LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I lost my marriage, my children, my job and my home

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman who calls herself “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.”

My story began in high school where we started dating. We were both at the end of our junior year and began dating as summer was beginning. It started off fantastic; I mean that’s why I stayed to get back those first few weeks of our relationship.

Then the jealously started, the manipulations, the isolation: it was too much for me to take and begin my college years. So I told him we were done; of course this was after he “tried to commit suicide” in front of me by taking a handful of aspirin; he pinned me down in my car in the dorm parking lot and I screamed to the point that someone called the police and I had to press charges, he stalked me wherever I went, but then he just disappeared, poof, gone and that was that!

3 years later

Fast forward three years: I am married to a great guy and working traffic in a radio station. The radio station job was not anything to do with the public. I sat in the rear of the radio station where no one ever saw me and worked alone.

Imagine my surprise one day when all of the front staff happened to be out, leaving me to cover, and he comes breezing in. Just wanted to let me know he was back in town, had been in California for three years but he was back. Also wanted me to come and see him. Never happened and he left me alone.

17 years later

Jump ahead another 17 years: I am still married, have two children and he is also married and has two children. My class reunion is coming up and I call him. I call him because he was such a jerk to me and I want to go to my high school reunion without him being a problem. After communicating off and on, we decide to go together which begins an unraveling of my entire life.

The wonderful marriage I had; disintegrates; my two fabulous children; one moves off to college and the other decides to live with her father; my great job working for the state; gone; after a five year relationship with the sociopath, I was left without a marriage, my children, a job and my home. I was now all alone and in debt for him. It has taken me years to dig my way back from a five-year relationship with HIM!

What did I get?

Let’s look at what I got out of the “relationship”: I cannot even say at the beginning it was amazing, because it was not. It was exciting for me because of the sneaking around and having an affair.

But immediately he blamed me for us not being together since high school. It was my fault and I accepted blame for that. I didn’t have his children, I had someone else’s children, so even though I was nearing 40 if we were going to be together, I had to have his children.

Also, he was staying in his marriage at least another three years and I would have to just live with that. He would do whatever he needed to do to make his wife happy so he could stay there another three years. I deserved it, after all, because I broke up with him so many years ago.

And I was so stupid, I went along with it. Some of you might say I deserved it because I was cheating on my husband and you may be right. However, I have been away from this sociopath for over two years with absolutely no contact and I still have nightmares, I am dealing with anxiety, sleep issues, and other emotional trauma. No one deserves to go through what I went through.

All my fault

He never apologized, EVER! It was always my fault. We went out to a club one evening, he got tipsy and hit me upside the head to the point I was dizzy. I drove him back to our meeting spot and left him at his car to go home to his wife: He called me all the way home screaming at what a b##ch I was because he was tipsy and should not be driving. That’s one of many stories that I could tell you. It was always my fault.

When I found out he was cheating on me with someone other than his wife; yep, you guessed it; my fault. He wanted to have a secret friend like my secret friend. Ok, my secret friend was my best girlfriend whom I spoke with on the phone and then lied to him about it so I did have to be isolated from her too.

His secret friend of the opposite sex and whom he just met; he took to all the places I begged him to take me. I knew he was having another affair with a woman at work but of course, I was crazy and didn’t know what I was talking about right up until she got fired from her job for it. Of course he didn’t get fired because everyone loved him at his work. No one knew him.

Minions

My spath had minions. Or that’s what I called them. I have never seen anyone else talk about minions before.

He had all these people (ok, mostly women) who would do all his dirty work for him. When he wanted to cut a whole in the floor of his wife’s house because she filed for divorce from him; he had his minions do it. The whole in the floor only opened from underneath the house so he could come and go as he pleased. I called his wife and told her about it.

Also, when he wanted the VIN off of his wife’s car, minions were sent out to fetch it for him. He had minions move him when he was kicked out of the wife’s home, had minions move him when I kicked him out of my home, minions did everything.

The father thing

Also something else my spath did was the father thing. He overkilled the father thing. Those were his babies and he missed them terribly he cried the day after he found out the wife was divorcing him.

His babies were 13 and 16. He tried to kidnap his babies but it failed and of course, he cried and cried to anyone who would listen about his “babies” and of course that got him more women to cheat on me with.

He was arrested for growing marijuana in his apartment and having meth. He claimed to only be doing this to set up his wife so he could get custody of the kids. Of course, when he was arrested I bailed him out, paid all of his bail, was never reimbursed, paid for his attorney fees, and provide him a place to live. All the while he was making three times the money I made and he never offered one dime while he lived there.

It was at this time that both my kids fled; they knew what he was but love is blind. While I was on vacation, I discovered he was cheating again so I told him to get out.

Kept coming back

He left but kept coming back and all the while was punishing me for kicking him out. And I was so stupid, I was begging him to take me back, accepting the blame for all of it, promising him I could be better, put up with him going out on other dates as punishment for kicking him out ”¦

After six months of that and yet another woman coming into the picture, he one day quit taking my phone calls, my text messages, blocked me from his Facebook, just like we never happened at all. Except that I was now without my marriage, my children, my job and my home.

Signed:
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend