A woman goes to the philharmonic in New York City alone. She meets a guy who is also alone. He asks her for a date, she goes once, doesn’t want to go again. She doesn’t return his calls. He sends an e-mail demanding to know why. Woman is so astounded she posts it on the Internet.
Read An investment banker’s cover letter for a second date, on Reddit.com.
Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.
I want to mention a couple things from his letter:
1. “Perhaps, you’re unimpressed that I manage my family’s investments and my own investments. Perhaps, you don’t think I have a “real” job. Well, I’ve done very well as an investment manager. I’ve made my parents several millions of dollars. That’s real money. That’s not monopoly money.”
This is the bait. If she were “caught” by him, this is a set-up to invest HER money and make her millions, just like he did for his parents. It may be true, but I smell BULLSHIT here. I doubt this is true, but he’s laying the groundwork to “invest” her money for her.
2. “In addition, I’m both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that I’m both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer.”
As my new beau (let’s call him Ajax) pointed out upon reading this line, he is telling the truth. Ajax has been reading Women Who Love Psychopaths, and he reminded me that the left/right brain split in a sociopath’s brain contributes to the split-personality Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing that sociopaths have going on. So, at least he is letting her know upfront that he has split personalities.
Sheesh.
That guys is creepy. Been there, dealt with that. Does anyone else feel like they’ve already dealt with this nonsense? That is why I interpret him to be a spath, cause the way he communicates just seems too familiar.
Thanks, Panther, for your unique viewpoint on this thing! Good job! I also know that “aspies” have a varied level of social interactions or emotional intelligence and emotional recognition. It is not a “one size fits all” diagnosis, but more I think along a continuum from what Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen calls zero-empathy positive (with autistic patients) up to the other end where a person with a bit of aspergers might have nearly normal empathy. It is obvious to me that YOU have empathy and you say you have Aspergers so you would be a good example, but at the same time I know a guy with Aspergers who is a real creep and has little empathy and also seems “entitled” and narcissistic like this guy. I do think though that this guy has more P traits and N traits that most people I know who have been diagnosed as aspergers.
I read this letter. It made me want to run. And I think now, that’s a good thing. I recognize what this man is. I am thankful this woman got it and it was just one date.
I can see and feel the manipulation in this. Ick! Makes my skin crawl.
Agree with you, Panther..that’s the bait. So many would slip and fall when they saw that part. I would rather be dirt poor today then get involved with someone like this man.
My skin is still crawling…
Cat
Grand was diagnosed with very high functioning autism, “possibly Aspergers”. I am not completely convinced with this diagnosis, although his OCD symptoms fall much more in line with Asp than clinical OCD. He has a struggle reading people’s emotions and has trouble with social interactions, BUT displays normal empathy.
Panther, sometime I would love to pick your brain, when we both have some time.
I think the pick up on the left brain/right brain was very insightful, I think I like new bf. Also the money angle, interesting. Also, I’m not sure what this guy is, but creepy is at the top of my list.
Cat – exactly, the skin is crawling, run like the wind reaction. That’s all that I need.
Panther,
Yeah, when I read the comments of people saying “Asperger” I was thinking… “No way, that’s a spath!” Oxy, I think the ‘creepy’ aspie you know may have both? Aspie + P, and it’s the P that makes him creepy. The manipulations, the entitlement, the narcisim, the outrageous anger, … that is P, not Aspie.
Yup, Panther, the ‘making his parents money’ and such set off a red-flag for me as well. I was thinking… “What guy? If she answers you, you’d like her to invest too?” Didn’t spot the left-right brain tell… The letter just became annoying to read with all its bile, twistedness, demanding tone and repetition.
MiLo, Run and KEEP running…after you’ve had the experience of being with someone like this, the one good thing I’ve learned is to spot the signs right away..
Yea, I didn’t spot the “money” angle either….but maybe it is just my own thinking as I would never ever, no matter what, consider “investing” money with someone I knew like that. I guess I learned from my egg donor (a CPA and very conservative) to hang on to my money and invest it myself.
Interestingly enough, Patrick (p-son) got involved with some of his former cell mates in some kind of a computer driven “investment” scheme and wanted me to invest $5,000 in it and tried to get my DIL to get my egg donor to “invest” in this Scheme and I saw some letters from the others in this scheme to Patrick that he had mailed to the Trojan horse to keep safe I guess. That was what he became frustrated with me about was I would NOT invest money in this scheme….I kept telling him I didn’t have it and I guess he knew me better than that. LOL
But it was the thing that made me see him “switch” from “what would Jesus do?” to “you wouldn’t like me if you knew the truth” and the SATANIC LOOK in his eye. Oh, well….I guess I missed that opportunity to invest with his buddies.
