Like most of the United States, all of us at Lovefraud were horrified by the sordid story of child sexual abuse that emerged from Penn State University last week. Unlike most of the United States, we probably weren’t surprised.
That’s because all of us at Lovefraud have learned a very difficult lesson that millions of other people have not learned. This is the lesson: Evil exists.
For most of us, however, there was a time before the lesson. At that time we didn’t know evil existed—let alone what it looked like or what to do about it. So at that time, we were vulnerable to the sociopaths.
The sociopaths came into our lives, showering us with affection and maybe gifts, asking about our dreams and promising to make them come true. Kind of like the way Jerry Sandusky, the former Penn State assistant football coach, treated some of the young boys from his Second Mile organization for disadvantaged youths.
Then, after a period of time, we glimpsed inappropriate or immoral behavior from the sociopath. Perhaps it was directed towards someone else. Perhaps it was directed toward us. In any event, we were shocked.
Did we really see what we thought we saw? Did that person, who we always thought was so wonderful, who had been treating us like gold, really do that? It’s so out of character. It can’t be true.
Kind of like the reaction many people probably had towards allegedly seeing or hearing about Jerry Sandusky abusing young boys.
Complicated issue
Many people at Penn State failed to take appropriate action to stop Sandusky from preying on young boys. All of the following people have been criticized:
- Janitors who knew of an assault
- Mike McQueary, the graduate assistant football coach who witnessed an attack
- The Penn State athletic director and senior vice president, who failed to contact police
- Penn State University President Graham Spanier, himself a family therapist
- The legendary football coach Joe Paterno
But the issue is complicated. I am not making excuses for anyone, but experts say that any decision about what to do in this situation would have been fraught with psychological issues and societal pressures. An excellent article in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette raised the following points:
- Did the officials who failed to report feel allegiance to a friend? Did they feel allegiance to Penn State football, or to the university?
- What about the phenomenon of “diffusion of responsibility”? Did everyone think reporting was someone else’s responsibility?
- What about the human brain, which is “remarkably adept at believing what it wants to believe—”and not believing what it doesn’t want to believe?
Read Penn State: Why doing the right thing isn’t as easy as it seems, on Post-Gazette.com.
Teachable moment
So how do we correct the problem? How can people be prepared to respond appropriately when they come face to face with evil? We need awareness, education and training:
- Awareness: Evil exists.
- Education: Evil is not always obvious. Sometimes, it masquerades as goodness.
- Training: When we discover evil, what do we do?
Quite frankly, I think many of the people who could have reported the behavior of Jerry Sandusky were shocked into inaction. They saw or learned something unbelievable. They didn’t know what they saw or learned was possible. Then, with no guidance about what to do in such a situation, they decided there was less personal risk in doing nothing, or doing the minimal, or soft peddling what they learned, in case they were wrong.
Make no mistake: Doing the right thing in this situation involved enormous personal risk. It was the individual’s word against that of a scion of Penn State football. It was like going up against the church.
Perhaps, in the end, good will come out of this tragedy. What happened at Penn State has provided a teachable moment on a grand scale.
The child sexual abuse scandal has forever tarnished the legacy of the legendary Joe Paterno and the storied Penn State football team. It is a lesson of what can happen when people fail to do the right thing. The sudden and drastic downfall may be just what is needed to help people faced with similar situations in the future take the personal risk and go to the right authorities.
Doing nothing may be safe in the short term, but perilous in the long term. If Joe Paterno can be ruined by not doing enough, anyone can be ruined.
20years – I think you raise valid concerns. Many, many Lovefraud readers have found themselves falsely accused of abuse by sociopathic former partners. Mothers accused of neglect, fathers accused of sexual abuse. You are absolutely right – it is devastating.
This is the problem with dealing with sociopaths – they are so good at lying, that it is difficult to figure out who is lying and who is telling the truth.
I’ve thought about developing programs to teach social workers and other professionals about sociopaths, and how they lie. The obvious question is, how do you figure out who is lying? So far, I don’t know of an easy answer, or a step-by-step process.
