Like most of the United States, all of us at Lovefraud were horrified by the sordid story of child sexual abuse that emerged from Penn State University last week. Unlike most of the United States, we probably weren’t surprised.
That’s because all of us at Lovefraud have learned a very difficult lesson that millions of other people have not learned. This is the lesson: Evil exists.
For most of us, however, there was a time before the lesson. At that time we didn’t know evil existed—let alone what it looked like or what to do about it. So at that time, we were vulnerable to the sociopaths.
The sociopaths came into our lives, showering us with affection and maybe gifts, asking about our dreams and promising to make them come true. Kind of like the way Jerry Sandusky, the former Penn State assistant football coach, treated some of the young boys from his Second Mile organization for disadvantaged youths.
Then, after a period of time, we glimpsed inappropriate or immoral behavior from the sociopath. Perhaps it was directed towards someone else. Perhaps it was directed toward us. In any event, we were shocked.
Did we really see what we thought we saw? Did that person, who we always thought was so wonderful, who had been treating us like gold, really do that? It’s so out of character. It can’t be true.
Kind of like the reaction many people probably had towards allegedly seeing or hearing about Jerry Sandusky abusing young boys.
Complicated issue
Many people at Penn State failed to take appropriate action to stop Sandusky from preying on young boys. All of the following people have been criticized:
- Janitors who knew of an assault
- Mike McQueary, the graduate assistant football coach who witnessed an attack
- The Penn State athletic director and senior vice president, who failed to contact police
- Penn State University President Graham Spanier, himself a family therapist
- The legendary football coach Joe Paterno
But the issue is complicated. I am not making excuses for anyone, but experts say that any decision about what to do in this situation would have been fraught with psychological issues and societal pressures. An excellent article in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette raised the following points:
- Did the officials who failed to report feel allegiance to a friend? Did they feel allegiance to Penn State football, or to the university?
- What about the phenomenon of “diffusion of responsibility”? Did everyone think reporting was someone else’s responsibility?
- What about the human brain, which is “remarkably adept at believing what it wants to believe—”and not believing what it doesn’t want to believe?
Read Penn State: Why doing the right thing isn’t as easy as it seems, on Post-Gazette.com.
Teachable moment
So how do we correct the problem? How can people be prepared to respond appropriately when they come face to face with evil? We need awareness, education and training:
- Awareness: Evil exists.
- Education: Evil is not always obvious. Sometimes, it masquerades as goodness.
- Training: When we discover evil, what do we do?
Quite frankly, I think many of the people who could have reported the behavior of Jerry Sandusky were shocked into inaction. They saw or learned something unbelievable. They didn’t know what they saw or learned was possible. Then, with no guidance about what to do in such a situation, they decided there was less personal risk in doing nothing, or doing the minimal, or soft peddling what they learned, in case they were wrong.
Make no mistake: Doing the right thing in this situation involved enormous personal risk. It was the individual’s word against that of a scion of Penn State football. It was like going up against the church.
Perhaps, in the end, good will come out of this tragedy. What happened at Penn State has provided a teachable moment on a grand scale.
The child sexual abuse scandal has forever tarnished the legacy of the legendary Joe Paterno and the storied Penn State football team. It is a lesson of what can happen when people fail to do the right thing. The sudden and drastic downfall may be just what is needed to help people faced with similar situations in the future take the personal risk and go to the right authorities.
Doing nothing may be safe in the short term, but perilous in the long term. If Joe Paterno can be ruined by not doing enough, anyone can be ruined.
I haven’t looked so I admit it’s been a couple of years, it was during the Michael Jackson pedophile trial, but there was a ManBoyLove site and the men on there said the SAME things that Michael Jackson said, which is the same thing that Sandusky says. That they loved being boys so their thing was to be a boy again with other boys. That they LOVED and cherished the boys. SAME thing that Nambi? the man boy love members say, that it’s NOT abuse or pedophilia b/c the BOYS are the ones in control of them and their love which they pour out in adoration to those select few boys. “I just love kids. They are so great. I love being around them.” Words don’t sound so bad, do they? But they was they said it, with such lovestruck panting hot desire, that was sickening.
Oxy,
I just read the article you linked. The man is CLASSIC Psychopath. Right down to the perfect mask and the myriad of tells. He was telling everyone all day, every day, that he was a spath. He knew they would never believe it. He knew he would get away with it because people don’t know the redflags.
My ex-spath BTW, had a group of kids he sold drugs to. He told them his name was Jerry and they called themselves, “Jerry’s Kids”.
