Like most of the United States, all of us at Lovefraud were horrified by the sordid story of child sexual abuse that emerged from Penn State University last week. Unlike most of the United States, we probably weren’t surprised.
That’s because all of us at Lovefraud have learned a very difficult lesson that millions of other people have not learned. This is the lesson: Evil exists.
For most of us, however, there was a time before the lesson. At that time we didn’t know evil existed—let alone what it looked like or what to do about it. So at that time, we were vulnerable to the sociopaths.
The sociopaths came into our lives, showering us with affection and maybe gifts, asking about our dreams and promising to make them come true. Kind of like the way Jerry Sandusky, the former Penn State assistant football coach, treated some of the young boys from his Second Mile organization for disadvantaged youths.
Then, after a period of time, we glimpsed inappropriate or immoral behavior from the sociopath. Perhaps it was directed towards someone else. Perhaps it was directed toward us. In any event, we were shocked.
Did we really see what we thought we saw? Did that person, who we always thought was so wonderful, who had been treating us like gold, really do that? It’s so out of character. It can’t be true.
Kind of like the reaction many people probably had towards allegedly seeing or hearing about Jerry Sandusky abusing young boys.
Complicated issue
Many people at Penn State failed to take appropriate action to stop Sandusky from preying on young boys. All of the following people have been criticized:
- Janitors who knew of an assault
- Mike McQueary, the graduate assistant football coach who witnessed an attack
- The Penn State athletic director and senior vice president, who failed to contact police
- Penn State University President Graham Spanier, himself a family therapist
- The legendary football coach Joe Paterno
But the issue is complicated. I am not making excuses for anyone, but experts say that any decision about what to do in this situation would have been fraught with psychological issues and societal pressures. An excellent article in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette raised the following points:
- Did the officials who failed to report feel allegiance to a friend? Did they feel allegiance to Penn State football, or to the university?
- What about the phenomenon of “diffusion of responsibility”? Did everyone think reporting was someone else’s responsibility?
- What about the human brain, which is “remarkably adept at believing what it wants to believe—”and not believing what it doesn’t want to believe?
Read Penn State: Why doing the right thing isn’t as easy as it seems, on Post-Gazette.com.
Teachable moment
So how do we correct the problem? How can people be prepared to respond appropriately when they come face to face with evil? We need awareness, education and training:
- Awareness: Evil exists.
- Education: Evil is not always obvious. Sometimes, it masquerades as goodness.
- Training: When we discover evil, what do we do?
Quite frankly, I think many of the people who could have reported the behavior of Jerry Sandusky were shocked into inaction. They saw or learned something unbelievable. They didn’t know what they saw or learned was possible. Then, with no guidance about what to do in such a situation, they decided there was less personal risk in doing nothing, or doing the minimal, or soft peddling what they learned, in case they were wrong.
Make no mistake: Doing the right thing in this situation involved enormous personal risk. It was the individual’s word against that of a scion of Penn State football. It was like going up against the church.
Perhaps, in the end, good will come out of this tragedy. What happened at Penn State has provided a teachable moment on a grand scale.
The child sexual abuse scandal has forever tarnished the legacy of the legendary Joe Paterno and the storied Penn State football team. It is a lesson of what can happen when people fail to do the right thing. The sudden and drastic downfall may be just what is needed to help people faced with similar situations in the future take the personal risk and go to the right authorities.
Doing nothing may be safe in the short term, but perilous in the long term. If Joe Paterno can be ruined by not doing enough, anyone can be ruined.
Oxy
The last two sentences. HIS 63 yr old LAWYER got a 17 yr old pregnant, HE was 49 at the time. He then married her. The age of consent is 16.
They’re EVERYWHERE!
Sky, one of the previous links I had posted on one of the Sandusky threads talked about this Lawyer knocking up the 17 yr old and marrying her….he was 49 at the time….so I think they are both pedophiles, and maybe the lawyer didn’t LEGALLY have sex with a child, being 30 years older than her is I think pretty far off of the “normal.” But that’s just my opinion, and they are like noses, everyone has at least one. LOL
I think this sandusky thing is just the TIP of the iceberg of what went on in the Penn State foot ball program….and when it is all out in the open it is going to stink like WEEK OLD CARP!