You can’t necessarily tell by talking to kids, because the kids may be brainwashed or terrorized into saying what their sociopathic parents tell them to say. You can’t necessarily figure it out from other witnesses, because sociopaths often get dupes to vouch for them, even lie for them. Quite frankly, I haven’t figured out an answer. If anyone has a suggestion, please post it.
I think CPS and court orders need to be expedited. If there’s an accusation of abuse, seems to me that doing speedy interviews with the kids; not allowing the abusive parent time to “prep” the kids would be pretty important.
By the time a sociopathic parent has figured out CPS/court involvement, they’d already be manipulating the kids on what to say/what not to say.
Better education on sociopaths is going to be essential for better social workers, better government, small business, family life, social life, etc. I mean, this stuff just needs to get posted everywhere, and people need to see interviews, read literature, etc. until they can spot these people a mile away.
20years ~ I also think you bring up some very valid points and you are coming from a place that you know what it FEELS like to be falsely accused.
Another possible problem with the public outrage and call for change is that history tells us that things can swing so far in the opposite direction that as you put it “well, you know the potential innocence of this adult under investigation DOES NOT MATTER.” The example I would give would be the “Zero Tolerance” policies that were put into place by the schools after the shootings in Colorado. You now have children being suspended for bringing plastic knives to school in their lunch boxes, young children being suspended for drawing guns or weapons or holding up their fingers and saying bang. Somehow, like you say, and I am one of the biggest child advocates you will find, we must have a balanced and fair approach.
Donna, many times I read on here, where people have been faced with defending themselves against the lies of the sociopath that they have presented EVIDENCE of the lies and it is IGNORED AND OVERLOOKED. I, myself was in such a position with a GAL. Knowing I would be in a position of he said/she said with a liar, I presented the GAL with at least 8 legal documents, police reports, court investigator’s reports, CPS reports, court documents where the spath/daughter was CAUGHT in CONFIRMED lies. I gave her myspace blogs written by the daughter bragging about how good she was at lying “Lying comes as naturally to me as breathing”. That should all have gone to CREDIBILITY. It was ignored, it did not.Spath was believed, I was not.
I believe Dr. Hare mentions, in one of his books, that Psychopaths are easier to diagnose in a prison setting, because their “stories” can be easily checked out through their records.
I think the professionals dealing with these issues MUST put their own feelings of who is the liar aside and look for and at the evidence. If you look hard enough, it almost always exists.
By Dorothy McCoy
Penn State and Creature of the Dark
All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing. ”“Edmund Burke
The scandal at Penn State is the tip of this iceberg of pain and tragedy. The victims are not the longtime football coach, Joe Peterno, or Athletic Director Tim Curley, or Senior Vice-President Gary Schultz or even Penn State President Spanier. The victims are hidden away and we will never hear about most of them. As a psychotherapist, I have treated many adults who were victims of childhood sexual abuse—the consequences of the abuse are horrendous. I have seen the pain, the confusion (Why me?), the guilt (I must have done something to cause the abuse.), and the isolation (I am different.). Pedophiles normally prey on many more children than the ones for which they are arrested. We know that in counseling and we know it in law enforcement.
Former Penn State coach, Jerry Sandusky, is accused of 40 counts of sexual crimes against male minors. Yes, he is innocent until proven guilty by a jury of his peers. That is our criminal justice system at work. I won’t attempt to try the case here. Though, I will discuss pedophiles, manipulators and creatures of the dark. If, indeed, Mr. Sandusky established his organization, The Second Mile, to have access to minor boys on which to prey, then his actions are reprehensible. If—Peterno, Curley , and Schultz knew about these behaviors and did not alert the proper authorities, then they will be called upon to explain why they should not share moral responsibility. “All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing.”
