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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I’m at a loss about what to do (Part 2)

Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader who posts as “WalkingInLight.” Read Part 1 here.

Towards the end of our separation a man rang me from S’s church to see if he could help S and I get back together. He told me he had spoken to S and was now speaking to me to see if he could help. I told him I still loved S but really believed he did not love me. This man said he would talk to S the next time he saw him.

Now I have to say that I had not been going to this man’s church for a couple of years because the teaching had taken a ”˜strange turn,’ so I was at a different church to my husband. Even though my husband agreed about the teaching, he said he couldn’t leave that church because he respected the leadership and felt loyal to them. As soon as this man told me he was going to speak to S the next time he saw him I KNEW that S would leave that church (so that conversation wouldn’t happen) — and that is exactly what happened. Though S always tells people he left due to the teaching.

I could handle it

But once again, I started to forget all the unpleasantness, and wanted him back again (this sounds mad I know). But i felt that after not knowing what was going on in my marriage for the first 12 years, now that I did know I could handle it. I also found out he was planning to move back to his home country (which he denied) and I knew if he went the girls wouldn’t see him again.

He had up to that point made sure to see them loads and never messed them around, in fact, his relationship with them had never been so good. I went to see him and said I wanted to give it another try. He said he would do it for the sake of the children, but he was moving back home (as I knew) and we would be living there.

He also said I had to cut all ties with my friend. This I agreed to first of all, then said no I wouldn’t do that. He said I shouldn’t go back on my word and tried to bully me in to agreeing.

We spent that Christmas together in the house I was in with the kids. It was odd. He was on his phone texting most of the time, even though he’d said he loved me and wanted the marriage to work, not just for the sake of the children.

Moved to his country

We finally moved. My parents were devastated, because they used to see us all the time, but I was convinced they would come and live with us at some point. We moved to a VERY remote place, for a while I liked it. But after 2 years I realized I didn’t. I was so homesick. I asked him to go back. I begged him to go back. He said, “You can go back if you want.” Even though his family were an hour and half away we very rarely saw them.

His behaviour got a bit better over the years. He seemed less angry in general, but would still react if he felt “threatened” (asking something of him, etc.). He very rarely punched or kicked anything. He stopped smoking drugs. He became more huggy. But the cycle was still there.

He was still saying I was mental and a liar. I BEGGED him to stop saying these things and I really wanted him to admit I was not mental, even though he’d said it to me so much I used to ask my friend, “Am I mental?” She used to say to me, “It worries me that you have to even ask that.” I realized now his games and his countering, denying etc., but it still hurt.

Wanted a son

He wanted a son. I wasn’t sure, because I was 38 years old. He put a picture on my screen saver of a pregnant tummy with a little foot sticking out. I thought it was quiet sweet. I did get pregnant. Then I remembered that he’d always had this fascination with the Bible story of Jacob (I think) who put his sheep in front of the speckled sticks to make them spotty (I think that’s right). He believed in this principle. I asked him if he’d done that with the picture of the pregnant tummy on my screen saver, he just laughed.

We had a son. I had to stay in hospital for a week in the city where his parents lived. He barely came to see me for an hour a day, and because this hospital was so far from our home hardly anyone came to see me. He told me he was looking after the girls at his parents. I later found out he was just out visiting friends.

Awhile after he went to a school reunion, when I saw photos of him on facebook with his old friends I had to do a double take. He was really laughing, relaxed and looked totally different. He looked like a stranger to me; he never looked like that around us.

Boxing

I was really worried about having a son because I didn’t want him to be like S. I knew S would influence him. S had always had this love of boxing, but I had said if we have a son I don’t want him to do boxing. So one night when our son was about 3, S says he is going to help out at the boxing club. I spoke to him and reminded him how I felt about it. He said it wouldn’t affect our son M.

But I knew he would influence him and before you know it M would be boxing. He would make M want to do it. I was so upset. This didn’t just affect me now; this affected my children.

