in kicking and screaming and now, she let’s HIM do that, she just stays inside until HE delivers the kids to the porch.
Good job, MiLo!!! (((hugs)))
Milo
I’d rather talk to a flying pig? He has a sense of humor. That’s a strength.
Does he have ADHD? If so, I hope you get him a IEP. He will get help all through his educational experience if you did that – and it’s a safety net if he misbehaves. Did that for my son, it saved him from getting expelled.
I’m not sure you should punish him about the pig thing. Be careful about punishment.
You’re the 1 thing he’s got going for him. Hugs to you.
Athena, Yes, ADHD and half a dozen other “disorders”. He has had an IEP since kindergarten. His involvement in the special needs classes is now down to just “a soft, quiet place, if he needs one.” Oh, and a social worker if he plans on talking to a flying pig.
One of my favorite expressions is “when pigs fly” – I think he may have been attempting to express that.
The punishment won’t be too much, but he isn’t having a very “quiet” week behavioral wise, so something is in order.
Thanks.