Last week, the Josh Powell story exploded in the media. Powell, of Graham, Washington, was supposed to have a supervised visit with his two young sons. Instead, he slammed the door in the face of the social worker, hacked the boys with a hatchet, and then blew up his house. Powell and the two sons died.
I watched three news shows about the tragedy—Dateline on MSNBC, 20/20 on ABC, and Dr. Drew on HLN (Headline News). All of the programs reflected shock, horror and outrage. Dr. Drew Pinsky did actually call Josh Powell a psychopath. But what struck me about the coverage was that this tragedy was almost predictable. All the warning signs were there, if anyone had a complete picture of what was going on, and if appropriate people had known what they were looking at.
The lessons boil down to three: Knowing how to recognize a sociopath, knowing what sociopaths are capable of doing, and acting on intuition.
Josh Powell, the sociopath
Josh Powell clearly exhibited sociopathic behavior. He first came into public view with the disappearance of his wife, Susan, on December 7, 2009. Josh Powell’s ludicrous story was that he left the family home at midnight to take his two sons, aged 2 and 4 at the time, camping in the freezing desert, and when he returned, Susan was gone. He assumed that she went off with another man.
Before then, however, Susan had confided in several friends and family members that Josh was controlling. He was psychologically and emotionally abusive. Susan was asked why she didn’t take the boys and leave. She was afraid to—Josh had threatened that she would have the boys “over my dead body.”
So where did Josh’s sociopathy come from? It appears to be the classic volatile mix of heredity and upbringing.
Last September, Steve Powell, Josh’s father, was arrested and charged with child pornography and voyeurism. Josh and his sons were living with Steve Powell at the time, which prompted the court to take the boys away from Josh and put them in the custody of Susan’s parents, Chuck and Judy Cox.
But that was just the latest, most apparent display of Steven Powell’s personality disorder. Court documents from the 1992 divorce case of Steven and Terrica Powell indicate that Steven Powell had always been a sexual pervert, and taught his sons to disrespect women.
The documents also reveal that at 16, Josh Powell was already heading down the same path. He threatened his mother with a butcher knife. He killed his sister’s pet gerbil. He attempted suicide. And as Josh grew bigger and stronger, even Steven Powell admitted that he didn’t know how to handle his son.
Read: Divorce documents shed light on Josh Powell’s troubles, on SLTrib.com.
Here’s the point: Based on both documentary evidence of the past, and the abusive behavior Susan Powell disclosed to friends and relatives, Josh Powell was clearly a sociopath. It doesn’t matter how he became a sociopath. All that matters is that he was one.
Sociopaths and custody battles
So what does it mean when one party in a child custody battle is a sociopath? Here’s what courts and child protective agencies should know:
• Despite their proclamations to the contrary, sociopaths do not love their children. They view children as possessions, and they feel entitled to do what they want with their possessions.
• Sociopaths are accomplished actors. They are capable of keeping up a charade of appropriate, even loving, behavior, as long as it suits their purpose.
• In child custody disputes, sociopaths are not interested in the welfare of the children. They are only interested in winning.
• If sociopaths have been violent in the past, chances are good that they will be violent in the future.
• Sociopaths do not want to submit to authority. Some sociopaths would rather lash out violently than submit. Therefore, it seems to me that one of the most dangerous times in a child custody case is when a sociopath loses in court.
Losing a round
I don’t know everything that went on in the custody dispute between Josh Powell and Chuck and Judy Cox, the parents of his missing wife. But from the media reports, I see two glaring problems.
First of all, Josh Powell had just lost a round in the custody battle for his sons.
In a status hearing on February 1, 2012, the court was told that a psychologist who completed an evaluation of Josh believed he had made improvements in his life, because he no longer lived in his father’s home and had been cooperative with visitation requirements. Still, the psychologist had become aware of disturbing information about Josh, and had recommended a psychosexual evaluation. The judge ruled that Josh’s sons would remain with the Coxes, and he was ordered to undergo the evaluation, which would include a polygraph test.
Read Josh Powell to undergo psychosexual evaluation; 2 boys will remain with grandparents, on DeseretNews.com.
Yet the court made no changes to the visitation arrangements. Initially, when the Coxes were first awarded custody, Josh had to see his children at a secure childcare facility. But apparently, because of the notoriety of the Powell case, his visits became disruptive to other families, so Josh was allowed to have supervised visits in his home.