I very calmly tried to talk to him about it, but he used all the usual tricks of diversion, twisting to tie me up in knots. I kept thinking of different ways of saying what I felt, hoping he would understand me this time. But I’d fallen back into the trap of thinking we were having a relationship built on mutuality, where people want to understand each other and sort the problem out. I eventually reminded him of the verse about not doing something you want to do if you know someone else will be upset by it, because then you are not “acting in love.” I really thought he would see my point, but no, he accused me of “manipulating scripture.” I eventually went to see our pastor about the boxing situation. I also told him about our marriage.

Apology

Around this time we had more counseling. I totally opened up about how I really felt in our relationship. I told him I felt totally rejected. He said he would do anything to make me feel secure. A few weeks later we went on a family outing with his parents and brother, sister-in-law and kids. Ten minutes into the walk I turn around from looking at something with the children and he was nowhere to be seen. He’d walked off with his parent.

I spent the rest of the time (at the zoo) walking round without him.

When we met up at the end he said he couldn’t find me. It was a circular walk, which we’d done many times before, but all of a sudden it was too complicated for him to work out where I was. When we got back I told him I couldn’t believe he’d done that after I told him how rejected I felt. He refused to understand or apologize for how that made me feel. I could not move passed this, not after all I’d told him. I needed him to acknowledge it.

I kept trying a couple of times a week to say it in a different way, so the the penny would finally drop and he would see my pain. This went on for 6 months. I was the lowest I’ve ever felt; I wanted to die. After 6 months he said if it means so much to you I’m sorry.

Amiable

More recently he was checking out a beautiful young lady waiting by the school gates with us, really staring at her, right in front of me! I was devastated and embarrassed; we live in a very small community and people must have seen him doing it. I challenged him about it when we got home and of course he denied it. I went to our pastor again. When I got back S said to me that he DIDN’T look at THAT woman but he has been looking at a lot of women and it’s become a habit and he’d been watching a lot of porn as well.

If you met my husband you would think, “What a lovely, intelligent, helpful guy.” He is involved in a lot of community work and has run for local council, representing his political party. In fact, he took a personality test the other day and told us it came back as “amiable,” which he even laughed at. My eldest daughter (who sees what is going on) said, “well you are ”¦ to other people.”

No trust

I am going to finish now. Just to say, I thought about a year ago, if I just accepted this as “It is what it is,” and know that he reacts in this way in certain situations (most of which I go out of my way to avoid), I can get on with it.

But there is no intimacy. There is no trust, so many times he uses things I have told him in my weaker moments against me. In times when everything is “ok,” which are quite a lot of the time, I feel nothing for him. We don’t really have a relationship. It is not that I haven’t forgiven him; it is that I can’t trust him.

I know everything may look o.k. on the surface, but that surface only needs to be “scratched” and all this nastiness will spew out.

Something came up the other day. He abused me in front of his brother. (He always does this in front of his family, unless I remind him not to do it before we go. Then he will say “I never do that,” but at least he wont do it.) I spoke to him about it and he said all the usual things to me: “ I am spoilt,” “never take responsibility for my actions,” “never apologize,” “I’m a liar,” etc.

I said to him, you called me a “fat bitch” on Monday and you only just said sorry for that now and it’s Sunday night. And that’s because I said I wanted to talk things over with you. I think if anyone has a lack of responsibility that would be you. I thought to myself, this person DOES NOT KNOW ME AT ALL, AND DOES NOT WANT TO GET TO KNOW ME.

Doesn’t want to change

He wants to stay in his perception of who I am so he doesn’t have to change his behaviour. I have tried in the past to live my own life while living with him but it is very depressing and lonely (more lonely than being alone) and so I fall back into a “relationship” with him.

I am truly at a loss about what to do. I really don’t want to upset my kids, my youngest two would be very upset if the family were to break up. I also don’t know if I’m strong enough to do it either, or whether I’m too old at 44 to start again. Any thought on this would be very helpful.

I apologize again for the length and I thank you if you have managed to read all this.

