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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Can you count the love bombing red flags?

Editor’s Note: This Letter to Lovefraud was submitted by reader whom we’ll call “ProudMom.”

This was a text conversation between my 19 yr old daughter and a guy she’d only known at work for like 2 weeks. He’s already gotten her flowers, a wallet from her favorite superhero and it contained a special $2.00 bill inside of it. She saw the red flags but after making up excuses 3x previously, she was kind of worn down and was going to just humor him with one date so there wouldn’t be gossip.

She only saw the red flags because her sociopath father tried to kill both of us and we took classes. The creeper reminded her of her father, who was also pushy and also always carried the coveted $2.00 bill in his wallet.

(D) daughter
(C) creeper

(D) I know I’ve rescheduled our date three times. The truth is you are really nice and I appreciate your kindness, but I absolutely never date people I work with. I hope you want to remain friends, however I’m not going to change my mind.

(C) How come? And I can understand that but give it a chance it might be fun (: pls don’t cancel the date I was super excited for it !

(C) Trust me I won’t make it weird when I see you at work if anything when I’m at work I’m at work and I’m there to make money so I hope your not worried about me being a distraction cause I promise you I won’t be and of course we could still be friends but it be nice to see if something els happened wouldn’t it ?

(D) I’m not worried. I am politely trying to say that I’m not interested in dating at this point in my life. I appreciate you asking. Thank you anyway, I hope this doesn’t effect out friendship. See ya tomorrow. Thank you for understanding.

(C) Yeah your welcome and thanks for being polite about it I appreciate you for that and don’t worry kinda sucks but I guess when your not interested I can’t force you to go out with me I ‘m not that type of guy and I can respect that and yeah it won’t affect our friendship I still think you are nice girl and hopely In the future maybe we can try again but for now have a good night and I don’t work till Friday so I probably won’t see you till then bye.

(C) And I’m not mad just to let you know i will always be here if you need me .(:

(D to me) now I look like the bad guy. Mom- but you’ve graduated from sociopath school. Yay! Let’s just hope he’s not a stalker too.

This is creeper school 101! Love bombing! So glad her dad is such a psycho that she saw the signs and flags flashing! She never went on the date, so I guess good can come from very bad experiences!

 


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25 Comments on "LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Can you count the love bombing red flags?"

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“kinda sucks but I guess when your not interested I can’t force you to go out with me”

That’s exactly what he’s trying to do. He’s trying to chip away at her resistance until she gives in. Any reasonable man would have taken the hint at having a date rescheduled three times – it’s a pretty good indication she’s not interested. This creeper doesn’t take the hints. He’s keeps using her desire to be nice. Now she’s been about as firm as a person can be in this situation while maintaining civil discourse. I hope she doesn’t try to be nice anymore if he keeps trying. I suspect he will.

Proudmum thanks for sharing. Donna has posted a pre-prepared script for giving them the elbow – it was taken from The Gift of Fear book. You may want to give it to your daughter. She wrote a great reply the only thing she may want to change for a creep in the future, if you don’t mind me saying, is her statement “I am politely trying to say that I’m not interested in dating at this point in my life”. This will let a creep think there is a chance for him in the future which his reply reflected. Donna’s script is harsher but necessary and goes along the lines of “I’m not interested in you romantically and I’m certain I never will, take your interests elsewhere as I’m doing”. I cannot remember the exact words and Donna can show you were to find the script for your daughter.

Well done on educating your daughter a credit to you!

Thanks for sharing this! Even though it is a young woman sharing with her mother (what a great relationship, btw) this is an example that I take to heart and will put into my maybe-start-dating-again file. After an abusive relationship, it is so easy to fall for the love bombing and other toxic type manipulative behaviors. It happened to me recently, yet like this mom, I have graduated from ‘sociopath school’ (love that) and was able to listen to the sick feeling in my gut and take a giant step backward. I admire how this young girl was able to stand her ground with dignity and respect.

Indie Mom, –“listen to the sick feeling in my gut”– has got my mind racing, and I just have to get this out of me so I can admit that my failure to do exactly that is why I am asking myself some tough questions now.