That though is why it is good to have multiple heads involved in this because each of us sees a different aspect of the letter/manipulation that others might not see.
Good job panther.
Hello again,
Ox, I think you are right that Aspergers has a range. I also think that people can have other disorders in addition to Aspergers, maybe even sociopathy or BPD or bipolar, etc. If someone met an Aspie like that, they may think these are Aspie traits, but they’d actually be seeing traits that are not part of the Aspergers. I also bet a lot of spaths are misdiagnosed as Aspies and then go around telling everyone that they are Aspies, thus perpetuating an inaccurate example of Aspergers. Look how many people think this Banker guy is an Aspie! People think awkward is “innocent” which would be the case for an Aspie, but it is not the case for a spath.
My case has always been high functioning, because most people on the Autism spectrum have low IQs, with Asperger’s being the only exception, yet it is still very rare for someone to have a high IQ and still be so socially retarded. I have a LOT of empathy, but I do have problems, at times, picking up on other people’s emotions. For example, if I hurt someone by accident, I have to sometimes be told that I hurt someone, and then I feel immense guilt and want to do anything to make them feel okay again. I’ve become better at knowing what will hurt before doing it, though. Having a high functioning version of it means that I can more intricately analyse my environment, no matter how unnatural it is, and try to make it possible to co-exist despite what’s going on inside. My problem is often with reading people, understanding social cues and norms, and knowing how to behave. I’m extremely awkward, which I make up for by mimicking those around me, much like a spath. When I first read about sociopathy, I actually felt bad for the spaths, because I thought they felt like me. I thought they were feeling, caring beings who didn’t know how to act and were being misunderstood. Now I know better, because the “intent” thing is where I would draw the line in cement.
Milo, what do you wonder? You can pick my brain, I guess. I’m drinking a beer right now for the first time in months, so the answers may get progressively sloppier 🙂
I totally agree that multiple heads helps. I didn’t pick out the hidden meaning of the money mention until I read it a second time, actually. The first time, I just thought he was bragging. But then I realized he was laying the foundation for the impending scam. He also keeps asking her to apologize. That, to me, was one of the big hints.
Ajax also pointed out that this guy is holding her responsible for what she did unintentionally and telling her that now she must hold her end of the bargain for twirling her hair, even if she had no idea what she was doing. He also pointed out that the “tone” is deceiving, because he takes on an “air of objectivity” yet is being totally subjective with the content. That is spath method 101, I think. Keep saying that you’re not patronizing, and then turn around and patronize.
Ox, maybe you wouldn’t give this guy money, but most people who have fallen for a sociopath ended the relationship after they had some-freaking-how handed over their life savings to them. This is how they do it. The little snakes.
Panther,
why do you think that an aspie cannot also be evil? How does being an aspie preclude being evil or having spath traits such as envy, narcissism and the desire to control others? Granted, they wouldn’t be successful spaths because of their crappy mask, but they could try. As this man is doing, apparently, by looking up what different body language means.
I was reading an amazing blog by an asperger man. It’s long, you all might not find it as fascinating as I did, but the way this man speaks HIS truth about his perceptions, was fascinating. He wants so badly to have normal relationship, he doesn’t want to be alone, so he has taught himself how to read people’s intentions. From what he wrote, IMO, his ability to decipher people’s intentions are better than mine, now that he uses his method.
http://www.rogernmeyer.com/Hubert_Cross/Asperger%27s_Syndrome_and_Making_Sense_July_2002.htm#A1
BTW, he’s tired of people calling him evil.
Panther, I suggest that you read Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen’s book “The Science of Evil” and his information about autism spectrum and his take on the empathy curve as well. I think you might get a great deal of information out of this that you could use if you are an “aspie” on some level. He is one of THE best researchers on Autism spectrum that I have read.
BTW people CAN have more than one diagnosis and it is not uncommon to find people that are bi-polar AND psychopathic and/or ADHD as well, and more Ps are left handed than would be found on average in the general population.
Add in the problems caused by all that and maybe having a P parent as well, plus factor in a bit of drug abuse or alcohol and presto, you have a big bad problem with this person!