Love,

WalkingInLight

 


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kaya48

Jan7 I think you are never too old to start over again. I was put in this position, I did not have a choice. It is a very scary, frightening, fearful situation. Believe me I thought I was not able to go on for another day. Thinking back now it was like a fog I was in while I was married to him. I took his cheating, lying, betraying, manipulation, porn addiction for 20 years. Looking back now I should have put an end to this a very long time ago. But of course there was fear and my child. Today my son told me that he is glad his lying father left us and he wished it would have happened a long time ago. You are not doing your children any good by staying. Please get all your strength and get a new life for you.
I am 48 years old and got this mess thrown at me. But like I said god wanted me to have piece in my life. That is why he took him away. I would not leave him so there was no other way. I have faith that good things happen to good people. I am happy every day and that’s enough proof for me.

walkinginlight

Jan7,
another one of the reasons for me not leaving, which I didn’t mention, is because I’m having panic attacks, which make me feel very frightened. The attacks make me worry how I will cope with the children and make me feel I just could not cope on my own. It just shocked me that you mentioned it!! I never connected them to living in this stressful situation, though I do believe my husband ‘played on my fears’ to induce my anxiety – I know that sounds strange, but I do believe it is what he did. I will seriously have to think about this because this is an aspect I never realized.

Blossem4th,

Your illness story made me feel very sad. I totally understood it though because my husband will always ‘get sick’ after I’ve been ill.
Thank you Stargazer and Kaya48 for your comments, I really appreciate them.
Walking in light

walkinginlight,
The Panic attacks I was having was from living alone after falling in my home and hitting my head hard.But after what my husband put me through,I began having ANXIETY attacks;totally different for me.Panic was like having your mind spinning,not knowing how to cope.Anxiety was like losing one’s breath,having “meltdowns” and fearing things were going to go dark.I knew I was losing control.I had always fought the idea of taking antidepressants to control my emotions (I’ve used them for my fibro pain).

I made an appt to see the NP I’ve seen for yrs and have alot of confidence in.It was still hard to start the conversation,but as I talked,I realized she had been waiting for this day!She told me there was no way I could force my husband to do anything;the next move was up to me…I would need to leave.

She prescribed Cymbalta for me.I’m still taking it.It works for my anxiety as well as my fibro pain.Two in one–I like that!

It turns out that my NP is on the board of the local DV shelter.And just remember,your local DV shelter is there for you…whether you need shelter(although that provision is primarily for the physically battered),help leaving and/or counsel.

kaya48

Regarding panic attacks. I did experience those also while he was in my life and I feared they would worsen with his departure. To my surprise they actually stopped. Without any medication. My physician even reduced my medications for hypertension. He thinks that it was also caused by the stressful situation I was living in 24hrs a day. Of course I do get anxious at times now with being in court hearings etc. I just stopped worrying. Just don’t look at the past and show no fear. I learned that no matter what you will be ok. My calendar full of “happy” months definitely proves this (I put a happy sticker on every day with no contact to the soon to be ex). And one of my greatest pleasure is that I am not walking on eggshells anymore. I don’t care what had does, what he is up to or even if he is still alive . If took about 8 months to “readjust” my thinking. It wasn’t easy but I eventually did it. :).

Jan7

Hi Walkinginlight…..all of your health issues are caused by your husbands abuse hon.

I too dismissed them during our marriage thinking they were caused by other things but since leaving and educating my self on exactly how my ex abused me, who he is and how the body stress effects you physically, mentally and emotionally, I now know that abuse goes way beyond what most think.

I became so fatigue during my marriage I could not get out of bed, test after test proved nothing but I knew I was not healthy then when I left him I had panic attacks something I had never had before (very scary) and high anxiety, I now know it was my adrenal gland not functioning correctly wreaking havoc on my body and mind. Thank goodness I had a friend who directed me to a hormonal specialist soon after leaving my husband.