Four years with “Edweird” has come to an end for me. Finally. I don’t want to go into too much detail about the last month or so, but after 31 days of NC recently, I let him “talk” to me one night. Enter weeks of on again/off again/on again/off again BS as always. That is, until a week ago. He ranted and yelled and hissy fitted me for the last time. I blessedly cannot take any more of it. Not one more word of it. Not one more glare, sneer, lie, ommission, complaint or insult more of it.

But, uh oh, he can’t control me any more and this fact is starting to ramp him up. His usual tactic of blaming me for ‘misunderstanding’ him and ‘not letting him talk about what’s on his mind’ or ‘not just obeying his suggestions on how we might communicate better if I would just stop being so disagreeable with him’ and ‘be more excited’ when he says things. He even tried to tell me how I should respond and in what manner I should say it, on a regular basis. I have been accused of being a ‘sasser backer’ because I don’t roll over and play alive or dead on command. I have spent four years defending myself and my motives, like an idiot. blah blah blah. No Edweird, I don’t want to talk about how sterilizing this generation will help the world and that we should just let starving people die and stop wasting money on them if they are just going to keep having babies that they can’t feed or pay for….and no Edweird, the world would not be better off if you were King as you say it would. Yes Edweird, most girlfriends would want to know if you were spending time with other women and why, if like you say there is ‘nothing’ going on we should be able to meet them instead of you keeping them behind your curtain. Yes, hiding from your girlfriend tends to make her wonder why you would be hiding from her. Lying to your girlfriend and getting caught lying will make your girlfriend wonder if you are capable of telling the truth. Keeping all of those ex-girlfriends in the picture as your triangulation tools becomes blaringly obvious when the time you spend with them is only while your girlfriend is at work and she asks you why these girls don’t ever come over when she is not at work.

So now I feel that he is stalking me. He shows up on weekends or when I am home for lunch, and one of the scariest things that is happening now is that he is peeking in windows and my front door, left ajar to let the cool night air in. (locked security screen of course and how sad that I have to keep my ears open for this monster, but a good thing that I do) because….

He showed up at midnight the other night. I was watching the last of some tv show, and I didn’t know it, but he was standing outside spying on me until he accidentally made a noise that I recognized as the kind of noise only an intruder could make, so I shut the front door real quick and peeked out the spy hole and sure enough, I saw “Edweird” duck down and then creep over to the side of my apartment.

The only way out of that side yard is to pass back by my spy hole, or jump a six foot fence. After me watching to see what he would choose, he jumped the fence.
Even though I was nervous, I locked the house and went around to the side of my apartments to see if I could catch him, so to speak.

I didn’t see him or his truck that he had parked part way down the street though, so I came back inside and spent some time looking out my bedroom window to see if he was still lurking around, when about 20 minutes or so of this, I saw his truck headlights come on, him making a u-turn to head west, because driving east would have had him driving right in front of my bedroom window. I thought he was gone. Sigh of relief, at least for the night right? Wrong.

I texted him right away to stop hiding his truck and sneaking around my place at midnight after I have asked him not to have any contact with me, and once again, to never contact me again. He came back again about 5 minutes later and said “It’s Edweird” through the door. I turned off all the lights and went and hid in my bedroom until I heard his truck drive away again.

(He is having a hard time processing that I do not want to be anywhere near him ever again and he keeps coming around just like he has always done before, and I know it’s because in the past I have let him back around to “talk” or “work it out” or whatever fake thing I fell for at the time)

I can’t believe it!!!! As I am writing this, he just showed up again!!!!!!

I used my cell phone this time to record him through the front window that he is staring at me through, and of me asking him to leave me alone again, and for him to go away, while he is standing there talking through the door and asking me why I “am always so mad at him. Let’s just talk”.

We all know what ‘let’s talk’ means….Insults aimed at me and Word Salad comes to mind, and he takes hours and hours of time doing it until I am numb and left utterly exhausted from hearing all the same illogical rhetoric and his ‘helpful anagogies’ that spew so freely from his mouth. (too bad he doesn’t spend any time talking about the things in life that have meaning)

He didn’t stay on camera very long. He left after about 90 seconds, I saw his truck pull out of my complex, came back to my computer and he called my phone. I didn’t pick up. He didn’t leave a message. But at least I have another instance of him calling me AFTER I have asked him to stop though.

