Joey Buttafuoco and his attorney held a press conference last week to announce their intention to file a lawsuit against Mary Jo Buttafuoco. Mary Jo, of course, just came out with her book, Getting It Through My Thick Skull—Why I Stayed, What I Learned, and What Millions of People Involved with Sociopaths Need to Know. The first words in the book are, “Joey Buttafuoco is a sociopath.” Joey believes he has been defamed.
If Joey proceeds with the lawsuit, he will probably claim libel. Libel is publishing an untruth about another person that harms the person, or harms his or her reputation. (Libel is the written or broadcast form of defamation. Slander is oral defamation.)
Generally, two main defenses are available in a libel case. First is the truth. The truth is an absolute defense against a claim of libel.
Second is if the person claiming to be defamed is a public figure. When a public figure attempts to claim libel, he or she must prove “actual malice,” meaning that the person being sued knew the statement was false and published it anyway.
Let’s look at how both of these defenses could apply in the Buttafuoco case.
Public figure
A lawyer could probably argue that Joey Buttafuoco is a public figure, especially as it relates to everything that happened in this case. After 16-year-old Amy Fisher shot Mary Jo in the face, and with the ensuing media circus, Joey became a minor celebrity. Here’s how Joey tried to capitalize on his celebrity:
- In 2002, Joey participated in Fox Network’s Celebrity Boxing.
- In 2006, Joey and Amy Fisher were reunited at the Lingerie Bowl.
- In 2007, a reality show producer suggested that Joey and Amy Fisher were “reunited,—”possibly hoping for a TV deal.
- Joey also appeared in six movies: Cul-de-Sac, Finding Forrester, The Underground Comedy Movie, Mafia Movie Madness, Skin Walker and Operation Repo: The Movie.
Definition of a sociopath
But let’s look at the prime defense in libel cases: the truth. Here, it would be helpful to see exactly what was said at the press conference announcing the lawsuit.
Joey’s attorney, Stacie Halpern, of Halpern and Halpern, Winnetka, California, either does not understand what the term “sociopath” means, or he’s positioning the case to argue the definition. He says, “Sociopath, in our society, is deemed to be somebody that is somewhat of a monster, somebody you would not want to be in a room with by yourself, somebody that you would not trust with any of your goods.”
The clinical definition of a sociopath does not include the word “monster.” When most professionals use the term “sociopath,” they are referring to someone who has been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. Here is the definition of antisocial personality disorder according to The Diagnostic and Statistic Manual of the American Psychiatric Association (DSM-IV):
A person can be diagnosed as antisocial if since age 15 he or she has shown a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others. The person must have indicated at least three of the following:
- Failure to conform to lawful social norms
- Deceitfulness
- Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead
- Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicted by repeated physical fights or assaults
- Reckless disregard for safety of self or others
- Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations
- Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent about having hurt, mistreated or stolen from another.
Joey Buttafuoco’s behavior
Does Joey fit the bill? Here’s Joey’s public record:
- When Mary Jo got shot, Joey first denied that he was having an affair with Amy Fisher and accused the cops of lying. He was later convicted of statutory rape and served four months in jail.
- In 1995, he was charged with soliciting a prostitute. He pleaded no contest, was fined and placed on two years probation.
- In 2004, he pleaded guilty to auto insurance fraud. He was sentenced to a year in jail and five years probation.
- In 2005, he was charged with illegal possession of ammunition. He served almost four months in jail.
Mary Jo relates more incidents in her book that would also indicate sociopathic traits:
- When Mary Jo was nine months pregnant and riding in a car with Joey, he was pulled over by a cop, and as the officer approached the car, Joey stepped on the gas and took off. When the cops caught him again, Joey wanted Mary Jo to lie and tell them she was going into labor.
- Joey developed a serious cocaine habit and signed their home over to his dealer.
- Joey took out a $60,000 loan to buy a cigarette boat without consulting his wife. Years later, when he couldn’t make the payments and couldn’t sell the boat, he solved the problem by declaring bankruptcy—again without telling his wife.
In my opinion, a professional looking at Joey Buttafuoco’s lifetime pattern of behavior would probably conclude that he has antisocial personality disorder.
