Editor’s note: Be sure to read both articles that Ox Drover links to.
By Ox Drover
I ran across two articles in NY Times that sort of got me to thinking about how it sometimes does pay off to act like a psychopath—in business or other ways.
The following (quite long) article tells how an Internet seller terrorized his customer. I think that many people who have been the victims of psychopathic-like stalking can relate to this woman’s story. The fact that it was over such a relatively small amount of money is amazing to me, though. The lengths to which this stalker pursued his victim are also amazing to me.
Read A bully finds a pulpit on the web on NewYorkTimes.com.
This follow up article tells how, eventually, through the persistence of the victim in pursuing justice for the bullying psychopathic-like stalking she got from the abuser, it turned out that the man didn’t get away with his campaign, and now local, state and federal authorities are getting on the band wagon to go after this guy.
Read U.S. arrests online seller who scared customers on NewYorkTimes.com.
The guy even got denied bail. Yea for that judge “getting it.” It will be interesting to me to see how this plays out and just how much real jail/prison time this guy actually gets. While I can’t diagnose someone out of the newspaper, I really do feel that this man fits the criteria for many of the traits of a psychopath and he definitely is a stalker.
..and how she denied….until she quibbled with the timelines of the con…THE most important thing!
Dear Candy, thanks, yep that’s me, 18 on the inside!
You say you are checking him out but he can’t see you….is there a reason you are checking him out besides just curious? Is that a sort of “contact”? Just a thought but you might want to just quit following his activities unless it is a legal or safety issue (and then kept it to a minimum) sometimes any contact, even back door knowledge like this can slow our healing down as it still rents them rooms inside our heads.
I agree, warning them is probably dangerous to you, and most likely a waste of time as well as he will have warned them what a nut job you are and how you stalk him and get this—want him back!!! LOL
Well its just after noon here so have been reading all the reactions . I’m glad others are making sense of what I have experienced . The next trick is to see how valid the realization will be in the future . Sometimes I have found that the realisation of something is all thats required to overcome it , however in other instances it appears to be not quite that simple or else perhaps it is only a partial realisation and that there is more to come . The problem with a psychopath for most people is that the psychopath has been perfecting their strategy for years . And believe me what they do is all done on purpose and in a premeditated manner . Initially when I was with my X , I at one time thought that all the confusion was just her and was not done on purpose . I have even read in books by qualified people that psychopaths are confused and have a poor grip of reality . To me this is all a pretense . They know exactly what they are doing and are very aware of what the outcome will probably be . In fact they will twist and turn untill they get their desired outcome . What doesn’t make sense to most people is why someone would want such an out come whatever it may be . If you love someone why would you want to shut them down . For a normal person if you love someone you would want to see them bloom to whatever level they desired , not the reverse . My own theory is that the inner loving soul of a psychopath does not exist and thus they feel somewhat incomplete . They seem to be void in a bunch of other areas as well . There sexual orientation seems also to be a little fuzzy as well . Its as if there is no sexual orientation . neither heterosexual or homosexual , figure that out . Somewhere in their being is one hell of a frustrated entity wondering why they are not , well complete . Their frustration manifests itself in all the things they do against the rest of humanity . Allmost as if they find it sinfull that other people are leading happy joyfull lives . How dare they be so happy when I feel nothing . One other thing that i find interesting is the belief that they often have superior inteligence . I used to believe this as well but now I am not so sure . Cunning , yes , manipulative , yes . Inteligent NO . The power for normal people is in realising what they are , then they have no legs to stand on . Suddenly all the phony aspects of the psychopath that bewilder , facinate , attrack and mesmerise most normal people for a while are just that , phony . They can only continue this charade for a while then they crash . Just make sure you are not around when that happens , as you will probably get sucked into the void with them . Don’t get me started
quest, I am glad you are writing about this, we all learn from each other, I really believe everything they do is premeditated, just like you said. They have learned how to manipulate people (when the xspath kept stopping by here… and I reacted differently… he said “I can’t figure out how to get to you anymore”). So you are right… my power is in realizing what he is. I’m keeping my guard up for any others!
quest, i agree with you absolutely. It’s so infuriating when “professionals” who claim to know what they talking about, would very easily imply that it is not the fault of the spath, “they don’t know any better”… Uh, yes they do! It’s not like they’re blind, stomping all over every which way and not knowing what they’re hitting. Their lies are deliberate and methodical, they are cold blooded manipulators and yes, NOT intelligent because once you find their bag of tricks, you see the mask they’re wearing quite clearly and it’s OBVIOUS. It is ABSOLUTELY premeditated, ABSOLUTELY on purpose. Thanks for sharing your insights, they really hit me hard.