I think he didn’t like the sign I put in my window very much either: SMILE FOR THE CAMERAS.

One of the tough questions I am asking myself now is whether or not I should try to get a restraining order.

He does some things that he wouldn’t want the police to particularly know about, and he has threatened me before about not ‘messing with his life’ after one of the dozens of breakups we’ve had. I’ve never had to think about getting a TRO on someone before, and I think we have to wait until the turd does something worthy enough to ask a judge to grant one for.

What does he have to do to me first? How much time do I have to spend telling him to stay away from me? How many times does he get to keep coming back around until someone believes me that it is making me both a nervous wreck and feeling unsafe in my own home? I’m ready for anything.

In the back of my mind I remember him pointing out how easy it would be to jump me at night if I wasn’t careful, duh, but now he knows how easy it would be to jump me himself if he wanted to and I know he is capable of physically hurting me because he has before, (I didn’t report it) more than once I am ashamed to admit, and is another thing that I am beating myself up about on top of everything else I did or didn’t do while I was with him. I should have reported it.

He never apologized for any of it but I did mention it a few times that he shouldn’t use his size to hurt people and he would just blame me for the whole fiasco, because I was the one who was so mad at him for his behavior and treatment of me at the time and telling him so, that it made him feel like he was being attacked. so, what did I expect?

So now I come to this: “listen to the sick feeling in my gut” and I can only blame myself for not listening to it! I knew there was something wrong with him 1.5 years into it. I lied to myself. I thought we could work it out. I believed that trying his myriad of methods to try to learn how to communicate with him would produce something solid and real. I am just as mad at myself as I ever was over any of his behavior, because I didn’t listen to my gut as soon as I should have.

It’s true LF peeps, please listen to that sick feeling in your gut. It is not love-sickness and butterflies, It’s poison. Spit it out. The sooner, the better.

He does not know what love is. He IS laughing though and probably looking forward to his next trick. The only difference this time for me is that none of his tricks will ever work on me again. I am not happy about it, but I get the last laugh this time. I rejected him. He knows it and is still trying to be the King who decides what I should do and say. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahhaaahaha– NOT!

……………
whew, I feel a little better….. thank you LoveFraud.

Jenni

Jenni, I am so glad you vented here tonight. I am very concerned for your safety. His behavior is not normal what so ever…sneaking around an ex gf’s home is not normal. Please the next time he does this behavior call the police asap. Start a police file on him asap.

Tell your neighbors if they see him to call the police too.

This is a very scary statement he made to you: “I remember him pointing out how easy it would be to jump me at night if I wasn’t careful”….please believe his words as fact!

Also change your phone number, email, facebook acct etc…block him from everything. No more contact with him. You might also want to contact your local abuse center to ask what it will take for you to get a restrain order then start keeping a journal of his behavior for the judge in the restraining order case.

If you go to Home Depot or Lowes or other hardware stores they have alarm systems for around $100 that use batteries instead of being hardwired into the home and no monthly fee. These are easy to install just a screw driver. It’s worth the money because I worry that when you are not home he could enter your home and look around. You can also find camera security systems that you might be able to hire your apartment maintenance man to install or a paid security company’s home security system.

Jan7,

I wasn’t aware there were security systems that were battery operated and will be looking into it asap. Thank you for mentioning it.

Yes, I will call the police next time, even though they will probably show up after he has left.

One of Edweird’s acquaintances actually helped me in 2012 when I bumped into him one day while driving up in the mountains, and he noticed that there was something wrong, that I didn’t seem like myself as he had known me to be, so I told him that I hadn’t seen Edweird in 2 weeks because of his lying and hiding and general meanness and strangeness, by leveling with me about how Edweird really is and that the girlfriend before me was stalked for three months after he caught her coming out of her male neighbors apartments one morning after Edweird sat in his car all night watching her apartment. It was AFTER she had broken up with him. He then began a campaign of accusing her of cheating and that is the sole reason she broke up with him. She had to move to get him to stop. I have already moved twice, but I allowed contact to continue by being tricked into giving him another chance. I won’t move again because of a jerk, and lol, am glad that I signed a lease until Feb 2015.