Common usage of “sociopath”
But perhaps Halpern intends to argue that in common usage, people associate the word “sociopath” with a deranged serial killer. And because of the general misunderstanding of what the term actually means, calling Joey Buttafuoco a sociopath is libelous.
This, of course, is the misconception that most of us had before we tangled with one of these disordered individuals. And that is exactly the reason why Mary Jo Buttafuoco wrote the book—to bring attention to what this disorder actually is, and how many millions of sociopaths are out there, causing untold pain to the people around them.
For those of us who have lived with sociopaths of our very own, it’s easy to recognize Joey’s behavior patterns in Mary Jo’s book—now that we know what to look for. But all of us were once ignorant, which was why we didn’t recognize the warning signs, and didn’t get out of our own relationships quickly. Some of us were in relationships with these predators for 10, 20, 30, even 40 years before we realized the truth—our partner was a sociopath.
It took Mary Jo 17 years to figure it out—and it was her son who first recognized the actual issue. Then, like many of us, she researched the term, saw the list of characteristics, and finally knew what she’d been dealing with for so long.
Message getting through
Like many of us, once Mary Jo realized there was an explanation for her ex-husband’s bizarre behavior, she felt she had a message to deliver about what a sociopath was and how sociopaths behaved. But this woman had something that most of us don’t have: a well-known name and media connections. Mary Jo already spent a lot of time in the spotlight. Now she’s in the spotlight again, educating people about this personality disorder.
“I realized that people need to know about this,” she said in an interview on PR.com. “That’s the point of drudging it all up and re-living it, and going out there. It’s more that there’s a message there that needs to be delivered. I was with a sociopath my whole life and I didn’t know it.”
Mary Jo’s message is getting through. Lovefraud received the following e-mail two days ago:
I was just listening to the news and heard Mary Buttafuoco say that Joey was a sociopath. Well, I Googled sociopath to find out the characteristics and found that I had been married to one for fourteen years. This was truly an epiphany. For fourteen years I thought that I was the one going crazy.
Thank you, Mary Jo, for bringing much-needed illumination to this topic that for so long has been shrouded in misunderstanding.
Joey Buttafuoco has not yet filed his lawsuit, and perhaps he never will. A judge and jury may very well find that Mary Jo spoke the truth.
Getting It Through My Thick Skull is available in the Lovefraud Store.
HI JENN!!!!
🙂
I can’t stand you and your cheeriness!!! Have a wonderful bowl of sunshine today!!!!!
Love, your pal, Melissa!!! :):):) 😉
Hi to all,
It seems to me that it would be fairly easy to prove Joey Buttafuoco a “public figure.” And there’s certainly precedent for making psychological assessments of public figures in popular nonfiction books. For example, Justin A. Frank wrote a book called “Bush on the Couch: Inside the Mind of the President,” that covers the same sort of psychological profiling. As far as I know, no lawsuits were filed.
Can’t wait to read this book.
I am delighted that Mary Jo shared her story and what she learned but, perhaps we should consider doing what Robert Hare documents in his book, Snakes in Suits – When Psychopaths Go To Work. On page 270, Dr. Hare tells us to avoid labeling anyone a psychopath because we are not qualified to do that. It is enough to say that a person may have traits that are similar to the traits the define psychopathy. I followed his advice in the book I will publish in October.
LF community of loving, caring friends….
Just out of curiosity……and to provoke some thoughts on the topic….
I am aware an alcoholic can be diagnosed as an alcoholic…..a drug addict diagnosed as a drug addict…..but mostly ‘get help’ on their own (sometimes court ordered)…..through various resources.
You hear people say, My ex was an alcoholic……ARE THEY DIAGNOSED…..or do we hear, my husband is a diagnosed alcoholic…..NEVER! A certifiable alcoholic…..NEVER…..
It’s public perception…..No one ever questions whether someone is a dry drunk or recovering alcoholic, or practicing alcoholic, or currently in treatment….do they???…..
NOW….knowing an S will not get help on their own,(because YOU have the problem, it’s not ME), hence rarely being diagnosed unless, in a court ordered situation mostly….
So…..aside from the obvious…..(hopefully)…..