And who was the supervisor? She appeared on 20/20. Although she may have been nice, dependable and competent, she was also a middle-aged, out-of shape woman who would have been no match for a young man if things got ugly. Even Chuck Cox worried about her, and stated on TV that perhaps she should have had extra security with her.
Reunification
The second glaring problem in this case: The court’s goal was to reunite the boys with their father.
The judge reaffirmed this goal in the last custody hearing. The case plan developed by Washington’s Department of Social and Health Services (DSHS) was geared towards reunification of Josh Powell and his sons.
The question is: Why?
Josh Powell was the only “person of interest” in the disappearance of Susan Powell. Rumors were flying that he would soon be arrested for her murder. Josh was known to be abusive. Police in Utah had found disturbing information about him that caused them concern about the welfare of the children. The man was likely dangerous.
DSHS representatives were interviewed by Dori Monson of KIRO-FM radio in Seattle, Washington. They defended their actions and procedures. The bottom line? They were following court orders. Listen to the interview:
[mp3j track=”http://icestream.bonnint.net/seattle/kiro/2012/02/02092012141232_1.mp3″]The main problem, at least in this case, appears to be that judges don’t comprehend how dangerous sociopaths can be, and how court decisions can turn deadly.
Intuition
Many warnings were available in this case, but were not recognized and acted upon. Perhaps the biggest warnings were the gut feelings, the sense of dread, the intuitive fear, experienced by many, many people.
In the TV interviews, several friends and relatives of Susan Powell described being creeped out about Josh Powell. And both Judy and Chuck Cox, the grandparents, said that they had “bad feelings” before that last fateful visitation. Chuck wondered that perhaps the visit should be skipped. Judy felt the same way, but was worried that they’d “get in trouble” if they didn’t send the boys to their father.
Even the two boys didn’t want to see their father on February 5, 2012. But the grandparents did what they thought they should do. The boys went to see their father, and we all know what happened next.
I am not blaming the grandparents at all. They are heartbroken. But perhaps they should have risked “getting in trouble” and kept the boys home. I’m sure they wish they did.
Here’s what we all need to know: Our intuition is designed to protect us. Fear is our friend, and it is based on intuition. If we ever have a really bad feeling about anyone or anything, we should trust ourselves and take appropriate action to get away.
If the court really knew what sociopaths were capable of, and if many people had listened to their instincts, those boys might still be alive.
More about the case
Watch:
A family’s story on Dateline NBC
Steve Downing, the lawyer for Chuck and Judy Cox, talked to local media about his impressions of Josh Powell. He is obviously describing a sociopath.
[youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/FQhz_aVTnow] [youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/lSOP4hOXPb4]
Star: thanks for your support. Your consoling spirit uplifts me, Star and I am grateful to have you with me on this journey. Your insight and sunny heart has helped me so much – don’t ever let go of that…
Enough IS enough.
That is so correct: I just know he is bad for me and will never give me what I want or need. You are right: they reach out over and over and over again and have no consideration for the havoc they wreck upon others. They find it amusing. Consider us ‘weak’…IT IS THEM WHO HAS NO IDEA WHAT STRENGTH IS. And, you know I am right.
Oh yes, gray rock is an amazing concept and one that should be shared and shared and shared. It helps get past and through those ‘weak’ moments. Even in our ‘weakest’ moments, we are still stronger than they are and we will forever be stronger….they helped make us stronger so that we can deflect them and their poison away from our lives.
I don’t ‘miss’ “IT” at all – in fact, it’s like a boil…when you have it going on, it captures your attention until you are able to pop that zit and then it heals over and you don’t even remember it anymore….yes, just like that. THAT is where “IT” is headed now. Down in the ANALS of history, so to speak.
🙂
Dupey, in the case of my neighbor, he is not a spath. He has a successful career, great friends, and a great, happy life, and he is a kind and caring person. I can see it in his eyes. I can’t say that I am better than him or that he is miserable because of the way he is, like I could say about the ex-spath. So that’s why continuing to think about it does me no good – it makes me more miserable. Someone can be happy and even a good hearted person but still not be right for you. Sometimes there is no answer and no conclusion – you just have to disconnect.
It’s different from your situation. Your spath is a horrible person to begin with, and maybe you just needed to see that one more time.