Dear Quest,
Those musings, ruminations etc. are good thinking, actually, and I think we must go over those things in our minds in a quiet atmosphere and in a way that we have time to contemplate the meaning of our thoughts.
It takes quiet. Time. Solitude. Peace. Calm.
When our internal dialogs are going 90-to-nothing there is not time, quit, solitude or peace or calm in which to get a good grip on the philosophy of what is going on inside and outside us or them. The CHAOS prevents it.
I think in many ways, blogging here at LF gives us the time, solitude, time, peace and calm in which to go through our ideas and to go through the ideas of others and pick out the pieces we need to bandage our souls and hearts!
Dear Dancing,
We posted over each other…a recent study showed that Ps IQs are just like everyone else’s and follow the bell curve…some dumb ones, some bright, and most in the middle.
The professionals who “don’t get it” are starting to be in the minority, but it is still going to take a LONG TIME before the professionals can get their “sheet together” and come to a reasonable conclusion. I think in many ways, those of us in the trenches of LIFE WITH THEM know a lot more in some aspects than they do.
Dear Ox.
Thanks for the good advice.
It is minimal (usually on a Sat cos I go to work) He’s a long way off and so long as he’s on line I know I’m ‘safe’ for a couple of hours. I live in the country where it’s pretty isolated and get scared going out in the dark.
And yes I’m sure he calls me a nut job, he told me his ex was – I chatted to her a few times and she’s a really nice person, she’s taken him back! He left her in financial ruin the last time, lost a huge sum of money, house, car and is a wreck emotionally. I feel really sorry for her because she does not know what we know about him being a spath.
I have no contact. He’s tried a few times but I’ve blocked him and I never reply.
@Oxy Yes, i was going to mention that. I know some have high IQs and what not, but I would still say they’re not intelligent because they are so blind in many ways, rendering them stupid anyway. I think it’s laughable when a P contradicts himself in the same sentence. That is one evidence of sheer stupidity to me.
The P i knew asked, “If two different families go to the same church, why do they teach their children different things at home?” ( Evidence of their “objectifying” other people ) Like IT’S FOREIGN to them that people might have MINDS of their own, different opinions. It makes me think that they believe everyone’s just a cardboard cut out… wtf. ( Btw i had to keep asking him to clarify what he meant because I thought he had asked the question incorrectly. Nope, he said the same exact thing over and over. ) Perhaps HE had a low IQ cause he couldn’t even fake his “understanding”… but yeah, I agree that they have differing IQs. Maybe i’ll just continue to call them all not intelligent because their actions reflect a real POVERTY of all things considered important. This is the same P that claimed he could get into John Hopkins University easily ( after he asked me, “What’s the best university in the world?” i said “Probably Johns Hopkins”… he didn’t even have a clue about what the school was… he just decided he’d be able to get in just because he’s who he is. )… BAHAAHAHA.
If they weren’t intelligent, psychopaths like Jack Welch
( Photograph : http://managersanddirectors.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/winning-by-jack-welch.jpg [Note the title of the book… Very “P” ]) wouldn’t be able to get into the positions they have ( He’s the former CEO of GE” just read about his marital history, and history with the company” it’s a doozy )
So yeah, there are fat ones, short ones, skinny ones, dumb ones, smart ones, but they’re all made of snakeskin underneath their disgustingly overmade facades
( Link to a book which talks about Jack Welch as a CEO, as well as 3 others : http://www.amazon.com/Testosterone-Inc-Tales-CEOs-Gone/dp/0471420050 Called “Testosterone, INC”
From Amazon : A smarmy wallow in the sleaziest escapades of four powerful and highly visible CEOs, Byron’s latest serves up a titillating mix of snark, sanctimony and pop psychology. In his last book, the bestselling Martha, Inc., the veteran business journalist asserted that Stewart was driven by resentment toward her brutish father and her humble roots. In this new book, Byron’s analysis leads him to the loopy conclusion that his four subjects—Jack Welch, Dennis Kozlowski, Ronald Perelman and Al Dunlap—are all victims of excessive testosterone. What, Byron asks, could motivate such accomplished businessmen to jeopardize their legacies by divorcing devoted wives, siphoning corporate funds or engaging in tawdry affairs? “The answer,” he eagerly insists, “lies not in their stars but in their skivvies.” Though Byron examined some 15,000 documents and interviewed 90 people for this book, none of his four subjects would agree to an interview for this project, so there are no first-hand accounts to corroborate (or refute) his diagnosis. )