I am curious, legally/morally and societally……what is the difference between ‘proving’ or showing someone an alcoholic vs Sociopath….?
It sure seems acceptable to refer to someone an alcoholic in the media…..doesn’t it?
WHY NOT SOCIOPATH THEN?????
Just a thought provoking question?
ErinB,
I think it is because the public associates the word SOCIOPATH with murder, rape, high crime and chaos.
They do not associate it with everyday people whom we have as friends, date, marry or are our family.
I purchased Bill Eddy’s book -SPLITTING- Divorcing a NArcissist and it even discourages bringing up personalities disorders to the court regarding a spouse. He recommends stucking to the behaviors themselves rather than use a lable because the courts are NOT educated in and do not even want to HEAR the words Narcissist, Sociopath, Borderline etc.
I never knew these terms myself and only found out through counseling on my own. For years my sisters have claimed my mom has issues – I just thought that’s the way she is.
Sure enough, after threatening suicide in the hospital they evaluated her and came back of a diagnosis of Borderline personality with strong Narcissistic traits. I didn’t even research it then – just thought OK – it has a name now.
My N/S husband’s behavior has always been passive-aggressive, selfish, secretive and the last 6 years have been over the top. But my mother set me up for ODD, SELFISH behavior and my dad set me up for keeping the peace.
This past year, when I discussed Narcissism with his sister, she agreed that he had issues and was not healthy. She knows the history of his cheating, lying and some behaviors. None of us knew about all the other women , inter sites he was on and sites to get sex for married cheaters. I know this is not normal – and akk this secret life really sent me over the edge. I am still trying to deal with it. Add to that his financial deceit – and it leads my counselor into explaining to me what a Sociopath is. I truly wish I could have an official diagnosis on him – and my counselor is an expert. But I wish he could diagnose him in person – somehow I think it would make it sink in more for me.
When I mentioned the word Sociopath to his sister – well that was our last conversation – after 22 years and the last 10 being close as sisters.
No one wants to hear the truth – and I credit Mary Jo for what she is doing – I hope she makes millions on the book.
I wish we could put it in school libraries. I wish we educated our teens on personality disorders as well as sex and family life.
Somehow , someway – I want to be part of it when it happens.
My first husband passed away in March at 54 fron Scirosis of the liver – and his family has a hard time accepting he drank himself to death because he only drank beer. This is what broke us up 27 years ago – and I loved him – but he drank, we fought, he cheated and it was over.
And now – my 2nd husband I thought was the answer to my destiny – geez , I went into the fire with this one. His contempt and devaluing of me is overwhelming – so much so even his friends are waking up to the truth.
newlife08:
“His contempt and devaluing of me is overwhelming – so much so even his friends are waking up to the truth.” You are lucky to have the external validation.
The fact that my S still has so many people buffaloed frustrates me on some level. I can’t believe that he’s such a good actor. I’m going to have to wait for the criminal justice system to telegraph a good loud clear message to all his true believers when he is sent back to the iron bar hotel.
Hey Matt,
How are you , Hon ???? Yes, it is really disturbing me that only a couple have figured him out. As I said, his family has gone into total protective mode of him and i guess themselves.
It has really kind of shot me down into a pretty depressive mood lately. Usually I can keep truckin forward but I hbave been spending too many vacations days laying in bed. And i am mad at myself. Too many seasons of summer have gone by that he has ruined – although i hoped every year it would be different.
I am so weary of this battle – why couldn’t he just divorce and move on – why the manipulations and torture even now?
Tell me , Matt, what things in your new relationship are sooo different that mark your new interest “Healthy”, normal, etc.
I don’t think I know what a healthy relationship would feel like. Counselor says it is a place where a couple discusses, debates, compromises, considers the other persons feeling etc.
I have been so busy giving and could never win anything much back for myself. I thought I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough , skinny enough -you know the drill. I do know I am smart, high functioning and a good cook, wife and mom. But he would say I yelled too much, was never in a good mood, didn’t know how to let things go and just have fun………….
yet he enjoyed all the benefit of dumping everything on me that had to be done.
newlife08:
You basically described my life — the endless giving and never getting for myself. The never being good enough. And whereas you were mommy to the world, I was daddy to the world. Growing up in a crazy household with an S father and N mother, both of whom were alcoholics condtioned me early on.
