Last week, the Josh Powell story exploded in the media. Powell, of Graham, Washington, was supposed to have a supervised visit with his two young sons. Instead, he slammed the door in the face of the social worker, hacked the boys with a hatchet, and then blew up his house. Powell and the two sons died.
I watched three news shows about the tragedy—Dateline on MSNBC, 20/20 on ABC, and Dr. Drew on HLN (Headline News). All of the programs reflected shock, horror and outrage. Dr. Drew Pinsky did actually call Josh Powell a psychopath. But what struck me about the coverage was that this tragedy was almost predictable. All the warning signs were there, if anyone had a complete picture of what was going on, and if appropriate people had known what they were looking at.
The lessons boil down to three: Knowing how to recognize a sociopath, knowing what sociopaths are capable of doing, and acting on intuition.
Josh Powell, the sociopath
Josh Powell clearly exhibited sociopathic behavior. He first came into public view with the disappearance of his wife, Susan, on December 7, 2009. Josh Powell’s ludicrous story was that he left the family home at midnight to take his two sons, aged 2 and 4 at the time, camping in the freezing desert, and when he returned, Susan was gone. He assumed that she went off with another man.
Before then, however, Susan had confided in several friends and family members that Josh was controlling. He was psychologically and emotionally abusive. Susan was asked why she didn’t take the boys and leave. She was afraid to—Josh had threatened that she would have the boys “over my dead body.”
So where did Josh’s sociopathy come from? It appears to be the classic volatile mix of heredity and upbringing.
Last September, Steve Powell, Josh’s father, was arrested and charged with child pornography and voyeurism. Josh and his sons were living with Steve Powell at the time, which prompted the court to take the boys away from Josh and put them in the custody of Susan’s parents, Chuck and Judy Cox.
But that was just the latest, most apparent display of Steven Powell’s personality disorder. Court documents from the 1992 divorce case of Steven and Terrica Powell indicate that Steven Powell had always been a sexual pervert, and taught his sons to disrespect women.
The documents also reveal that at 16, Josh Powell was already heading down the same path. He threatened his mother with a butcher knife. He killed his sister’s pet gerbil. He attempted suicide. And as Josh grew bigger and stronger, even Steven Powell admitted that he didn’t know how to handle his son.
Read: Divorce documents shed light on Josh Powell’s troubles, on SLTrib.com.
Here’s the point: Based on both documentary evidence of the past, and the abusive behavior Susan Powell disclosed to friends and relatives, Josh Powell was clearly a sociopath. It doesn’t matter how he became a sociopath. All that matters is that he was one.
Sociopaths and custody battles
So what does it mean when one party in a child custody battle is a sociopath? Here’s what courts and child protective agencies should know:
• Despite their proclamations to the contrary, sociopaths do not love their children. They view children as possessions, and they feel entitled to do what they want with their possessions.
• Sociopaths are accomplished actors. They are capable of keeping up a charade of appropriate, even loving, behavior, as long as it suits their purpose.
• In child custody disputes, sociopaths are not interested in the welfare of the children. They are only interested in winning.
• If sociopaths have been violent in the past, chances are good that they will be violent in the future.
• Sociopaths do not want to submit to authority. Some sociopaths would rather lash out violently than submit. Therefore, it seems to me that one of the most dangerous times in a child custody case is when a sociopath loses in court.
Losing a round
I don’t know everything that went on in the custody dispute between Josh Powell and Chuck and Judy Cox, the parents of his missing wife. But from the media reports, I see two glaring problems.
First of all, Josh Powell had just lost a round in the custody battle for his sons.
In a status hearing on February 1, 2012, the court was told that a psychologist who completed an evaluation of Josh believed he had made improvements in his life, because he no longer lived in his father’s home and had been cooperative with visitation requirements. Still, the psychologist had become aware of disturbing information about Josh, and had recommended a psychosexual evaluation. The judge ruled that Josh’s sons would remain with the Coxes, and he was ordered to undergo the evaluation, which would include a polygraph test.