Getting your health back is number one priority for you not only will you feel better but you will think clear again and be able to make good decisions about your relationship…your panic attacks will go away quickly…here is what I have learned about anxiety, depression, panic attacks, sleep issues, mood issues etc:

1) find a good hormonal specialist who will test you for cortisol levels, hormonal imbalance, vitamin deficiency, thyroid function T3 & T4 test etc.

– cortisol levels go up when we are under stress, the problem with a abusive relationship is our cortisol never get a chance to subside because we are walking on egg shells all day long around our abuser.This is a very big deal high cortisol levels are bad for the heart and other organs plus we can not think correctly because we are in a state of constant fear. When I left my husband I was lucky that a friend told me to go to a hormonal specialist where I found out that my cortisol levels were off the chart once they stabilized along with hormonal balancing (just pills or cream) my anxiety and panic attacks ended.

– hormonal imbalance, our adrenal glands regulate our blood pressure, blood sugar, cortisol levels, and over 50 hormones (all the female hormones) again under continual stress the adrenal glands end up fatigue and do not work properly and in return our blood pressure goes up, blood sugar is not regulated, our cortisol levels go up and stay there and our hormones get messed up….then what happens? it causes sleep issues, anxiety, depression, fatigue, the list goes on an on. This too can cause panic attacks, depression, anxiety, sleep issues etc.

– vitamin deficiency…stress also depletes us of vitamins and minerals especially B’s, C, D and magnesium. This is a big deal because our body needs vitamins and minerals to feed our brain and organs…if the brain does not get the right nuturence then we do not thing well, we do not make good decisions, our brains get stuck and we can not think our way out of our abusive relationship. Google “anxiety vitamin deficiency” to learn more.

– if you have both adrenal gland issues and thyroid issues according to Dr Wilson you must first heal your adrenal gland first otherwise you could damage your thyroid (see his book)

– To find a good hormonal specialist ask your friends or/and google “compounding pharmacy” with your city name (not a regular pharmacy its a specialized pharmacy) then call them for a list of doctors, pick a female doc if you can.

2) Go to drwilsonadrenalfatigue.org and take his quiz then read everything on his site including his symptoms list.

3) go to drlam.com read/watch videos/see his symptoms list

– see womentowomen.com read up on hormonal imbalance and adrenal fatigue

– see drchristinanorthrup.com read up on hormonal imbalance and adrenal fatigue…she has been on oprah countless times.

4) Buy mia lundin’s book “female brain gone insane” (and no you have not gone insane, she used that title to get women’s attention) in her book she talks about hormonal imbalance, adrenal fatigue, how they impact our thinking etc. She also give lots of info how to heal your body including vitamins, hormonal balancing etc…well worth your time/money. Her site is mialundin.com (you can get her book at amazon.com)

5) check out Dr Amen’s PBS special..google “dr amen PBS” to watch it. He talks about how to have a healthy brain. He does not think that people should be on antidepressants but should try a good healthy diet and also supplements first (see his book on anxiety/depression) His site is amenclinic.com

6) if you go on to amenclinic.com click on “anxiety/depression” then click on the video “EMDR therapy”…this type of therapy is excellent for women coming out of abusive relationships.

7) see Dr Fuhrman PBS special on you tube…google “dr fuhrman you tube”….he has been on Dr Oz countless times they are college friends. Dr Oz follows his plan. Dr F’s book is Eat to Live (your local library may have it)….his diet floods your body with vitamins/minerals and will quickly heal your adrenal glands…try it for one month I can tell you, you will have the energy of a teenager again.

YES..your husband knows EXACTLY how to put you into a state of fear…he does this to control you and because it is fun for him (this is how sick they think). Sociopaths put people on the edge emotionally because they can manipulate the victims easily…my husband did this everyday…your husband is also most likely “gas lighting you” ….this type of psychological abuse makes a victims feel like they are going crazy but they are not the real crazy person is the abuser. *****Go to “psychologytoday.com and do a search on their site “are you being gas lighted?”…also search the internet and Lovefraud.com for more on the subject. This type of abuse cause GREAT anxiety and stress for the victims.