I think your counselor has part of what makes a healthy relationship. Someone on this site, a long time ago (I printed this one out and carry it in my wallet), said that his counselor said that the recipe for a healthy relationship was (1) start with two healthy individuals; (2) add fun things and laughter; (3) make sure you have a hefty helping of positive reinforcement, and (4) great sex gets you through times of garbled communication. I’ve got to say that I agree with your counselor and this blogger. My new guy and I are doing/experiencing both what your counselor and the blogger have talkied about.
However, for me, there are two other key requirements. First, the guy I’ve been seeing treats me with respect. Even if we disagree about something, I never feel he comes at me with anything other than respect. He doesn’t make me feel stupid if I don’t know something. He doesn’t denigrate me if we disagree. Respect makes such a difference in a relationship, I’ve learned.
Second, and this is the biggie for me — he is genuinely kind. Kindness. I didn’t know it growing up. The lack of kindness in my life made me act with far too much kindness to people who didn’t deserve it. S’s lack of kindness toward me was staggering, but, I continued to tolerate it because I was conditioned to keep the peace at any cost. And because I didn’t expect any better.
It’s funny, because I read a poll on MSN.com awhile back, in which they polled people who had been divorced and asked them what they were looking for in the person they chose to form a relationship with after the divorce. Number one on the list was kindness. For both men and women. At the time I read that I was in the midst of S’s crazymaking behavior and I didn’t get what the people who were polled were talking about. With this guy I’ve experienced genuine kindness first hand. And I, too, put kindness at the top of the list. His kindness toward me makes me want to be a better man for him.
Anyhow, pal, these are my just my random thoughts on the topic of what makes my new relationship work for me and make me realize that while things are still fairly new, that it is a healthy relationship.
As for the lying in bed on the days off, I wouldn’t beat myself up too badly for that. Quite frankly, you’re exhausted from 20+ years of S’s nonsense and his current behavior which at times I find mind-boggling. Your body is telling you it needs rest. I didn’t understand that. Even after the hell of my break-up with S last November, I still kept pushing myself forward. I kept moving right through losing my job. Still, I didn’t stop. I dove right into outplacement. And then my health broke and I had no choice but to stay in bed. You’ve got the vacation days, so you’re allowed to take some mental health days now and then to regroup.
I also could relate to how you’re angry at yourself about the number of summers he ruined and how you hoped it would be different. This weekend my new guy and I went away to Rehoboth Beach. It was always a place I loved going to as a kid and through college and had great memories of. Last year I took S there twice. And he ruined each trip. Hell, he ruined the whole summer. But, on that trip, his attitude sucked. He withheld sex. He spent money (primarily mine) recklessly. I don’t even think I got a thank you for either trip.
This weekend I made nice new summer memories to erase those horrible memories from last year. I had a nice time with somebody who had never been there and appreicated my suggestion that we go. I had a nice time that he generously made the travel arrangements and treated me to it. And oh yes, we had a lot of laughs and really good sex — and there was no garbled communication that we needs great sex to get us through!
Matt,
I am truly happy for you….you have offered so much “kindness” to me over these months , I will never forget it.
One of my friends has a summer home near Rehoboth Beach – I hear Ocean City is just an awesome place. I will get the kids there too eventually. My girlfriend says the shopping is outrageous – she practically buys all her Christmas gifts there.
You struck a chord with the word “kindness”. I never really thought I was asking for much and looking back I do think I mishandles the confrontations when they arose. I was so deprived emotionally that when the real disagreements came or the selfishness was so obvious – well I either withdrew or attacked – and he held this against me – still does. He does not see the impact of his detachment, lack of truly loving me – , lack of care – of “KINDNESS” . I remember missing him during the day and telling him I couldn’t wait to get home …for private time. But , as soon as I got in the door – there he was – all showered, in a towel , ready and waiting – and I just got off the GSP traffic and needed to wind down. See, he was ready for sex and I was ready for a nice night – make dinner together, have a drink, clean up together and then sex. But he wanted the sex and I got turned off because I knew that after the sex I would be the one to get up and STILL have to make dinner , clean up by myself and he would go to sleep. I regret these times – wish I NEVER gave him anything to bitvh about. But that’s not possible- I wasn’t perfectin his drama – and when i did become PERFECT – he said it was too late – he didn’t want it anymore.