Read Josh Powell to undergo psychosexual evaluation; 2 boys will remain with grandparents, on DeseretNews.com.
Yet the court made no changes to the visitation arrangements. Initially, when the Coxes were first awarded custody, Josh had to see his children at a secure childcare facility. But apparently, because of the notoriety of the Powell case, his visits became disruptive to other families, so Josh was allowed to have supervised visits in his home.
And who was the supervisor? She appeared on 20/20. Although she may have been nice, dependable and competent, she was also a middle-aged, out-of shape woman who would have been no match for a young man if things got ugly. Even Chuck Cox worried about her, and stated on TV that perhaps she should have had extra security with her.
Reunification
The second glaring problem in this case: The court’s goal was to reunite the boys with their father.
The judge reaffirmed this goal in the last custody hearing. The case plan developed by Washington’s Department of Social and Health Services (DSHS) was geared towards reunification of Josh Powell and his sons.
The question is: Why?
Josh Powell was the only “person of interest” in the disappearance of Susan Powell. Rumors were flying that he would soon be arrested for her murder. Josh was known to be abusive. Police in Utah had found disturbing information about him that caused them concern about the welfare of the children. The man was likely dangerous.
DSHS representatives were interviewed by Dori Monson of KIRO-FM radio in Seattle, Washington. They defended their actions and procedures. The bottom line? They were following court orders. Listen to the interview:
[mp3j track=”http://icestream.bonnint.net/seattle/kiro/2012/02/02092012141232_1.mp3″]The main problem, at least in this case, appears to be that judges don’t comprehend how dangerous sociopaths can be, and how court decisions can turn deadly.
Intuition
Many warnings were available in this case, but were not recognized and acted upon. Perhaps the biggest warnings were the gut feelings, the sense of dread, the intuitive fear, experienced by many, many people.
In the TV interviews, several friends and relatives of Susan Powell described being creeped out about Josh Powell. And both Judy and Chuck Cox, the grandparents, said that they had “bad feelings” before that last fateful visitation. Chuck wondered that perhaps the visit should be skipped. Judy felt the same way, but was worried that they’d “get in trouble” if they didn’t send the boys to their father.
Even the two boys didn’t want to see their father on February 5, 2012. But the grandparents did what they thought they should do. The boys went to see their father, and we all know what happened next.
I am not blaming the grandparents at all. They are heartbroken. But perhaps they should have risked “getting in trouble” and kept the boys home. I’m sure they wish they did.
Here’s what we all need to know: Our intuition is designed to protect us. Fear is our friend, and it is based on intuition. If we ever have a really bad feeling about anyone or anything, we should trust ourselves and take appropriate action to get away.
If the court really knew what sociopaths were capable of, and if many people had listened to their instincts, those boys might still be alive.
More about the case
Watch:
A family’s story on Dateline NBC
Steve Downing, the lawyer for Chuck and Judy Cox, talked to local media about his impressions of Josh Powell. He is obviously describing a sociopath.
[youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/FQhz_aVTnow] [youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/lSOP4hOXPb4]
G1S ~ Stay around long enough to talk to me. I left you a long message last time you posted. That was followed by a discussion about how LF differs.
I believe that you could get so much information/help here.
Thinking of you and Sarahh all the time.
G1S ~ I read everything you went through in court and I am so sorry.
Have you researched the telecommunication harassment laws in your state? I wonder if they cover the internet?
Another thought, with all you wrote about your “mother’s” card to your son, I get the feeling she thinks you have him tied-up in the basement and refuse to allow him to have a relationship with her. Your whole family seems to be going on the impression that if they could just “get to him” without your influence, he would “come around”. Does this sound crazy?