So, I know that he has pulled this stalking kind of stuff on at least one girl, and he undoubtedly knows that he shouldn’t hang around too long for fear of being caught in the act I’m sure. He hides his vehicle and walks in to the complex. Who does that?! I’ll have to be smarter than a sociopath/ASPD this time, which in his case will mean getting him and his actions on video. Security camera’s are going to be the way, because it will be my only proof that he keeps coming around. Hearsay is inadmissible.

I knew that I would learn something by posting…..that someone would say something that would help me…. Thank you Jan7 for being the one to suggest battery op security.

Jenni

Dear Jenni Marie,

“But, uh oh, he can’t control me any more and this fact is starting to ramp him up.”

I think you’re on the right path, but you are still allowing the sociopath to toy with you.

Two more things caught my attention:

“I texted him right away to stop hiding his truck and sneaking around my place at midnight after I have asked him not to have any contact with me, and once again, to never contact me again. He came back again about 5 minutes later and said “It’s Edweird” through the door. I turned off all the lights and went and hid in my bedroom until I heard his truck drive away again.”

“and of me asking him to leave me alone again, and for him to go away”.

(1) ”“ It’s all about power and control over you. Your words say one thing, but your actions are telling him another. Your words are closing the door, but your actions are opening it and he will behave based on your actions. Show him your message (that you don’t want him in your life) with actions, not with words. If you keep contacting him, he’ll keep coming back. He’s trying to get a reaction from you with all this terrorism. He’s still controlling you, forcing you to contact him (to ask for no contact!) and using your wish for no contact against you. That’s crazy hu?! Give him nothing, no more words or fearful reactions, and you will take your power back. Avoid showing your enemy that you are afraid of him. Show him nothing.

(2) ”“ You don’t have to “ask” him for anything! Don’t put yourself below him. He doesn’t own you, so why ask him for anything? Don’t give him this power over you. Do not contact him. YOU do no contact, don’t expect him to do it for you. You are your own authority. Just do what you want, SHOW him you want no contact, don’t TELL him. He’ll get bored after some time.

It’s a normal reaction of the sociopath’s brain to try to bring you back into submission again and again. Not for love, but for power. Just vanish and show YOURSELF who’s got the power. If you get the restraining order and you need to call the police in one of these episodes, make sure you don’t deal with him. Let the cops deal with him.

Hi Tom Booker,

I hear ya…. I am sure you are offering friendly info, and I’ll try not to get my feelings all discomboobled by it….jk, lol.

What I was doing IS sick. It was temporary, but agreeably sick.
Having to send so many “stay away from me texts” is my sick response to a sick person, but only for a very short time, as planned. There is a means to an end to this sick thing of sending them to him. Let me explain two things:

#1-“Plausable Deniability”. I am sure you have heard of it.

#2-He told me that he deletes my texts without reading them when he thinks I am just temporarily mad at him (like right now as we speak). I know that he might not have even read the texts that said to “stay away from me” even though I’ve sent so many.

Well, he is not going to use #1 against me this time. It’s one of his known tricks and I am ahead of him on this one, this time.

He is not going to get the chance to make a fool out of me by using #1 ever again.

And on #2 ; OMG, he couldn’t possibly have missed so many of MY texts Your Honor, of me telling him to stay away from me after each and every single instance of him showing up at my place uninvited. I must have sent a dozen of them, and I am sure he must have read at least one of them. Surely he must have……(as my imaginary court testimony goes).

I will probably have to get a restraining order…..In my temporarily sick mind, I am making it as difficult as possible for him to get one iota of a chance of conning an authority or judge into believing that “he didn’t know…..to stay away…..blah blah blah”. I am basically building up some cyber forensic evidence that can be retrieved if needed (unless I were the I.R.S, but that’s a different web blog).

After one of his uninvited visits, he left me a voice mail that he was “having problems getting a hold of me on the phone”, trying to sound so concerned and worried. Ha! Completely and totally laughably fake to my ears, but not to someone who doesn’t know him. Why did he even leave the voice mail in the first place if he had just heard me tell him through my front door to leave me alone and go away? To cover his butt that’s why- so he could say that he only came over to my place “because he was worried, that’s all”…..

