Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman from India whom we’ll call “Nisa.”
I had a relationship with a man in the last year. He was in his separation at that time. I gradually fall for him. He told me about his wife and said that she cheated him in a very bad way by involving with another guy and she is not normal, has dual personality disorder. I felt the pain of this person in my heart and gradually became attached to him.
As the day passes I started loving him. He said he loves me a lot. ‘I fell as a boyfriend, I fell as a husband for you,’ this was his language. Till one and a half months things were going good, but after that he became very possessive. He became paranoid and had misinterpretation for my each and every action.
Phobia towards sex
From the beginning of my relation I said I had a phobia towards the first time sex. He said that at that point of his age he doesn’t have an attraction to sex. After that we got intimated physically but I was not ready for sexual intercourse and can’t realize that this will become a problem.
After that he continuously insulted me because of this reason. And that trampled my womanhood. I was literally shattered. I had always a fear what will happen if I can’t do sex on our next meeting. He said that tell your parents that within the 1 year of our relationship you were not being able to do sex.
He knew that I am a child rape victim and at the beginning of our relationship he said that he will help me to overcome this fear. He is a doctor. But being a doctor he insulted me like this way.
Cannot leave him
But in spite of hearing all these things, I cannot leave him. I can do anything for him. I lost all my self esteem. I had no boundaries.
His approval became the sole motto of my life. He isolated me from my friends. He told wrong for my own sister. Still I forgave him and kept contact with him. I don’t know but most probably I became codependent. He hurts me a lot, but still I can’t leave him.
Sometimes he said, I love you, you are my life, the next day he said your sister is arrogant and that is the reason he can’t commit to me and sometimes he gave the sex reason.
I was totally confused. I also told him I will do sex, whatever phobia I have I will overcome, that but please do not leave me. I lost my whole self respect. In spite of all these disrespects I cared for him and love him a lot.
I can’t study and lost the interest in my work. I had lost interest to my research work and became isolated from my friends, my family and my pets. Nothing can comfort me other than his approval. Not even if my paper got published in a top most journal.
He blamed me
He was also very egocentric. I sent so many gifts for him in his hospital but mistakenly I put General hospital after his hospital’s name in the address. He then blamed me that I have written the general hospital intentionally just to insult him. I was numb hearing this. I can’t imagine in my dream also that this will become an allegation.
He talked garbage about me to his friend, that I am egoistic. I have tried to explain him that I am 8.5 years younger than him, I am not his contemporary. Why should I jealous about him? But he can’t understand anything, any explanation.
I was totally messed up and completely emotionally drenched out. I can’t sleep night after night, cried a lot, had attempted suicide twice. 🙁
I am in a vulnerable situation. For the last one month I kept no contact with him. But still I cried a lot, remembering him. I can’t bring ignorance for him. I can’t forget him and had great shame that I met this man. I can’t date any other person and am gradually losing the faith towards love.
AM I A VICTIM OF A PSYCHOPATH? Please give your valuable comments.