Editor’s note: The following story was submitted by a Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call, “Caroline20.”
I’m a 53-year old divorced woman diagnosed with complex PTSD as a result of four years of ongoing abuse by my ex-husband.
I had known him for fifteen years and though he had some substance abuse problems, which resulted in our divorce in 2003, his abusive behavior did not truly come out until our reconciliation in 2011.
When we got back together he had four years of sobriety and I was thrilled that we would have another chance to be together because I had never gotten over him. It turned into a four-year nightmare within less than a month. He choked me unconscious over a minor disagreement.
I did many things to get away from him, but he was able to manipulate and intimidate me into letting him come back to my place multiple times. He used his diabetes to manipulate me and wouldn’t take his insulin for several days, then would show up in ketoacidosis asking for help knowing I couldn’t turn him away because I’m so tender hearted. He broke into my place and the police wouldn’t do anything because he told them he was living there even though he had moved out.
The worst was when I asked him to leave and he forcibly took one of my dogs on two occasions. I applied for a protective order once was told I didn’t have evidence because I didn’t have police reports. He would intentionally hold onto my phone and my car keys and took my phone away on several occasions when he assaulted me.
I was finally able to escape and call the police and he was arrested. I again applied for an ex parte protective order, which granted. He evaded service by leaving the state (I believe he was recording my calls or video taping me) and entered a treatment program because he had relapses with drugs. He convinced me that he had bipolar disorder and that medication and treatment would end the abuse. Like a fool, I wanted to believe him and let him come back. He quit taking his medication within a couple days.
I should mention that he did not contribute to any household expenses and worked for less than two weeks during a four-year period. I was working on a mobile crisis outreach team and as the executive director of a small peer run nonprofit I founded, often working 80-hour weeks.
I could go on for pages about all the horrible things he did. He truly was not the person I thought I knew and loved all the years I had known him. He was a monster. He stole or damaged approximately $30,000 of my property including family heirloom jewelry.
I finally escaped when he assaulted and kidnapped me in November 2015. He was charged with aggravated kidnapping (which was pleaded down to kidnapping) among other things. He also hurt my beloved dog that tried to protect me. I was able to send my mom a message on Facebook Messenger from my kindle and we were pulled over when leaving my condominium complex. I jumped from the car and he took off with my car and three dogs. Fortunately, I was able to track down my vehicle and dogs at his mom’s house several hours later.
He just got out of prison after four years this week. I have not made much progress in recovering because I developed agoraphobia with the complex PTSD and rarely leave home so I wasn’t able to stick with counseling. I also have not worked since prior to the kidnapping because my health is poor, partly because of the trauma.
I may not have social contact, besides with my mom and occasionally, my dad, but I have my pets and I have peace and tranquility.
Is the corona virus a psychopath?
Caroline20, I’m so sorry that you have endured so much from this evil cunning sociopath. I’m sorry that you are suffering from PTSD. Please know this is extremely common with victims of abuse.
Please look up symptoms of Adrenal fatigue on these two sites & on the net.
Dr Lam. com
Adreanl fatigue. org
When I left my evil ex, I too suffered from PTSD (my counselor told me this). I was lucky enough to have a friend recommend a doctor who specialized in adrenal fatigue (Endocrinologist doctor). The adrenal glands (sit on the top of the kidneys) regulate the body’s blood pressure, blood sugar, cortisol & adrenaline levels (fight, flight or freeze mode) and over 50 hormones. They are a HUGE deal , but often over looked as the root cause of someones health issues.
Some symptoms: (note the list is long See those two sites & net for more detail list):
racing mind, sleep issues, stressed out, depression, anxiety, panic attacks etc.
To heal your adrenal glands (which experts believe that every adult will suffer from adrenal gland issues sometime in their life time) you need:
a good clean diet
plenty of sleep
plenty of relaxation
possible hormonal balancing (progesterone) natural not man made pills
etc
Please up these two documentary to see how food helps to heal the body:
Super juice me on you tube for Free
Sick, fat & nearly dead on their site free same name
Look up on you tube:
Joe Cross Juicing
Jason Vale juicing
Jay Kordich juicing
(plus others you find)
juice with veggies not fruit at first (fruit has a lot of sugar bad for the adrenal glands when healing)
Brenda Watson road to perfect health videos you tube (she also has a book)
Dr Joel Fuhrman PBS Super immunity (he has two books your library may have them, 1) Live to eat 2) Super Immunity
Look into the benefits of: (you tube & net)
ginger
raw garlic
(add to juices)
You can buy a cheap juicer at Walmart for $30 or use a blender and add water (See jason vale you tube videos)
This really helps to flood your body with much needed vitamins & minerals. Adrenal glands need B complex, D, C and most importunely magnesium. look up benefits of magnesium. Most adults are deficient in these without even realizing it.
You can take epson salt baths to flood your body with much needed magnesium. Epson salt can be found in any grocery store near the pharmacy section or cosmetic section. Walmart in my store has it near the makeup section. READ the directions and make sure you check with your doctor first ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU ARE ON RX now!! Epson salt are natural but really do relax you so this is why it’s very important to check with your doctor.
Focus on healing your body from all the stress you have endured. this portion of my healing process was huge. SO this is why I let everyone know the important of looking after your health as a critical step in healing. As for your counselor, many counselors do phone counseling especially right now with what is going on in the world.
I”m so glad you found your way to Donna & Terry’s wonderful site. This site is such a blessing for all of us that endured hell like you.
Wishing you all the best. Take care. 💚💜
Hi Jan7, I write blogs for Donna here on Lovefraud. I saw your post and just want to give it an extra thumbs up. 👍🏼 You are spot on with everything you said above. Long term hyper vigilance takes its toll. I tend to believe it makes you ultra sensitive to sounds and various environmental changes. Sometimes this is good, in that because you are always on alert, you are probably the first to notice something is not right. But because those who are targeted had their intuition scrambled by evil manipulators for years, a target is always doubting their own gut. Once self-care is initiated and maintained, the gut will serve the survivor well. Best to you!
When I left him, I was begged by him, (tearful letters), and our sons to go back. He PROMISED me, he would behave, act better, things would be better, etc. Somehow, deep inside, I KNEW it would, sooner than later, go back to the verbal/emotional abuses that had gone on. He would make excuses, find reasons (His) to blame me, again. I was tempted to go back, but thank goodness I did not. How I ‘knew’ this, I don’t know..perhaps my long ignored intuition, that I was finally listening to. I hadn’t read any books about any of this…yet. That came later, much later. Maybe it was remembering all the things he often said, about killing me, threats to my life. ONCE YOU LEAVE, DONT EVER, EVER consider going back, giving him/her another chance. This MAY BE the only opportunity you will have.