I sent my official last “stay away from me text” the other night when he came creeping around at midnight. Even I know that after that, no one should try to deal with a person like that on their own and not report it to friends, family or the police. Friends and LF friends have advised me to just call the police next time.

My next steps are to call the police if he shows up again, and not send any more texts……I think I have enough proof that I was very clear when I told him to stay away from me, and that I do not want to be with him anymore, and that I do not like him anymore so he needs to move on.

Thumbs up to you Tom Booker, your advice is right on, but I personally had to make a little important detour first and get the forensics I need to bring to court with me.

~Peace out,
Jenni

Hi Jenni,

Oh, so you are the one in control?! lol! Great, I didn’t know it was deliberate. I take back what I wrote. Don’t want you to feel discomboobled!

Thank you for sharing your moves! Hope everything goes well.

I also had to pretend things to my sociopath so I could escape without more abuse.

And I’m always remembering what Hannibal says in that tv series: “An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior.”!

See ya,
Tom

This guy is playing sick head games with you – dangerous games that could escalate to something even worse. He’s not taking “leave me alone” seriously because there are no repercussions if he doesn’t. He doesn’t take you seriously. The next time he shows up call the police.

onmyown,

Yes, sick head games. Nothing new there. This time though, I am blessedly over that addiction to him. As much as nothing makes sense when dealing with him, it all makes perfect sense to me now. I can see it for what it is-Dangerous.

I was such a fool. Four years of head games that I played along with unwittingly, all in the name of “love”. I can barely remember him cracking a spontaneous happy smile about anything the whole time.

He went from either talking about sex to being very cranky and crotchety 99% of the time that he was awake and truthfully, one of the things that bothered me the most….was that he has ZERO sense of humor and would take any joke or humorous comment I made as an attack on him, because “I wasn’t observant enough to notice that he had a lot on his mind and wasn’t in a joking mood!”.

If one person can have every trait of every dangerous type of disordered person, ASPD/NPD/BPD/ it was him. He overlaps all of them and I had to forget about trying to figure out which ‘one’ he was and work through the steps of convincing myself that I was NOT about to lose any great love of my life by getting away from him, and that what I felt was not love, it was an addiction brought on by a very sick disturbed person.

He also has the ‘If only I were King syndrome’ and gets angry at me for not obeying on queue, even if I was not consciously trying to be disagreeable.

He has two brothers. Early on when I asked if he had siblings he replied: my mom had two sons and ‘Edweird’.
In his mind he is not even connected to his mother. He calls her by her first name and spends his birthday with her because she should get to see the great person she made on that day until she dies, and he complains that every visit ends with her crying over some callous thing he said to her that she should not have got all upset about. I’ve seen him do it to her at a family gathering.

My addiction to him is broken. I can’t believe it took almost 2 years from the time I found LF and realized what he might be, but it is broken.

LF has helped me to see,
What that monster did to me,
It’s okay if I get away,
And take a better path,
Away from heartache, confusion and pain,
Inficted by that spath.

I’m back,
🙂
Jenni

Your poem kinda made me cry a little bit there. 🙂

Tom

Jenni,

This all sounds very familiar to me. The person who stalked me is now serving 21 years in prison due to his pursuit of me. You can read my story here on Donna’s website. I think it’s under Cases and it’s the story about Michael Bonert.

The advice to start a history of this person’s pursuit of you is spot on. Do it soon and write down anything you can remember from the past also.

You really should contact law enforcement right away and start a history of your situation. If this goes on for a year and you then contact law enforcement, it is just starting for them since you have not documented any history WITH THEM.

The descriptions you use about him lurking outside your apartment are truly unsettling. I worry about your safety. I have had many similar situations. One that came to mind was when I arrived home (was living in a rental home on a farm in the country) one night. After being home for about 10 minutes I saw him drive out from behind one of the buildings and out my driveway. To realize he was there the whole time, watching me, made me sick to my stomach.

This is not a game and you could possibly be in grave danger. Be careful and seek out someone in law enforcement who will be supportive of you. Unfortunately, they may not all be supportive.