I know NC is usually best, but it certainly isn’t working too well for your situation. Again, maybe I’m way off base here, but do you think a ‘LOOK OLD LADY STAY OUT OF MY LIFE” nasty letter from your son, disowning her as a Grandma, would do any good? Probably not a good idea to feed her, huh?
I just wish you could both live with some peace.
((((hugs))))
G1S,
Yes, it is frustrating when people think “welll, it’ls your moooother.” Believe me I can relate. I’m sorry you are going through this because they obviously think if they keep on with this “sweetness and light” that you and/or your child will come around and see them for the “nice people” they are.
I echo MiLo and say “stay around at LoveFraud” because your experience has much to offer to other parents dealing with the same thing of toxic families. God bless.
Star~ what you said about being around sociopath’s bring out spath tendencies in US that we didn’t know we had really hit home with me. There have been times when I’ve wondered if I’m a sociopath because looking back I can see how I would sometimes share the same traits as IT. Maybe I was imitating the ex spath’s behavior for self-preservation or IT just rubbed off on me. Anyway, I do have empathy and remorse and a conscience. That said, this was the first time in my life I remember lying (to make IT think I wasn’t on to the lies and manipulation), the first time I had lied to my family (telling them IT was good and hadn’t done the things he was accused of), and I became paranoid. I also got angry much too much and thought I was losing it, that I was truly bi-polar (IT’s diagnosis of me). I can see how far into delusion and mental/emotional instability a sociopath can take us. We can’t believe their lies, especially the ones that force us to question whether WE are the ones with the disorder.
On the Josh Powell case, it is just my humble and inexperienced opinion that NOTHING and NO ONE was going to prevent this tragedy. Even if the proper steps were in place to protect the children, even if the social worker had security with her during visitation, even if visitation had been denied completely, this sick psychopath would have found a way to carry out this gruesome act of evil. I truly believe one way or another Josh Powell would kill his entire family and nothing was going to stop him. With the mother gone, there was nothing stopping him. Spath’s operate that way, demented, entitled, and with no respect for society be it family or authority.
I’m not saying the system shouldn’t change, but our system is already too imperfect to have saved these children from certain death.
I like Darwinsmom’s suggestions. Her country has it right in that children should be protected at all costs even if it infringes on a parents “rights”. Making more people aware of sociopath’s, making changes in our legal system that protects victims of sociopaths above their “all men are created equal and innocent until proven guilty” decrees will help to avoid some of these tragedies in the future. Knowledge equals power.
Have you considered just rossing this stuff in the trash without even reading it, the way we all have to do with any kind of unwanted JUNK mail? Who cares if there’s “manipulation screaming off the pages”? LET IT SCREAM! That’s no different from junk mail either, always trying to manipulate, seduce, scare or pressure us into buying something.
Don’t even waste your time reading the stuff. Once you see who it’s from, just toss it. Have a bonfire and dance round it if you want. That’s a darn sight quicker, cheaper and less time wasting than chasing around after a load of courts and lawyers who don’t do what you want anyway.
It also has two side benefits. One of these is not getting the government involved in our lives any more than absolutely necessary, which in the long run only encourages government to become overgrown, bloated and an imposition on us all.
Better still, it has the side benefit of possibly being more effective in the long run. Your problem is that you’re trying too hard to CONTROL the behavior of your mother, sister and niece, to make THEM “change.” Yet none of us can ever really “control” another’s behavior. However, we can often hope to influence another’s behavior, within certain limits. Behavioral psychology teaches us that as far as it’s possible to stop another person from doing something, the best way is not to “reinforce” their behavior in any way at all. Ignore it and don’t respond in any way whatsoever. To some people who are trying to get your goat, even a negative or outraged response from you is better than nothing, and will only encourage them to continue. If on the other hand you ignore what they’re doing entirely, then as far as they can see, whatever it is they’re doing is having no effect at all. Eventually they’re likely to give up.
I’m sure there’s a great similarity between this approach and the “Gray Rock” technique Skylar was discussing in another article.