I’ve been thinking about Jerry Sandusky’s wife. She HAD to have noticed odd behavior over the course of their married life. Why she chose to stay in the marriage, I don’t know. While married to my spath, I experienced lies, theft, etc., totally messing with my mind. He is absent from our lives, so that is a good thing. Like the rest of you, I also believe that there was abuse directed at the couple’s adopted children. Jerrry would have had a hard time denying his perverted impulses.
On another note – I hope everyone has a good day today. Happy Thanksgiving!
Here’s another school where hazing had apparently been going on for decades in the marching band….now a kid is dead.
http://www.cnn.com/2011/11/23/us/florida-hazing-death/index.html?hpt=ju_c1
I hate it that a young man had to die to bring this to attention, but the schools of this nation need to focus on ED-U-MA-KATION, and sportsmanship, and not on beating, raping, covering up and drinking until you puke! Schools, parents and students ALL need to take responsibility.
Read the comments on this article…they are almost as interesting as the article itself. Sad.
I’m in State College right now (where my dad lives), and it’s just surreal to see signs in store windows with the Penn State logo and motto, “We Are Penn State.” I mean… aren’t people at least slightly thinking about WTF that MEANS? What does it mean to be a Penn Stater in the wake of the child rape, the coverup, the special treatment for students as far as discipline went, the culture that allowed all this to happen?
Local news reports that Joe Paterno’s wife Sue tried to use the swimming pool at the college and was told to leave. She was further told to stay out of all university facilities — e.g. no working out at the gyms, etc.
She may be another true victim in this. All of us who have been involved with spaths and narcs know the heavy, heavy mind games used on us — I’m sure Sandusky’s wife was gaslighted to hell and back. I am no JoePa supporter, but it does seem a bit mean to tell a little old lady to find another heated pool to swim in during the middle of the winter.
Lady,
thank you for the report and your insights.
WTF DOES it mean to be a Penn stater?
It means you were duped. Remember that the dupe is in denial for a long long time. I was for 25 years.
The spath is the hero to the dupe. JoPa was that, a hero, a legend. Aren’t they always? I think there will always be those who bury their heads because reality is too painful.
Victim of sexual assault by a coach speaks out – 25 years later.
Read Goldie Taylor: Finding the courage to tell the story of my abuse on CNN.com.
http://inamerica.blogs.cnn.com/2011/11/21/goldie-taylor-finding-the-courage-to-tell-the-story-of-my-abuse/?iref=obinsite
Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.
LadySweetG,
The collateral damage that is spread around to others, even totally innocent others, is part of the fall out of the “psychopathic experience.”
JoPa was not as upstanding as his image presented….he may have had a high graduation rate for his players, but he wanted those players and himself apparently treated with “kid gloves.” He wanted to call the shots and protect the players from the consequences of their bad behavior to benefit HIS PROGRAM, his glory….sounds kind of narcissistic at best doesn’t it?
Of course he was also willing to do a cover up of heinous crimes by Sandusky in order to “protect” HIS program and his team, and his winning streak. ANYTHING for the program.
Did his wife know about any of this? Did she go along with it? Or was she in the dark completely? Doesn’t matter because of HIS bad behavior he got fired, and I think the him being fired is APPROPRIATE and when you get fired, your family suffers too, and in this case an 84 year old woman can’t swim in the facility pool. It is just part of the collateral fall out because Joe P didn’t do what was morally right, Joe P put his team and his program above the safety of little children who were being raped. Every child that Sandusky molested AFTER that day was because Joe Paterno DID NOTHING to stop him.
Read the above article about Goldie Taylor for an idea of how these kids suffered then and suffer NOW because of what Joe did, which was COVER IT UP…for the greater “glory” of the Penn State foot ball program and his own ride to glory.
Though it’s tragic just how many people have been silent victims of sexual abuse, it looks as though some of them are finally speaking out. I hope this story lights the way for other victims to speak up. I really like the newswoman’s attitude about her speaking out. She is going to tell the appropriate school officials, and then she is going to move on with her life. This is an empowered woman. She could probably tie up her life for many years trying to take the coach who abused her to court. Instead, she has left the investigation in the hands of those who now have the information. And she is moving on with her life. What a strong woman and an inspiring story.