On facebook page After narcissistic abuse the site creator asked the question What health issues did you have during your relationship?….guess what over 200 women listed a long listed of issues all of them listed Panic attracts, anxiety, sleep issues, memory problems, mood issues..it was shocking to see that every women in a abusive relationship ends up with health issues and the doctors have no clue about this, so women go from one doctor to another without getting the correct answer = your relationship is making you sick = adrenal gland issues!!

If you do not have a facebook page you can just google “After narcissistic abuse facebook” to read the site and also check out “one moms battle facebook”. If you want to chat on the sites I would highly recommend that you get a new email acct with a fake name then sign up for a fake name facebook page and go to the privacy settings an select “me only” and “no feed” so that you stay safe. These two sites are a good sent along with Lovefraud.

If you dont have the money for a hormonal specialist borrow the money or have a garage sale…it will be the best money besides therapy that you will ever spend on yourself!!!

You should be so proud of yourself for reaching out for help…for coming here and posting what you have thought about after reading the post here and telling us your story….this is a huge step hon when in a abusive relationship!

(you can copy then paste this to your letter section then print it out so that you can read it over and over, keep it in a hiding place)

Take care 🙂

Jan7

ps google “mia lundin you tube” and watch her two videos.

Jan7

Are you being gas lighted? Here is info on the subject for you:

Are You a Victim of Gaslighting Emotional Abuse?

According to author and psychoanalyst Robin Stern, Ph.D., the signs of being a victim of gaslighting emotional abuse include:2

You are constantly second-guessing yourself.

You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” a dozen times a day.

You often feel confused and even crazy at work.

You’re always apologizing to your mother, father, boyfriend,, boss.

You can’t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren’t happier.

You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family.

You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.

You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists.

You have trouble making simple decisions.

You have the sense that you used to be a very different person – more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.

You feel hopeless and joyless.

You feel as though you can’t do anything right.

You wonder if you are a “good enough” girlfriend/ wife/employee/ friend; daughter.

You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.

walkinglight,
How are you doing? Wishing you safety and happiness.Jan7 posted alot of helpful information.I don’t advocate anything specifically,as we just have to do the best we can for our circumstances.Natural is always better for our bodies,but if you need to make quick decisions;a quick exit you don’t have a month or more to wait for your body to rebuild itself.But if you’re able to afford it later,it’s great!

As I was growing up,my siblings and I were my mom’s “little testers” of all she learned from reading the books by Adelle Davis and Linda Clark.We tasted every thing from dessicated liver to brewer’s yeast and Tiger’s Milk!Brown sugar,honey and wheat germ!

What I’m trying to say is,do what you have to do.And don’t feel bad if you can’t do what someone says is best for you.It is a lesson that took me awhile to learn.But I’m finally comfortable accepting precriptions from a medical doctor if that’s the best I can do.

Jan7

Hi Blossom, I hope you know that I am not pushing her to do the things that I posted…just giving her what I learned during my healing journey so far for her to do her own research to make a educated approach for her healing.

For me, my hormonal specialist gave me progesterone pills (natural) and vitamins and minerals and within 4 days my panic attacks stopped and my anxiety was half (prior I felt like I was going to have a heart attack and could not calm down). Within two weeks my anxiety was gone with the progesterone pills and vitamins that my doctor gave me (Dr Wilson adrenal fatigue vitamins see his site). Within a month I felt like my old self. It works fast!

I am glad that I did it the natural way. Yes. if you want to do Rx then go for it but for me I am glad that my hormonal specialist gave me a different approach. Too often though we are willing to take a Rx even though we do not understand what are bodies are really doing to get our attention…anxiety, depression and panic attacks are a way for our bodies to get our attention and tell us that we need to slow down, focus on our diet, our vitamin/mineral deficiency, and to really see where the stress is coming from etc…its our body check engine light!