Is is me or does anyone else think that law enforcement has a misguided concept of the definition of a sociopath? With almost every crime story I read about it seems like they “just didn’t see it coming”. Aren’t they educated in crime? I lived with one sociopath and the signs are so obvious to me now and so predictable. Law enforcement must see them every day! Why do they let their guard down like this especially where little children are involved? I’m amazed when more precautions aren’t taken with these cases. I would never have allowed Josh Powell to have “supervised” visits with those children on his own turf.
Your article states, “Our intuition is designed to protect us. Fear is our friend, and it is based on intuition. If we ever have a really bad feeling about anyone or anything, we should trust ourselves and take appropriate action to get away.”
I agree, but society, with it’s misguided definition of “tolerance” frowns upon us if we judge someone or don’t give them a chance to change. Add upon that the legal system and our hands are tied. We aren’t even allowed to warn others of known sociopaths. I was forced to remove my blog posts because they identified a sociopath (my ex). I’d be interested to know how you are able to publish information about your ex-husband. How can we fight the legal system when they side with a sociopath?
I feel so sorry for those poor grandparents, who undoubtably felt as if they had no choice….
the lawyer is amazing. i could listen to him for hours.
Woundlicker, I can’t speak for everyone, but I have examined myself inwardly to the point where I have seen sides of myself that are narcissistic and sociopathic. The sociopathic sides have served me at times when I’ve needed to do something to survive, such as leave a bad relationship. I can cut someone off very coldly and completely if I have to. And I’ve also seen narcissistic greed and envy in myself, too, almost in the same way I observed it in my mother. I was very ashamed when I saw this side of myself. I had to accept it and the pain from my life that caused me to be like this. None of it was pretty to look at, and yet I am trying to love myself and accept myself, ugly parts and all. I am also the person who will go out of my way to help a friend in need and the same person who bonded so deeply with my cat, that I will probably never get over her death. I believe that as humans, we have the capacity/potential for all kinds of extremes.
Star~ you might not speak for everyone, but you do speak for me. I, too, have a narcissistic side. I have seen common traits I shared with the ex spath. I am just starting to process all of this and be completely open with myself.
I have explained and even joked away why I have these dysfunctional faults. Even telling people I’m part Greek, part Turkish so sometimes I hate myself. No one ever gets the lame joke that Greeks & Turks hate each other.
I would grasp at ANYTHING to explain my selfishness, mainly that my Chinese zodiac of the dog says I’m prone to selfishness. My point being, I was trying to find any excuses for the negative things I’ve done instead of taking responsibility with the truth.
What I’m finding out is that yes, I have undesirable traits and characteristics, but these “weaknesses” are in part what has gotten me into a relationship and friendships with sociopaths. Mix that with my undying need to feel needed and to nurture and love and its no wonder why I’m here at LF now.
The thing is, although I’m open to attracting spaths because of commonality with them, I’m also the one hurt each time because my conscience and empathy are much bigger then my personality disorders.
Star, the fact that we’re here finding truth, guidance and healing says so much for our desire to change. Spaths have no desire, they believe they’re perfect.
As low and empty as I have felt, as desperately depressed and sick as I got after the ex spath, I would still never trade places with IT for even a minute. They desire what WE have. Not the other way around.
I think loving ourselves is probably going to take longer than recovering from the pain of being involved with a sociopath. If it truly is genetic and somewhere in your mothers history you see narcissism, I think that explains why we attract them, not just because we have common traits but because they can see we’re vulnerable to their deception. I see what I need to change about myself so that I can love who I am and my goal is to do just that. I am still ashamed of things ive done and I’m ashamed of having these spath like tendencies, but forgiving myself and taking it one day at a time instead of living in the past will heal me and allow me to like and love myself.
Good luck, Star, and God bless you. Your posts have been so helpful in my healing. I get so much from your wisdom and advice.