Star: that was exactly it, I guess…I just needed to see that one more time. I have spent the past 5 years trying to unravel all this and make sense out of it. Until I found Donna and Love Fraud, I had absolutely no idea what this was all about.
I THOUGHT I had someone in my life that was kind, sincere, etc., when that wasn’t and still isn’t the case. Only ‘using’ some more. Trying to devour what’s left.
The ONLY REASON ‘it’ continued to keep in touch was because ‘it’ is concerned about the attempted murder charges and thought he could charm his way into making me die without pursuing it. Only thing is, it will be taken care of at my demise. I don’t have to lift another finger at making this legally justified, not in this lifetime. It will be dealt with at my demise and he was informed of this and I absolutely mean every word I said.
When the love bombing wouldn’t work trying to persuade me to ‘drop it’, then came the threats. They so hate it when you unmask them. I asked all the ‘telling questions’, this time around, and you know what? I didn’t like the answers. So sorry, I texted the wrong number again.
NO NOTHING I WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE.
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
There is no strength like the strength I have gotten from my daughter, this morning, over the telephone. What an amazing woman and mother. She makes me so very proud…
Star, you are right, my ppath IS a horrible, ugly, foul, person. He wasn’t always like that though, or maybe I just wasn’t seeing the hidden side…I have been like in a state of shock for the past almost 6 years because of him and his involvement in my world. The control and domination happened so slightly and slowly…it was amazing the depth of control this person had over me. HE STOLE MY LIFE, LITERALLY.
Yah, I needed to put it together with everything else and come to my own conclusions and I have. I removed him from my messenger now. I don’t want nor need to hear any more torment in my life. I have to find a way to keep moving past this and I AM…slowly but surely. It truly helps when you have people around you who listen to you and truly do understand.
So, thanks you guys…all of you…
Too many of you to mention anymore!!!!
But here is a kiss for each of you:
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Happy Friday!!!!
Dupey
Sigh.
((athena))
It’ll be ok. Time has a way of doing that.
Ox and Milo,
Hi. I’m not sure where to post this but this was an open thread.
I’m a little upset and seeing some “potential” red flags regarding jr. And his daycare. I don’t want to overreact but was hoping to get some input.
For the past several months I have seen what I think is strange behavior in jr and in his daycare.
Today was the final straw and I need to seriously question some things. I know this is not a parenting site however they don’t even know what raising a jr is like with the stress of an ex- spath. I blogged the other night about jr acting up during feedings and I rcvd the response by one mom who recommended a light slap to the face when he turns his head. This was insane. You do not slap a 15 month old.
Well heres the deal. It started this am.. When I put jr in his portable stroller to take him to daycare I noticed what looked like a toon of dried poop or food on the bottom of his stroller. Not a speck.. Enough that I carried jr. And took the stroller into them to show it. He has not come home with soiled clothing.. Except got today however they change outfits (which I don’t understand) once a day. Well today when I picked him up I was told he had fiery diaper rash/and diarrah. He little butt is RAW!! He screamed when I changed him. He doesn’t get diaper rash normally and I have not seen anything like this since he was very sick several months back and had very bad diarrhea among other things. It was explained to me that it could be a change in his diet due to his sensitive stomach. When I asked what he ate they said jar food (the same stuff as normal). I’ve been trying to get him on regular food but despite my requests they still give him the jars I provide in case the days meals are not easily crushed.
It took me to finally stop bringing formula before they switched him to real milk. It took me to stop bringing bottles before they give milk (supposedly through a sippy).
The supplies I provide disappear to rapidly. Since January I have provided 8 wipe boxes (the mega kind) and 3 mega packs of diapers. When I brought in destin 2 days ago I was told he needed more. This I questioned and was told ohh I got mixed in with another kids supplies.
Jr does not get his naps ( I understand this as you cannot make a child sleep with so much going on around him)
However he was so exhausted I brought him home and he is still sleeping. I will wake him up shortly for a bath and try to feed him a banana and give him some water and put on his pjs.
He has also started crying in the middle of the night. Not loud baby cries but whimpering. I always stroke his head while he falls back asleep. Well last night he whimpering broke my heart and I just picked him up and held him till 6:00 am while he slept on me. I never do this as the books have said not to but it broke my heart and I didn’t care about the damn books.