Creatures of the Dark
Coach Peterno is 84 years old and has served Penn State for over 40 years. If he is the kind of man the Penn State students and players seem to think he is, then it is possible that he was manipulated by a master manipulator. Please understand, I am not offering excuses for anyone. If Mr. Sandusky is a pedophile, he may have appeared to be appealing, congenial and even altruistic. Creatures of the dark can project a likeable façade. If pedophiles looked like the monsters we envision, they would surely find it difficult to get away with abusing children. If we saw their hideous side, we would recognize them for what they are and act accordingly. Creatures of the dark must have the cover of darkness to survive. They look quite different in the light of day and they can be mistaken for successful, compassionate human beings. They are very adept at covering up their predatory natures. Be warned–they wear innocuous masks of believability and normality.
“Predators have a marked proneness to blame others, or to offer plausible rationalizations for the behavior that has brought them into conflict with society and moral responsibility” (McCoy, 2006, p. 9). Creatures of the dark are talented liars and illusionists. Friendship with a predator comes with a staggering price tag—though it may take many years for the bill to come
Were Sandusky’s friends and superiors manipulated to believe a story that “appeared” to be in their best interest to believe? I don’t know— I don’t have the facts. However, as many people find to their horror, you do not know a manipulative creature of the dark, he has worked diligently at spinning a web of contradictions, confusion and falsehoods that others fall into without thought. I can quite well imagine how this could have happened—and the enduring sorrow and regret it would create. I have seen creatures of the dark.
Until I researched my book, The Manipulative Man, I probably would not have recognized a predator either. Let me suggest that you learn to recognize them. Ignorance is entirely too expensive.
I wish I could say this is the end of the tragic story hidden away in Happy Valley. I wish I could say now we will see justice and the healing will begin. I don’t believe that is true—knowing human nature as I do–below the concealing muck—there may be more sins against innocents” I hope I am wrong.
Sky ~ I thought of you. I was watching a news program where they were playing old interviews with Sandusky. He looked much younger, so they must have been done years ago. He was talking about his involvement with Second Mile and the kids.
PSYCOPATHIC TELLS all over the place. He talked of these kids needing discipline!!!! Some of the scenes were filmed with him in the swimming pool with kids. I understand most of the abuse took place around water. On and on. I really got what you say about the “tells”.
copdoc:
You say you have treated many adults who were victims of childhood sexual abuse and the consequences of the abuse are horrendous. May I also ask if another consequence other than the ones you have listed is that the abused grow up to be abusers?? I am extremely curious if this is perpetuated and if so, isn’t that the most horrendous consequence of all?
I so enjoy reading Donna’s articles touching on the many facets and layers of the s/p underworld. That’s what s/p is: the underworld. As many have pointed out, it exists, but many are unaware of it because somehow our human radar hasn’t become high tech enough to recognize it, to locate it and see it for what it is: completely and totally unacceptable. It’s good to continue having it pointed out that current events often result from a core of s/p behavior. I ** gasped ** when I read that the VP was a trained family therapist. Hey…you out there….looks like family therapy programs could use a revision to include studies on s/p behavior and how it wreaks havoc on the family system and society as a whole. Keep on writing and waking us up, Donna!!
Louise – In response to your query to copdoc
In my opinion, the abused growing up to be abusers is NOT the most horrendous consequence of all. The rationale of my opinion is that a child has no choice, the ADULT chooses. Therefore one does not follow the other and to do so is to assign victim status to pedophiles. There are far more abuse victims chosing to NOT be abusers than there are those who do choose.
Again, to be an abuser is a CHOICE. To be the childaged victim is NOT.
In my opinion, the most horrendous consequence is when an abused child commits suicide.