I always felt like you did – great sex can often get you through anything – and we did have great sex – but to him it was SEX and for me – well I thought it was bonding , that he desired ME – and no one else. Come to find out – there were a few somebody elses. Do you think he’s a sex addict as well as a N/S ????
This weekend he took son to Wildwood for a couple days- although he has no money for support. You know my d-15 does not see him and barely talks to him. Well, he did call her and leave messages to call him but she didn’t. So he never told her he was planning a few days at the shore and he would like her to come. His style is ” You didn’t call me – so you didn’t get to go” I think he could have been more grown up and really asked her outright to join him – Kindness – that he really loves her and misses her – and wanted her to go. So he has alienated her even further.
And….. to top it off he couldn’t just be with son. He joined his sister and her family – son says it was OK but this is also a long standing pattern of his . He can’t be alone in a one on one atmosphere – unless it is with one of his other women. I wish he had just devoted the time to my son – alone. Not that family was a bad thing – but I know him – my son was not his top priority. He didn’t even get to the boardwalk. But he was smart enough to stay in the place we always stayed as a family – he knew my son has missed going there.
Or he could have stayed at the shore house. He drove by – didn’t even get out and walk around . He had the NERVE to tell my son I needed to get to the weeds!!!! Son told him at 10 yrs old – “Mommy busts her ass every time she comes down here. Why don’t you spend the $160.00 for the guy to come spray and there won’t be any weeds.”
Daddy’s answer – “I can’t afford that!!!” B#@l SH%# !!!
I hate who N is and has become – how he has revealed himself to me.
I hate what he has done and continues to do to all of us .
I pray I see God’s justice – and sooner than later !!!!
Stay well my friend – for a quick weekend – Ocean City, NJ is quite a nice little town too. Exit 30 on GSP .
newlife08:
Ocean City is also nice. When I was a kid, Rehoboth was a little town. Ocean Blvd has become the outlet mall capital of the world — great shopping — but the downtown next to the ocean is still typical small town — the arcade, the boardwalk and all that.
When you said you regret those times — that you wish you had never given him anything to bitch about, the fact of the matter is that dealing with these nonhuman vehicles of discord is like being on a loaded quiz show. Their questions defy answering. So, no matter what you did, you were never going to win with him.
I didn’t even recognize myself by the time I drove S off. No matter what I did, no matter where I took him, no matter how much I spent, it was never right, good enough or appreciated. I just about snapped after 15 months. I don’t know how you made it as long as you did.
I do think I need to qualify my great sex comment. For me, great sex has an emotional component. I’m one of those people that if there isn’t an emotional connection, the mechanics — no matter how good they are — just doesn’t do it. So, I agree with your statement — that you viewed it as a bonding experience, but to him it was just mechanics.
Your point about how you viewed coming home — that you looked forward to having a drink together, making dinner together, cleaning up together, and then going to bed rang really true to me. If I made dinner, S had a real knack of showing up just when everything was done. There was never any “us” time in the process. My new guy likes being “domestic.” We tend to reciprocate for each other on that front or do things like make dinner together. It is really nice.
The fact that your S dumped everything on you and you snapped back doesn’t surprise me. Any sane person who get angry over (1) always having to do all the work and (2) never having their preferences listened to. You made it clear to him repeatedly how you wanted the evening to progress. He never listened to you and repeatedly greeted you at the door showered and rarin’ to go.
As for his treatment of your daughter — he’s behaving like a total juvenile ass. If he gave a damn about her he would realize she’s hurting and reach out. Instead, he is making this all about him. Vintage S.
Your son gets bonus points for his comeback to S. 10 years old and he comes out with a statement like that. The kid is going to go far in life.
Haven’t ever tried Ocean City, NJ. Have made it to Gunniston State Beach once, however. It was very nice. My day, there with S, however, was not.
We’ll have to meet for a drink one of these days and celebrate/mourn our turning 52 this year.