Are these red flags? Is this normal? My gut is screaming something is off but I can’t figure it out. Jr is 15 months.. Is this normal? He has also started having little tantrums… This could be his age however in wondering if he’s learning this behavior from watching the other kids. Jr is such a sweet kid.. Really. He has allot of energy but is not a bad kid and he’s not a crier… Never really has been.
If you have the time I would appreciate some insight/advice. I can’t tell if I’m overreacting or this is just normal..?
Dear I had kids in day care when they were small. Relax. It’s something a lot of parents wish they didn’t have to go through but a necessary evil if you have to work.
Yes, sometimes the day care workers miss the poop spots on carriages or baby contraptions. Try and throw it in the washer or if not possible take a soapy rag to it and try and get it out.
As far as destin goes they sell the generic version in your local Dollar tree.
Buy 3-4 tubes of it. When the day care worker says she needs it give her one tube at a time. Save the good name brand stuff for yourself at home.
Yes, they do use your supplies on the other kids if none are available so buy the generics at the dollar store. Give him a bath every night and wash his hiney. You can do it in the kitchen sink if you’re too tired and rinse him off with the kitchen hose. This will help the diaper rash heal faster.
In the Winter months they’re prone to a lot of viruses and believe it or not viruses and bugs will bring on rashes.
I’ve had 4 kids and multiple grand-kids and have gone through multiple scenarios with kid illnesses and diaper rash.
Most of all relax, take it easy, and know you are doing your best with the circumstances given.
Joanie123
Dupey,
Hi and (((hugs)))
I hadn’t realized you’d broken NC. You sound so fragile/angry…(no judgement there, I’ve often felt the same).
Is it an ‘anniversary’? Is that what has brought these feeling flooding to the surface.
I know that, for me, when I am feeling most vulnerable/alone…that is when I seek the comfort (however false) of ‘him’. That illusion.
I think of Oxy in a red silk caftan wielding her frying pan………..I have a visual of you wielding a battle axe. lol
Peace, wise woman.
Shelley
(OMG>….I am NOT calling you an old battleaxe!!!)
Joenai123-thank you. Jr was out like a rock but I was able to do a quick rinse and change while he was half asleep. He’s down again.
Thank you. I wasn’t angry.. Just concerned. I just want jr to be cared for and loved when I’m not there. I wish there was a magic clock I could take back in time 15 months to when he was first born. IDE like to be in this headspace back then.. Hold him more.. Not feel anxiety over spath.. Eliminate the anxiety. Lol.. But I guess if that existed IDE push it forward until I was 50.. Then I would be the best mom ever.
Thank you! 🙂
God bless
Hi Coping ~ so glad to hear from you, missed ya.
Sorry about the problems with Jr. I am certainly not going to suggest a light slap on the sweetie’s face – geeze – THAT mother needs serious help.
With the stroller – if it was poop – do you think they may be sitting him in it with just a diaper on? If he had a very messy diaper, it could have leaked. Some stomach viruses can cause a diaper rash, even if the diaper is changed frequently, same with some antibiotics. But, there is always a chance he isn’t getting changed soon enough and is sitting in the mess for awhile.
I am wondering that if he isn’t getting a nap, and is over-tired, this may cause the whimpering during the night. Sometimes, kids will go through this for a period of time, I would not worry about it unless it continued for a longer period of time. If you feel better picking him up, pick him up. You can never hurt a child by being a caring mother….
I also think the tantrums are probably age. Sorry, Coping, but this is when they start, they are showing their need for independence. Oh, I’m glad I don’t have to go through that again – WAIT – I have an 11 year old that STILL throws tantrums. Oh geezzz
I think supplies often get thrown in together at day care. If they need diapers, diaper cream, whatever for a child, they use whoevers is closest at hand. I would put Jr.’s name on everything and voice my concerns to the director.
I don’t think you are overreacting. I think you are being your child’s advocate and that is what a good mother does. Is it normal – some of it probably is, BUT – if you have a gut feeling, it is worth further investigating. Could you drop in at a very unexpected, unscheduled time to see if he is clean and where he is, playing, in a stroller or seat, etc. I think that is where I would start and just keep track of any and all problems. Remember what we always say about “gut feelings” – they are at least worth a second look.
*diaper rash remedy* – Caldesene powder, pink container, blue print. It really works..
Give Jr. a hug for me – let me know how things are going. Give Jr.’s Mommie a high five for a great job.