According to Dr Wilson (drwilsonadrenalfatigue.org) 80% of adults will end up with adrenal fatigue sometime during their adulthood and most doctors do not look at the persons adrenal gland as the problem and there are no Rx drugs including antidepressants that do not heal the adrenal glands…

and according to Dr Oz and Dr Amen antidepressants are only a band aid and really do not work for most people this coming from two top doctors, were as vitamins/minerals/hormonal balancing/good diet heal the adrenal gland, big difference = return you to good health.

See Dr Amen’s you tube video on why you should try natural another approach first before antidepressants…he is a leading brain specialist and therapist and has conducted over 70,000 brain scans and helped all these people in his numerous clinic have a healthier life and brain function. He has written countless books on healing the body and brain including one on anxiety and depression see his site amenclinic.com. Even Dr Lawless author of “The PTSD breakthrough” says that adrenal fatigue is one of the biggest issues with PTSD (panic attacks/anxiety etc) and needs to be healed to make a full recovery, Dr Lawless is on the advisory board of the Dr Phil Show and runs a clinic in Texas specializing in PTSD and other issues.

The reason why I posted the long list was the simple fact when you are in a abusive relationship you are exhausted and can not think clearly…you need outside help to direct you to things that will help you heal, at least this is what I needed.

My heart sank reading Walkinglight’s post because I remember vividly just how she feels and I remember I needed someone to help me desperately…what I posted is just an alternative to antidepressants and it works. It is up to her to choice what she wants to do or to do nothing. I would highly recommend that you too look through the things I posted because they may help you also.

Hi Jan7,
I’m sorry if you misunderstood me.I did mention that the things you posted were good information and that natural is best.I eat much healthier than I did when with my husband.I also get the needed rest and sleep,and have so much more peace in my life!I’m able to drink good reverse osmosis water instead of tap water most of the time.But….being disabled(more than fibro)I’m unable to work,and the gov’t is cutting asst…so there is only so much one is able to do!I’ve accepted the fact that I don’t have the ability to control everything in my life….but getting the sociopath out of my life made a large positive impact!

Also,I was remembering that when I first left my husband,I was still feeling very overwhelmed and couldn’t make too many changes at once.It had to be slow improvement.Maybe it would help if I illustrate by saying we want to help a patient…and I know you want to help;I can read that in your posts. 🙂 The patient has been ill and hasn’t been able to keep any food down for a week or more.You don’t welcome them back to health by bringing in a large meal.Maybe start with soup and jello.If they’re able to keep that down,progressively feed them more so they get their strength back.Again,I’m sorry if I made you feel bad.I’m sure the information is excellent and I don’t doubt it.

There’s just a couple of things more I will say.I know our food is depleted today.But to buy supplements that are pure are very costly.That’s sad,and I believe it just takes advantage of the fact that people are more health conscious.My mother bought such supplements for years.When she died at the age of 72 yrs with a number of health ailments,my sister found a closet full of these supplements;plus the ones opened on the counter.She spent money on special water and some kind of mushroom….I can’t even remember all the natural treatments that she bought thinking they would help her live longer.At the end,she was calling everyday saying how depressed she was.She ended up on all kinds of prescription meds which horrified me and I found unbelievable knowing how health conscious she’d always been!You know what that taught me?!
BALANCE IS BEST.

Jan7

Hi Blossom,

First I want to say that I am sorry for your heath issues, your current situation and your mothers health issues that she suffered. You are correct about not being able to control everything in life and getting the sociopath out of our life is a major positive life change.

I feel the same way you do about giving small bits of info to someone in a abusive relationship…I know in my abusive marriage my mind could only take small bits of info at a time because I was under so much stress. With that being said when you are helping someone over the internet I feel you have to give them all the info at once because they may not be able to come to their computer safely while in their abusive relationship and that is why at the end of my post with all the info I posted I suggest that she cut/paste/print the info out and hide it so that she could read it when she was ready to make a change.