I am a Penn State graduate and earned a BS and MS I knew Joe Paterno and his family. Please let me tell you how I have educated people about sociopaths and sexual abuse.its amazing how quick everone is to judge and all Joe Paterno guilty. Yet, they do not understand the complexity of a sociopath and how they would have responded probably the same. I was married to a sociopath, a physician, who sexually abused my children. So this story was even more personal to me than to other alum. You see, my heart bleeds blue and white for Joe Paterno. Joe Paterno said, as I do, “I wish I had done more.” Sandusky had primary victims…those children who had horrific acts forced upon them and their lives destroyed forever. Then there are the secondary victims….Joe Paterno. Yes, another victim. Why? because Sandusky, like all sociopaths, is a master brainwasher, dissimulator, Manipulator. My ex husband, a master as well. Joe was brainwashed by Sandusky. Joe Paterno’s mind just like those who get a second hand report of sexual abuse shut down rational thinking with sound judgement. The mind of those who get a report wants to normalize and rationalize.I challenge anyone to respond any differently. As a mother who would give her life for her kids…I heard the reports from my own children. But I believed in my husband and my mind could not comprehend. So I normalized it. My children must be influenced by somthing in the media I must have missed. they may be having dreams. Early puberty hormones. My therapist was even fell under my husband’s hypnotic trance…she rationalized it as young children exploring in a masterbation fashion… children were just experiencing sensations from self touch. A man of my husband’s status and respec, pillar in the church, big smile, charming, charismatic, bragged about his children everyday to every patient. No. Not possible. Joe Paterno had many years of brainwashing… Sandusky, a familiy man, foster parent, deacon at the church. A charming man he worked with almost 30 years in the most professional manner. Sandusky, as other sexual predators, must be not only good but better than the rest of us otherwise they would not be able to get close to their victims. They would not be able to sodomize a young boy unless they were able to resocialize the child AND every single adult around them that could catch him commiting the crime. Joe Paterno was not approached immediately by someone reporting in a panic. instead, the young grad assistant, he did not know 26 years as he knew Sandusky, reported the act. Joe Paterno, already manipulated by Sandusky, would not react the same to news that was already over a day old. If it was such a horror than surely McCurry would have called 911. Joe Paterno DID act. Some may not have reported it. Even the ones today who think he was guity. He did report it and from there I am not sure what systematic distaster occurred. I do know that I would give my life for my children but I did not call the police. It makes no sense to call 911 on a a husband and father who appeared absolutely perfect or Sandusky who was a model coach, husband and father. I challenge anyone to call the police on someone they believe in who has manipulated and groomed them for years that they could never commit such acts of violence. Joe would lay his life down for the students. I could not call the police at the first reports of my children. It never crossed my mind. Now I wish I had done so. Our minds go into the strongest defense capable especially when the crime is sexual in nature. Simple incomprehensible. So we do not comprehend and fail to respond as a result. McCurrey.. now he was also a victim. Yes, he should have grabbed the child and run to the hospital with him as he called 911. Again, he was brainwashed and what his eyes were seeing and what was registering in his brain had to be different. The result, he delayed his report. By the next day, he would question his judgement as I did when I finally reported. Fear of being wrong and falsely accusing, fear it was true and noone would believe. I am not an enabler. I am a passionate, strong personality. Joe Paterno is a man who would break down doors, a man of principle, demonstrated this for his entire life. Even a little crabby. This is the lesson. That evil does prevail! Mothers all over the world question their judgement, ignore red flags, normalize, rationalize, fear…mothers who would die for their children. Joe Paterno a man of amazing principle. The reason this happens to mothers and to not just a coach but the most well known respected coach is to teach the world that the evil in sociopaths victimizes. Shame on those who never witnessed or had a report from a child about sexual abuse. They have not idea what they would have done because their brains would have responded in the same way. Everyone who hears the news, sees the act, will regret what they did. Joe Paterno should not. He reported it.
KatyDid:
I know…I guess I was thinking of it being a vicious cycle and if the abused become abusers, how will it ever stop? I would really love to know if all these pedophiles were abused. And not just pedophiles…all abusers…adults who beat their kids or even adults who never lay a hand on their kids, but who emotionally and verbally abuse their kids severely. Sometimes words can be way more hurtful than the beatings. It would be interesting to me to find out. I think I will do research on this.
I do understand the other consequences are horrendous…of course they are! These are innocent children we are talking about! I was thinking about the horrid consequence of perpetuation because if that is the case, there really is no hope. There’s no hope it will ever stop if the abused becomes an abuser. If even a few abused become abusers, we will always have it in our society.
I realize it is a choice to abuse and I also realize that not all abused children grow up to abuse, but a lot of them do. I think it’s been proven?