Take care,

Vicki Kuper

Jenni

Don’t wait until next time. Get a TRO NOW!!! Your concern and his actions are reason enough for a judge to grant one and you were smart enough to get proof. Keep on being smart. You say you should listen to your gut. Your gut us telling you to get TRO but your not listening. Pls pls don’t wait.

You can NEVER be friends with a sociopath! Your daughter should be proud of herself for how she handled this situation…but a sociopath will not stop until he gets what he wants and that is to date your daughter so he will keep attempting this while “just being a friend”.

I meet my ex h through a mutual friend…The first time I meet him my thought was “who is this tornado?” my second time meeting I thought to myself “this guy is crazy” not in a fun crazy way but CRAZY mentally. My gut was correct about him but I thought no harm in “just being friend” since I just moved to a new state and he was a friend of a friend…but little did I know that he needed me to pay his mortgage and bills…looking back everything he did was to get me to move in with him to do just that including him mirroring my belief system, my dreams, my idea’s everything to make me think he was just like me….I was trying to be polite (a nice person) I had zero interest in dating him, moving in with him, or marrying him or staying married to him but he was so manipulative with pity play and all the lies he told about others to make me feel bad for him I did all those things. In the beginning I would come home from work and there would be 4, 5 10 messages on my machine from him and he would just show up at my condo unannounced. Sociopaths will just keep pushing your boundaries until you give up out of exhaustion in dealing with them.

If your daughter can switch jobs she should do so asap. This guy is never going to stop and she will be sucked into his game whether she is educated or not he will also create a smear campaign of lies against her to suck others into his game of control. Tell her NOT to be friends with him if she has to stay at this job…she needs to go no contact with him at work and if she has to she needed to go to the owners or hr and tell them that he is making her uncomfortable.

Have your daughter read the book “Gift of Fear’ and both of you watch (google) “Oprah Gavin Debeckers you tube” life class interview. Oprah states women are always trying to be polite they dont want to seem like not a nice person. Women dont want to be labeled a “bitch” but you must protect yourself from all of the danger in the world. She states that in the wild animals dont stick around to see if the other animal is a nice animal nope they run. They self protect and women need to do the same.

When I first left my husband and was finally partially educated on all of his mind games I started to play tennis again I met a man at the condo that I was living at who played tennis weekly and invited me to play with him. After playing tennis he would push me to go eat dinner with him at a local restaurant…when I said no he would make me feel guilty…at dinner he would want me to drink alcohol even though I said no he would still order a drink for me then make me feel guilty that he was drinking alone, if I drink the beverage he would then order another which I would not drink, then he started sending me cards even though I did not give him my address he looked it up. I game him my email only just to make plans for tennis (I didn’t want to give him my phone #). He started sending me emails all day long about other things. I firmly told him I was not interested in dating anyone, I just wanted to play tennis with him that is it. But he keep pushing my boundaries. Thank goodness at that point I had educated my self on my ex h and this guys games. I told this guy in an email that he had disrespected my boundaries over and over and to never contact me again. He sent a email back saying “Good for you”. His email creeped me out like he knew I figured out his con game. Looking back at this guy there were things he stated from day one that were odd…do I think this guy is a sociopath? not sure but he did do many things that were RED flags to indicate yes or maybe just a narcissist either way I followed my gut. For the first time in my life I felt empowered by my firm actions in handling this situation that it was ok not to be nice but to look after my self and what made me uncomfortable. So I hope your daughter will too.

Please tell your daughter NOT to be friends with this guy!

Did C stalk D after this conversation, or did he accept her decision? I agree that D agreeing to a date and then deciding not to go, also saying ‘at this point in my life’ could encourage or confuse him.

It’s more difficult, but works well to just say no without explanation nor excuses. Going out with someone when one doesn’t want to just to avoid gossip could be confusing.

It would be great if people viewed dating as a way to get to know others and have a good time, without it meaning any kind of commitment or future. People can have unrealistic expectations and attach a great deal of meaning to a date or two, when people don’t know each other well enough to make a decision about the future one way or the other.