My great grandfather was a doctor and believed in a healthy diet, supplement etc and even ran his own health hospital what we would call a advanced spa but with doctors, nurses today, the founder of Kellogg ran a large hospital the same as my grandfathers during that time to, they were quite popular. Any way he died in his 70’s but his kids all lived to their late 80’s and one of his daughters my great aunt lived healthy until three weeks before her 104th birthday when she suffered a stroke. She eat a good diet and followed her fathers advise on taking supplements since she was a kid…she took vitamin E (plus others) and let me tell you she had the most beautiful skin at a 104 she could have passed for 65 because of the vitamin E. Sadly the info did not make it down to my generation so now I think somehow my great grandfather guide me to the right doctor to get my adrenal glands healed. I think Rx meds should be the second option behind a healthy diet and vitamins/minerals if possible.

The reason why I suggested supplements to Walkinginlight is because that is what my hormonal doctor recommended specifically Dr wilson’s adrenal fatigue supplements formula (Dr Wilson is an expert on adrenal fatigue and has written a book/lectured on the subject) and also my doctor gave me progesterone cream because of my test results…once I got home from the doctors that day I researched adrenal fatigue and was shocked that I had suffered from this issues for years….I was also surprised to learn that to heal your adrenal gland you need vitamins supplements because you are vitamin deficiency and my vitamin/mineral deficiency test that my doctor took proved this fact also. So in the case of a women coming out of a abusive relationship she has a high percentage of having vitamin/mineral deficiency specifically all your B’s, C, D. Yes, you can also flood your body with vitamins/minerals with a good diet and that is why I also posted dr Fuhrman’s website and book plus his PBS special but most people would rather take supplements vs eating a diet like Dr F’s.

According to Dr Oz over 100 million US citizens have vitamin B 12 and D deficiency meaning 1 out of 3 people….B’s and D effect our thinking and have a huge impact on our adrenal glands functioning correctly…women coming out of abusive relationships are vitamin deficient from all the stress they endured.

The bottom line is anyone can look at the sites I posted or not, they can make changes or not. For me these things worked wonders so I pass them on to other women who are in or coming out of abusive relationships because I feel that we are all kindred spirits and we all need to support each other and we all need to pass along what we have learned during our journey…. Donna Anderson is a perfect mentor of this spirit, she has touched thousands of lives because she choose to pass on what she learned so that we all could have the knowledge of exactly what we endured/to avoid these evil people in the future and I am forever grateful of all that she has posted and for her books, these things made a huge positive impact on my life along with my friend who suggested I go to her hormonal specialist.

Anyways I appreciate you post and I think it is good to debate so that both sides of an issue are being address. Balance is Best!! 🙂

Jan7,
That’s interesting about your family!I like getting to know things like that,instead of always discussing negative things.People used to be healthier when they lived on farms and ate mostly what they produced,whether it came from the garden or from herds or flocks of animals.Even though I didn’t grow up on a farm,our diet was simple and included few processed and sugary foods.When I look at photos of us as kids,we were all skinny!We ate little meat;when my brother was old enough he hunted in the woods…that’s where our meat came from!

Although I became an epileptic at age 11,the fibromyalgia didn’t hit until after yrs of marriage to spath.There’s no doubt in my mind that the stress triggered it;made it worse.All the women in my family have it…naturally we’ve had to be tough!

I understand what you’re saying about trying to get the information to walkinginlight while she has an opportunity to see it/she can always act on it later.That makes sense.I was just thinking it might be so much to absorb she might not be able to make the decision that she needs to.But I’m sure it’ll work out!

Jan7

Hi Blossom, I don’t think there was much obesity when we were kids…like you looking at old photo’s everyone was thin and we as kids played outside until dinner time burning lots of calories…my mom always had cut carrots/fresh veggies in the frig for us to snack on, even when I went to college I still snacked on carrots/veggies most of the time. Im lol because my brother was a big fisherman, still is and he would bring home his catch and cook it up for our dinner, I guess it’s in boy’s genes to hunt and provide.

Gosh you have had health problems for a long time 🙁 all of that did not help dealing with your ex’s craziness aftermath. I wish you all the best regarding your health and healing.