I met one of them, Kevin. He was about 17 when I met him. He was skinny, had long blonde hair to his waist and he came from a dysfunctional home. I only now just realized that he fit the description of the many young men with blonde hair that my spath used to befriend.
I used to think that Spath sold drugs so he could meet other evil predators, but now I just realized it was so he could meet street kids that he could prey on.
Another piece of the puzzle has just fallen into place.
Geez.
The ending of the article of the link that oxy put down said that Sandusky revealed “little of his psyche”. I think that’s bullcrap.
Skylar, you are dead on right. He was telling, telling, telling.
How disgusting.
This is totally classic.
I would love Donna or somebody to get in touch with the authors of this article and say “you got it all wrong. there are plenty of clues here. A tell is a tell, and it’s as simple as that!”. It says
CNN’s Sarah Hoye and Jessi Joseph contributed to this article.
Skylar, every time you turn around it seems like you make another discovery, or connect another dot. Good for you.
Athena
KatyDid,
I saw an interview once with one of those pedophiles that think that children have a RIGHT to be sexual and that “man/boy” thing is normal and healthy and that they (the men) are being persecuted and the children are being deprived of the right to being “loved” by an adult man. DUH?
Talk about the psychopathic SPIN on things….It sounds like Sandusky is one of these guys who see their own wants and desires as OK to DO. I also think that Sandusky’s arrogance is another “tell”—he didn’t even sneak around about it much, doing it in the locker room where there was a possibility of getting caught….and then getting caught and STILL getting away with it. What a power trip!
I wonder how long he has owned his home, the one with the deck almost on the playground property?
I wonder how he put that on his wish list with the Real Estate agent? Must have outstanding view – of public playground.
Here’s another little bit of information that is “interesting” Penn State received a BIG BUNCH of money from the Second Mile for letting “sleep overs” of kids use their facilities…..after supposedly Sandusky wasn’t allowed to bring kids on to campus, but HIS CHARITY WAS ALLOWED TO…DUH???? Nothing changed after the rape on campus, where they told him he couldn’t bring any more kids on campus, it was “business as usual” and Oh, BTW, pay for the use of the campus with BIG BUCKS.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2063820/Penn-State-scandal-Jerry-Sanduskys-charity-paid-250k-use-school-facilities.html
There was a great article in the NY times today about the language that has been used describing what happened. In the original articles breaking the story, The writers said “oral sex” and “anal sex” – they did not use the word “RAPE”. Which is what it was.
Now they’re getting grief for it.
Just like they don’t understand sociopaths, and “tells”, they don’t understand the difference between consensual sex and rape.
There is so much educating to be done.
Athena
Athena,
Yea, you are right about that….a child that young can NOT “consent” to sexual contact.
In defense of the media, saying that an ACT took place is DESCRIBING something that happened, versus “labeling” it, so “anal sex” is what happened, the ACT, but that constitutes “rape” in a child that young. Like the difference between “John shot Fred with a gun” is WHAT HAPPENED but it may or may NOT be “murder.” Of course in this case the act of SEX with a 10 year old is ALWAYS RAPE.
Athena,
It’s second nature to us LF bloggers now, to discern a “tell” and to know what it means. We’ve been discussing it for so long. But there was a time when we were stuck in WTF? moments too. It’s SO obvious now that I can’t believe there was a time I was blind to it.
Repeated exposure to stories about spaths and discussions about it, have clarified for us. I hope that Jerry Sandusky ends up inadvertantly educating the public. It takes a strong stomach and the will to keep your eyes open when you’d rather close them. I didn’t have that for 25 years, until finally I sensed it was a life or death matter and determined to keep my eyes open. How do we convince the public to keep their eyes open when it’s so much easier to say, “It’s happening to somebody else.”? Just like I did for 25 years.
Sky, While I am “for” spreading the word, educating people about psychopaths and how to spot then, and NC and a lot of the other stuff that we discuss here daily, at the same time, i realize that we are going to have to do it ONE PERSON AT A TIME….it isn’t something we are going to accomplish en masse. I wish we could.
It’s going, I think to be a one-on-one project with educating people who have been wounded. Those who have NOT YET been wounded aren’t interested in listening. I spent about an hour last night talking to an old friend who is just fairly recently divorced from a psychopath (that had me fooled too) after 10 years of what he thought was a good marriage and two years of HELL ON EARTH.
He’s getting what a psychopath is now and has gone NC with both his X and her daughter as well.
Well, I’m going to beddie bye folks, keep it between the ditches and I see you guys tomorrow or the next day!