In recent decades dating seems to move too fast, or is just skipped altogether, to foster healthy relationships. Women and men, too, for various reasons, seem to often assume there’s a commitment before it is really made, and too early in getting to know one another to have enough info to make a commitment.

I agree with AnnettePK.

D has the right to offer no excuses for her behavior. D has also the right to change her mind.

Setting boundaries might sometimes offend people. It’s normal. But we are not responsible for what the other person feels. We are responsible for protecting ourselves. D can set boundaries and not feel guilty about it, but happy for being able to protect herself from this individual.

When I read C say “how come?”, I could feel a narcissistic touch there, an abusive and controlling mind. There’s danger there. I don’t think friendship is possible, because this kind of people can only be our enemies in sheep’s clothing.

If C can’t “get” D now, he will wait until she’s vulnerable, even if it takes years. My sociopath was my “friend” for five years before she took advantage of my weakness. And it all started with “friendship”. No contact means safety and it’s the only way.

This just gave me a crazy idea. A game called Pin the Red Flag on the Sociopath. Like Pin the Tail on the Donkey. Each red flag could say something like “Asked to marry in the first week” or “Called 15 Times in One Day.” Don’t mind me – I’m packing and moving today and looking for excuses to procrastinate. lol

(C) “Trust me I won’t make it weird when I see you at work if anything when I’m at work I’m at work and I’m there to make money so I hope your not worried about me being a distraction cause I promise you I won’t be and of course we could still be friends but it be nice to see if something els happened wouldn’t it” ?

This whole paragraph gave me the creeps. Actually, reading the whole conversation was very uncomfortable for me. This is exactly the kind of tactic the person who stalked me uses.

I hope she can remain strong and keep him out of her life. Once these people realize someone sees through them they move on to an easier target.

I am rolling laughing! Gotcha! Not at anyone here. I’m still married to my spath. But, I actually thought there were real classes about these creeps. I love learning especially about anything that makes me a better person or better mom. I’m cracking up at myself because I was so eager to jump into another class. I’m such an overachiever. I can’t help it. If anything I’d like to be the go-to person for family & friends who experience this, especially my children who share his DNA. I love this site. It’s validating. Unfortunately, the majority of the population either don’t understand these mega-creeps or are so fearful that they turn a blind eye, which is understandable as we all know too well. But, this place is amazing ’cause…guess what? WE’RE NOT CRAZY!!!!!!!

And this is why I titled my first novel in The Muslim Romance Trilogy THE YEAR I LEARNED TO TEXT.
Now having lived through the experience of love-bombing and manipulation by way of TEXTING, I can spot the signs with my eyes closed!
Everyone, let’s bring back the intimate art of conversation, in person—so you can see his eyes!—or telephone talk—so you can hear the speech pattern.
I refuse to begin a friendship through texting. If the guy can’t call me and talk to me, he’s out!

Love to you all,

Juliet Montague

Juliet,

The most confusing six weeks of my life was spent being “managed” via text message by a man I came to believe was disordered. I only ever saw him in person twice and never once spoke to him on the phone. All he did was send text messages, and they eventually became abusive and manipulative. I finally realized that he never used my first name and used a generic “babe” even when I suggested nicely that I preferred he use my name. That’s when it dawned on me that he was probably doing the same thing to many women. He most likely used this term of “endearment” for all of us – it’s easier than trying to keep track of names.

Apparently he was telling male acquaintances that I was his new girlfriend. One of them came to me and warned me that he lied to women about…everything. The next time he texted me I outright accused him of lying about having a job. He was quite irate that someone dared to rat him out. He didn’t understand that why I might be upset about the lies. So that was the end of that. It stuck with me though, and I’ll be on the lookout from now on for people who try to manage me with text messages. It was just insane.

Juliet and onwmyown,

I had a one year relationship with a female narcissist mainly through texting. I’m very tired of it now: no real emotional conection, no physichal presence… what a miserable relationship… Recently another girl wanted to make friends and I could see so clearly: lots of immediate attention (love bombing) and very quick, fast paced texting. Well, I stopped texting right after her second private message. It’s been a month and I’m not really interested in this type of thing anymore. I’m so tired!

I literally shuddered at his use of the word ‘force’, as in, “I can’t force you to go out with me”. Run Like Hell.

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