I agree with too much info for her, I hope she finds a good counseling and the counselor can help her sort out her mind from her abuser’s abuse. It’s just breaks my heart that so many of us have suffered by these horrible people…imagine if we were taught a class like Donna is teaching now when we were middle school/high school…lots of victims would be able to have the tools and understand to avoid these people in the first place. For me I knew from the second I met him he was bad news but he was able to quickly suck me (everyone in) into his tornado and once in their grips it’s hard to get away.

The blessing is we all have learned the truth about who they are thanks to Donna’s site and others!

Jan7

Here is a list of adrenal fatigue symptoms from Drlam.com

Not everyone has all of the symptoms or conditions listed below. The number varies from person to person, but if you take a step back and look from afar, they collectively paint a picture of a body under threat. The higher the prevalence or intensity of the items listed below, the higher the chances that you may have Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome.

Unable to fall asleep despite being tired

Wake up in the middle of the night for no reason

Heart palpitations at night or when stressed

Low Blood pressure consistently

Low libido and lack of sex drive

Low thyroid function, often despite thyroid medications

Feeling of hypoglycemia though laboratory values are normal

*****Depression, often unresolved after anti-depressant

Endometriosis Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

Uterine fibroids Fibrocystic

breast disease

Hair falling off for no reason

*** Irritable under stress

*** Anxiety

**** Panic attacks

*** Feeling “wired” and unable to relax

Feeling of adrenaline rushes in the body

Fogging thinking

Inability to handle stress

Waking up feeling tired in the morning after night’s sleep

Feeling tired in the afternoon between 3:00 and 5:00 pm

Inability to take in simple carbohydrate Coffee needed to get going in the morning and throughout the day Coffee, tea or energy drinks triggering adrenaline rush and adrenal crashes

Feeling tired between 9:00 and 10:00 PM, but resists going to bed

Craving for fatty food and food high in protein

Craving for salty food such as potato chips

Dry skin more than usual

Unexplained hair loss that is diffuse

Exercise helps first, but then makes fatigue worse

Chemical sensitivities to paint, fingernail polish, plastics Electromagnetic force sensitivity, including cell phone and computer monitors

Delay food sensitivity, especially to diary and gluten

Unable to get pregnant, requiring IVF Post partum

fatigue and depression

Recurrent miscarriages during first trimester

Abdominal fat accumulation for no apparent reason

Temperature intolerance, especially to heat or sunlight

Dysmenorrhea advancing to amenorrhea

Premature Menopause

Constipation for no apparent reason

Joint pain of unknown origin

Muscle mass loss

Muscle pain of unknown reason

Cold hands and feet

Premature aging skin

*** Inability to concentrate or focus

Psoriasis of no known reason

Gastritis despite normal gastroscopy

Low back pain with no history of trauma and normal examination

Dizziness for no known cause

Fructose mal-absorption

Tinnitus (ringing in the ear)

chronically Numbness and tingling in extremities bilaterally

Mouth sores

****recurrent Short of breath even though breathing is fine

Ovarian cyst Breast cancer associated with estrogen dominance

Grave’s disease Hashimoto’s thyroiditis Legs that feel heavy at times

Dark Circle under eyes that does not go away with rest

Loss of healthy facial skin tone color

****Body feel tense all over and unable to relax

Postural orthostatic tachycardia

Irritable Bowl Syndrome, with more constipation then diarrhea

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome unimproved with medicine Fibromyalgia unresolved after conventional help

Systemic Candida that gets worse when under stress Electrolyte imbalance despite normal laboratory values

Irregular Menstrual Cycle that “stops and go”

Lyme Disease but unable to fully recover after medication or intolerance to drugs

H Pylori Infection in the past and was told resolved but never feel the same since Heavy metal and mineral toxicity may mimic

Antidepressants do not heal the adrenal gland a good clean diet, vitamins/minerals and hormonal balance heal the adrenal glands.

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